


Love After a Broken Heart

by Penfold66



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Crack and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-06-06 04:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 110,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6738337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penfold66/pseuds/Penfold66
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drastic rewrite of Series 5, Episode 9 "With All My Heart".  Arthur's heart is broken by his Queen's betrayal.  He finds the hope of love elsewhere, but how will Merlin cope??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Merlin sat unmoving on the edge of his small cot staring at the brightly coloured fabric clutched tightly in his hands. He was trying to decide who was most to blame for his current predicament.

It had been Gaius's silly idea that Merlin disguise himself as a sorceress to help Arthur in his quest to break the dark spell on Gwen which had put her in Morgana's thrall and turned her against her once-beloved husband. 

It had been Morgana's evil magic that had ensorcered Gwen in the first place. 

It had been Merlin himself that had chosen the dress he now held. 

It had been Gwen who had resisted Merlin's attempts to break the spell. 

And it had been Arthur who had........well........

Merlin huffed out a breath, not wanting to finish this last thought and threw the dress disconsulately across the room where it landed amongst a pile of dirty shirts and socks. He flung himself back onto his bed, scraped his palms over his face and groaned aloud.

Whoever's fault it was that he was in this sorry mess, he had no idea how he would get out of it. He cursed all the gods aloud and rolled over, giving his pillow a few hearty punches as he did so in a vain attempt to relieve some tension. It didn't help and he laid still again staring off into nothing and biting the pad of his thumb.

He didn't acknowledge Gaius when the old man came into his room asking, "Is everything OK Merlin? I heard a groan and shouting" . Despite Merlin's lack of response Gaius sat down on the edge of his bed and put a comforting arm on his elbow. "What's wrong my boy? What happened at the Pool of Arianeroed? Is Gwen come back to us?"

Merlin huffed a laugh despite himself and shook his head once, still not meeting Gaius' eye. 

"Oh gods....." quivered his mentor, "please don't tell me you gave her too much tincture of belladonnaand died..."

"No, nothing like that" said Merlin quietly, still not raising his eyes.

"I don't understand" pushed Gaius. "Did you get her to the pool? Did the spell work? Talk to me Merlin!"

Merlin sighed, rolled onto his back and finally looked his mentor in the eye. "We had trouble on the way but yes, we got through it and got her to the pool. I did everything you said I should when I got there, it was going so well and then..." Merlin sighed again.

"And then?" prompted Gaius, growing frustrated.

After a long pause Merlin sighed and said quietly, "It would seem that the Queen had no love remaining for Arthur."

"Oh No!" exclaimed Gaius, grabbing his own knees in consternation, "No no no! Please tell me it isn't so?"

"'fraid so" said Merlin, "..but that's not the worst of it."

"What?" asked Gaius, his voice taking on a slightly hysterical edge "what could possibly be worse than losing the Queen in this way?"

Merlin didn't immediately answer but sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the cot and onto the floor. He crouched over and jigged his legs nervously.

"Merlin?" pushed Gaius, "What else happened?"

Merlin took a deep breath and slowly let it go with his eyes closed tight, trying to relax. After a few moments he opened his eyes and stared at the wall opposite.  
"It would seem" he said just above a whisper and with a shake in his voice, "That Arthur is .......er........severely besotted by the Dolma."


	2. Four Days Earlier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur witnesses his wife's betrayal. Merlin witnesses Arthur's heartbreak.

Merlin was fairly sure he was witnessing the actual moment that his King's heart broke. 

They were standing in the Darkling Woods in the early hours of the morning and watching Gwen hand over a scroll to Morgana containing the top secret details of the forthcoming levy collections. 

In all his years at Arthur's side, having to tell the King that his beloved Queen had betrayed Camelot was without doubt one of the worst things Merlin had needed to do.  
Arthur - predictably - had not taken the news well. He had jumped to his feet and grabbed Merlin by the throat, slamming him back against the wall of the throne room with such force that the manservant had seen stars. He had kept his grip on the boy's neck and had hit his head against the wall again and again as he demanded that Merlin rescind such treasonous words or 'pay the price'. It had been a good thing that Gaius had insisted on accompanying Merlin to report their suspicions about Gwen. Had the old man not been there to confirm what Merlin had just said and to make Arthur calm down then Merlin wasn't sure that he would have survived Arthur's onslaught without revealing his magic in order to save himself. 

Persuading Arthur to come to the Darkling Woods this night to see his Queen's treachery for himself had not been easy. Merlin had sworn that if he was mistaken then he would leave Camelot forever. Arthur had joked darkly that if Merlin was mistaken then he would leave life forever. 

Merlin's heart was in his throat as he waited outside the East gate of the citadel at the end of the First Watch. The night was moonless and strangely silent so he was startled when Arthur suddenly appeared next to him, clapping a heavy hand on his shoulder and shaking him out of his contemplation of the silent woodland. 

The King and his manservant were so attuned to eachothers body language that no words needed to be exchanged. With a quick nod and tilt of his head, Merlin directed the way and walked silently toward the tree line. Arthur followed right behind him making no sound at all. They walked awhile amongst the dark silent trees until with a squeeze of the King's arm, Merlin signaled that they had come to the right place. They hid behind tall oaks and looked down into a small clearing where they had soon witnessed Gwen's betrayal.

As the exchange was made between Morgana and Gwen, Merlin's eyes were fixed on Arthur. He watched the shifting emotions on the King's face. From shock, to disbelief to heartbreak all within the space of a few moments. The heartbreak was so profound that it took all of Merlin's willpower not to close the distance between them and enclose his master in a comforting embrace. That was out of the question - the movement would no doubt have alerted the women below to their presence.  
Merlin watched with alarm as the King's heartbreak morphed into anger and he slowly began to unsheath his sword.

"No my Lord" he whispered, "Morgana's too powerful, now is not the time."

"How could she do this?" asked Arthur in a broken voice.  
"She's not the Gwen you love" said Merlin, "She's fallen prey to a dark and powerful magic."

"If I lose her I lose everything" continued Arthur as if he'd not heard what Merlin had just said. His voice was barely a whisper and cracked with emotion.

Merlin's heart went out to him and it was all he could do to stop himself closing the distance between them. Instead he looked intently at the King and said, "We'll find a way to bring her back Arthur, I promise." 

Arthur had glanced at him then, eyes glistening with unshed tears, before looking back at Morgana and Gwen who embraced before going their seperate ways. Without another word the King headed off back to the Castle, head hung low. Merlin followed behind feeling utterly helpless. Once back inside Arthur's chambers, Merlin silently helped the King out of his chainmail and began to sort out his night clothes.

"Leave me now, Merlin" said Arthur, finally breaking his silence, "I don't think I shall sleep any more this night."

Merlin stopped what he was doing and studied his Master's face. He'd never seen Arthur look so broken - not after the death of his father, not after the betrayal of Agravaine, not even after Morgana had turned bad. He tentatively placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder and tilted his head up to make him look into Merlin's eyes.

"Sire, I swear we'll find a way to break this spell" he said earnestly, "Please don't despair".

Arthur's eyes were bright as he looked back at Merlin, and when the tears finally broke free and began to run down his cheeks he pulled away and said quietly but firmly, "Goodnight Merlin, we shall speak more on the moro, but for now, leave me."

Merlin stood uncertain for a few moments, once again fighting the urge to embrace and comfort the King. His own eyes glistened with tears as he quietly whispered, "Goodnight" and headed for the door.

"Merlin" said Arthur quietly as the boy was on the threshold.

Merlin brushed away a tear as he turned back around. "Sire?" he inquired.

"I'm sorry I doubted you yesterday. I was wrong to hurt you so."

Merlin shrugged in reply and tried to smile but it never quite got to his lips. "Don't think about it, Sire"

"No, really", continued Arthur, "You are the only one who is always totally honest with me and yet I treat you appallingly. I'm sorry."

Merlin bowed his head. "Goodnight Arthur" he said and hurredly turned and left the room. As soon as the door closed behind him he began to sob uncontrollably, muffling the sound by biting his fist. He hurried swiftly back to his own chambers feeling like his own heart might break.


	3. An Old Man's Crazy PLan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur despair but Gaius sees hope.

Merlin returned to his own chambers and spent ther rest of the night sitting on the edge of his bed deep in thought. 

He felt wretched. 

He wished with all his being that he hadn't had to reveal Gwen's betrayal and thus break Arthur's heart. He was almost consumed by guilt by the fact that he, whom Arthur trusted more than anyone else in the world, hid the biggest secret of all. He had done so for the whole ten years of service to his King and no doubt would continue to do so indefinately. 

He felt like the biggest fraud alive and utterly undeserving of his Arthur's trust and affection.

With the arrival of morning his mood hadn't improved. He was no use at all to Gaius who thankfully was having a quiet day anyway. The old man patiently sat through a silent breakfast before prompting Merlin to tell him what was wrong. Merlin - to his credit - had long ago stopped trying to fool the physician, and so told him the whole sorry tale of Gwen's meeting with Morgana and Arthur's reaction. Gaius listened thoughtfully but said nothing. 

When he had concluded his tale Merlin headed off up to the library of manuscripts and spell books that were piled haphazardly on Gaius's mezzanine balcony. The Physician, for his part, sat deep in contemplation, occasionally turning his attention to Merlin who sat flicking through books and papers and muttering to himself.

After two hours of this, Merlin let out an exasperated sigh. "Why did I promise to help Gwen?" he muttered dejectedly, "I've got no idea what to do..."  
"Is there really no remedy?" he shouted down to Gaius who sat at his work table, lazily rolling a ball between his fingers. 

"If Gwen has suffered what I suspect, then no, I fear not" replied the old man flatly.

Merlin was taken aback by the hopelessness in his voice and looked up from his fruitless search through the book he was reading. "You know what happened to her?" he said, more a statement than a question.

Gaius put down the ball he had been toying with and looked up at Merlin. "When I was young I heard talk of an ancient ritual of the old religion called the Tianah Diagah."

"Yina Diagah?" repeated Merlin, his interest piqued. He discarded his book and walked down into the main chamber.

"The sacred fire" explained Gaius, "the ritual used the mandrake root to bring unimaginable terror to the victim. The screams could be heard twenty leagues away. When it was finally over , their will was no longer thier own, they were slaves of the High Priestesses for all eternity."

Merlin listened intently to this then asked, "Who performed this ritual? Where?"

"I've told you all I know" continued Gaius, his voice flat and hopeless, "Such mysteries were only revealed to a handfull of female initiates. As a boy I was privy only to rumours."  
Merlin stared at him intently, as awful as it sounded, what Gaius had just told him might just explain why faithful, loyal, loving Gwen had turned against the man she loved. The tiniest glimmer of hope lit in his heart.

"There must be someone who could help", he said quietly, trying to think who that might be.

"I can think of only two people that truly know the old ways." replied Gaius, without a hint of hope in his voice, "One is Morgana Pendragon, the other is the Dochraid. But be warned Merlin, the Dochraid cannot be trusted"

############################################

On his way back through the forest after his encounter with the Dochraid, Merlin felt even more hopeless than he had that morning. He strode along, head down and a frown creasing his brow. He took no heed of his surroundings, much too deep in thought. By time he had returned to the Castle he had resolved that there was nothing to be done; that the Gwen they had once known was gone forever.

He headed toward the council chambers to give Arthur the bad news, but remembered the look of heartbreak on the King's face the night before and he just could not bring himself to do it. Not just yet.....instead he turned and headed off to speak with Gaius, perhaps the old man would think of a way of telling the sad truth to the King without utterly breaking his heart.

On the edge of despair, Merlin recounted his meeting with the Dochraid - he left out the part where he had lost his temper with her and severed an arm when she had tried to kill him as he left her cave - some things were best kept from the Old Man.

Even after all these years, his mentor never failed to surprise Merlin. He had expected Gaius to reflect his own feeling of despair. Instead, the tough crazy old coot began to conjour up a mad plan ....

"...there's too much that could go wrong" protested Merlin, as Gaius began to outline his plan. "Summoning the White Goddess? That may be beyond me."  
"I think not." countered Gaius, following him into the room, "Merlin, I think the only person that ever doubts your powers is you."

Merlin continued as though the physician hadn't said anything, "Even if I do manage that we need to get Gwen to the Caudron in the first place and she's hardly likely to go willingly." He headed into his bedroom, anxious not to have Gaius witness the full extent of his despair.

Gaius's next words stopped him in his tracks. "I've thought of that." he said smugly. Merlin turned around to see him waving a small medicine bottle." Overcome with curiousity, Merlin walked back and took it from him, inspecting the contents though the glass of the bottle. 

"Tincture of Belladonna?" he asked incredulously.

"All that studying paid off", replied his mentor.

"It's a powerful and dangerous drug, Gaius" stated Merlin, still unsure what the old man proposed.

"More dangerous than a traitor at the heart of Camelot?", countered Gaius.

"..besides Gwen needs to be conscious when she enters the Caudron and she needs to do so of her own free will otherwise the spell will not be broken." Merlin shrugged as he finished stating the hopelessness of the old man's plan.

"That I agree may not be within our powers", conceded Gaius.

"Well then the rest is futile", stated Merlin slamming the bottle of Belladonna down on a book and feeling his temper wearing thin.

".....but there is someone for who it is possible." said Gaius, ignoring Merlin's flare of temper and looking at the boy steadily.

Merlin returned his gaze and asked, somewhat incredulously, "Arthur?"

Gaius nodded with a small smile. "Only he can reach the part of Gwen that remains true".

Merlin remained unconvinced. Unconvinced that such a part remained within the Queen but more than that..."won't work", he said decidedly.

Gaius wasn't giving up so easily. "You underestimate the power of love, Merlin"

Merlin was reluctant to get into this particular discussion with the old man so brushed it aside, "no not that, me. How can I use my magic with Arthur there? He'd discover me in an instant."

Gaius's smile was nothing short of manic. "Not if he doesn't recognise you" he said almost playfully.

Merlin gave a mirthless laugh. "no" he said resolutely, "no not again. You know how exhausting the ageing spell is Gaius. I don't have the strength to do that and perform the ceremony."

Merlin suspected Gaius had finally lost his mind when he stood up and came into the boy's personal space, saying almost threateningly, "Then you must find the strength."

########################################

As he followed Gaius and Arthur along the passageway to the Armoury late that night, Merlin wondered again if Gaius had completely lost his marbles. 

There was absolutely no way on earth that his crazy plan could work and in Merlin's opinion the old man was toying with danger by even admitting to the King that he even had knowledge of the magical ceremony that might help Gwen. 

Even so, Merlin followed. However remote a chance they had he felt duty bound to try. He remembered Arthur's despair and his own promise to do all in his power to help. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and followed the King and the Physician into the Armoury. With the door firmly bolted, Gaius recounted the words of the Dochraid. Arthur looked at Gaius as he spoke, a frown furrowing his brow. Merlin watched Arthur with his heart in his throat. The plan sounded so ludicrous in the retelling and Merlin worried that at any moment the King might lose his temper at the old Physician. He was not a little surprised that the King allowed Gaius to finish relating his outlandish plan and after a few moments thought asked, in a surprisingly calm voice, "This tincture of Belladonna, what are it's effects?"

"The patient is rendered into a deep sleep." replied Gaius solemnly.

"Patient?" snapped the King. 

'Uh oh', thought Merlin, 'here it comes........'

Gaius ignored the tone of Arthur's speech and continued, "It is generally used for the badly wounded."

Arthur thought for a few moments more before asking, "How long does it last?"

Merlin was astounded that Arthur was even contemplating the plan as a viable option. Gaius replied, "A few hours. It has to be administered several times a day to provide a continuous sleep."

"But for no more than three days" interjected Merlin. He felt duty bound to stress just how dangerous Belladonna cound be.

Gaius gave him a small frown before clarifying, "It is true, Sire that the tincture should not be taken for an extended period".

"Or?" asked Arthur.

"The body will not tolerate it" said Merlin bluntly.

Arthur looked at him with eyes full of trust and respect for the boy's honesty. "Thank you Merlin." he said quietly.

Gaius was not to be bowed, "Three days is time enough to ride to the Caudron of Arianroed." he said, continuing to outline the plan. Merlin could sense the uneasiness in Arthur's bearing and wasn't at all surprised when he said in a peevish voice, "You've done the journey yourself have you?"

For the first time Gaius's calm demeanor seemed to waver "I cannot claim to..", he said, looking sheepishly away.

"Any mishap", continued Arthur, " any unexpected circumstance...."

"There is no reason to suspect that all will not go well." countered the old man.

Merlin felt his heart plummet. He himself wasn't at all convinced that they could get Gwen to the Caudron alive, and indeed that he'd be able to break the spell if they did in getting her there. Arthur stood with his head bowed and his arms crossed. Merlin resolved to call the whole thing off before Arthur lost his temper and had just taken a breath to speak   
when Gaius interjected, this time with a note of desperation in his voice, "My Lord, if we do nothing Gwen is already taken from you."

Arthur said nothing, just looked searchingly into his manservant's eyes and asked "Merlin?"

Merlin could not remember ever seeing the King so lost and unsure. The look of utter desperation in Arthur's eyes rendered the boy speechless and he returned the gaze. After a few long moments he gave the King a barely perceptable nod.

Arthur closed his eyes and drew in a breath, "Summoning this goddess will it require magic?" he asked.

Gaius gave a visible sigh of relief before replying, "It is a ritual that can only be performed by a sorcerer." Arthur scowled and opened his mouth to speak. "It is the only way Sire" insisted Gaius, "sorcery has to be fought with sorcery."

"I'll be breaking my own decrees" said Arthur quietly.

"...to save your Queen! To save your wife!" exclaimed the Physician. Merlin may think his plan was crazy, but he had to respect the old man's determination.

Once again Arthur looked to Merlin for guidance. Infected by Gaius's determination, Merlin looked back steadfastly and gave a definate, confident nod.

"Very well. It is decided", said Arthur. Both Merlin and Gaius felt thier shoulders sag in relief. "There will be a sorcerer", continued the King, "Can he be trusted?"

"Upon my life." said Gaius earnestly.

"You assured me so once before Gaius and my father died in the hands of such a man." countered Arthur, his eyes boring into those of the old man.

Gaius did not flinch. "This sorcerer will be entirely different", he replied, looking levelly at his King.

"How can you be sure?" asked Arthur looking at him even more intently.

"Because Sire, this time I have chosen.......a woman." announced Gaius. 

Merlin almost swallowed his tongue....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...bit of a bridging chapter this one...the fun starts properly in the next installment. Enjoy!


	4. The Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin needs to find a costume that will convince Arthur that he is a sorceress...

After the meeting in the armoury Merlin accompanied Arthur back to his chambers in order to ready him for bed. Both men walked side by side in silence. Arthur was running Gaius's plan through his head and trying to think what problems could come up and how they might be resolved. Merlin was wondering what the bloody hell Gaius was playing at when he announced that the sorcerer at the Caudron of Arianroed was a woman 

Once back in Arthur and Gwen's antechamber, Merlin quietly went about banking up the fire and lighting candles whilst Arthur got into his sleeping shirt. The manservant stood by the fireplace and watched the King wash his hands and face. Arthur toweled himself dry and looked up see Merlin studying him.

"Do you honestly think this plan might work, Merlin?" he whispered with an edge of desperation in his voice, "because I could never forgive myself if I caused Gwen's death....."

"My Lord", said Merlin earnestly, coming forward and laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I won't deny that what we propose to do is risky, but Gaius is right - there is no other way to save her."

Arthur looked away toward the room where his Queen slept, tears clouding his eyes. He blinked them back and coughed, pulling back from Merlin's touch a little. "...and this.....sorceress.......do you believe we can put our trust in such a person?"

Merlin grimaced and scratched the back of his head before answering slowly, "I....trust Gaius's judgement. If he says this woman is trustworthy then we should be fine."

"Gaius said that about Dragoon the Great, and the old git killed my father!" said Arthur dispondantly. "I'm just not sure....how can I put any trust in practitioners of the Old Religion? What am I even doing by agreeing to meet with her?"

"There really is no other way" said Merlin quietly, "If we don't at least try this, then your only other option would be to execute Gwen for the treason she has already committed."

Arthur drew in a sharp breath and looked at Merlin as though he might strike him, then realised that - as ever - the boy spoke nothing but the truth. He let out a sigh and wiped a hand across his face. "You're a good friend, Merlin and I thank you for your forthrightness", he clapped his hand on Merlin's shoulder and turned toward the door to his bedroom. 

"Goodnight, Sire", said Merlin watching him go. He hankered a little for the old days when he would be the last person that Arthur saw before settling down to sleep. He also wondered how the King managed to lay down beside the woman that had betrayed him.

He quietly closed the chamber door and hurried along the corridor. Despite the late hour he did not feel in the least bit tired. If all went to plan they would be heading off to the Caudron at some point tomorrow, so now was the time to work out his disguise.

The first thing he needed to organise was clothing. Back in the old days, he could have rifled through the wardrobe of Morgana since she was of a similar height to himself, but sadly those days were long gone. Gwen's clothes were no good to him; she would recognise them in an instant as her own. And anyway she was significantly shorter than Merlin.   
Merlin headed down to the Palace washroom which was deserted at this ungodly hour. Once inside he lit a torch and looked around. He was fairly familiar with the layout of the place having spent years taking care of Arthur's laundry. He spotted a hamper in the far corner which was the resting place of old discarded unwanted clothes, odd socks and the like. He rifled through it and pulled out a fabric that felt soft. He held it up to the light. It was a black velvet gown of the type worn by dowagers. He quickly held it up to himself to test it's dimensions and it seemed to be long enough. He slung it over his shoulder and dug around in the hamper again looking for stockings and perhaps a shawl. He spotted some deep red fabric right at the very bottom of the pile and pulled it out. It had been so long inside the hamper that it was tightly crumpled so it was hard to tell what the garment actually had been. But the fabric felt fine so Merlin gave it a hefty shake. The dust that flew off it caused Merlin to sneeze but when he inspected the garment he knew it had been worthwhile. It was a floor length dress in deep red with an indigo blue front and back panel and an embroidered motif on the front. It seemed somehow familiar to him. 

He held it against himself and was pleased to see that it more or less fitted him.

Satisfied that he at least had something to wear Merlin finally headed back to his rooms. Once inside he quietly tiptoed past the sleeping form of Gaius.   
He resisted the urge to upend a jug of icy water on the old man's head as punishment for making him dress up as a girl.

#####################################################

Merlin awoke the following morning with acrid smoke filling his nostrils. Gaius, Merlin knew through long years of experience, was cooking up potions. He groggily got himself out of bed and threw cold water at his face in a vain attempt to wake himself up. Ferreting around in the washroom until the early hours suddenly felt like it had been a bad idea. He opened the door and blinked against the sunlight.

"Ah, you're awake finally!" announced Gaius rather too cheerfully. "I've just finished making a new batch of the transformation potion". To illustrate his point he held up a vail of light blue liquid.

Merlin pulled a face, "Can't I have some breakfast first?" he asked grumpily. He knew from experience how foul tasting this particular potion was.

Gaius looked at him askance. "Really Merlin, he admonshed, "anyone would think you don't like my plan!" 

"No!" said Merlin defensively, "that's not true! Look...", he turned back into his room emerging moments later with the black velvet dress held up against his body.  
"Suits you, Merlin" said the old man dryly. "Very well, come and eat some porridge and we shall get started".

Merlin dutifully ate his breakfast and then took the potion up to his room. He took a deep breath and picked up the black velvet dress. As it slipped over his head he wondered to whom such a garmet had belonged....it was vast! The fabric was easily long enough to reach the floor but it was wide enough to contain half of the Knights of the Round Table...including Percy! Merlin lifted his arms and felt like some huge black bird amongst all this fabric. He impatiently cast his eyes around the room and found a belt which he cinched as tightly as possible at his waist in an attempt to give the tent-like dress some shape. Tucked into one of the volumnous sleeves was a fine lace shawl which he draped over his hair. With another deep intake of breath he muttered the transformation spell, envisioned the sorceress he must become and drank the bitter liquid.

The now-familiar wave of nausea and dizzyness passed soon enough and he opened his eyes. First he inspected his hands, which were old grey and wrinkled but much more delicate than those of The Great Dragoon. He felt the curve of wide hips and with some hesitation ran his hands down the front of himself. He located breasts sagging halfway to his navel. It felt very odd having something attached to his chest and his shoulders sagged forward against thier unfamiliar weight. He tentatively ran his fingers through hair that was long, grey and greasy. Having no mirror in his room he felt over the contours of his face finding sagging jowls and a thin pointed nose. 

He had a horrible feeling that he resembled the Docraid.

An impatient voice broke into his contemplation of his new form. "Well?" said Gaius impatiently, "Are you ready? We haven't got all day, my boy!"

Merlin tutted and rolled his eyes and opened the door, walking awkwardly into the Physician's work room, he almost tripped on the bottom of the long dress and had to grab the door jamb to stop himself flying downstairs and into the Physician's work table.

"Good Lord!" exclaimed Gaius, taking a step backward.

"Is it ........er......convincing?" said Merlin, regaining his balance and advancing toward the old man. He was taken aback by the sound of his voice. It was scratchy and much more high-pitched than his own, or that of The Great Dragoon. He ran a slim finger over his throat, wondering at the absence of the adam's apple.

"Heavens no!" said Gaius. "You look like the Queen of the Trolls! If the King sees you like that he'll either run away screaming or run you through with a sword!"

"Oh" said Merlin dispondently, his shoulders sagging even more. "Oh dear."

"Indeed", agreed Gaius. "Perhaps you should take that dress off, it isn't helping matters at all.......where on earth did you get it? You look like a raven!"

"In the washroom" said Merlin, pulling the dress off over his head forgetting for a moment that beneath it he had the body of a wizened old woman. This proved too much for Gaius who covered his eyes and turned his back shouting, "Good heavens Merlin! Cover yourself up!" 

"Oops" said the boy sheepishly as he backed into his own room and finished taking the dress off. As he emerged from the mass of black fabric, the red and blue dress caught his eye.

"Gaius" he called, "I have another dress here.....how long before I can try a different disguise?"

"You can do so immediately", said the old man through the door, "but for heaven's sake don't make it any more hideous than your current one or you will need to treat me for heart failiure!"

Merlin tutted and picked up the second dress. It really was rather fine. He closed his eyes and envisioned the type of woman that might wear such a thing and took a swig of the potion.

Taking another draught so soon after the first did Merlin no favours. He moaned and retched against the taste and was so dizzy that he had to sit down on the edge of the bed with his head between his knees. To his credit, despite feeling like he might vomit he managed to keep the image of the newly imagined sorceress in his mind's eye. After a long few moments he felt slightly better. He opened his eyes, hissed and closed them again - the light suddenly feelng too bright. He fumbled across the bed until he found the red and blue dress and pulled it over his head. 

Unlike the black tent-like dress, this one was slim and elegant. There were thin straps at the shoulders. It took Merlin a while to work out that the red tubes attached to the bodice of the dress were in fact sleeves and it was whilst contorting himself to slip them on that he took note of his new form. His arms were long and thin with delicate wrists. His fingernails were immaculately manicured. He looked at these new hands and ran them over his body. He suddenly had a waist and the hips were much slimmer than his last incarnation. His breasts were smaller and much higher on his chest. He cupped them and explored thier dimensions. He liked them, they felt nicer than the last set and they were nowhere near as heavy. He tentatively put both hands up to his head and felt silky soft hair. Lots of it. It was thick and fell down as far as his waist. He impatiently brushed dark curls back into some kind of order behind his ears and slowly stood up. The weight of the hair was strange to him, but it did cause him to hold his head and shoulders straight and it's unfamiliar weight counterbalanced that of the breasts. He was running fingertips over his face and neck when Gaius knocked impatiently. Merlin just had time to register that his features felt remarkably like his own; high cheekbones, full lips, wide set eyes with long lashes....

"Are you alright in there my boy?" shouted Gaius anxiously and distracting the boy. "I thought I heard retching."

"No no..I'm absolutely fine Gaius", replied Merlin. He startled himself to silence with the sound of his new voice. Unlike the high scratchy rasp of his last incarnation this voice was soft and smooth with a somewhat musical timbre to it. He coughed and regained his composture then spoke again. "I'm.......er.....just coming out now." After a final fuss of his hair and straightening of the dress, Merlin took a deep breath and threw open the door.

For a few moments Gaius just stood in silence and gawped at him, his hands slowly coming up to cover his mouth.

"Gaius?" asked Merlin shakily, "Is everything alright?"

The old man continued to stare with bug-eyes, looking up and down Merlin's body in a way that made the boy just a little uncomfortable. He was slightly worried that Gaius had suffered a stroke.

"Is it that bad?" said Merlin despondently, looking down at himself and brushing his hands over the front of the dress. "Must be even worse than my first attempt if I've managed to render you speechless..." His shoulders slumped and he turned back into his room wondering what else he could try.

"No Merlin, no" said the old man finally, grabbing his arm to stop him, "It's good. It's......er.........very good. You look......erm......perfect..."

"Well that's a relief" said Merlin, "I don't think I could stomach any more of that potion today!"

Gaius continued to study him. 

"So" asked Merlin, feeling a tad uncomfortable under such scrutiny, "Do you think Arthur will fall for this diguise? Do you think he'll listen and do what I say if I look like this?"

"I am in no doubt that he will do ANYTHING you say if you look like that." said the old man dryly. He walked to his workbench and came back with a bottle of the pink coloured liquid that undid the transformation spell. He offered it wordlessly to Merlin.

Merlin gave the physician a puzzled look before taking the bottle and downing a hefty swig of it's contents. Sometimes he had no idea what the old coot was talking about......


	5. Two's Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur head for the Caudron of Arianroed.

Merlin had very little time to wonder at the meaning of Gaius's strange words. 

He had just about finished drinking the second potion, taken off the red and blue dress and transformed back into himself when Arthur showed up unannounced at the physician's chambers. 

The King was anxious to put the plan into action as soon as possible worrying that Gwen might realize that the levy route had been changed and thus know they were on to her. Arthur instructed Merlin and Gaius to join he and the Queen for lunch and to bring the tincture of belladonna with them. He told Merlin to be ready to depart for the Cauldron of Arianroed as soon as the tincture had taken effect. 

When Arthur left them, Merlin let out a puff of air and said to Gaius, "I'm glad he didn't come down ten minutes ago, we would have had some explaining to do.."

"Indeed", agreed the old man. "now then, you run along and get yourself organized for the journey. I shall make sure that the tincture and your potions are safely packed."

Merlin nodded and headed off at a jog to get the horses and supplies ready for the trip. On the way back from speaking to the stable boys he stopped by the washroom to pick up Arthur's clean laundry. As an afterthought he went over to the hamper of old clothes where he had found the two dresses. He rifled through the clothing, looking for a shawl or something similar to add to his disguise. He was rewarded for his efforts when right at the bottom he found a bunch of fabric which was the same blue colour as the dress he had chosen. He smiled in satisfaction before stuffing it up his shirt-front. As he stood upright again, something sparkling on a shelf caught his eye. He looked closer and found a haphazard pile of lost-and-found jewelry. Amongst the baubles he spotted some rather fetching silver hair pins with small red jewels at their tops. Remembering the unruly curls of his sorceress disguise he tucked them into his pocket - they would prove very useful, he thought.

Lunch with Gwen was tense and awkward. Merlin studied Arthur all throughout the meal and was shocked by the expression on the King's face whenever he looked at her. It was a look that Merlin had very rarely seen on his Master's face, of total mistrust and even sometimes of hatred. He frowned to himself and wondered how much love really remained between the King and Queen. It was evident that Gwen was under a spell at present, but Merlin had noticed a profound change in her since they had cremated Elyan. Since that time she'd seemed distant and closed. And as for Arthur, he'd never really looked at her the same after the whole affair with the resurrected Lancelot. 

The plan had almost gone haywire when Gwen suddenly announced that she didn't want to drink the wine which Merlin had surreptitiously laced with Belladonna. Arthur awkwardly proposed a toast.

"My Lord?" asked Gwen, a little startled.

"A toast to........a toast to the Queen" blustered Arthur, looking anywhere but at Gwen. 

"Me? What have I done?" asked a puzzled Gwen, looking at her husband quizzically.

It was at this point that Merlin felt the game was up. Arthur said nothing but both Gaius and Merlin could see that he was fighting hard to reign in his emotions and was on the verge of telling her that he knew of her betrayal. Quick thinking Gaius chirped up with, "Just being yourself Your Highness..."

##################################################

As he and his Master galloped westward through the woodland Merlin couldn't help feeling a little exhilarated. He had always loved these times when it was just the two of them out on a Quest, (well technically, he reminded himself, there were three of them but since Gwen was unconscious Merlin didn't really count her as present). Since he had risen to Kingship, Arthur was much less able to undertake the dangerous missions that he had done when still a Prince. Now he was almost always accompanied by a bevy of Knights. Whatever the outcome, thought Merlin, he was going to cherish having the King all to himself for at least a day. 

They rode hard throughout the long afternoon and barely spoke. It was high summer so they rode long into the evening. They spurred the horses on at full speed and as the light began to fade they arrived at the foothills of Arianroed. For only the second time that day they stopped and Arthur jumped down from his exhausted mount.

"Tether the horses here, it'll be faster on foot", he ordered.

Merlin remained mounted. "What about the supplies?" he asked, looking down at the five bags strewn around on his own saddle. 

"We'll manage", answered the King blithely.

"I can't take it all", said Merlin a little belligerently getting off his own horse.

"I'll be carrying Gueniviere", replied Arthur in a voice that would countenance no argument.

"She's half the weight of that lot", argued Merlin, choosing to ignore the tone of Arthur's voice and smiling uncertainly at him.

"Are you suggesting that I risk the safety of the Queen and carry even more?" ,asked Arthur, his voice taking on a dangerous edge.

"I can take her", reasoned Merlin, "and..."

"She's my wife!", snapped Arthur looking him in the eyes.

"I'll be careful", countered Merlin.

"......and you're the servant" said Arthur with an air of finality to his tone. He turned his back on the boy and began to lift Gwen off the horse.

Merlin knew when he'd lost an argument and conceded. He shrugged and proceeded to load the bags onto his shoulders as best he could. Despite himself he couldn't help feeling wounded by Arthur's words and brooded on them as they walked along the rocky footpath. He accepted his status as the King' servant, but after all they had been through together he felt that they were actually much more than that. Friends, at the very least. He hated the inconstancy of the King. The previous night Arthur had looked to him for advice and reassurance and had told him that he alone was completely honest. Yet here he was, not a whole day later reminding Merlin that he was a mere servant whose opinion was irrelevant and who was considered no more than a pack horse. 

Merlin trudged along sullenly struggling to keep up with Arthur who by comparison was striding along having only the weight of Gueneviere slung across his shoulder. More than two hours passed without a word between them. In that time Merlin brooded.  
Sensing the boy was upset, Arthur broke the silence by attempting to banter with his manservant. "These funny feelings of yours...", he began.

"Not funny" replied Merlin sullenly.

"Stupid then." conceded Arthur, "Where do they come from do you think?"

Merlin grunted and remained silent.

After a few moments Arthur tried again, "You still there Merlin? Don't tell me you've gone into a sulk...."

Merlin remained silent for a while longer. He'd very much like to have told the King what was really bothering him, but decided that this was neither the place or time. Instead he said, "I'm not sulking I'm carrying a load even a horse would struggle under."

"Do you good!", replied Arthur glibly.

"Why wouldn't it do YOU good?" snapped Merlin, feeling his temper rise despite himself.

"I'm already good." said the King smugly, not even bothering to turn around to look at him. 

Merlin had had enough. Enough of Arthur's thoughtlessness and underhand insults. Enough of being taken for granted. In a moment his temper snapped and he decided to let the King know exactly how he felt.

"Well . Maybe I..................." he began - and that was as far as his tirade got. The next moment the King disappeared and a wall of rock flew past him. He hit the ground hard. The bags hanging around his neck miraculously broke his fall but he slammed his head back against a huge granite slab and everything went black. 

#####################################################

The first thing that Merlin was aware of when he came round again was a splitting headache radiating out from the base of his skull.

"Owwwwwwwwwwch" he moaned before he'd even dared to open his eyes. He gingerly put up a hand to inspect the damage. He was startled when he suddenly felt warm hands on the side of his face and blinked up into the bright blue eyes of the King hovering inches above his own. Arthur looked intently back down at him.

"Oh thank the gods!" he exclaimed, brushing hair back off Merlin's forehead and checking his pupils, "For a while there I thought I'd lost you!"

"Wha? What happened?" croaked Merlin, he didn't move but looked around and was confused to see that night had fallen and he was laying beside a camp fire.

"You jumped off the side of a cliff, you idiot." said the King fondly, still distractedly brushing back Merlin's hair. "You scared the life out of me! I thought you were dead..." His voice cracked a little and he stopped talking.

Merlin slowly sat up, not for a moment taking his eyes off Arthur's face. He winced as the movement caused pain to shoot up into his skull and down his back. 

"Easy there", said Arthur quietly, putting an arm around his manservant's shoulder and gently easing him into a sitting position. "How does it feel?"

Once in an upright position Merlin gingerly swiveled his head and flexed his back. All was sore but he didn't think there was any lasting damage. "It feels like I was carrying half a ton on my shoulders and then fell off a cliff." said Merlin with a half-smile on his lips. 

Arthur sat back on his haunches and studied Merlin, shaking his head and chuckling. "You really are something!" he exclaimed fondly, "I thought that falling off a mountain and cracking your head might knock some sense into you and yet you are the most insubordinate whelp I have ever had the misfortune to meet!"

Merlin grinned back at him, "Go on", he smirked cheekily, "Admit it - you wouldn't have me any other way!"

Arthur's countenance became suddenly serious and he cupped Merlin's jaw gently in one hand. "No", he agreed softly, "No I wouldn't."

Merlin's heart stuttered and his eyes filled with unbidden tears. He blinked them back and held Arthur's gaze, smiling and content. 

Suddenly right behind him a man coughed. Merlin shot backward and away from Arthur and wildly spun around to see who the hell was intruding on this private, precious moment. His heart sank and he couldn't stifle a dismayed groan when he saw Mordred smiling awkwardly down at him.


	6. Three's a Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is dismayed by Mordred's sudden appearance.

Arthur was dumbfounded by Merlin's reaction upon seeing Mordred.

"Merlin?" he asked, looking at the boy with a mixture of confusion and concern, "It's alright, it's just Mordred."

"I can see that", snapped Merlin before he could stop himself. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"Merlin!" exclaimed the King, now with a tone of anger in his voice. "He is a Knight of Camelot and you would do well to remember to treat him with respect! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Merlin stammered a reply, "S-sorry Sire, I must still be a little bit in shock. He startled me, is all."

"Don't apologize to me", said the King in a slightly less harsh tone, "It was Mordred that you insulted. If it wasn't for him we'd both likely still be at the bottom of a cliff."

"Wh-what?" asked Merlin, blinking dumbly between the King and the Knight. Arthur recounted the tale of how he'd fallen from the clifftop and trapped his arm whilst attempting to rescue Merlin. Despite his irritation at the unwelcome presence of Mordred, Merlin got a warm feeling in his chest as Arthur told of how he had tried to climb down a sheer cliff face with little thought to his own safety because he saw that Merlin was in peril.

"...so you see", concluded the King, "If it wasn't for Mordred, we might both be dead."

"Thank You, Mordred" said Merlin flatly, finally looking at the Knight. His smile never reached his eyes and it came off more like a grimace. He'd admitted to himself long ago that he was jealous of Arthur's fondness for the boy. He knew from the prophecy that Mordred was one day fated to betray the King and this was always in his mind. On a more immediate practical level however, he was deeply concerned that Mordred might see through his disguise as the sorceress at the Cauldron of Arianroed and ruin the plan. He simply wanted the druid to leave them alone and return to Camelot.

But that was not to be, apparently. Mordred sat on the opposite side of the fire and politely asked them why they were so far from home with an unconscious Gwen. Merlin remained morosely silent as Arthur recounted the happenings of the previous days. 

"It's hard to believe, the Queen has the sweetest of natures", said Mordred solemnly when the tale was told.

"It was never her - just Morgana" said Arthur quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't confide in you."

"It's best you didn't", replied Mordred, "If I hadn't have had my suspicions I wouldn't have followed you...Merlin acting strangely..."

"Is that so unusual", said the King trying to lighten the mood a little.

"...and the levy route being changed" continued Mordred, rightly judging that Merlin was in no mood to be teased. 

Arthur acknowledged Merlin for the first time in a while. "You had a funny feeling." he reminded him.

"My Lord?" asked Mordred, a little confused.

"I'm glad you did Mordred", said Arthur refocusing his attention on the Knight and leaning forward earnestly, "I fear that without you I would have lost my arm at the very least." 

This was too much for Merlin, "I would've woken." he said belligerently.

"Merlin, if I had to rely on your time keeping I would have left both my arms and my legs to boot." said the King in that annoyingly condescending tone of his. Mordred snorted out a small embarrassed laugh despite himself. Like the rest of Arthur's closest Knights, he found the bickering between the King and his manservant endearing and amusing. Merlin once again deeply resented his presence. Had he not been there then Merlin would have come back at Arthur with a cutting witty retort, but he felt duty bound not to cheek the King in front of the Knights - this one in particular.

"It's good to have you with us", declared the King, totally ignoring Merlin's irritated stare. "Three's always better than two, isn't that right Merlin?"

"Of course" said the manservant through gritted teeth, his eyes communicating to Mordred exactly what he really thought of his presence.

For what felt like the tenth time that day Merlin felt his hold on his temper slipping. He decided that the best thing was to get away from Arthur and Mordred and to calm down a little before he said something unsuitable. He silently picked up the tincture of belladonna and muttered "It's time" before standing and heading over to the innate form of Gwen. A tiny part of him wondered how he might slip some to Mordred....they could leave him unconscious here and come back for him when they had been to the Cauldron.

Arthur snapped him from his contemplations by standing and demanding, "I'll do it", taking the bottle of tincture from him. Merlin very reluctantly sat down beside the fire again looking everywhere but at the boy sitting opposite him. 

Whilst Arthur was busy giving the tincture to his wife, Mordred came from the other side of the fire and crouched beside him. Merlin eyed him warily and cringed away a little.

"You don't trust me do you Merlin" whispered Mordred from rather too close by.

Merlin leaned away from him and looked into his eyes and gritted out, "I believe you to be a ....fine knight."

"...but not one to be trusted." said Mordred, filling in the words unspoken by Merlin although obviously apparent on his face. "It's alright. I know you have the King's best interests at heart. I only wished that you believed that I do to." 

Merlin looked sullenly everywhere but into Mordred's face.

"One day I shall prove my loyalty to you and to the King. Then I hope we will be friends." concluded Mordred, still unsuccessfully trying to make eye contact with Merlin.

"I could wish for nothing more." was Merlin's toneless reply. Still he would not look at the Knight and he simply wanted to jump up and go off into the forest to be alone for a while.

"What are you two whispering about?" said the King curiously. They had not realized that he had returned to the fireside as they spoke.

"Nothing Sire", said Merlin, he finally deigned to look at Mordred. "We were just discussing who should take which watch. I shall take the third, if you don't mind - I need to sleep now to get rid of my headache."

"Good thinking", agreed the King, "I shall take the first."

With that he walked out of the light cast by the fire and sat with his back to them looking out into the black night. Merlin eyed Mordred morosely and busied himself getting his bedroll and blanket laid out. As he settled down, he cradled his head on his hand and looked into the fire. Through the flames he noticed the big penetrating blue eyes of Mordred staring back at him. He huffed in annoyance and turned over. It was less comfortable to sleep with his back to the fire but he would not have the boy scrutinize him as he slept.  
It took Merlin a while to get comfortable and become drowsy, but as he did he resolved to slip just a little bit of belladonna into Mordred's breakfast tea.....


	7. In the Gorge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's wish to be rid of Mordred comes true in an unexpected fashion.

Merlin was confused when he awoke to the sound of birdsong. Third Watch should have started at around three o'clock in the morning yet here he was blinking into the soft grey pre-dawn light. He slowly stretched and sat up and looked around, a small frown creasing his brow. Mordred sat on the opposite side of the fire stirring herbs and rosehips in a kettle for their morning brew.

"Good morning Merlin", he said softly as Merlin sat up. "You were sleeping so soundly and snoring so loudly that I didn't have the heart to wake you for your watch".

Merlin scowled back, dismayed. His plan for drugging Mordred's tea and leaving him behind had been thwarted and he was not at all pleased about it. 

Mordred stared back at Merlin. He wasn't fazed by the scowl and assumed that it was there because the boy had just woken up. "How's your head?" he asked amiably as he handed a steaming cup of tea across the fire to Merlin.

Merlin took the tea with a nod of thanks and put it on the ground beside him. He felt the back of his head and found a large tender lump there. "Headache's gone", he mumbled, "but I don't think I'll be wearing a helmet any time soon with this bump". Mordred snorted out a short laugh at the thought of Merlin in armour.

Suddenly a snarling growl sounded from close by. Both men jumped and turned to face the noise, Mordred with his hand on the hilt of his sword. Both men immediately relaxed when they realized that it was just Arthur waking up.

"Gods Teeth!" he said, rolling over to face them, "not even the bloody birds have woken up properly and you two are gabbing away like fish-wives!"

Mordred mumbled an apologetic, "Sorry Sire". Merlin simply rolled his eyes and mumbled obscenities under his breath. Mordred looked at him, a little shocked.

"You need to shake a leg, Sire" said Merlin, getting up and rattling pots and plates unnecessarily loudly close to the King's head which disappeared into his blanket, "the sooner we get to the Cauldron the better and we still have a good half day's travel."

Arthur sat upright and scowled at his manservant. "You forget yourself, Merlin" he grumbled, "I am the King and I decide when..."

".....I'll get all this packed up and we'll head out as soon as breakfast is finished" said Merlin decisively as if he had not heard a word Arthur had said. As an afterthought and after a long pause he added, "Sire." in a tone that radiated everything but respect.

Arthur's resulting grumbling and scowling were somewhat lessened by the crease along his cheek and the fact that half his hair stood on end from being squished by his bedroll. 

Mordred ate and drank quietly then helped pack the bags. He wondered at Merlin's utter lack of respect for authority.

Despite the King's protestations they were packed and hiking along the gorge within half an hour. Mordred had offered to shoulder half of Merlin's load but Merlin had simply growled something about being "perfectly able to do my job" and stomped away so the Knight let it go. 

As they walked along in silence Mordred wondered if Arthur and Merlin were always this grumpy whilst out on quests, and if so how come they always succeeded and had so far managed not to murder each other.

He got his answer when the white dragon suddenly appeared out of the heavy grey sky and bore down upon them, breathing flame. The King and his Knight did the sensible thing and dived for the nearest piece of shelter behind a rock. Merlin lingered a few moments more before diving for cover alongside them. As soon as the dragon had passed he threw down the bags and all but commanded Arthur, "You go, I'll distract it". Despite thinking him foolhardy to say the least, Mordred could not help but respect his bravery and willingness to sacrifice himself for Arthur.

"No......" argued the King, trying to prevent Merlin from passing him.

"You must!" shot back Merlin, and was already half out of the shelter when the dragon buzzed by them again. Arthur argued in vain as Merlin struggled to push past him. Mordred saw a chance to prove himself to Merlin and show loyalty to the King. He grappled with Merlin and pulled him back into the shelter. 

"Get Gwen to safety Sire!", said Mordred in a commanding yet respectful tone, "We'll cover you and join you beyond the gorge". 

With a resigned "Very well", Arthur jumped from the hiding place and started to make his way along against the rock wall.

Any hope that Merlin might appreciate this intervention were dashed a few moments later. Mordred tried to stop the boy from going out to face the creature alone. Merlin roughly pushed him away growling, "I know what I'm doing Mordred." and went out alone anyhow. Amazingly he came back less than a minute later completely unscathed. Mordred could   
only guess at how he had overcome the dragon. He asked the manservant but Merlin ignored him, simply gathering up the bags and snapping, "We need to move" before heading out of the shelter again. 

Mordred tried to press him further, to find out how he'd managed to overcome such an adversary alone. He never got the chance through. Suddenly a jolt of power slammed into his back and threw him through the air. The impact knocked him out stone cold.

Once again the bags he was burdened with broke Merlin's fall. He was winded for a few moments but never lost consciousness. He looked over at the inert form of Mordred next to him. In a split second he decided to leave the boy there. He'd anyway planned on leaving the Knight unconscious up at the camp, so why not here? Without thinking any further upon the morality of leaving a man helpless like this, Merlin staggered upright and rushed off toward the end of the gorge and his King.

Arthur's relief at seeing Merlin alive and well was as great as his distress at finding out that Mordred had not made it. Merlin had to physically restrain him from heading back into the gorge to rescue the Knight, and to argue with him that to get Gwen to the Cauldron was much more pressing. It pained Merlin to see Arthur so distressed and he suddenly questioned his own actions. He was conflicted in his own mind. Part of him was appalled that he had left the man helpless and exposed. There was more than a good chance that Morgana would find Mordred and might even kill him. But another darker side of him thought coldly that perhaps this was for the best. If Mordred died here, then perhaps the prophecy that Merlin had seen in the cave need not come true after all.

Struggling under the weight of the bags and even more under the weight of his conscience, Merlin urged Arthur toward the Cauldron of Arianroed.


	8. At the Cauldron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin finally arrive at the Cauldron of Arianroed, but will Arthur be fooled by the manservant's disguise?

After a long silent walk they finally arrived at the water's edge. There was no doubting in Merlin's mind that this was the place of which the Dochraid had spoken; the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end with the tingle of magic in the air. 

"The Cauldron of Arianroed" he announced to nobody in particular. Arthur headed to the side of the lake and lay Gwen gently down. Meanwhile Merlin looked around him in some consternation - he had imagined there would be caves or coves around the water's edge, but he was faced with sheer granite walls. How the hell was he going to change his clothes and his form when there wasn't even a tree to change behind?

Arthur snapped him out of his reverie when he asked, "Where's the Sorceress?"

Still looking around for a suitable changing room, Merlin answered distractedly, "Gaius says she's a recluse, she shuns the company of men."

"She's going to have to make an exception." replied the King, then in a more urgent voice, "We haven't got much time. Gwen could wake up at any moment."  
Merlin was starting to panic about what he would do next. "We've got more tincture." he suggested, still scanning the area.

"No - no more. I won't risk it." said Arthur impatiently. When Merlin still hadn't moved from where he stood, the King urged him on. "You have to find her." he commanded.

Merlin spotted the only feature that broke up the bleak landscape. A huge boulder of granite which looked as though it had sheared off one of the nearby cliffs and fallen into the edge of the Cauldron was a little way away. It wasn't in any way ideal, but it would have to do. "I'll search around." said Merlin, scooping up the bag containing his disguise distractedly and loping off toward the rock. As he went off he glanced at Arthur. He had expected to see the King tending to Gwen and watching to see if she was showing signs of waking. Instead he was staring dumbfounded at the bag in Merlin's hand. To his dismay Merlin looked down to see the bright blue and red dress trailing along behind him.

'Shit' he thought to himself, then thinking on his toes he gathered the garment back into the bag and stood up to look Arthur square in the eyes. "You didn't believe this was going to be free did you?" he said belligerently.

Arthur frowned at him. "What are you talking about?" he asked

"The Sorceress" blustered Merlin, ".... she likes to be paid in - clothes. She can't get to a tailor." He mentally patted himself on the back for such quick thinking on his part.

"Why would a recluse be interested in clothes?" asked Arthur incredulously.

"I don't know Arthur - she's a sorceress." fired back Merlin, trying not to get flustered, "She's not going to be normal is she?". With that he stomped off toward the boulder as quickly as he could to prevent further questioning from the King.

He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he got to the rock and found a dip in the earth behind it which hid him completely from Arthur's view. He carefully and quickly took the dress out of its bag and shook it clean before laying it over a small rock nearly. He quickly peeked over the boulder and was relieved to see that Arthur had returned his attention to the Queen and was kneeling at her side brushing her hair from her face and straightening out her clothes which had become disorganized from having been carried so far. Quickly Merlin divested himself of his clothes, hissing as the cold wind hit his bare chest and legs. He pulled the dress on as fast as he could without snagging or tearing it. The feel of the silk and fine linen gliding over his skin made him shiver a little. He continued to shiver once it was on; it may look fine and expensive but it gave no protection from the cold wind coming across the water. Before his fingers froze entirely he fumbled about in the bottom of the bag and pulled out the small vail of transformation potion and the long blue scarf. He was grateful that he'd made the second visit to the washhouse and had found that scarf. He shook it out and the red hair clips fell from amongst the fabric. He picked them out of the sand and laid them on the rock and then draped the scarf around his shoulders. It wasn't anywhere near as warm as his dirty heavy old leather jacket which now lay at the bottom of the pile of his own clothes, but it was better than nothing. 

He sat on the rock and took a deep breath. He uncorked the vail of potion, closed his eyes to envision his disguise and then took a big swig. As ever, he retched against the taste and put his head between his knees to counteract the inevitable dizziness. When he opened his eyes again he was looking at long luscious black curls that almost brushed the sand at his feet. He quickly gathered handfuls of it and pinned them up on his head and tucked the final strands behind his ears which he only now realized were small and delicate. He touched them wonderingly and thought that having such dainty ears felt even more strange than having rounded hips and breasts.  
He shook himself and remembered the job in hand. He swiftly wrapped his own clothes inside his jacket and stashed them in the dip behind the boulder. He kicked a pile of sand over the bundle until it looked like a small rock. Just as he was satisfied that they were well enough hidden he heard Arthur's voice come to him from further along the beach.

"Merlin? Hello? Have you found the sorceress yet? Gwen is beginning to show signs of waking." he shouted, a note of anxiety in his voice.

Merlin stood tall and walked toward the edge of the Cauldron. He decided that approaching the King from the water would be suitably dramatic. He also realized very quickly that the softest ground was at the Cauldron's edge and it was much easier to walk in the sand than on the sharp shards of granite that littered the ground elsewhere.

He had just taken a deep breath in order to announce himself as the Dolma when Arthur's voice sounded out again.

"Mordred!" he shouted out joyfully, "I thought we'd lost you!"

Merlin's heart jumped into his throat and he stepped back behind the rock, his mind racing. Arthur was almost ridiculously easy to fool but Mordred was a different story entirely. He was shrewd and with his druid background Merlin felt convinced the Knight would see through his disguise in a second. He pulled the scarf up over his head and draped it across his face so that only his eyes and nose remained visible. Satisfied he had done the best he could he once again stepped out onto the water's edge and strode toward the men who were smiling at each other, shaking hands and talking in low tones, for the moment paying him no heed.

He was almost upon the two men when the splashing of his feet in the shallow water finally drew their attention to him. Arthur was mid-question to Mordred but his words died on his lips and his full focus fell on the woman standing before him. She was tall and slender. She wore the dress that Merlin had bought as payment and by some miracle it fitted her perfectly and complemented her lithe figure. She wore a fine blue linen scarf that only partially covered thick dark curly hair which fell to the middle of her back. The blue of the scarf perfectly complemented the almost-indigo eyes that blinked back at the King.

Both Mordred and Arthur stood looking at the woman before them, their mouths agape. When the silence had gone on for several moments and when he was about a yard in front of them, Merlin dared to speak.

"Who are you?" he said, once again taken aback by the silky musical timbre of his voice, "What business do you have in this sacred place?"

Arthur swallowed, his throat dry and his heart pounding a little rapidly at the sound of this woman's voice. A blush rose on Mordred's cheeks and he said nothing. Merlin looked between them and repeated the question a little louder and with more authority. He was a little surprised that the King appeared so flustered, but was also enjoying the effect.

"A- are you the Dolma? Ancient Sorceress of the Cauldron of Arianroed?" stammered Arthur, blushing a little as he spoke.

In reply, Merlin nodded demurely and looked coyly at the King. "I am she", he said silkily and then with a hint of challenge in his voice, "Who else would I be?"

"She doesn't appear ancient" muttered Mordred, "she's absolutely gorgeous!"

"Does she look familiar to you?", mumbled Arthur in reply, "there's something in the eyes. But yes, Mordred I agree she's utterly ...."

"What say you?" interrupted Sorceress-Merlin taking a step closer to the two men. "Why are you muttering?"

Both men took a step backward and looked at her with wide eyes. Brave Arthur spoke up first, 

"You look familiar, sorceress." he said in a jovial tone, he smiled uncertainly at the woman before him.

"Oh!" said Sorceress-Merlin in reply, himself feeling a little flustered suddenly. He unconsciously hooked an errant lock of hair behind his ear and pulled the scarf a little higher on his face. "Is that so?" was all he could think of to say for the moment. His mind was a flurry of panic that despite his best efforts the King had seen right through his disguise.

"It is", said Arthur moving a little closer and squinting at what he could make out of the face behind the scarf. Despite quivering insides, Sorceress-Merlin stood his ground and returned the King's gaze unfalteringly.

Mordred suddenly caught hold of Arthur's arm and asked him, "My Lord, where is Merlin?"

Merlin was certain that the game was up. Had he been able, he would at that point have made a run for it but he found himself rooted to the spot by fear. Instead he stood wide-eyed and stared at the two men who glared back at him. After what felt like an age, Arthur began to take his sword from its sheath.

"What have you done with my servant?" he asked dangerously.

Several emotions ran through Merlin in a fraction of a second. Relief that Arthur had not actually seen through the disguise - for now at least, warmth and pride that the King was so concerned about the wellbeing of his manservant and also hope that he might still be able to carry the plan out.

He smiled and his eyes twinkled. "Oh the gangly boy", Sorceress-Merlin said silkily, "hmmmmmmm".

Arthur took a step toward the woman, brandishing his sword threateningly.

"If you kill me, you will never see him again", said Sorceress-Merlin, standing his ground. He stood at full height and addressed Arthur directly, "I am a woman and I live alone here without weapons. Is it not natural that I seek some surety? The boy shall be returned to you when we have concluded out business."

Arthur sheathed his sword and looked back at her, "You know why we're here." he said flatly.

"Nothing is hidden from - The Dolma", said Sorceress-Merlin dramatically. As he spoke he took a chance and stepped closer to the King so that they were a mere arms-length apart. He never took his eyes from Arthur's, looking for any sign at all that his master might realize that 'The Dolma' was in fact his manservant. 

Arthur studied the sorceress's face intently in return. He spoke no words but his face showed anxiety, hope and desperation in equal measures along with something else that Merlin could not quite define. 

After long moments Merlin ascertained that his master had no idea that it was his manservant inside this body. Finally, he let himself relax into his new persona and to turn his mind to the matter in hand. 

"Now hurry" said the Dolma with authority, "Your Queen awakes. Set her by the pool"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. Up until this point the story has been pretty much canon-compliant. Bear with me...from the next chapter onwards I'll be going seriously off-piste!


	9. A Heart is Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the spell on Gwen be broken??

Arthur picked up the sleeping Queen and laid her gently at the water's edge. The Dolma knelt down on one side of Gwen and Arthur knelt on the other.

"Great King," said the Dolma solemnly, "the magic that has ensnared your Queen is strong indeed. It can be fought. It can be broken but it may also prevail. Do you understand this?"

"I do" said Arthur looking down at Gwen with a deep frown across his brow.

"What we attempt will not be easy." reiterated The Dolma, "If we fail your Queen will be lost forever." 

"I understand." said Arthur, a little more hesitant now. The Dolma studied him intently, partly hoping that the King would reconsider. Arthur raised his eyes to meet those of The Dolma who saw that he was resolute.

"Very well." said The Dolma, " When I awake Guinevere from her sleep she must walk into the Cauldron of Arianroed of her own will. Only then will the spell be broken. But be warned - all the magic that binds her will fight against it."

Doubt and hesitation filled Arthur's face again, "How then can we succeed?" he asked in a broken voice. 

Merlin's heart broke a little at seeing him thus and when the Dolma spoke again in was in a much gentler tone. "You must reach her, Arthur. Reach that part of your Queen which has remained untouched by the evil of Morgana." 

"Is there such a part?" asked the King quietly, tears clouding his eyes as he looked imploringly at The Dolma. It was all Merlin could do to stop him/herself from enfolding Arthur in a comforting hug.

"You must believe there is." was what The Dolma said instead. She reached across and laid a comforting hand on Arthur's forearm. For a few moments he laid his own hand upon it in acknowledgement and thanks. "Prepare" said the Dolma, breaking the moment, "When she awakes you will have but a few moments."

Arthur sat back on his heels and watched as The Dolma held her hand above Gwen's sleeping face and uttered words that he could not understand. He could not restrain the gasp that escaped as she concluded the spell and her eyes changed from deep indigo blue to a shining golden colour. For that moment she looked like a goddess. He quickly gathered his wits and coughed and turned his attention to Gwen who was beginning to stir.

As soon as she awoke, she sat upright in confusion and looked around her, "Where am I? What have you done to me?" she demanded, an edge of panic in her voice.

His heart was pounding, but Arthur tried to speak in a calm soothing voice, "You've been asleep for a long time..." he began.

Before he had even finished his sentence, his wife had leapt up and started running away from the water's edge like a startled deer. Quick as a flash he leapt after her and grabbed her by the arms. 

"Get away from me!" she shouted, outraged.

"My Guinevere..." he tried again, trying not to squeeze too tightly on her arms.

"Your Guinevere?" she sneered back, " Your stupid foolish man. I was never yours and never will be."

Arthur did not let go of her, but he did take a step back and let out a distressed and surprised gasp at such a declaration. 

He was on the verge of letting her go when the Dolma spoke at his shoulder. "You must reach her Arthur. Reach out or all is lost."

"Who the hell is she?" asked Gwen indignantly, noticing The Dolma for the first time. She looked accusingly at Arthur and noted how close to him this woman was standing.

"You loved me once", pleaded the King, shaking her by her arms.

"You're easily fooled Arthur" shot back Gwen, turning her full attention back to him, having scrutinized the woman.

"...and still do." blustered Arthur,ignoring her last statement. 

"It was a trick. Nothing more." said Gwen viciously through gritted teeth, "A subterfuge to pass Camelot to its rightful Queen."

Arthur gasped before replying a little uncertainly, "I don't believe that."

"Believe what you like the fact remains", gritted out Gwen breathlessly. The silly man was dragging her down the shore toward the lake. Did he intend to drown her?

The Dolma stopped Arthur's progress with a hand on his shoulder, "No it must be of her own will." she said resolutely.

Arthur looked at the Dolma and calmed a little, he stopped dragging Gwen and once again eased his grip on her arms.

"Look at me", he said, blue eyes clouded by tears, "tell me you don't love me."

Gwen blinked twice at him. The Dolma held her breath. Arthur's heart leapt in hope which was instantly dashed when the Queen once again began struggling and shouted into his face, "Let me go!"

In frustration the King grappled with her to stop her wriggling. For the first time, Gwen winced in pain.

"Arthur!" said the Dolma sharply.

Arthur did not relinquish his grip. He looked over at The Dolma who gazed intently back at him, after a few seconds he closed his eyes and let out a big breath. Once again he fixed eyes with the Queen. 

"You remember when I asked you to marry me?" he asked in a gentler voice, "Do you remember what you said? You said with all my heart Guinevere. It was no subterfuge, no trickery. With all my heart."

Finally, Arthur let go of her. It was now or never. "With all my heart." he repeated as he walked backward toward the Cauldron. "With all my heart." He held out his hand, hoping to all the gods that she would take it.

Long moments passed as Gwen watched perplexed as he walked backward. She made no move. Arthur reached the water's edge and raised both hands toward her, "With all my heart." he said again.

Gwen finally spoke, "And you believed it all", she said with derision in her tone, "...you really are deluded, Arthur."

"Guinevere, please." he pleaded, "You loved me then...."

She cut him off, "Any love I had for you died a long long time ago Arthur. I loved you when I was a young, foolish maidservant but I was never ever In Love with you."

Arthur searched her face and his lips trembled as he said, "B-but you married me...."

"I would have been a fool not to!" she said scornfully, ignoring his obvious distress, " To become a Queen was beyond any ambition I could ever have hoped for myself, and after Uther killed my father I didn't even have the security of a family life." 

Arthur felt traitorous tears begin to wet his cheeks, "But you said you loved me!" he almost whispered.

"Of course I said that! It was what you wanted to hear!", she replied almost gleefully, " Lancelot was the only man I was ever truly In Love with and he was banished by your father. I thought I had found contentment when you bought him back as a Knight and then.....and then......you let him die in your place! I hate you!"

Arthur impatiently brushed tears from his cheeks. "I-I cannot accept these words, Gwen. This is not you speaking. Morgana has you under her spell..."

"OH GROW UP ARTHUR!", shouted Gwen, " You think this is caused by a spell? I served Morgana for years and saw how she was tortured by Uther's refusal to acknowledge her as his own daughter, how she suffered trying to reign in her magic, how she watched as Uther fawned on you and gave you all his love and attention and ignoring her and her talents."

"That's not true," said Arthur, incredulous and indignant now. Once again The Dolma laid a calming, warning hand on his shoulder. 

He reined in his temper before speaking again. "But Gwen, I have only ever loved you. Can you not see that?", he pleaded.

"Oh don't make me laugh, Arthur. I was only ever a mere distraction, something warm to come home to at the end of the day. You spend more time with your Knights than you ever did with me. You find any excuse to go out on Quests and spend all your free time on the training field" Contempt and resentment dripped from her voice as she spoke. "Gods, even in your sleep! I hear you speak Merlin's name in dreams more often than you say mine and he's a servant!"

Both The Dolma and Arthur drew in a breath when she said this, Arthur looked away from Gwen, abashed. 

Gwen spoke on, "I've seen you look with lustful eyes upon the ladies of the Court. Gods, even now you can barely keep your eyes off this - what is she? - a witch? I doubt that you even know what love is Arthur - you are as emotionally stunted as your father was!"

The King's shoulders slumped. "B-but Camelot is your home..." he said without conviction. It was the last card that he had and he had to play it.

"Elian was the last thing that tied me to that Kingdom and you let him die." she shouted accusingly, advancing toward him and pointing a finger in his face. "That place took my whole family from me. I want no more part of it until it is in the hands of its rightful heir, Morgana. Now, let me go to her!"

With that, she turned on her heels and hurried up the shingle and toward the gorge. 

After a few moments of stunned silence, a murderous frown crossed Arthur's brow and he unsheathed his sword and made to follow her.

"Arthur, no!" said Dolma, a surprisingly strong hand restraining his sword arm.

"She has committed treason and must die." he gritted out, roughly pulling his arm free. He made to follow Gwen into the gorge. 

Suddenly The Dolma stood before him and stopped him dead in his tracks. She held his face in her hands, her own face mere inches from his and her stare intense. "If you kill her in your rage then you would be no better than Morgana. You are a good man, Arthur, and a worthy King. You would hate yourself forever if you slaughter an unarmed woman, however much she has wronged you. Do not do this thing in your current mood."

In the struggle to catch up with him as he hurried up the beach, the scarf that had been partially hiding The Dolma's and hair had fallen to the ground. 

Despite his rage, Arthur was stunned by the vision that stood before him. The indigo eyes sat above sharp fine cheekbones and a delicate nose. Long raven black hair fell in luscious curls over ivory white shoulders. Red diamantine hairpins held the unruly curls back from that perfect face and their colour matched the plush cupid bow lips that were partially open. 

His thoughts of revenge and pursuit evaporated as he dumbly stared transfixed by her mouth. 

The Dolma held on to his face, her stare not faltering from his own. Unbidden tears of rage still flowed from Arthur's eyes but slowly his breathing evened out and he relaxed a little, leaning a little into the hands that cradled his face. Unthinkingly and very gently, The Dolma brushed away the tears as they fell.

Her own breath caught in her throat at the look in Arthur's eyes when he eventually looked up at her again....

For the first time since Gwen had awoken, Mordred spoke. Appalled by the Queen's venomous words he had been rooted to the spot in shock. Now as she disappeared into the Gorge, he finally shook himself out of it. He rushed up to Arthur's side, glancing uncertainly at the crying King and the Dolma.

"My Lord?" he asked, "The Queen?"

The Dolma took a step back from Arthur, letting her hands fall to her sides and casting her eyes downward. As if released from a spell, Arthur blinked and looked at Mordred and came to his senses.

"Follow her", he ordered, "Stop her from joining Morgana."

"Of course, Sire" said Mordred, bounding off.

"But Mordred", shouted Arthur as an afterthought, "Capture her, don't kill her. Please."

Mordred nodded and then ran off again.

When he had gone, Arthur's whole body seemed tired beyond endurance. He slumped to his knees and carelessly dropped his sword at his side. He raised his hands and covered his face in utter despair. He heard a soft rustle of fabric as the Sorceress knelt before him. Slowly she pulled his hands from his face and enfolded him in her arms. She gently laid his head on her shoulder and stroked the back of his head comfortingly.

Arthur clung on for dear life and sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder as his heart shattered into a thousand pieces.


	10. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dolma does her best to comfort the heartbroken King.

Much much later Arthur's sobs subsided. 

He stayed enfolded in the arms of the Dolma, completely emotionally spent and taking comfort from her rhythmic stroking of his hair. He gave a heavy sigh and breathed deeply the scent of cinnamon and sunshine that clung to her. It was an intoxicating smell and reminded him of something else that his mind could not quite manage to remember at the moment.

When the last of the sobs had finally broken from his body and he became still and relaxed, the Dolma pulled back a little, holding him by his shoulders and looking deep into his eyes. He reluctantly raised his head from her shoulder and looked back at her.

"I am so very sorry", she said softly after studying him for a long moment, "I warned you that the magic may not work, but I am so very sad for you that it did not."

Arthur cast his eyes downward for a few moments, sitting back on his heels. "Was your magic not as strong as Morgana's, then?" he asked.

The Dolma studied him frankly and weighed her answer. "The magic was not the problem, My Lord", she said softly, "I did not even cast the spell because she did not enter the Cauldron." She hesitantly reached up and brushed tear-damp hair from the King's face as she continued, "It pains me to say it but the spark of affection that was needed to rekindle the Queen's love for you was simply not there anymore. I am so very, very sorry."

Arthur looked out over the lake, tears welling up in his eyes once again. "I had.... hoped", he said quietly, "I had hoped that her betrayal was simply caused by the spell Morgana had put upon her in captivity. For a moment I truly thought that she would come back to me. But you are right, in the end there was no glimmer of love in her eyes."

The Dolma said nothing, but brushed away the unbidden tears that began to fall down Arthur's cheeks once again. 

"Is there nothing to be done?" he pleaded. "Morgana cast a spell to cause Gwen to be hateful and to betray me. Could you not cast a spell to force her to love me again?"

"Is that what you really want, Sire?" asked the Dolma after a few moments, "I could cast such a spell yes, but it would be nothing but illusion. I would be planting thoughts into the mind of the Queen that are not her own. Is that really what you want?"

Arthur looked at the ground and shook his head from side to side. "No, I suppose not.", he conceded, "I just don't know how I can live without her."

"Oh Sire", said the Dolma, enclosing him once more in a hug. He let himself be pulled in. "Time is a great healer. The pain is overwhelming now, but it will lessen, I promise you. You must look to those around you for comfort and condolence."

"But who is left to trust?" he asked dejectedly, "My Queen - the woman I gave my heart to - has betrayed me. I do not think I can ever trust anyone again."

The Dolma pulled back, stood and stepped away from him, he felt bereft as her touch left him. "You must not begin to think like that Arthur", she said sternly, "You must not let this thing break you. If you close your heart off to those around you then it will soon become as black as Morgana's. I implore you, do not let this happen."

"I have never had luck in those I trust", said Arthur flatly, "My uncle betrayed me, Morgana who was my half-sister betrayed me, and now my wife... If I cannot have trust in these people, then who is left?? How did I become such an appalling judge of character?"

"Please My Lord", said the Dolma in an imploring voice, "Please do not think in this way. It is difficult for you to see at the moment so great is your heartache, but there are many many people in Camelot that love you and would gladly give their lives for you."

"They serve me because I am King", said Arthur sadly, "and for no other reason."

"They serve you because they love you and believe in the future that you will bring" insisted the Dolma, "Think! Think back to when Morgana seized the Citadel and it seemed that all was lost. Did your people bow down to the new order? No, they did not. From the simplest poorest peasant of the Lower Town to the greatest of the Knights, all were willing to leave their homes and to come and fight for you. Heavens, even the Old Physician was willing to die in a cell rather than surrender his belief in you."

As The Dolma spoke, Arthur began to look a little less broken, a little more hopeful. Her last statement had surprised him however, "How could you possibly know about the old physician?" he asked incredulously.

The Dolma looked momentarily uncomfortable before drawing herself up to her full (and considerable) height and proclaiming, "The Dolma sees all and knows all."  
Arthur eyed her a little skeptically for a few moments but let the point go. She was a Sorceress after all, and he had no idea what the extent of her knowledge of the world would be. He was simply surprised that a recluse that lived so many leagues from Camelot would know such minute details of the coup.

"You are indeed wise", he conceded eventually, "and I thank you for your council." He too stood.

"It has been my pleasure to serve you, Great King", said the Dolma bowing her head, "I am only sorry that the outcome was not a happier one."

"You tried your best and you have proved to be honest and good", said the King, "If there's ever anything I could do in return...."

The Dolma considered a long moment before speaking again, "There is one thing"

"Name it", replied Arthur simply.

"Remember that there is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men. My request is that you remember this."

Arthur considered this a long while. "But Morgana used sorcery to turn Guinevere against me", he argued, "how can you say that was not an evil deed?"

The Dolma hung her head and took a deep breath before continuing. "I am sad to say that Morgana's magic did not create the Queen's hatred and betrayal. She simply worked with feelings that were already there. It is apparent from what the Queen said to you that her thoughts were dark before Morgana ever recruited her."

The King bristled at these words and thought to argue the point. But if he looked truly deeply inside himself he knew that the Queen's betrayal of him had been inevitable. Morgana had simply exposed doubts and regrets that were already in Gwen's heart. "You have my word." he said finally.

"Thank You, Great King", said The Dolma softly, "This promise means a great deal to me." As she spoke she looked demurely up at him through her eyelashes and Arthur was once again struck by her ethereal beauty. He stared dumbly at her and she held his gaze for a long moment.

Arthur was the first to look away, with an embarrassed cough. "I should find Mordred" he said, glancing up at the Gorge. The Dolma nodded slightly and he turned to go.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked suddenly.

Arthur frowned and looked about himself. He picked up his sword that he had dropped onto the beach when he had broken down. He nodded curt thanks and smiled ruefully at The Dolma before turning to go again.

"The boy..." said The Dolma, exasperated.

"Ah..." said the King sheepishly. He had completely forgotten about his manservant and was a tad ashamed of himself. "Oops." he added with a nervous laugh.

The Dolma was not amused however. "That boy was your surety, Great King, and without him all hope would be lost!"

This sounded rather farfetched to Arthur and he could not help responding, "I'm not sure that's quite true..." he said skeptically. 

"And I say it is!" said The Dolma, her shoulders squaring and her eyes blazing in sudden anger. She advanced on the startled King, "You owe him a greater debt than you could possibly know." she said, stopping mere inches in front of him.

"Right", he blundered, rather shocked by such vociferous defense of his faithful yet hapless manservant. "I'll er, give him the afternoon off."

The Dolma rolled her eyes in a manner that reminded the King uncomfortably of said manservant. She leaned in closer and in a whisper said, "One day, Great King, you will recognize the true worth of those that surround you." 

When she had finished speaking she did not pull back but leaned closer into Arthur's space. He did not move backward but looked between her indigo eyes and her full mouth. Slowly, so slowly and with uncertainty the King leaned in and captured the lips of The Dolma in a gentle chaste kiss. She was momentarily stunned and did not immediately pull back. Arthur took this as encouragement and laid hands upon her shoulders. She gasped at the contact and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. As Arthur closed his eyes, those of The Dolma flared gold and suddenly the King became limp in her arms, in a spellbound sleep. She caught his weight and gently lay him onto the ground.

Barely a moment later and with his mind reeling Merlin felt the itch beneath his skin which was the first sign that the transformation potion was beginning to wear off. He bolted back toward the boulder where his own clothes were hidden. Before he began to take out the clips in his hair and to remove the fine dress he caught a glimpse of himself in the still waters of the Cauldron. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. 

"Oh", he breathed in wonder, "oh dear. What have I done?" Perhaps he had let his imagination run a little wild when he had summoned this disguise. The reflection looking back at him was quite possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger - sorry! I shall be busy with exams for about a month so won't have time to update for a while. Hold in there.......I promise there's more to come!


	11. Pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin returns to himself, Arthur awakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! Sorry about the long break. This is a short chapter but I'm planning to get writing in earnest again...enjoy!

Merlin's hands shook as he removed the last of the jewelled hairclips and pulled the dress and shawl off. He quickly donned his own clothes and sat very still, breathing deeply as the wave of nausea told him that the potion had completely worn off and he was himself again. Once he felt well he hurriedly bundled the Dolma disquise into a tight ball and put it deep into the bottom of his haversack. With a last check that his clothes and hair were in order and after taking a deep breath he stood up and hurried over to Arthur.

The King was still in a deep sleep when Merlin arrived at his side. The manservant knelt and took a few moments to gather his thoughts - and to admire his sleeping master.   
He looked so at peace in this enchanted sleep that Merlin was a little loathe to wake him. The furrows that had creased Arthur's brow since finding out about Gwen's betrayal were smoothed out and his lips were moist and a little bruised from the kiss he had given the Dolma. Merlin reached out a hand to stroke windswept hair back from his master's face but stopped himself. This was no time for petting Arthur and the fact that Merlin wanted to do so whilst the King was unconscious was, he thought, a little creepy. Instead he placed both hands on his knees and muttered a spell under his breath.

Arthur's eyes moved behind his eyelids and he took in a deep breath.

"Sire?" asked Merlin quietly, "Are you awake?" Now he did allow himself to reach out a hand and shake the King's shoulder gently.

Arthur's eyes snapped open and he blinked up in confusion. He focused on Merlin who grinned at him and said, "Hello there!".

Arthur sat up suddenly and looked around him. "Wh-what happened?" he asked, "How the hell did I lose consciousness and what happened to the Dolma?"

Merlin leaned in and laid the back of his hand on Arthur's forehead and checked his pupils. Arthur focused on him. Merlin stuck both hands into the King's hair and with a frown of concentration began to knead his scalp gently. Arthur reached up and grabbed him by the wrists. "Merlin, what the hell are you doing?", he asked frowning, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Merlin blinked at him innocently. "The Dolma released me a few moments ago" he replied, "I came here and found you laying down. I don't know what happened to you. I'm checking to make sure you didn't suffer a blow to the head."

"What the...?" began Arthur, but then he frowned and let his hands drop to his sides allowing Merlin to continue with his manipulations. After a few moments Merlin took his hands away and sat back on his heels.

"Can't find any bumps on your head, Sire" he said, "Do you remember any of what happened? Did you faint?"

"I did not faint!" said Arthur indignantly, "I am not a girl!"

"Well you look like you might have fainted...", argued Merlin, scratching the back of his head as he spoke.

Arthur spluttered something incoherent and stood up, pulling Merlin to his feet beside him. 

"Enough about me", said the King, "Where the hell did you get to? What did the sorceress do with you?"

"Oh!" exclaimed Merlin, "Er....I'm not too sure, really. I went over to announce our arrival and to make a gift of the dress...... and then the next thing I know I was being shaken awake by the Dolma and told to go tend to my King."

"Ha! You fainted!" crowed Arthur.

"Quite possibly", conceded the manservant. "Although she is a powerful sorceress so she may well have cast a spell to make me sleep." 

"Oh, so you're enchanted to sleep but I might have fainted" said Arthur indignantly. "Well, I believe that I might have been put into an enchanted sleep too!"

Merlin looked at him skeptically. "Why would she want to put you in to a sleep, Sire? Did you do something to upset her?"

Arthur's eyes went wide as he remembered what had occured just before he lost consciousness. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Merlin studied him, a puzzled frown between his eyes. 

Eventually Arthur regained his composure and said, "Anyway, where is the Dolma now?" his eyes scanned the lakeside and the surrounding boulders. "I wish to speak more with her."

"Oh she said she had 'other business to attend to'." said Merlin airily, "She headed off that way". He waved his arm vaguely in the opposite direction to the Gorge.

Arthur looked in vain for signs of the sorceress in the direction Merlin had indicated. He said nothing but walked slowly toward the Cauldron looking for footprints.

Merlin began to get worried that the King might want to track The Dolma and would discover that her footprints mysteriously morphed into those of Merlin a little further along the beach. 

"So", he asked earnestly, looking around himself and pretending to suddenly realise the absence of Mordred and Gwen. "Where is the Queen? Was the Dolma able to break the enchantment on her? Where did Mordred go?"

Arthur stopped his search of the waterfront and his countenance darkened as he remembered what had happened. "No" he said suddenly quiet, "The enchantment was not lifted. Gwen has......gone."

"Gone?!" asked Merlin in alarm, "What do you mean 'gone'?" He looked nervously over toward the lake. "Did you manage to get her into the cauldron? Did she....did she...drown?"   
His voice shook and he sounded on the edge of hysteria as he asked the last question.

"Gods, no - nothing like that." said Arthur looking at Merlin with a shocked expression. "No, we didn't even manage to get her into the Cauldron...." He sighed deeply and wiped a hand over his face before continuing, "It would seem that even without Morgana's interference, the Queen had no love left for me."

"Oh Sire", said Merlin, stepping forward and clasping Arthur by the shoulders. For a moment, Arthur's body relaxed and he let himself begin to be pulled into a comforting hug. Then he realised that this was his manservant, and not the Dolma. He immediately tensed up and pulled out of Merlin's grasp, coughing self consciously and taking a step away. He felt a little appalled that he had almost let himself appear so unmanly and vulnerable before Merlin. At the same time, he craved the comforting arms of the Dolma once again and the freedom they allowed him to relieve some of his heartbreak. 

"Yes, well..", said the King, in his most authoritative voice, "We tried, at least. Now we should go find if Mordred caught up with her before she returns to Morgana."  
Merlin stood staring at him for a few moments his own emotions in turmoil. He was hurt that his master had snubbed his attempt at consolation by pulling out of his grip. Whilst disguised as The Dolma he had witnessed the extent of Arthur's heartbreak for his lost wife and he was hurt that Arthur could not confide in him in the same way, despite all the things that they had been through together.

He felt in that moment that Arthur did not trust him and had not heeded The Dolma's warning about becoming hard hearted. 

It was a good job that his master wasn't as clever as he would like to think, Merlin reflected as he followed Arthur away from the Cauldron. If he had made the connection that his manservant had used exactly the same words and movements as the Dolma to try to console him, then Merlin shuddered to think what the consequences might be.......


	12. An Unexpected Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is shocked by a confession.

They had walked almost a hundred yards toward the Gorge, Arthur in front and Merlin a few paces behind, when the King stopped and turned around. 

"Give", said Arthur simply, indicating the saddlebags and haversacks swung across Merlin's shoulders. Merlin blinked at him dumbly.

"Merlin", said the King again, "Don't stand there gawping, give me some of the bags to carry - they look heavy."

Merlin didn't need to be asked again. "With pleasure!" he exclaimed, dropping the whole load onto the ground and handing over the heaviest of the sets of saddlepacks over to   
Arthur. "So I'm not to be a packhorse all the way back again? Great!"

"I can take more than that", insisted Arthur as he hitched the bag up on to his shoulder, "I don't want you falling off the edge of a cliff again....give me that big haversack."

Merlin clutched the haversack to his chest, "No Sire, I should carry this one." he said hurredly. He did not want the Prince to look inside and see the Dolma's costume.

Arthur looked at him frowning, "Stop being an idiot", he snapped, "It looks heavy and you hauled it all the way here."

"N-no, Sire", insisted Merlin clutching it tighter, "It - er - contains dangerous medicines that Gaius entrusted to me alone and I swore I would not let them out of my sight."

Arthur studied him for a moment before shrugging and saying "Suit yourself." He hoisted the saddlebag that Merlin had given him up onto his shoulder, waited for Merlin to redistribute his own burdens and then they walked along together in silence, both deep in their respective thoughts.

After a while Merlin suddenly asked, "So - Gwen......What exactly happened and where did she go?"

Arthur took a few moments to reply, "I won't recount the whole sorry tale but in short....she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she was not enchanted but simply no longer loved me and then announced that she would leave the Cauldron and go join Morgana."

Merlin stopped dead in his tracks. "And you let her go?", he said in the most surprised and disbelieving voice that he could muster. He figured that the more he stressed his ignorance of what had occured by the Cauldron, the less likely it was that Arthur might guess the true identity of The Dolma. He winced a little as soon as he spoke, he feared that he may have overdone the amatuer dramatics a little bit.

Arthur also stopped and turned around to face him, an annoyed frown between his eyes, "Oh, and what should have I have done instead, Merlin?" he challenged, "Cut her down where she stood, in cold blood?"

"N-no! Gods no!", babbled Merlin, "Never that...but sh-she's still a traitor. I thought maybe you would have....."

Arthur cut him off brusquely, "She's also my wife. I let her go and sent Mordred to trail her", he said, "If she really is planning to meet with Morgana then perhaps he may be able to apprehend both of them."

"Ooo, I don't know about that" said Merlin doubtfully, "Her powers are getting stronger and stronger."

"Well, he managed to stop her pursuit of us through the Gorge on the way to the Cauldron so perhaps she's not as strong as we suspect." said Arthur with authority and began walking again. 

"Even so..." said Merlin doubtfully.

"Merlin" said Arthur, his voice tight in his throat.

"I know....." retorted Merlin in a resigned voice, "Shut up"

"Correct" said Arthur. They walked on through the Gorge toward where the horses were tethered. As they walked, Arthur would occasionally veer off the path looking for signs that Gwen, Mordred or Morgana had passed. No traces were apparent however and eventually they were greeted by the gentle wickering of the horses who were glad to see them return.

With a huge sigh of relief, Merlin dropped his saddlebag and the haversack on the ground next to the horses. He flung himself backward onto the grass next to them and groaned, "ooooo, my back is killing me!" He stretched his arms upward and rolled his head on his shoulders to relieve his acheing muscles. 

Arthur rolled his eyes but sat down opposite him. "When you've finished grumbling like an old woman, we should eat something." he said.

Merlin sat up slowly, groaning in an exaggerated fashion as he did so. "I'll go and ruin my back even more by bending over to gather firewood, shall I?" he mumbled. Arthur smiled smugly and nodded. Merlin rolled his eyes and staggered up to his feet mumbling in a not-so-quiet voice, "...and you couldn't have told me that before I sat down....Prat"

Arthur ignored the mutinous tone of his manservant and said in his most commanding voice, "..and don't hang around Merlin - I want to get back to Camelot before nightfall"  
"But of course....Sire", said Merlin in the most sarcastic tone he could muster as he stomped off into the undergrowth to collect wood. Despite himself, the King smirked to himself as he heard the disgruntled mutterings of his manservant as he went about his task. He schooled his features into something more imperious when Merlin came back with arms full of sticks and threw them at his feet.

Once Merlin had plopped down onto the ground again, he leaned over and started to rummage about in his haversack for his flint box and kindling. He set to work building and trying to light the fire with pursed lips and the occasional angry stare at Arthur.

The King gave an exaggerated sigh and reached over to pick up Merlin's haversack. He wasn't a complete git, and thought that he would begin preparing ingredients whilst Merlin tended to the fire. As quick as a flash his manservant left the fire and grabbed at the bag, wrestling it back from a startled Arthur.

"What are you doing?", asked the boy, clutching the bag to his chest like a small child.

Arthur eyed him quizzically, "Well Merlin" he said, "since it's such hard work for you to make a fire and tend to your duties, and since I am a kind and caring Master..."  
Merlin snorted.

"....and since it's taking you so long", continued Arthur, "I decided to help you in your tasks. Now, give me the bag and stop this nonsense."

Merlin turned aside, his eyes never leaving those of Arthur, and reached into the bag. He pulled out the cooking pot, kettle and knives and set them in front of the King, then tied the top of his haversack tight and put it safely out of Arthur's reach underneath the pile of bags. He opened one of the pockets of the saddlebags and pulled out a few potatoes, a turnip and some dried meat and added them to the pile in front of Arthur. He raised his eyebrows and then nodded down at the pile.

"There you are, then", he said in an airy voice, "What are you going to cook for us?"

Arthur continued to study his manservant with a puzzled look. "Are you feeling alright, Merlin?" he asked carefully, "You are acting even more strangely than usual. I am wondering if the Dolma did something to addle your brain even more than it already was."

Merlin looked away a little shiftily then looked back at Arthur, "Errrrrr, I don't think so", he said slowly, "...but I can't really be sure." After a pause he added in a rather mocking tone, "She might have messed with your head too - in all my years in your service I don't believe I've ever heard you offer to help me cook before! AND you offered to carry some of the bags! Maybe we should visit this Dolma character more often!"

Arthur said "Hmmmmmmmm" and looked down at his hands suddenly solemn. Merlin was taken aback - he had expected a telling off, if not a slap upside the head for his cheek, but instead the King was picking at his nails and chewing thoughtfully on his lip.

Merlin got the fire alight and began to peel and cut the vegetables for a stew. Arthur remained silent, staring back along the Gorge frowning slightly. Merlin threw worried looks in his direction.

After ten minutes or so, he could bear the silence no longer. He set the stew on the fire and leaned back, giving his full attention to the King who was still staring off. "Arthur?" he asked.

"Mmm?" said Arthur, turning to look at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Arthur frowned, "About what?"

Merlin couldn't help rolling his eyes. "About Gwen leaving.....about how you feel...about what next..."

"No" said the King after he'd heaved a heavy sigh. He broke eye contact and looked back up toward the Gorge again.

"Arthur" said Merlin again after a few moments.

"Shut up, Merlin" replied Arthur, this time with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I know how....devastated you must be feeling right now" he said carefully, "I'm your friend, Arthur. You know you can talk to me...."

"Gods, Merlin" exclaimed the King, suddenly jumping to his feet and towering over his manservant, "Why do you always have to be so bloody insubordinate? I said I don't want to talk about it so can you just leave it?"

Merlin blinked up at him rather surprised at the sudden outburst. He held the King's angry gaze and after a few moments said quietly, "Of course Sire." He leaned forward and stirred the stew. "Just......I'm here if you need me, is all."

At his words the fight went out of Arthur, who took his seat again on the other side of the fire. There was a tense silence as the stew cooked and they ate. When they had finished and tidied away, Arthur finally spoke. 

"Let's get saddled up and back to Camelot", he said, "it's getting late."

Merlin nodded and set about distributing bags evenly between the horses. They mounted up and without speaking again headed off at a trot toward home.

Their pace slowed down only when they entered the thick forests that surrounded Camelot and they rode abreast as the horses walked. It was hard for Merlin not to chatter away as he normally did on such rides, but he had rightly judged that Arthur's mood was not suited to him doing so. 

"Do you think I did the right thing making such a promise to the Dolma?" asked Arthur suddenly. His words were so unexpected that Merlin almost fell from the saddle in shock.

"Eh?" said Merlin once he'd regained his composure, "What promise?"

Arthur belatedly remembered that Merlin had not been present for his conversation with The Dolma. "Oh", he explained, "Amongst other things, she made me promise not to always assume that sorcery is an evil act. She explained that it is a tool that could be used either for good or evil...much like my sword."

"Wow", exclaimed Merlin, "and you agreed? That's quite....something."

"Do you think I did the right thing, though? To promise." insisted Arthur.

Merlin's mind reeled and he replied carefully, "Well Sire, your father always taught you that sorcery was inherently evil."

"I know", replied Arthur thoughtfully, "but perhaps he was mistaken. Perhaps the loss of my mother blinded his sense of reason. Perhaps this Dolma has a valid point."

Merlin couldn't quite believe his ears. In disguise as the Dolma he had somehow managed to get through to Arthur on the things that really mattered. His heart leapt and he had to try very hard to school his features and his voice before he spoke again. "Do you really think so? Do you think there might be a place for magic in this world? In Camelot?"

Arthur was quiet for a long moment before he replied. "I think that this Dolma spoke wisely. Despite knowing who my father was and how he had treated magic users she did not hesitate to try and help me. I saw no evil intent in her and feel that Camelot might benefit from wisdom such as she possesses."

Merlin was so dumbfounded at the King's words that he was speechless.

"Merlin? You have gone very quiet." said Arthur after a while.

"S...sorry Sire", stammered Merlin, "I'm just surprised to hear you speak so....positively about a magic user. She must have been some woman."

"Oh, she was, believe me!" exclaimed Arthur before his brain-to-mouth filter had kicked in. He clamped his mouth shut and blushed a little.

"Sire?" said Merlin, reigning his horse to a stop in front of Arthur's mount and eyeing him curiously. "What do you mean by that?"

Arthur tutted and steered his horse around Merlin. "I mean", he said in a strong sure voice, "That she is a wise, spirited, kind and very beautiful woman........ and I wish to see her again." As he finished speaking he clicked his tongue and set the horse into a trot toward the Citadel which had now come in to view.

 

Merlin sat with his mouth agape, staring at Arthur's back as he rode off. What the hell was he supposed to do now?


	13. The King's Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a surprising request for his Physician

As Merlin recounted the whole sorry tale to Gaius the old man sat motionless and speechless on the edge of his bed. Had the situation not been quite so dire, the boy might have found the expression on the face of his mentor amusing. For the most part Gaius's jaw hung open and he resembled a stunned haddock. He moved only twice during the telling. Once to grab Merlin's arm as he retold the part about slipping off the edge of a cliff and falling 100 feet to the gully below, and once to cover his mouth with his hands in shock when Merlin quietly admitted that Arthur had suddenly embraced and kissed the Dolma. Gaius's hands stayed clasped over his mouth for the last part of the tale but his eyes grew even wider when Merlin concluded with the news that Arthur wished to see the Dolma again and that he considered her "a wise, spirited, kind and very beautiful woman."

Once he'd finished, Merlin leaned back against his pillows, blew out his cheeks and looked at Gaius. Gaius slowly lowered his hands from his face and stared back at Merlin. A long moment passed.

"Well?" asked Merlin

"Well what?" asked Gaius in reply.

"What the hell do I do now?" asked Merlin, throwing his arms up in despair and then wiping his hands down his face.

"Do?", said Gaius in a voice much calmer than it had any right to be given the expression he had just had on his face, "You do nothing of course. You disguised yourself as The Dolma in order to help cure Gwen of an enchantment and unfortunately it didn't work. I see no reason why you should think of ....."

"But don't you see?" exclaimed Merlin, leaning forward and catching his mentor by the shoulders, a rather alarming light behind his eyes, "I might finally have found the way to convince Arthur to repeal the ban on magic! He already began to change his opinions after one converstion with The Dolma - what if...."

"Merlin, stop right there!" said Gaius in a harsh tone, grabbing the boy's wrists for emphasis. "I must say, you have had some pretty hare-brained ideas in the years that I have known you but this one takes the biscuit."

"But Gaius, you wern't there", insisted the boy, "When I was The Dolma, he behaved completely differently...he listened - really listened to me. Hell, I even managed to calm him down and prevent him running off after Gwen and doing who-knows-what? Just imagine...."

"Merlin, NO!" said Gaius loudly, "NO!". He shook Merlin by the wrists for emphasis.

Merlin pulled his arms free of his mentor's grip and sat back scowling and rubbing them, saying nothing.

Gaius sighed and continued in a much gentler tone, "My boy, I can't believe you are even contemplating meeting Arthur dressed as The Dolma again. You must realise the dangers, surely? He has just effectively lost his wife - it would seem for good - and he is emotionally...unpredictable to say the least!"

"But that's just it! He allowed himself to cry, to show his emotions to the Dolma" countered Merlin, "That can only be a good thing, surely?"

"Merlin he kissed you." said Gaius bluntly. 

Merlin looked away from Gaius and worried at his bottom lip with his teeth. "Mmmmmm" he agreed, "But....."

His answer was cut short by a loud rapping at the door to Gaius's chambers which made both men jump in fright. The knock was quickly followed by the opening of the door and a familiar voice shouting, "Gaius? Are you here? I wish to speak to you."

Merlin and Gaius made wide panicked eyes at eachother before leaping to their feet. Gaius quickly hurried from the room. Merlin had the prescense of mind to grab his haversack and throw it onto the pile of laundry, thus hiding the colourful dress he had flung there a while before.

"Sire?" asked Gaius, composing his features, "What can I do for you?". As he spoke, Merlin emerged quietly from his room, closing the door behind himself. He gave the King a small nod of acknowledgement as he walk down the stairs into the main chamber.

"Ah, Merlin", said the King, "I wondered where you had dissapeared to....I take it you have seen to the horses and equipment?"

"Of course" said Merlin in reply, "I was just returning the potions to Gaius before I came up to tend to you."

"Very well" said the King a little distractedly. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I actually came to speak with Gaius."

"Oh, I can go and ready your chambers then", said the boy making a bee-line for the door.

"No - stay" said Arthur, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks, "I keep no secrets from you, Merlin." As he spoke he took a seat at Gaius's cluttered work table. Merlin and Gaius exchanged a look over the top of his head before they took seats either side of him.

Arthur distractedly picked up a bottle containing ground herbs and looked at the label before he began speaking. "I suppose Merlin has already told you what occured at the Cauldron of Arianroed?" he began.

"As much as he was party to, Sire" replied Gaius carefully. "I understand that he was - er - in an enchanted sleep for much of the time?"

"Indeed he was", said the King, "The - er - sorceress took the precaution of keeping him as surety whilst she held council with me." He quickly glanced in Merlin's direction before continuing, "So yes, he was asleep for the whole time, but apart from that was unharmed."

"Very good, Sire", said Gaius calmly, "So, what did happen? I was distressed to hear that she was unable to break the enchantment on Gwen. I am very sorry, I believed that her magic was more powerful than that of Morgana.."

"I have no doubt that it was", said Arthur, still studying the contents of the jar in his hands. "Unfortunately we never even managed to get Gwen to enter the Cauldron."

"Oh dear" said Gaius.

"Indeed", replied Arthur. "The Dolma told me I must not force her into the water otherwise the spell wouldn't work. She said I must appeal to that part of the Queen that still had an ember of love for me."

He fell silent.

"And?" prompted the physician gently after a few moments.

"And, apparently it no longer exists." finished Arthur flatly.

"Oh, Sire", said Gaius placing a hand on the King's sleeve, "It can't be true, surely?"

Arthur sat back and looked at the old man. "Sadly it is", he said quietly. "Truth be told, I think that Gwen admitted something at the Cauldron that I'd felt to be the case for nigh on a year already. The love between us has simply...died."

"Arthur." said Merlin quietly, laying a comforting hand on his master's other wrist.

"Yes, well", said Arthur in a slightly stiff tone, moving his arms away from the touch of Gaius and Merlin, "I had ...hoped that it was all due to sorcery, but in truth she had been distant long before Morgana kidnapped her. Since Lancelot died, in fact."

They sat digesting this last statement. Gaius eventually broke the silence when he said, "I am truly sorry, Your Majesty, if there's anything I can do to help..."

Arthur snapped out of his maudlin reflections and stared straight at Gaius, "In fact, there is." he said.

"Oh?" asked Gaius, a quizzical look on his brow.

"Yes", said the King, "I would like you to make contact with the Dolma and arrange another meeting. Possibly in a location not quite so remote as the Cauldron of Arianroed."

"Why?" asked the old man slowly, one of his eyebrows moving up into his hairline. 

"Because I wish to hold council with her" said Arthur in the most regal tone he could muster, "In the brief time that we spoke I found her..... knowledge and wisdom to be remarkable and I think that she could prove to be a useful....friend to Camelot."

Gaius blinked at him in disbelief, "But Sire", he said, "She is a sorceress."

"Indeed she is", retorted the King, fixing the old man with a challenging gaze, "And you yourself recommended her to me. But her use of magic should not should not rule out any .....liasons between us. She has already explained to me that magic in itself is not evil."

Gaius blinked again, "B-but your father said...." he stammered.

"Perhaps in this my father was wrong", interrupted Arthur. "In any case, I detect no evil in this Dolma and wish to meet with her again to discuss the matter further. Please could you use your contacts to make the arrangements." 

"B-but My Lord", Gaius answered, "Sh-she is a recluse. I am not convinced that she would agree to leave the Cauldron, nor am I sure that she would care to meet with you again."

Arthur scoffed at this. "Oh, I'm not so sure that she's as reclusive as you believe, Gauis" he said then smiled ruefully, "She was surprisingly well informed of events here in Camelot for someone who lives so many leagues removed. To be honest I was expecting her to be a half crazy haggard old crone but instead she was ......she was rather captivating. And I feel that we made a.....connection, and thus believe that she would agree to meet with me again". He stopped speaking and gazed into the middle distance.

Merlin and Gaius stared wide eyed at eachother over the top of his head.

"Her appearance. It - er - may have been a disguise?" said Gaius, sounding somewhat unsure of his own words. "After all, when Nimueh appeared, she appeared as a beautiful young woman.."

"The Dolma is nothing like Nimueh, I am certain of it", replied Arthur in a strong sure tone.

"H-how can you be so sure?" asked Merlin, speaking for the first time.

"Her eyes", said the King, fixing his gaze on Merlin, "I looked deep into her eyes and there was....something pure...... There can be no evil in this woman."

Gaius stood up, "Well Sire, I shall see what I can arrange but I shall make no promises."

"Thank you Gaius", replied Arthur also standing up, "I must leave now to organize a search party for Gwen and Mordred, but I trust you will do all you can to help me in this matter." He made sure to be looking directly into Gaius's eyes before he added, "It is of the utmost importance to me, please do all you can to insure that this meeting takes place."

With that he nodded and left the room. Merlin sat heavily back down , the colour drained from his cheeks and he slowly and wordlessly hit his forehead on the surface of the table making a groaning sound in his throat. 

"Oh dear", said Gaius weakly, also sitting heavily back down, "Oh dear."

Merlin laid his cheek on the surface of the table and looked up at Gaius with watery eyes.

"Now what?" he asked.


	14. Meanwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred's pursuit of Gwen.

Mordred's mind was racing as he hurried away from the Cauldron of Arianroed and along the gorge. However, he had pushed all thoughts to the back of his mind and focussed on the matter in hand - to apprehend Gwen before she joined with Morgana.

He was surprised at the speed with which she had made her escape. In the few moments he had tarried to exchange words with Arthur, Gwen had managed to slip from sight. The ground within the gorge was rocky so no tracks were visible nor any other signs that someone had passed by recently. 

He jogged along, looking right and left. When he realized that there would be no conventional trail to follow, he stopped and caught his breath. He closed his eyes and channelled his Druid powers to read the area around him. At first he sensed no other living being - the gorge and this whole area were indeed godforsaken, he thought. He drew in a breath and focused and once again searched with his mind, reaching out further than he had previously done. 

Now from far behind him back at the Cauldron he was able to pick up the life-signs of King Arthur and Merlin. He frowned and cast around for The Dolma but could not feel her. He shrugged. Perhaps she had rushed off immediately after his own departure since she had been unable to break the enchantment on Gwen. That would explain her abscense, he decided. He concentrated instead on the area in front of him, and was rewarded quickly when he felt the rapid panicked aura that Gwen was emitting as she fled.

He broke into a run in the direction that his senses drew him and within five minutes or so caught sight of a flash of turquoise. Gwen was climbing doggedly over boulders and up the side of the gorge. Her flight was somewhat hampered by the long satin dress that she wore. She had bunched the skirt of it over her arm which gave her legs a little more freedom of movement, but the tight bodice and heavy fabric made the going slow. Without too much effort, Mordred caught up with her. She was half way up the wall of the gorge when he called to her from the valley floor, "My Lady, In the name of The King, I command you to stop!" 

Gwen whirled around and glared down at him from atop a boulder, "Or you'll do what?" she sneered and then carried on with her ascent.

"Your Majesty, I must insist!" he shouted with a little more authority, "If you do not come willingly then I must warn you that I will use force. You must return with me to Camelot."

"Go to hell!" snarled Gwen. She had stopped again, but this time she had picked up an impressively sized rock and with two hands hurled it down the rock face at Mordred. He aim was alarmingly good and he had to skitter backward to avoid being hit.

"Gwen - please!" he pleaded as she continued to climb, "See sense - there is nothing for you in this place - come back to Camelot with me now and I am sure that the King will show understanding and mercy."

Gwen just laughed derisively and shook her head as she continued to climb. Realizing that his words made no impact, Mordred rushed forward and began to clamber up after her. In his light armour he was much better suited to the climb and was gaining on her quickly. However, Gwen was still much higher than he was, and upon realizing that he was almost upon her stopped and began to rain down a barrage of rocks. He had no choice but to shelter from the onslaught and clamber back down off the cliff wall before something hit him.

Back on the valley floor, Mordred's temper was beginning to fray. "My Lady, this is my last warning. If you do not heed it then I shall be compelled to use force to restrain you."

Gwen stood on an outcrop of rock just a few feet from the top of the gorge. Two more steps and she would be lost to him. Secure of her escape, she stopped and looked down at him far below. "Just go home, little Knight" she sneered, "I would rather perish here in this place than return to that Kingdom and that man - they are both rotten to the core and will only be cleansed when Morgana returns to power."

With no other option, Mordred decided to use his magic to stop her. He risked Arthur finding out his secret if he succeeded in getting Gwen into his custody and back to Camelot, but he decided to address that problem later on. He sighed deeply and looked at the ground and raised his palm in her direction. 

Gwen stopped her tirade and looked down at him. At first there was a hint of mirth on her face but it quickly morphed into confusion when he raised his head and looked directly at her with golden glowing eyes. She was transfixed by them and began to feel her limbs become unbearably heavy. Moments before her legs gave out and she fell to the ground, her concentration was drawn away from Mordred by a small fall of shingle just above her head. She looked up to see Morgana standing on the clifftop. As soon as she looked away from Mordred, the hypnotic spell was broken and she could move her limbs freely.

"Gwen - hands...now!" commanded Morgana through gritted teeth. Gwen raised her arms and squeaked a little in alarm when Morgana lifted her bodily with surprising strength from the rocky outcrop on which she stood to join her on the clifftop. "Get behind me", commanded Morgana, never once taking her eyes from the Knight in the valley below.

Mordred cursed when Morgana appeared and the Queen suddenly disappeared from view behind her. He took a step backward and gathered his thoughts before bringing himself up to his full height.

"Hand over the Queen of Camelot!" he called up to Morgana with as much ire and authority as he could muster.

Morgana laughed dryly, "Or you'll do what, little Knight?", she smirked. "I think that Gwen has made her alliegence crystal clear, don't you?"

Mordred was undeterred. "Very well", he said, "If you will not hand her over then I shall be obliged to take her by force, and you know that I can best you, Morgana."

The smirk disappeared from Morgana's face and she snarled down at him. "You were lucky earlier on,boy", she said, "If you are not gone from this place on the count of ten then I will show you what I am truly capable of."

Mordred stood his ground and glared up at her.

"One.............two..............three" began Morgana.

Mordred still did not move.

"I'm warning you", she continued, "four....................five...............six..............seven." As she got to number seven she raised her hand, fingers splayed, and aimed it at him.

Finally Mordred moved, mirroring her action and then letting lose a pulse of magical power that should have thrown Morgana off her feet as it had done earlier in the day. This time however, she was ready for it and blocked the spell. Mordred realized with a little panic that she was incanting something under her breath and the spell that he had just cast was beginning to be turned back on him. With all his power he held the spell at bay. The air between them almost crackled with the energy of their battle. Mordred's head began to pound and his arm to shake under the strain of maintaining the block for so long. Morgana could see that he was tiring and pushed a little harder, grinding her teeth with the effort of it.

Mordred's hold on the spell almost faltered completely when he noticed a subtle shift in Morgana's eyes. The golden glow of a sorcerer's eyes was nothing new to him, but slowly Morgana's eyes began to shine with a deep ruby red hue which made her look positively demonic. Upon seeing it, Mordred knew beyond doubt that her powers came not from the earth magic so beloved of the Druids, but from something even more ancient and something dark and sinister.

Mordred was desperate. If he lost this battle then he was sure that death would follow. He had not felt this helpless since his childhood when the Knights of Camelot had destroyed the Druid camp and almost taken him captive. He felt the same surge of anger as he had then and used this feeling to channel all the power within him and the earth beneath his feet. With a final desperate push he flung the spell back toward Morgana.

Suddenly Morgana crumpled to her knees, grasping at her throat and gasping for air. She made muffled wheezing noises and looked down with wild eyes at Mordred who held out his arm and was closing his fingers around thin air in a choking motion. There was no mercy in his eyes. He had let her live in their earlier confrontation because like himself she was a creature of magic. But now, having seen the pure evil in Morgana's eyes as she tried to defeat him moments ago, he felt justified in ending her life here and now.

With all the energy that remained within her as the edges of her vision began to go black, Morgana wheezed out a name that Mordred did not recognise and then fell heavily to the ground looking wildly up into the skies, once again with eyes glowing red.

Mordred grit his teeth and continued to close his hand slowly, slowly. He could feel the life energy seeping out of Morgana high above as it became harder and harder for her to breathe. He took a deep breath to steel himself for making the final squeeze that would end her life when suddenly a white flash in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He knew he must keep his gaze firmly fixed on Morgana to complete his spell and to channel his power so ignored the distraction. 

When the white shape came directly into his line of vision he had no choice but to break eye contact with her and to look up in horror at the sight before him......it was the misformed white dragon. It hovered a mere yard in front of him looking down at him with fierce golden eyes and making a shrill high pitched noise that half-deafened him at such proximity.

He staggered backward away from the creature and reached for his sword. Before his arm was halfway to the hilt, the creature lunged. Mordred fell to the ground as a foot-long claw caught him just below the armpit and tore it's way down as far as his waist. It cut through armour, sinew, flesh and bone as if they were paper. As he fell, the creature hovered overhead, drawing in a large breath. 

Somehow Mordred managed to roll in on himself and roll away as a jet of flame hit the ground, close enough that the wave of heat made him scream in agony as it washed over him. The creature landed and took in another deep breath, ready to deliver another deadly blast of flame. Mordred was sure that this was to be his end and commended himself to the will of the gods.

Just before the final flame came however, he heard a weak wheeze of a voice from high above on the rock face. "Aithusa, come. Help." gasped Morgana. The creature let out a piteous cry and looked up at the stricken sorceress. Without another look at Mordred it took to the skies. 

Mordred lay unmoving for long moments. He was slowly losing conscience but still had wits enough to play dead just in case the dragon came back to finish the job. He could feel the warmth at his side expanding and knew that he was bleeding very heavily. It was hard for him to breathe and each inhale made a loud rattle through his throat. As he lay he heard a scuffle of falling rocks, the cry of the dragon and flapping leathery wings. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

There was silence. He lay still for long minutes and it continued. After what felt like an age and with his sight rapidly dimming, he dared to uncurl from the ball he'd rolled himself in to. Moving his torso made him groan loudly in agony. The groan came out as a strangled gurgle and he rolled on to his front as his body was racked by a hacking cough and he fought to breathe.

He looked in horror at the ground before him. As he coughed, the rocks became slick with a fine red spray and small clots of blood. He slid from consciousness in the sure knowledge that he would soon die.


	15. The Warlock's Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred's life is in the balance.

After Arthur's visit to Gaius, Merlin eventually recovered his composure enough to head up to the King's chambers finish his chores. He did not tarry once they were complete, instead heading back towards the physician's rooms as soon as he had done what was needed. His head was still in a very strange place after realizing that his master may be 'interested' in The Dolma thus he was anxious to avoid seeing Arthur until he'd had enough time to think this whole sorry mess through.

He had been with Gaius for about half an hour. His mentor, it seemed, also needed time to digest the King's latest request. They sat side by side barely speaking but deep in thought. Merlin re-wrote labels for bottles of herbs and Gaius glued them on. Occasionally one of them would take a breath and make as if to speak, but at the last moment shake his head and continue working without saying anything.

Their thought-laden silence was shattered when Arthur once again entered the chambers. This time without knocking and with a wild desperate look in his eyes. 

"A Mercian trader found him out on the edge of the Kingdom about two miles from the Cauldron." he gushed, " He's very very badly hurt. Please. You must do something!"

"Sire?" asked Gaius, jumping up and looking quizzically at the King, "Who?"

"Mordred" said Arthur. "Come - quickly - he is laying on a cart out in the courtyard. He is too badly hurt to bring inside. Quickly - please...I fear we may not have much time."  
Gaius hurried along behind Arthur who was already striding back along corridors. Merlin frowned, gathered linens and needle and thread and Gaius's medical bag and jogged after them. 

Merlin was the first to get to the injured man who laid immobile on the back of the low cart covered in his cloak. In contrast to his pallid greying skin the bright red fabric made him look as though he may already be dead. His lips were flecked with stains of dried blood, and there were dark rings around his eyes. It was only the slow harsh gurgling rasp of his breaths that indicated that he still clung on to life.

Gingerly, Gaius pulled back the cloak to inspect the damage. The old physician took a sharp intake of breath and Merlin hissed involuntarily upon seeing the extent of the injuries. The tradesman that had found Mordred had bound up the wound as best he was able, but the entire area still oozed a steady scarlet flow which had drenched the wood of the wagon.

"Good gods", said Gaius quietly, then with a little more volume but still in a shaky voice, "Merlin , we need to get these clothes off him and away from the wound."

Merlin nodded and painstakingly began to peel back the blood soaked chainmail and layers of sodden bandage and clothing, and to clear the area around the wound. Despite hands that were shaking he worked quickly. Once he'd finished he took a step backward and said in a quiet voice to Gaius, "Done".

Gaius took his place next to the patient and leaned down to look at the wound. As Merlin had been working the physician had mixed some strong smelling liquid with fresh water in a bucket and now he wetted a cloth and bent down to begin cleaning the area. Despite himself and despite all the things he had seen in his long years as a doctor, he gasped when he saw the extent of the wound. It ran from the hip all the way up to a few inches below Mordred's armpit and was so deep that many ribs were visible. A wet bubbling noise inside the wound suggested that a lung had been punctured. 

"Good gods", he repeated in a low voice so only Merlin could hear. "It's a wonder he is still alive at all."

"How is he?" said Arthur, suddenly crowding above them and looking down at the wound. He too hissed when he saw the depth and length of it.

Gaius did not want to give false hope, "We shall do our best, Sire" he said in a low tone, "But he is very very badly hurt and has lost a great deal of blood."

Arthur made a high, anguished noise in his throat that startled Merlin enough to wheel around and look at him with wide eyes. Arthur saw the look and battled to regain his composure. 

"Please, Gaius, I am begging you" he implored, "Do everything in your power to save him....please."

Gaius gave Merlin a quick sideways look before carrying on with his inspection of the injury. 

"I will do all I can", he said, "But I make no false promises. Now please, it would be best for the patient if my assistant and I were left to work in peace."

Arthur made the anguished noise in his throat again before stammering out, "Yes...of course.....you are right. We shall leave you to work. Please send word to me as soon as there is any news. Please." 

With that, he commanded the trader and the few Knights that had gathered to follow him up into the Citadel.

Without exchanging many words, Merlin and Gaius worked together to pack the wound with gauze and to bind it with bandages as best they could. By time they had finished they were both covered in blood up to their wrists and all down the front of their tunics. Before them Mordred lay, still wheezing and gurgling weakly and slowly taking on a greyer hue.

Gaius washed off his hands in a bucket and looked anxiously down at the young Knight. 

"There is nothing more that I can do for him," he said despondently. "We have treated his external wounds but there is no way of knowing how damaged his internal organs are. All we can do now is wait......and hope for a miracle." 

Merlin frowned but said nothing.

Gaius let out a deep sigh and continued, "We should bring him inside", he looked around to make sure that nobody overheard as he added, "I would be most grateful if you could manage to lift him onto the stretcher without - er - actually moving him, if you know what I mean." 

Merlin nodded curtly, looked around the courtyard and up at the windows. When he was certain that nobody was looking, he levitated Mordred a few inches above the flatbed of the wagon and slid the stiff stretcher board beneath him. Very slowly and very carefully they bore Mordred indoors and to a small reception room. He was simply too badly hurt to be carried all the way back to the physician's quarters.

Gaius left Merlin to make up a comfortable bed around the stricken man and to check the bandage on his side for signs of leakage. Merlin did as he was asked but his mind was in turmoil. Always in the background of his thoughts these days was the vision he had been shown by the old druid of Mordred striking Arthur a mortal blow with a sword. This vision was the reason that he could not bring himself to like the younger man, despite the trust that the King and all his Knights had in him, and despite the acts of bravery that Mordred had performed to earn this respect. Part of Merlin saw this as the perfect opportunity to do away with this threat to his master's life once and for good. The man was so severely injured anyway that it was likely that he would not survive anyway. Merlin considered simply withdrawing his care, maybe loosening the bandage a little and letting the boy bleed out. He'd almost resolved to take this course of action and had gone as far as to lay his hands on the bandage when his conscience kicked in. The boy was a Knight of Camelot and a trusted friend of the King! What was he even thinking? He sighed heavily and tried to prop the boy at an angle to ease his laboured breathing. It seemed like a pointless task; it seemed that if anything, Mordred's breathing was getting even worse. Merlin saw again the vision of the death of Arthur at this man's hands and once again thought it would be best if Mordred was gone. Arthur would get over it, surely? And he must be half-expecting him to die, having seen the state of the boy when they bought him in. Merlin took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. He took a small cushion from a nearby chair and began to press it firmly over Mordred's mouth and nose. The Knight was unconscious so did not struggle against him at all.

Merlin looked at Mordred through eyes filled with tears and with gritted teeth as he gently pushed the cushion harder against Mordred's face. Despite his resolve he remembered this man as a helpless child, asking for his help and being callously hunted by Uther. Merlin's arm's shook and he sobbed but he did not relinquish the pressure. If the choice was between the life of this druid or his King, there really was no contest.

Mordred's breaths were almost non-existent when the door to the chamber suddenly burst open. Merlin dropped the cushion in alarm and turned around to shout at the intruder to leave, but his words died in his throat when he saw Percy standing there. The huge man was pale and his expression was desolate. He took two paces over to the pallet and looked in horror at the blood soaked bandage and the deathly pallor on the young Knight's face.

"It's true, then." he said quietly. He gently picked up Mordred's limp hand in his own huge one and looked over to Merlin. "Merlin? He looks like he's already dead. Is there any hope?"

"There's always hope", said Merlin quietly, but he could not hold Percy's gaze and wiped ineffectually at the tears on his face. After a few moments he said quietly, "I must tell Arthur how he is. I've done as much as I can here - for now - but if you want you can stay and keep watch over him?"

"Of course" said Percy, perching on the edge of the pallet, "I'll let you know if there's any change."

Merlin nodded and hurried up to Arthur's chambers. Before entering he paused and leaned his head on the wooden door, collecting his thoughts. Just for once, he gave a brief knock before entering. 

Arthur had been perched on the end of his desk but sprang to his feet and advanced on Merlin with wide eyes. "What news?" he asked.

Merlin sighed deeply. "He is...alive...just about", he said slowly. "We have bound his wounds and made him comfortable in the Green Room - it is inadvisable to move him too much."

"But will he recover?" asked Arthur, grasping Merlin by the shoulder and studying his face.

Merlin felt uncomfortable under such scrutiny but didn't flinch from Arthur's piercing gaze. 

"That is in the lap of the gods", he said after a few moments. "It looks like this injury may have been caused by the dragon that we encountered in the gorge. We've managed to almost stop the bleeding, but..."

"But?" prompted the King, shaking his shoulder gently.

"But.......a lung is punctured and we don't know if something else inside is damaged", he took a deep breath before continuing, "Gaius says that all we can do is wait and see....and hope for a miracle"

Arthur released him and bit his fist to stifle a cry. He paced over to the window and looked out. He paced over to the table again and struck it hard with a clenched fist. Merlin flinched.

"This is all my damned fault", gritted out the King, "I should never have sent him in pursuit of Gwen. I knew how powerful Morgana was. I knew she had a dragon. He followed us to the cauldron and saved our lives after we fell off the cliff and I repay his loyalty by sending him to death!" On the last sentence his voice cracked and he looked away, angrily palming tears that had begun to leak down his cheeks.

"Sire, no", said Merlin taking a pace forward. He was alarmed to see such raw emotions from his King. "He is not dead. There - may - be hope."

"It doesn't sound like there's much hope", Arthur cried, rounding on him. "He trusted in me and I have let him down...... just like Lancelot.....just like Elyan."

Merlin could think of nothing to say so simply hung his head.

"I don't think I can bear this any more" said Arthur distractedly, now he was cradling his head in his hands and staring down at the tabletop.

"Sire?" asked Merlin in a shaky voice taking a step toward him. The tone of Arthur's voice was like nothing he had heard before and was scaring his manservant.

"It's........I...........too much", mumbled the King incoherently.

"Arthur?" said Merlin a little louder. 

"Too much......", repeated Arthur, looking up at his manservant. He suddenly huffed out a slightly deranged laugh. "I am the King", he said in a slightly hysterical tone. "My job is to protect my people and yet time after time I let them down and get them killed!"

"Arthur, that's not true.", countered Merlin.

"Isn't it?" said Arthur looking up at him with tear streaked eyes, "Because that's how it seems to me. All my life....ALL my life....people I - love - have died in order that I should live. Gods, I even killed my own mother when she birthed me! I am a curse, not a King...I can bear this no more".

Merlin opened his mouth to speak but could not think how to counter this argument. Instead he moved toward his King to lay a hand on his shoulder, to hug him - to do anything to give him comfort. Arthur was having none of it. He leaned away from Merlin as he reached out a hand to grasp his shoulder. Sobs racked his frame and he stared at the table top as he spoke.

"Leave me Merlin.....please", he said quietly, "Return to Mordred and look after him." He stood suddenly and grasped Merlin by the upper arms and looked deep into his eyes before adding, "I implore you and Gaius to do all that you can......everything you can.....to save this man's life. I do not know what I might do if he dies."

Merlin returned his gaze for a few moments and nodded, gently pulling himself away from Arthur's grip. 

As soon as he left the King's chambers he hurried back down to the patient, his vision once again blurred by falling tears and his mind in an even greater turmoil than it had been before. In the future Mordred was prophesied to become the King's assassin but in the here and now the possibility of his death threatened to send Arthur mad with grief.

Merlin quietly slipped into the room where the injured Knight lay. Percy was bent over Mordred and stroking the boy's hair back from his forehead.

Merlin wiped his face and asked, "Has there been any change?"

Percy looked up and shook his head. "I don't think so", he said in a whisper, "He seems to be barely breathing. Will he....is he....dying?"

The look of desolation on Percy's honest face when he looked to Merlin for an answer almost broke Merlin's heart. In that moment his decision was made. Whatever visions he'd had of Mordred's future, the young man was very much loved and needed in the present.

Merlin sighed deeply and looked back at Percy. "Not if I have anything to do with it", he replied. "Go and rest Percy, I shall stay here and look after him. I'll do all within my power to heal him."

Percy stood up and gave Merlin a wobbly smile and pulled him into a brief rough hug. "You're a good man", he said as he left the room.

Once the door had closed Merlin sat down on the edge of the cot. He laid both hands over the wound on Mordred's side.

"You better not make me regret this." he said quietly before closing his eyes and summoning the strongest magic that he possessed to heal the wound and to save Mordred's life.


	16. A Terrible Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People don't necessarily believe what Merlin is telling them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say a huge thank you to all you lovely people that have bookmarked this story and/or left comments. They are gratefully received and give me inspiration to sit and write more.....even if I should be busy doing other things! ;P

The call of his name woke Merlin into a state of confusion. His back ached and his right arm was dead where he had lain his head on it at an awkward angle and then fallen to sleep. He opened his eyes and blinked uncomprehending at the unfamiliar tapestry before him and slowly pushed himself upright on his arm which was now tingling horribly.

"Good morning", said the hoarse deep voice again from right next to his head.

Merlin turned and looked into the large and startlingly blue eyes of Mordred. The Knight still looked pale and drawn but the blue-grey hue of death had gone from his face and a small uncertain smile trembled on his lips. He tried to speak again, but a wracking cough shook his frame.

Merlin was instantly awake. He gently rolled Mordred onto his uninjured side and rubbed his back. Once the coughing fit had subsided he very carefully bolstered the man into a sitting position using pillows then helped him sip some water.

Once he could breathe easier, Mordred looked up at Merlin and said, "Thank you for saving my life, Merlin. Again. I shan't forget this."

"Oh it was Gaius that tended your wounds", blustered Merlin, fussing over the dressing on Mordred's injured torso, looking everywhere but at the young Knight's penetrating gaze, "I just kept watch overnight to make sure you didn't bleed to death."

"I think we both know that isn't true", interjected Mordred stilling Merlin's busy hands with one of his own and seeking out his eyes. "I remember exactly what caused my injuries and I know that they should have killed me. Don't forget that I am a druid. Gaius is an outstanding physician but I'm quite sure that he doesn't have your...erm...abilities."

"Oh - I don't know..." said Merlin. He gently pulled his hand away from Mordred's grip and stood up. "I - er - need to tell the King and Gaius that you are awake. I will be back presently, with Gaius."

"Merlin", said Mordred, "I know you haven't trusted me in the past. I am hoping that the fact you saved my life means that you have perhaps found faith in me and are willing to give me another chance. I am aware of how much power was needed to heal the wounds inflicted by a dragon's claw and I shall be eternally grateful for what you have done for me. You have my complete loyalty..."

"Shhh", said Merlin heading toward the door. "You shouldn't be speaking so much...you must rest some more. You are alive but these injuries are still very serious and will take a lot of time and energy to mend. I shall be back soon with the physician." 

He stopped for a few moments at the door and turned back round to face the man in the bed. "Mordred, I do not require your loyalty, but I want you to swear to me that you will forever remain loyal to Arthur. Whatever happens."

Mordred looked at him in confusion, "Of course!" he exclaimed, "Let there never be any doubt of my loyalty and devotion to the King!"

Merlin nodded once, "Good. Just...remember this oath...always." he said. "Now sleep."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin went first to Arthur to report on Mordred's improved condition. Despite the fact that dawn was just beginning to colour the eastern sky he wasn't terribly surprised to find his master already awake and dressed. He was standing at what Merlin had years ago affectionately named his "worrying spot" by the large window. He leaned against the wall   
there and looked down into the silent empty courtyard below biting at the pad of his thumb.

Merlin had not knocked before entering the room vaguely hoping that the King might be getting some much needed rest. Just for once, Arthur didn't berate him for his unannounced entry but instead stood up straight and hurried over toward him.

"Is there news?" he asked anxiously. "Is he.....alive?"

"Yes, Sire", said Merlin quickly.

"Oh, thank the gods!", exclaimed The King, placing his hands on Merlin's shoulders and slumping his shoulders in relief. He straightened up after a few moments. "Is he awake? Has he improved?"

"He's still badly injured, but the danger of death has passed", clarified Merlin. Arthur made to head for the door. Merlin caught him by the elbow and continied, "He is however still badly injured and must rest if he will recover fully. It would be best to wait until the end of the day before you visit him."

Arthur frowned at him but then conceded, "Very well", he said. "Anyhow, I have an emergency meeting this morning with the rest of the Knights on the issue of Gwen's betrayal and what we can do about it. Then I must spend some time training with the new recruits. Heaven knows we will need them if Morgana is planning to attack again soon."

"Well, that should all keep you busy for the rest of the day and stop you worrying", said Merlin in a much lighter tone as he fussed around the room attending to his chores.

"Indeed", said Arthur watching him, "I would have liked you to be at the meeting...despite being an idiot most of the time, you do occasionally have a very wise head on your shoulders."

"Thank you for the compliment.......I think", said Merlin, fluffing up the pillows on the bed.

"...however", continued Arthur, "I would much rather you help Gaius tend to Mordred. It is imperative that he recovers."

Merlin stopped what he was doing and looked intently at Arthur who after a few moments broke eye contact and said quietly, "I meant everything I said last night. I really don't think I can bear it if anyone else dies in my name."

Merlin took a step toward his master. "Sire, we are your subjects, and you are a worthy leader...I am sure that each and every one of your Knights...and your idiot manservant...would gladly give their lives to defend the Camelot that you have built."

Arthur looked intently at him but said nothing. After a few moments Merlin bowed slightly and headed for the door.

"Thank you, Merlin", said Arthur in almost a whisper as his manservant left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin woke Gaius and after eating a hurried breakfast they both headed down to Mordred. The boy was asleep when they arrived, but looked much healthier and much more restful. Nevertheless, Gaius gently woke him to give him a dose of laudanum for the pain he was no doubt suffering. Mordred smiled weakly as they woke him and let them tend to his wounds.

Gaius made sounds of wonder as he removed the blood sodden bandages from Mordred's torso and cleaned the area down. The wound was still very nasty, and no doubt in need of a good many stitches, but the bubbling sound from the pierced lung had gone and the flesh had somehow knitted back over the previously exposed ribs. After his inspection Gaius washed his hands and took up the needle and gut that he would use to stitch the wound. He lifted each of Mordred's eyelids to check that the laudanum had taken effect and that the boy was asleep before standing straight and looking Merlin straight in the eye.

"This recovery is remarkable", he said raising and eyebrow. "Did you have anything to do with it, by any chance?" 

Merlin fussed over a strip of bandage that he was rolling up in his hands and avoided Gaius's penetrating gaze. "I don't know what you mean", said unconvincingly, "I just made sure he didn't choke in the night."

"Merlin, I may be getting older but I am not blind", said Gaius a little irately. "I know exactly how bad these wounds were last night and to be honest I was expecting bad news this morning. Now tell me....what did you do?"

Merlin sighed and looked up to the ceiling before meeting Gaius's eyes again. "I used magic. I had to, or he would certainly have died."

Gaius frowned in confusion, "But isn't that what you want? If Mordred had died then the prophesy could not be fulfilled."

"I had to, Gaius", Merlin said quietly, "Arthur was going out of his mind with worry and grief. I really thought that losing Mordred would push him over the edge."

Gaius looked at him for long moments then his features softened and he pulled a surprised Merlin into a tight embrace. "Well done, my boy." he said warmly, patting Merlin's back, "Sometimes I worry that the weight of your destiny is perhaps a little too heavy for your shoulders , but then you do something like this and your goodness and humanity shine through. Well done. I am proud of you."

Merlin pulled out of the embrace and shrugged. "Thanks", he replied. "I just hope it was the right thing."

They set to work getting the wound stitched up and the bandage rewrapped. Once they had finished and Mordred was beginning to come round from his drug induced sleep Gaius said, "I think we can safely move him up to my chambers now. Would you see to it Merlin, whilst I do my rounds?"

"Of course", replied Merlin.

Within the hour with the help of Percy and Gwaine he had moved a dozing Mordred up to Gaius's chambers and gotten him settled comfortably in a bed. He thanked the Knights and sent them off to the meeting with Arthur and then settled quietly at the side of Mordred's bed with a book. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the second time that day Merlin started awake a little disorientated to the sound of Mordred's voice. "You look exhausted Merlin," said the young Knight hoarsely. "I am fine, you should get some proper sleep. In a bed."

Merlin sat upright and stretched out the aches in his back and neck where he had slumped awkwardly onto the bed after dozing off. "Not going to happen", he yawned, "The King ordered me to keep watch on you so here I am."

Mordred looked at him for long moments before speaking, "I pledge my alliegance to the King and would do my utmost to serve him", he said in awed hushed tones, "But you, Merlin.....I have never seen such devotion before." 

"I serve my King as best I can - as we all should", replied Merlin a little uncomfortable under such scrutiny.

"You put your own safety to one side time and time again to serve him", continued Mordred undeterred, "and you seek no recognition. You are an inspiration."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about", said Merlin leaning in to check the bandage on Mordred's side even though there was really no need.

"Oh you do", said the young Knight with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Using powerful magic in the very heart of the castle to cure me for one thing, and disguising yourself as the Dolma to try and get Gwen back to us..."

Merlin sat upright and gave the boy his full attention. "Wh-what are you talking about?" he said in a slightly panicked tone, "The Dolma is an ancient and powerful sorceress and I simply took...."

"Merlin, I believe you to be a great man and a powerful sorcerer", said Mordred softly, "but you must be the worst liar I have ever known."

"You're delirious from the laudanum", spluttered Merlin.

"The disguise was magnificent", continued Mordred ignoring him, "I was almost fooled. But there is no mistaking your eyes, Merlin, and it was they that looked out from the face of the Dolma."

Merlin looked at him wide eyed and speechless.

"You have no need to worry", said Mordred placing his uninjured arm on Merlin's shoulder. "I would never, ever reveal your secret. To anyone."

Merlin's mind was racing and he was still trying to formulate some kind of denial when there was a loud knock at the door. Merlin regained his composure before calling out, "Come in".

King Arthur entered the room and walked over to the young Knight's bedside, giving Merlin a brief nod and smiling before sitting down on the edge of the cot.

Merlin nodded at both men and hurried from the room hoping to the gods that Arthur had not overheard the last bit of their conversation.


	17. A Late Night Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Merlin thought he was off the hook....

Merlin was very worried. 

He had been shaken to the core when Mordred had told him how easily he had seen through his Dolma disguise. Despite his claims otherwise, Merlin still felt at the heart of him that the young Knight was not to be trusted. He didn't like that the young Knight had this knowledge over him at all.

He'd been most alarmed to find that although he had gone to such great pains to alter his entire appearance his eyes were still - apparently - easily recognizable. Thinking back on it, he'd had a similar problem whilst disguised as The Great Dragoon. Though in that instance, it was Arthur who had thought the eyes were familiar. 

He dreaded to think what may have happened if Arthur (or indeed Gwen) had seen through his latest disguise as easily as Mordred. What would have happened to Merlin then? His stomach churned at the very thought of it.

And then he remembered what Arthur had said whilst requesting another meeting with The Dolma. "I looked deep into her eyes and there was....something pure...... ", he'd said. 

What on earth was Merlin supposed to make of that statement? Had Arthur been so dazzled by the Dolma's beauty that he had failed to recognize the eyes of his very own manservant looking back at him? 

Or maybe...could it mean.....he didn't even want to think what other interpretation there might be to the King's words! 

Gaius of course picked up on Merlin's preoccupied air and asked what was troubling him. Merlin shook his head and denied that he was worried about anything. Just for once, Gaius took him at his word and did not push him further. Mercifully, Arthur was busy with Kingly business and was spending any free time he had visiting Mordred finding out as much as the young man could recall of what had happened when he had confronted Morgana and Gwen in the gorge. Now that Mordred was out of danger, Merlin visited him only when he really needed to, and always in the company of Gaius.

By and by Merlin began to relax a little. Arthur was so busy with matters of State and with strengthening defenses against Morgana that it seemed he had forgotten about his infatuation with The Dolma.

....and of course it was when Merlin began to relax that Arthur remembered. 

He bought it up again late one evening when Merlin was doing the last of his regular daily chores. 

Merlin was in a good mood and enjoying the return to the old routine that he and Arthur had back in the days before the King had married Gwen when he would be the last person to see the King before he retired for the night. As a rule, at these times Arthur was at his most relaxed and after a glass or two of wine also at his most loquacious. Merlin felt just a little guilty that Arthur's loss of a spouse led to his own contentment, but that couldn't be helped. 

This evening, to prevent Arthur from brooding too deeply on his sudden lack of a wife, Merlin was chatting away about nothing in particular as he pottered around the room fluffing up the royal pillows, closing the royal bedroom curtains and laying Arthur's night wear out on the bed. He was halfway through telling Arthur how one of the grooms had been kicked across the stable yard by Arthur's feisty stallion when he'd tried to put plait's in it's tail. Arthur was sitting at his table, eating some fruits and drinking a glass of wine and lazily watching Merlin go about his work through half lidded eyes.

"Has Gaius managed to make contact with The Dolma yet?" he asked, suddenly, apropo nothing, as if he'd not even been listening to Merlin's amusing tale.

Merlin walked over to the fireplace and began to bank it up for the night. He didn't look at the King as he replied, "I-er-don't think so, Sire", he said into the flames. "He was very busy looking after Mordred, and then there was that outbreak of chickenpox in the lower town."

Arthur was silent for a while, then sighed. "I hear the chickenpox plague is in decline, thankfully", he replied. "Mordred seems to be recovering surprisingly quickly from such grave injuries. Perhaps I shall remind him again tomorrow."

"He - er - doesn't seem to think it would be so easy to contact her again", said Merlin, poking at the burning embers.

Arthur was again silent for a while then said, "I get the feeling that he does not want me to have any more to do with her."

Merlin straightened up and looked around in vain for something else that needed doing. He said nothing.

"...which is strange since he sent me to her in the first place." continued the King, lazily. "Has he said anything to you on the subject, Merlin?"

Merlin picked up the candle snuffer and fidgeted with it, avoiding Arthur's gaze.

Arthur however, was insistent. "Well," he pushed, "Has he spoken to you of my request?"

Merlin sighed, put down the candle snuffer and finally looked up at his master. "Arthur", he asked, "Why would you want to meet with her again? What do you think it would achieve?"

The King put down his goblet of wine and was silent for a few moments. "I have a few reasons", he confessed. "I have thought long and hard about what she said about magic being a tool like any other. I would like to discuss this further with her. Morgana is becoming stronger day by day and perhaps - despite all my father's hatred of it - perhaps magic can be used for good...for the protection of Camelot."

Merlin's eyes clouded with tears at these words, but he said nothing.

"As well as her knowledge of magic", continued Arthur in a tone that indicated to Merlin that he really had spent a lot of time thinking about it, "I found her to be an honest and forthright individual. She was not at all cowed by the fact that I am King and was even a little....impertinent....sometimes, but her advice was good and true."

"Oh?" said Merlin questioningly.

"I feel that if one day the ban on magic is repealed, she would be the right kind of individual to give good advice and council to ease the changes."

"Wow", said Merlin, looking down at the tabletop and blinking back the tears as best he could. After a few moments, he added, "She sounds like quite a character!"

Arthur looked at him curiously. "Merlin, you met her too, remember?", he asked, "Tell me - what was your impression of her? Actually, now I think of it, in all the excitement I completely forgot to ask you about what happened when you went to negotiate with her."

Merlin blew out his cheeks and muzzed the hair on the back of his head. "Errrr", he stammered after a few moments panicked contemplation, "I-I can't really say, really....she put me to sleep almost as soon as I'd met her. I didn't get a chance to get much of an impression..."

"Huh", said Arthur, "but you did exchange a few words with her, surely? Did she simply put you under the sleeping spell or did she tell you that she was going to do so and explain why?"

"Um", said Merlin, thinking on his toes, "Well...she was....er...a little startled to see me standing there holding a dress and looked angry - for a bit - then...er...I guess she must have liked the dress because then her mood changed and once I told her why I was there - with a dress - she explained what she would do to me and even let me lay down before she ensorcelled me so that I didn't fall down and bang my head."

Merlin let out a breath and congratulated himself on such well developed story telling techniques.

Arthur had been watching him intently as he spoke. When he finished the King stared into the fireplace and said in a dreamy voice, "It was a very nice dress...."

He was silent after that, lost in memory. Merlin watched him curiously. After long moments of internal struggle he coughed and asked, "Um, Sire?"

"Mmm?", said Arthur in a faraway voice.

"It may be impertinent of me to ask, and it's not really any of my business", said Merlin haltingly, "but do you have...err...feelings for this sorceress?"

Arthur didn't take his eyes off the fireplace, "It is impertinent and it really isn't any of your business." he replied tersely.

Merlin stood his ground and studied the Arthur's profile for a few moments longer until the King looked up at him. "You are free to go now", he said.

Merlin headed for the door. As he left the room he said softly, "Goodnight Arthur".

"Goodnight", replied the King from his seat by the fire, "and Merlin - please do your best to convince Gaius to make contact with the Dolma. I feel I need to meet her again."

Merlin nodded once and closed the door softly. In the hallway outside the King's room, he stood for a few moments banging his forehead against the cold stone.


	18. The Big Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur still wants to meet The Dolma again. Merlin is indecisive.

Merlin heard the bell toll every hour of the night as he tossed and turned on his cot. He thought through all the things that might occur if Arthur met with The Dolma again. 

He imagined himself back in her disguise - for some reason seated by a lake - having Arthur's undivided attention and engaging in long conversations with him. He imagined being free to share all the things that he'd kept inside for so many years now, secrets that he'd longed to share with his master but knew that as himself he could not. As the Dolma he could show Arthur the beauty and power of magic. He could explain to his King that he was destined for a greatness that would make Uther's rule seem insignificant in comparison if only he embraced the Old Religion and renewed ties with the Druids.

Then he imagined how life might be in Camelot if Arthur did indeed embrace the teachings of 'The Dolma'. He envisioned a world where there was no longer persecution or suspicion of anyone with magical abilities and all the benefits that might come from that. No more spiteful accusations of witchcraft between neighbours that held grudges, no more starvation because crops had failed, alleviation of suffering from sickness if the healers were allowed to practice thier skills, an end to pointless executions.......

These thoughts made him so excited that he could not fall asleep.

He flipped over to lay on his back and immediately the train of his thoughts changed. Now his brain began to look for pitfalls. How often would Arthur want to meet with The Dolma? Would he be satisfied with just a few well planned counselling sessions before she disappeared forever? Or would the King insist on bringing her into his Court as his close advisor, to take a place at the Round Table, as he had done with his Knights? And if he did insist, what would Merlin do? Would he leave Arthur's service? He couldn't even imagine that. Or would he lead a double life as both manservant and Sorceress? Was that even possible? He was painfully aware of how taxing the Transformation Spell was on his body, and he wondered if there might be any long term damage if he did it too often.

Then there was the danger of discovery. Mordred had already seen through his guise...perhaps it was just a matter of time before Arthur realised that it was the eyes of his manservant that looked out from the face of The Dolma. 

Mordred might prove to be a big problem, thought Merlin. The young Knight had promised never to reveal his secret, but Merlin simply did not trust him. In order to carry off his ruse, he would have no option but to confide in Mordred and he baulked at the very idea of it.

He flipped over again, wrestling his blanket out from where it had tangled itself in his legs and tried to force himself to stop thinking and to sleep. This worked for a while - until he remembered the feel of Arthur's lips on his. He smiled a little at the memory - it had been brief but...nice and although he knew it had been the only thing to do at the time, he had regretted spelling Arthur to sleep so quickly before the kiss had become more passionate. 

He let his mind wander back to his imagined lakeside meeting with Arthur in the guise of The Dolma, and how - maybe - the King might again request a kiss from the Sorceress. He lazily wondered what it would be like to be wooed by Arthur, to see the side of him that until now only Gwen had known.

Perhaps, he thought, perhaps it would be good for Arthur to have some kind of romance - or hope of one at least - with The Dolma. He had been so heartbroken at the loss of Gwen. Perhaps this...infatuation with the Sorceress might help his healing process...might help him to forget his wayward wife.

Merlin flipped over yet again, this time giving his pillow a hearty punch in an attempt to make it more comfortable. Who was he kidding? He sighed deeply and reprimanded himself for letting his imagination run wild. It would, of course, be the worst idea - in the entire world - to encourage any type of romantical involvement between Arthur and himself as The Dolma. He'd almost managed to convince himself that such a thing might help heal Arthur's broken heart, but if he was brutally honest with himself his motives were selfish and would almost certainly end in disaster. 

He would love to be seduced by his King, had often thought of it in all the long years he had served Arthur, but doing so in the guise of The Dolma was just......wrong.  
He let out another long deep sigh and finally managed to drop off to sleep. It felt like less than five minutes later when the cock crowed and it was time for him to get up and face the new day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As usual, Merlin sat across from Gaius at their small dining table with some porridge steaming in a bowl in front of him. He pushed it listlessly around his plate with a spoon whilst staring off into the middle distance and sighing deeply. After fifteen minutes of this, Gaius had had enough and put his own spoon down.

"What is troubling you, my boy?" he asked gently.

"Eh? Oh...", said Merlin. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he was oblivious to his surroundings. "Just Arthur...as usual."

"Hmmm", replied Gaius knowingly, "anything I can help with?"

Merlin put down his spoon and sat up straight, looking at Gaius earnestly. "You're probably going to shout", he began, "but Arthur was asking again last night about meeting with the Dolma, and I think....."

"No, no and no!", interrupted the old physician decisively. "We had this discussion before and I told you then why I think it's a bad idea."

"I know, I know", said Merlin, "and I thought he'd forgotten about it, what with all the excitement of finding Mordred nearly dead. But he really is intent on meeting her again, and I really think it might..."

"Merlin, have you been listening to anything I have said?", asked Gaius with more than a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Trust me. Arthur meeting The Dolma again is not only a bad idea but a dangerous one. If he sees through your disguise - and I am certain that sooner or later he will - then the consequences will be dire."

"But..."

"But nothing, Merlin", said Gaius, raising his voice and looking fierce. "It's not going to happen. Ever. Now eat your breakfast and stop with this nonsense."

Before Merlin could argue any more Gaius had gotten up from the table and was tidying his breakfast bowls away, clattering and bashing the crockery in an alarming fashion.   
Merlin decided to stay quiet, he'd never seen his mentor in such an agitated state and didn't want to make the old man's mood any worse. He ate a couple of mouthfuls of porridge despite having no appetite at all and then headed off to bring Arthur his breakfast.

He quietly made his way into the King's chamber bearing the laden tray. Arthur was still asleep so Merlin softly put the tray on the table and opened the heavy drapes. The sudden flood of light in the room caused Arthur to stir and roll over. He blinked against the light and slowly sat up.

"Ah, Merlin", he said, stretching his arms over his head and yawning, "Good morning - did you have a chance yet to speak with Gaius regarding The Dolma?"

Merlin blinked in surprise and said nothing for a few moments. This was obviously very important for Arthur if it was his waking thought. Arthur looked at him quizzically.

"He - um - says it will be impossible", said Merlin avoiding Arthur's gaze and fussing with the breakfast things. "Look...they have kippers for breakfast...how about that!"

Arthur ignored the diversionary tactic. "I don't accept that it's not possible", he said throwing back the sheets and padding over to the table. "I shall speak to him myself as soon as I have eaten these delicious kippers."

Merlin nodded and went about his work in silence. Once Arthur had eaten and dressed, his manservant informed him that he would go to the armoury to tend to the weapons and armour. He was taken aback when Arthur insisted he accompany him back to the Physician's chambers. He agreed, but walked a few paces behind the King, reluctant to be present for the coming conversation.

Arthur knocked and entered. Gaius was at his work table heating and distilling tinctures but put down the bottle he was holding when the King entered.

"Your majesty?" he asked quizzically, "What brings you here so early in the day? How can I help? Are you ailing for something?"

"Good morning, Gaius", said Arthur walking over to the table, "and no, I am perfectly fit, thank you."

"Glad to hear it", said the physician, "so how can I be of service?"

"Merlin here tells me that you say another meeting with the Dolma would be impossible, and I do not accept that." said Arthur bluntly. "You managed to arrange a meeting with her already and I do not understand why it cannot happen again. I would like you to explain."

Gaius looked at Arthur with a serious expression on his face for long moments. Merlin stood a few paces behind Arthur shifting nervously from foot to foot.  
"Sire," said Gaius eventually, "she is a practitioner of the Old Religion. I suggested you meet with her before because we simply had no option - there was no other way to try and get Gwen back. The Sorceress' ways are so different from ours and I fear that bringing these two worlds together again would have disastrous results."

"I do not agree", said The King, "I met the woman and felt we had a good deal in common and a connection. As I told you before, I feel that it would be a good thing to learn more about her ways and to perhaps reconnect with this part of our history."

"Arthur, please do not ask this thing of me", implored the old man. "I simply cannot do it."

"But why?", asked the King, his tone growing frustrated and a little petulant. "You yourself had training in the ways of the Old Religion before it was outlawed by my father. Why are you so opposed to sorcery now?"

Gaius was silent for a long time, his palms flat on the work table and his eyes downcast. Eventually he looked up at The King and said in a voice so quiet that Merlin had to strain to hear him despite standing right behind Arthur, "It was almost twenty five years ago now that I stood before your father who implored me to make contact with a powerful sorceress and to bring her into the Castle. That sorceress was Nimueh. I myself was younger and readily agreed to the King's request. I don't need to remind you how terribly wrong that liason between that monarchy and the Old Religion turned out to be...."

"But that was completely different!", exclaimed Arthur, cutting him off.

"Is it?", fired Gaius back at him, "Is it really? Sire, you were not around, you have no idea how your father was back then, before your birth, before Ygraine....... Uther was young, and idealistic - just like you are now - and was filled with respect for the Old Ways."

"I am not my father!", exclaimed Arthur, "I am not asking for an heir to be magically born! I simply want to heal some of the damage caused during the Great Purge and this feels like a good way to begin."

"Sire, I live to serve you", said Gaius in a level determined voice, "But I am afraid that in this thing, I cannot. By introducing Uther to Nimueh, I feel that I bear a good portion of blame for what happened after. I live every day with the deaths of hundreds - perhaps thousands - of innocent people on my conscience. Please, do not ask me to do this. I strongly fear that history will repeat itself and I simply cannot bear any more guilt."

Arthur's eyes blazed angrily and he took a step toward the old man. Gaius stood his ground and held the King's gaze. Arthur paused and returned his look intently for long moments before he said quietly, "Very well." and turned, walking swiftly from the room.

Merlin stood staring at Gaius in shock, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He'd had no idea that Gaius felt responsibility for Uther's actions after losing his wife to magic. He took a step forward to give Gaius a hug - or some words of comfort - something! However he was interrupted when Arthur bellowed from the hallway outside, "Merlin! Come!".

Merlin gave Gaius one final look and rushed out of the room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin suffered through a long day accompanying the King who was in a foul temper. The manservant's medical skills were put into practice several times during the morning training session where Arthur seemed to be venting his frustrations on the young knights during sword and mace practice. Back in the King's chambers Merlin tried to engage Arthur in conversation to take his mind off the conversation with Gaius. After the fourth time that the King shouted at his manservant, Merlin decided it would be wise to leave him be. He retreated to the quiet of the armoury and spent long hours polishing and repairing the King's battered weapons and armour. 

By time he emerged the sun was setting and he had made up his mind. He headed down to the kitchens and took special care to bring up a tray laden with all of Arthur's favourite foods. For once, he actually knocked before entering Arthur's chambers. The King greeted him with a grunt and a brief glance before continuing to look through parchments that were strewn haphazardly on his desk. 

Merlin quietly set about getting the food laid out on the dining table. Once he had finished, Arthur wordlessly left his work and took his seat in front of his evening meal. Uninvited, Merlin sat down on the chair opposite him. Arthur looked up with him with a small frown of annoyance and opened his mouth to reprimand him. Before he had said anything, Merlin raised his hand to quiet him.

"Arthur", he said, "I .....understand Gaius' reluctance, but I...I... think he's wrong....you are nothing like your father.."

The King studied him for a few moments in silence, still frowning. "So?", he said slowly, not really understanding where this was going.

Merlin took a nervous sigh, "So...I think it would be....good.... for you to meet The Dolma again." he said.

Arthur huffed a bitter laugh. "That's as may be Merlin, but Gaius made it abundantly clear that there would be no more contact...."

"Arthur, I.....I....know how to contact the sorceress," he blurted, "and I am willing to arrange a meeting....if if you want."

The dazzling smile that he got from the King in reply was answer enough and Merlin hoped to all the gods that he was doing the right thing.


	19. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur prepare to meet The Dolma again.

After Merlin's announcement, Arthur ate with gusto and even invited Merlin to join him. Despite the knot of anxiety in his stomach, Merlin complied. It wasn't every day he could eat such luxurious morsels. 

As they ate, Arthur quizzed him. "So, how do you know where to find the Dolma?", he asked through a mouthful of grapes.

"Oh, err - Gaius sent me to make contact", improvised the manservant rapidly, "He - err - sent me off to the Druid settlement in the forest of Essitir and they told me where the sorceress lived."

Arthur stopped mid chew. "Gaius sent you to a Druid camp?", he asked incredulously, "You could've been..... gods Merlin! Do you know how dangerous that could have been? It's beyond Camelot's border and in bandit country! I shall have words with my physician tomorrow....."

"No, no!", said Merlin in alarm, "Don't do that! I - err - actually volunteered."

"Oh?" said Arthur suspiciously.

"It would have taken Gaius far too long to travel there alone" explained Merlin rapidly, "and I don't draw as much attention as the King's physician so could hide from the bandits easily."

"But the druids!" exclaimed Arthur.

".....are a peaceful people and would do me no harm." interjected Merlin. "and no harm was done and you got to meet The Dolma, so what's the problem?"

"You took a risk", grumbled the King, throwing more grapes into his mouth and chewing them, "you could have been hurt."

"It's heart warming to know you worry about me", said Merlin with mock sincerity, hand on his heart.

"Yes...well..." said Arthur, and continued eating.

Merlin savoured this hint that his King actually cared about him for a few moments and then said in a more serious tone, "If you truly want to embrace magic, you will need to be a little more trusting of the Druids, you know."

"Hmn, you're right", conceded The King after a few moments of silence, "It's just that old habits and a lifetime of indoctrination are hard to break. That's why I want to meet with the sorceress". 

No more was said on the matter and Merlin fulfilled his nightly duties and left his King to sleep.

Once back in his own room he paced up and down biting the pad of his thumb and glancing over at the dress he had worn to disguise himself as The Dolma. It peeped out from beneath a pile of clothing in the corner of his room. He picked it up and shook it out and hung it on a hanger before putting it into his wardrobe. It was the sole piece of clothing that hung in there, and he hoped that the creases would fall out overnight before he needed to pack it. He paced some more and pondered when and where he should arrange for Arthur to meet 'The Dolma' again. In the end he decided on the lakeside at the edge of the Northern Forest. It was a few hour's ride away and far from any villages. Nearby there were a few caves that would serve well as somewhere to change into his disguise. He eventually settled down into bed and fell asleep thinking of what might happen when Arthur was reunited with the Dolma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was about an hour later than usual the following morning when Merlin went to wake Arthur. When he knocked and entered with a laden breakfast tray he was surprised to see the King already up and shaving at the mirror on his wash stand.

"Ah Merlin, good of you to finally wake up.", he said dryly.

"Good morning Sire", said Merlin brightly, "Actually, I didn't oversleep but have been off to arrange the meeting."

"Oh!.....already?" said Arthur, stopping his shave and looking directly at his manservant.

"Already.", confirmed Merlin smugly. "We meet her at the lake's edge in the Northern Forest. Tomorrow." As he spoke, he laid out breakfast foods on the table. "Quails eggs today", he added. "yum yum".

"Excellent", said Arthur, patting his face dry and rubbing his hands together as he took a seat. "Here, Merlin, you've earned these." he said as he handed two of the quail-eggs to his manservant.

"Ooo! Thanks!" said Merlin, grinning broadly and accepting them. Within an instant he had peeled them and popped them into his mouth. "Delicious", he said around a mouthful of food. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were looks of surprise when later that morning at the daily conference at the Round Table Arthur announced that he and Merlin would be going on an impromptu hunting trip the following day. Those Knights closest to the King exchanged puzzled glances and after a few moments of silence it was Leon who asked, "Sire, given recent events and the threat of an attack by Morgana, should some of us not accompany you?"

"That shall not be necessary", replied Arthur calmly. "A twelve-point stag has been spotted on the northern edge of the Great Forest and I wish to track him and - if the gods are kind and my hunting skills do not fail me - to bring him back for a trophy and a feast. The less people are around the less likely we are to scare him off."

"You'd be better off taking one of us", quipped Gwaine, "Merlin is hopeless during a hunt and grumbles about getting blood on his jacket."

Merlin looked outraged and opened his mouth as if to reply. Arthur raised a hand and with a smile on his lips replied, "That's possibly true, Gwaine, but nevertheless we shall go alone. You Knights have important duties to undertake and I shall not take you away from them at such short notice." After a short pause he added, "...and to be honest I simply wish to spend a little time away from my many responsibilities to reflect on my wife's recent desertion."

After this confession from the King there were no further arguments. Arthur looked around at each of them in turn before adding, "We really do not plan to travel beyond the edge of the forest. We shall be in no danger. I forbid any of you to secretly follow us as Mordred did to the Cauldron of Arianroed. Is that understood?"

Each of the Knights nodded in turn. No more was said on the matter and the rest of the meeting proceeded smoothly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not THAT bad during a hunt!", said Merlin indignantly that evening as he was putting together a travel bag for Arthur, "...and I only grumble about blood on my jacket because this is my only good jacket and bloodstains are really hard to remove."

Arthur looked up at him with a puzzled expression, the chicken leg he was eating held halfway to his mouth. "What on earth are you wittering on about now?" he asked.

"Gwaine.", said Merlin by way of an explanation, stuffing a pair of breeches violently into the small knapsack. "He said I'm hopeless..."

"Well, he does have a point", replied the King, his eyes twinkling with mirth. ".....good job we're not really going hunting. And when we don't come home with the stag I can just blame it on your ineptitude."

"Blaming me? Well that will make a change", replied Merlin sulkily. He stuffed a warm coat and two shirts into the bag and then set it down on top of the King's dresser with a loud thunk. "Will that be all for the evening, Sire?" he asked petulantly. "I would like to do my own packing so we can leave nice and early in the morning."

Arthur eyed him a little suspiciously. "What do YOU have to pack?" he asked, "You only have one jacket, and from what I can ascertain, only two shirts and those breeches you are wearing!"

Merlin looked down at himself then up at Arthur with a mutinous expression. He put his hands on his hips and took a long put-upon sigh before replying in an exasperated tone, "I happen to be very comfortable in this style of breeches actually, and they are the most practical for the type of work you make me do." 

Arthur made no reply but sniggered after a few moments.

"......and I need to get our day's rations sorted out and packed up. The food doesn't just magically appear in the saddlebags, you know."

Arthur's snigger turned into a full blown laugh at Merlin's indignation and he waved his manservant away. "Very well then", he said, still chortling, "you are free to go, I'll get a maid to clear supper away. Your sulky face might ruin my appetite and give me nightmares, anyway."

Merlin mumbled something that was no doubt desultory and possibly treasonous as he stomped off and slammed the door. Arthur shook his head fondly and continued to eat his supper.

Back in his own room again, Merlin carefully packed the dress (which was slightly less creased) and the scarf and red hair pins right at the bottom of his daypack. He waited until Gaius had gone off to make his final evening check on Mordred and quickly took the last remaining bottle of transformation potion from it's place on the shelf. He made a mental note to get another batch made up the next time that Gaius was on his rounds in the Lower Town; if all went well the following day then he felt he might be using quite a lot of it in the coming weeks. He felt a twinge of guilt at being dishonest with his mentor, but he really did think that Arthur's liason with 'The Dolma' would be the right thing to do. He settled himself down in bed much earlier than usual. He did not want to face Gaius. He suspected that the old man would guess what the 'hunting trip' was really for and did not want to answer awkward questions.

Despite his misgivings about what the following day might entail, Merlin had no trouble falling off to sleep.


	20. Beside The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur meets The Dolma again.

Gaius was snoring quietly and snuffling in his sleep when Merlin left his room the following morning. 

He had arranged with the stable boys to have his and Arthur's mounts ready to leave at dawn. He quietly padded down to the stables and carefully packed the dress into the bottom of his horse's saddlebag. Once that was done he made his way into the dark, quiet kitchens and put together a light breakfast for Arthur to eat now and packed up all the food that they would need for the day's excursion. Once he'd gotten everything satisfactorily packed onto the horses he had a quick and chilly wash in the horse trough (which woke him up nicely) then headed up to Arthur's chamber with his breakfast.

In a break with tradition he actually gave a light knock before entering. He thought it only fair since dawn had still not broken. He wasn't expecting any response at such an ungodly hour so was startled when a loud call of "Enter!" answered his knock. He walked into the room and was shocked to see Arthur up and dressed and shaving in front of his wash stand.

 

"You're up!" exclaimed Merlin dumbly.

"Thank you for stating the obvious once again, Merlin", said Arthur as he swept the razor carefully along his jawline.

"You're shaving." responded Merlin, still standing at the door and holding the breakfast tray.

Arthur rinsed the blade and shook off the water and made another sweep across his jaw. "Your powers of observation never cease to surprise me", he said dryly, "and at such an early hour too!"

"Prat", mumbled Merlin as he finally walked into the room and deposited the breakfast onto the table a little more noisily than he should have done. "I bought you a small breakfast today so we can get going as soon as there's light."

"Thank you", said Arthur, toweling off his newly shaven face and sitting down to eat.

"Good to see you are capable of waking up...and...good heavens... dressing yourself!" said Merlin sarcastically as the King ate and he busied himself straightening up the bed, "but didn't you shave last night??"

"There's no law that I know of that says I cannot shave whenever I see fit, Merlin", said Arthur, giving him a sardonic look, "I am the King, after all."

"Even so...why?", asked Merlin, vigourously fluffing one of the royal pillows.

"I don't have to answer your inane questions", said Arthur, waving a butter knife threateningly in his direction, "just...do your job...quietly."

Merlin rolled his eyes and finished fixing the room just as Arthur had eaten the last of his breakfast. The first blush of dawn was lighting the eastern horizon and the first blackbird was singing a tentative tune.

"We should get going", said Arthur. Merlin nodded and gathered up the bag he had packed for Arthur the night before. Arthur shrugged on his cloak and fastened on his sword belt. He paused in front of the mirror when the belt was fastened and looked at his reflection thoughtfully for a few seconds. 

"Should I wear this shirt or the blue one that matches my eyes?" he said, Merlin was unsure if he was speaking to himself or actually asking his opinion, "or should I put on chain mail?"

Merlin stood behind him looking at his reflection in the mirror with his eyebrows raised. "You look fine, Arthur", he said in an exasperated tone. "We should get going."

Arthur caught Merlin's eye in the mirror and looked a little abashed. "Yes, um, we should." he agreed and with that they left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather was very pleasant for the ride north. As the sun came up the sky turned a vibrant blue with small white fluffy clouds, and a light breeze blew. The King and his manservant rode in companionable silence, both busy with their own thoughts, side by side for an hour or two. 

It was an extremely loud rumble from Merlin's stomach that broke into their quiet musings.

Arthur looked at him in amazement as his stomach continued to gargle loudly for a good twenty seconds. Merlin looked just a little embarrassed. "I think that means it's breakfast time." he announced when his stomach had finally abated.

"It's a good job we're not hunting today", quipped Arthur with an amused smile, "that racket would scare everything within a mile's radius - including the wolves. Come on then. Let's get a fire going."

They dismounted and within no time at all Merlin had a fire roaring and a pot of porridge bubbling over it. He had jollied up the meal by throwing in some dried apricots and Arthur hummed his appreciation as he tucked in. Merlin smiled to himself as he ate; Arthur generally grumbled about eating oats so it was good to see him consuming them with such relish. Once he'd eaten his fill and sat back to digest, Merlin tossed Arthur a nice green apple. He took a bite of his own and chewed slowly whilst studying the scudding clouds overhead and imagining fantastical creatures within them.

"What did she say?" asked Arthur, apropo nothing.

"Who?", queried Merlin, still looking skyward.

Arthur tutted. "The Dolma, idiot." he replied.

"When?", asked Merlin distractedly, his eyes still cast upward.

Arthur gave no warning before he slapped his manservant upside the head.

"OW!" said an outraged Merlin, rubbing the spot where he had been slapped, "what was THAT for?"

"To wake you up", said Arthur, unrepentant. "I am asking you an important question and you're mooning up at the sky like a village idiot. Now, answer me please."

Merlin continued to rub the sore spot and glower at his master. He'd heard him well enough, but just to aggravate him further said, "What was the question again?"

Arthur made a noise somewhere between a growl and groan and after composing himself for a few seconds, asked though clenched teeth, "When you asked for this meeting with the Dolma, what was her reaction? What did she say?"

Merlin regarded him for a few moments and said, "Well, it wasn't easy."

"Oh?", asked Arthur, his curiosity piqued.

"There were conditions that she insisted be met", continued Merlin.

"Such as?", asked Arthur.

"Well for one, that you desist from battering your manservant.", said Merlin with a cheeky grin. He somehow managed to roll, jump up and dodge the kick that Arthur aimed at him and stood beside the horses snickering.

"Merlin", said Arthur in the most commanding voice he could muster, "I'm being serious. This is important. Now, come and sit down and talk like a normal person."

After a couple more snorts of laughter, Merlin relented and sat opposite him on the other side of their small fire, out of kicking range.

"So?" prompted the King.

"Well, she was muchly surprised to see me again", improvised Merlin, "and even more surprised to hear that the King of Camelot would like to meet with her again."

"Did you tell her why I wanted to see her?" asked Arthur.

"Not really", said Merlin scratching at his nose. "I thought that would sound best coming from you, being royalty and all..."

"She didn't ask, though?"

"Oh, she did." said Merlin blithely, "she asked what such a Great and Powerful King would be wanting of such a lowly and simple sorceress."

"Hmn", replied Arthur, thoughtfully chewing on his own apple. "She didn't strike me as either lowly or simple when I met her."

"Well anyway", continued Merlin, "she was very surprised and I have to say a little suspicious. I had a hard time reassuring her that we would not bring Knights and arrest her for the crime of having magic."

Arthur looked alarmed. "Did she really think that of me?", he said, "Good heavens. It seems I shall have to work very hard to gain her trust."

"About that", said Merlin, as he finished chewing the last of his apple and swallowing. "She insists on keeping me held as surety again, just in case you do intend to trick her and arrest her, or something."

"Well that makes no sense", said Arthur, a little indignantly, "She's a powerful Sorceress, if we tried to arrest her - which we wouldn't - then she could...do magic... (he wiggled his fingers in what Merlin understood as an illustration of casting a spell) and get herself free."

"I didn't argue with her logic, Arthur", said Merlin, standing up and putting away the breakfast supplies, "She's a woman and a recluse...I'm not sure logic comes into play here."  
"Even so..." grumbled Arthur as he mounted his horse again, "I would have liked you to be present, to hear your opinion of her."

Merlin looked up at Arthur, speechless before taking his own mount. They spurred the horses into a walk and headed northward again, riding side by side. A few minutes later Arthur glanced over at his manservant. "You're uncommonly quiet, Merlin", he said. "Did I say something to embarrass you?"

"Not at all." said Merlin after looking sideways at his master. "Just surprised to hear you admit that you value my opinion, is all." They walked on a bit more, and he simply couldn't resist nudging Arthur's shoulder with his own and saying with a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes, "and anyway, I thought that maybe you would relish the opportunity to spend some time alone with such a - er - comely woman."

"Merlin!", said Arthur in a mock-outraged tone as he shoved the boy's shoulder so hard that Merlin almost fell off his horse.

"Just saying." said Merlin blithely, wisely steering his horse a little further aside, out of Arthur's arms reach and grinning over at the King.

Arthur looked at him with a furrowed brow for a few seconds before tutting, rolling his eyes and huffing out a small laugh. "Insolent whelp." he said fondly, and they rode on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Their light mood and occasional teasing banter became less frequent as they approached their destination a few hours later. As they left the shelter of the forest and rode down to the edge of the lake they were both silent and tense.

Merlin dismounted first and began to rummage around at the bottom of his saddlebag. Arthur stayed on his horse and looked around frowning. "Where is she then?" he asked.  
"Up in one of the caves", explained Merlin indicating the direction vaguely with his head. "I'll go tell her we're here." he added and began to walk off.

"Merlin, what's in the bag?" asked Arthur pointing at the satchel that Merlin had tucked under his arm.

"Oh...er...food." he replied simply, "she lives on simple forest fare and requested that this time I bring some goose and some pastries as a gift."

"Very well", conceded Arthur watching him walk off. "Merlin." he called after a few moments.

"Arthur." replied his manservant in an exasperated tone, stopping and turning round to look at him expectantly. 

"Just...be careful, and good luck." said the King simply.

"You too, Sire", replied Merlin earnestly, "You too." and with a smile he turned and walked away. Arthur watched anxiously as he saw the boy disappear into the mouth of a cave some fifty yards away.

Once Merlin had disappeared from view, Arthur dismounted and tied his horse at the edge of the forest beside Merlin's mount. The horses grazed contentedly on the rich fine grass there. Once that was done the King paced nervously and smoothed down his clothes, straightened his cloak and looked up toward the cave entrance. There was no sign of either Merlin or the Dolma. He paced some more then walked down to the water's edge. It was a still day and the lake was as calm as a millpond. He knelt and looked at his reflection. The long ride had ruffled his hair so he dipped in a hand and flattened the unruly tufts into something more regal and fitting of a King. He was just smoothing his eyebrows with a dampened index finger when a quiet cough behind him startled him so much he almost pitched forward into the lake. As elegantly as possible, he regained his balance and stood up, turning to face the Dolma. Like the first time they had met, she wore the beautiful blue and red dress. Arthur was a tad dismayed that her face was half covered by the blue scarf which acted as a veil. 

Despite the face covering, the crinkles around The Dolma's eyes told Arthur that she was grinning - most probably because of his awkward stumble at the water's edge. He gave a noble bow and said in his most charming and Kingly voice, "My Lady, it is a pleasure to speak with you again. I thank you for agreeing to this meeting."

In response, the Dolma gave a delicate curtsey and a slight bow of her head. "I am honoured," she said in her silky melodic voice, "although rather surprised that you would wish to see me again, more so since I failed to help you on our previous meeting."

"Not at all", said Arthur, "not at all - you did all you could to help despite knowing who my father was and his - er - attitude to your people. You did not fail, sadly the situation had been hopeless even before we arrived."

The Dolma said nothing but inclined her head in silent agreement, her indigo eyes never leaving those of the King.

"I want to take this opportunity to thank you for that help", continued Arthur, "and most especially for the comfort and words of wisdom that you gave me after Gueneviere had departed. You advice was sound and stopped me from taking actions that I would no doubt have come to regret later."

The Dolma stood and regarded the King for a few moments before asking, "And this is the reason that you requested to meet with me again? To thank me?"

"Yes....and no", said Arthur, a little flustered. "I was ...not entirely composed when we last met, and I do not think you got the most favourable impression of me. I wished to meet with you again so that you could know me as I actually am."

"On the contrary, Great King", said the Dolma in her soft breathy voice. "I felt that I did indeed see the 'real you' at our last meeting, and despite what you may think I got a very favourable impression." As she spoke she unconsciously raised her fingers to her lips which were still hidden behind the scarf. Despite himself Arthur tracked the movement with his eyes and when the Dolma realized what she was doing, she rapidly dropped her hand again.

Arthur coughed and looked out over the water feeling suddenly hot and bothered. When he composed himself again and looked over at the Dolma, she was studying him through half lidded eyes.

"Did you want to say something more?" she prompted.

"Yes", said Arthur, coughing a little then standing up at his full height again, "Yes. As well as giving me great comfort when I was in a very vulnerable state - for which I thank you with all my heart - you also spoke words of wisdom and gave me advice. Your words have been very much in the forefront of my mind since we last met and I would like to talk about them in greater depth with you...if you are agreeable."

"I am intrigued, your HIghness", said the Dolma. "Shall we sit?"

Arthur looked down at the ground. The grass was lush and long but wet from the dew. He unclipped his cloak and threw it on the ground. He gave a small bow and said, "If you please, my Lady. I would hate for you to ruin such a beautiful dress on wet grass."

"I thank you", said the Dolma, gracefully kneeling down and sitting demurely on the cloak with her knees bent to the side. Arthur's breath momentarily caught in his throat at the sight of her sitting on the bright red cloak. An unbidden image of her sitting on his bed back in Camelot (which was covered with a blanket in the exact same shade of red) flashed through his mind. He forced the thought out of his head, coughed again in embarrassment at his wayward imagination and sat on the opposite side of the cloak.

"Is the King unwell?", asked the Dolma, leaning forward and looking with concern into his face. "You have coughed several times and your face has a...reddish hue."

"No - no", said Arthur hurredly, "I am absolutely fine, fighting fit in fact."

"I am glad to hear it" said the Dolma, sitting back again. "So... what is it that you wish to discuss with The Dolma?"

Arthur looked at her a little uncertainly with questioning eyes. "Before we begin, My Lady", he said, "I would like to think of us as...friends, and as friends, I would be honoured if you would address me as Arthur rather than using the honorific."

"Oh!" said The Dolma, rather taken aback, "Thank you, My L.... Arthur."

".....and I was wondering", continued the King, "If you have a name other than The Dolma?"

"Oh!" said The Dolma again, a blush rising on her cheeks. "I do indeed, I am known to those close to me as .....(Merlin cast wildly in his brain for a suitable name)...Niamh. You may call me Niamh, if you so wish."

"Niamh", said Arthur thoughtfully, testing the name on his tongue. "Niamh. Yes, it suits you, it sounds a little like 'nymph'."

The Dolma said nothing for a while but blinked at him a few times. "In the Old Language it means 'radiant'." she said eventually. 

"Then it most certainly suits you", replied Arthur without thinking. When he realized what he had said he covered his mouth with a hand. "I am sorry", he said, " that was rather unsubtle of me."

"Not at all", said Niamh, waving her hand dismissively and her eyes crinkling and sparkling again which indicated that she was amused. "But tell me, Arthur, did you come all this way simply to flatter a Sorceress?"

"No....no!", said Arthur, once again flustered and going red. "No, I would like to discuss magic with you, and to learn more about the ways of the Old Religion."

"Is that so?", said The Dolma - Niamh, a little suspiciously. "But sorcery and the Old Religion were both outlawed by your father and are still illegal and punishable by death in Camelot. Why would you wish to learn of them?"

"I believe that my father was...mistaken...about several things." said Arthur slowly and carefully. "I wish to change the harsh laws that he introduced. I have grown up with no knowledge of the ancient magic other than being told that it is evil. I would like, with your help, to rectify this teaching and to know more of the Old Ways."

"But there are practitioners of the Old Ways that still live in Camelot", said The Dolma, "You must know this. Why do you seek my council?"

"There are indeed people with this knowledge", conceded Arthur, "including my own Court Physician, but I feel that you would speak more freely and openly with me than those within my Kingdom who suffered so badly under my father's rule..."

"Are you sure that you do no wish to learn more of our ways so that you are better equipped to know our weaknesses and to destroy us once and for all?", said the Dolma, suddenly fierce.

"Good gods, no!" exclaimed Arthur in consternation, "Never! I am - hurt that you could even consider that a possibility."

Once again the Dolma was leaning forward and looking intently into his eyes. Arthur held her gaze. After long moments, she sat back again and sighed deeply and said, "Your eyes are windows into your soul and I see only good intent there. I hope I am not mistaken. Please forgive my abrupt manner, but us sorcerers have suffered greatly at the hands of your Father and I need to be certain that this is not all merely a ruse. You must convince me that what you say is true. I will not be responsible for the demise of my kind."

"Of course", said Arthur earnestly, "...and as much as it hurts me, I understand your caution. Please tell me what I can do to prove to you that I mean what I say."

The Dolma sat back and regarded him in silence for long moments again. "Very well", she said eventually. "My wish is this. I would like you to travel to the Druid encampment in the Forest of Essitir. I want you to go unarmed, unarmoured and with no companion other than your manservant, Merlin. I want you to apologize for all the wrong you have done them in the past and then to spend a few days amongst them, to convince them that you are not your father, and to gain their trust."

Arthur thought for a while before asking, "But I have done them great wrongs in the past. Will they not simply kill me?"

"You must trust me when I tell you that they are a peaceful people and have more knowledge of your destiny than you could ever guess. They will not harm you." said the Dolma. "Will you do this thing? For me? For the future of your Kingdom?"

"If I do this thing", said Arthur sitting back, "Will you agree to meet with me again?"

"I certainly shall, Great King", she said in a gentler tone, "and I shall tell you of the wonders of Earth magic." As she spoke, she waved a hand above Arthur's head and a ring of blue butterflies appeared and fluttered around him. He gasped in wonder and gasped again when he looked down to see The Dolma's eyes shining with golden fire.

"Beautiful", he whispered reverentially, "Just...beautiful..."

"Very well", said The Dolma in a quiet voice, her eyes not leaving Arthur's. 

Merlin began to feel the tell-tale itch beneath his skin that told him that the potion would soon wear off.

"Until we meet again, farewell", said the Dolma, lowering her scarf and leaning in to capture Arthur's lips in a chaste kiss. He made a startled noise which quickly changed into a small moan as he kissed her back. 

This kiss was longer and more intense than the last one they had shared and it was with a deep sigh and some regret that Merlin cast the spell that sent Arthur to sleep cradled in his arms.


	21. Doubt and Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has second thoughts about The Dolma's most recent request

Merlin sat for long moments looking down at Arthur sleeping in his arms. Despite the peaceful scene before his eyes, his brain was abuzz. He hadn't planned on asking Arthur to spend time amongst the Druids. It had been a spur-of-the-moment idea that he had voiced without really thinking through the practicalities of such a journey. What had he been thinking? Where had the idea even come from?

He felt his body morphing back into it's own shape and the dress grow a little tight across his shoulders. He pulled the scarf from his head and gathered up the hair pins that fell down onto the sleeping Arthur now that they no longer had any hair to hold back. He rolled them all up carefully in the scarf and laid it aside. He gazed down at the King's lips and unconsciously touched his own. He could still taste Arthur's breath in his mouth.

The kiss had not been planned either. He had done it in the moment of panic as he felt the spell wearing off. Despite that, it had been....wonderful. Again. If anything, even better than the last one they had shared.

Merlin puffed out a breath and ran a hand over his forehead in consternation. Nice as it was to nothing should ever happen between the King and the Sorceress because she didn't actually exist. Gaius had not been exaggerating when he had warned Merlin that the King was emotionally extremely vulnerable after Gwen's betrayal and Merlin knew intellectually that the things that his treacherous heart were making him do whilst he was in disguise could potentially lead to disaster.  
Even so..... 

Merlin stroked blonde hair back from Arthur's forehead and let out an involuntary whimper at the peaceful sleeping face, the lips a little puffy from the kiss and wearing a slight smile. Merlin sighed deeply and gently laid Arthur's head on the cloak, gathered up the scarf and hairpins and walked slowly back to the cave to change back into his own clothes. 

As he pulled on his trousers and tunic, he resolved to persuade the King not to visit the druids.

Once the disguise was safely packed back into the bottom of the saddlebag, Merlin squatted beside Arthur and took one more look at his restful face before gently shaking his shoulder and quietly casting a spell to wake him up.

Arthur came round slowly, rolling onto his back still with the small smile still on his face. He blinked his eyes open and squinted until they focused. Slowly the smile melted from his lips as he realised that it was Merlin, not The Dolma ('no, Niamh', he corrected himself mentally) that blinked down at him. 

"Oh, it's just you." he said in a voice that could not mask his disappointment.

The smile that had been playing on Merlin's lips as he shook the King awake melted away at Arthur's words and were replaced by a frown and a pout. He glared down at Arthur for a few seconds and then turned away and angrily began packing up the saddlebag and getting the horses ready for the return journey.

"Oh don't be like that, Merlin", said Arthur in an exasperated tone, slowly getting to his feet.

"We should go now if you want to be back by sundown." said Merlin tersely, climbing up into his saddle and riding back toward the tree line.

Arthur tutted and rolled his eyes. "Merlin, wait!", he called.

"What for?" said Merlin flatly, reluctantly slowing his horse down but not turning round.

"For your King", replied Arthur without much conviction.

Merlin simply huffed in reply and still did not turn round.

Arthur frowned at his back and clipped on his cloak and mounted his own horse. He walked it toward the tree line where Merlin waited but before he reached his manservant,   
Merlin had moved off into the forest, still resolutely facing forward.

Arthur was exasperated at his servant's behavior. He was certain that other nobles, indeed Kings, would never put up with such disrespect. Though he was loathe to admit it in front of the maddening fellow, he saw Merlin more as a friend and an advisor so perhaps put up with more than he should. Even so. At the moment Merlin was being downright rude and he couldn't quite work out why...it wasn't as if he'd insulted him or anything, had he?

After a good fifteen minutes of riding in uncomfortable silence, Arthur could take not more.

"Don't you want to know what happened, what we talked about?" he asked.

In reply Merlin simply shrugged one shoulder, still not looking back at Arthur.

They rode a little further, Merlin still said nothing.

"What she said involves you, you know." said Arthur, conversationally, looking at Merlin's tight tense shoulders.

"Does it." said Merlin in a flat disinterested voice.

"Merlin what is wrong with you?", asked Arthur in frustration, "why are you being so...impossible?"

Finally Merlin deigned to look at him, wheeling around in his saddle and spitting out, "Why would you even care, since it's 'just me'. I'm only a servant after all. What does it matter what I think?" He turned back around and carried on riding doggedly in the direction of Camelot. "Or feel." he added quietly.

"Merlin", said Arthur, a little exasperated but also a little pleading. "I didn't mean it like that. You know I value your...opinion and - er- comradeship."

"Do I, Sire?" said Merlin tonelessly, still riding forward.

"Yes you do." said Arthur, riding up beside him and catching hold of his arm and pulling him to a halt. "I'm...sorry...if I have hurt your feelings. It was not intended. It is simply that the Dolma was so enchanting and the conversation with her was so stimulating that I was disappointed that it ended so quickly."

Merlin glared at the arm on his sleeve and then up at Arthur's face. The King noticed the unshed tears that clouded his eyes but did not mention it. "Truly Merlin", he said earnestly, "I meant no insult. I was...thoughtless."

"Well, that would make a change." said Merlin sarcastically, the beginning of a smile on his lips and his eyes softening.

"That's more like it!" said Arthur, smiling a little uncertainly back at him and patting his shoulder. "Come on", he said fondly, "Let's get home." As he spoke he cupped Merlin's neck in his hand for a few moments, then gently ruffled his hair the wrong way.

Merlin huffed in mock annoyance but grinned almost immediately which ruined the effect somewhat. Arthur moved off again and this time Merlin fell in step beside him. 

"So", said Arthur after a few moments, obviously bursting to share his news, "The Dolma has a name."

Merlin looked over at him as though he was simple. "Yes, Arthur - she's called 'The Dolma'." he said dryly. 

This earned him a nudge from the King. "To you, maybe", he said smugly, "but I" (be pointed at his chest with a smug, proud look on his face) "I am on first name terms with her."

"ooooOOOOoooo", cooed Merlin, "fancy that!"

"Now, stop that, Merlin", said Arthur in a mock-stern voice, "It's not like that."

"Isn't it?", teased the manservant, grinning over at him.

"Well....", said Arthur, then looked ahead pensively.

"Well?", prompted Merlin.

"Shut up, Merlin", was all the reply he got.

They rode on quietly for a while longer. Merlin mulled over the fact that his King had just all-but admitted that he had feelings for The Dolma and wondered what he should do about that. He was a little startled when Arthur suddenly announced, "She wishes me to spend time with the Druids and you must show me where they are."

"Eh, what?", said Merlin, "What's that, now?"

"The Dolma", clarified Arthur slowly, "said that to prove I am truly willing to change the laws on magic then I must spend some time amongst the Druids that are camped in the Forest of Essitir."

"Is that a good idea?", asked Merlin, "Your family history with the druids isn't great."

Arthur was quiet for a few moments. "I would be lying if I said that I don't have concerns", he said, "but The Dolma was insistent that they are good, peaceful people and they will accept my gesture and welcome us in. I...trust her judgement."

"Hmm", said Merlin, non-commitaly. "Aren't you worried that she is sending us into a trap?"

The King looked over at his manservant with a frown. "Oh do make your mind up Merlin!", he said in an exasperated tone, "Only the other day you were telling me off for being suspicious of them and now you're talking about traps!"

Merlin looked at him for long moments before conceding, "Fair point, Sire", a few moments later, he added, "though perhaps a Knight or two would be a wise precaution."

"Absolutely not." said Arthur. "For one, Essitir is not in my Kingdom and to blatantly ride through with Knights of Camelot would be seen as a challenge to Cendred. Secondly, and more importantly, The Dolma insisted that it should be just you and me."

"Good gods, you really do trust this woman, don't you?", said Merlin looking searchingly at the King.

"Yes, I believe I do.", replied Arthur after a few moments. "As I said before, I see only good within her, and I truly believe that with her help I may be able to right some of the wrongs done to her kind by my father."

"Wow", said Merlin simply, not taking his eyes from his master until he felt tears began to prick at the corners then he looked ahead again so that Arthur would not notice them forming. Despite having resolved to talk Arthur out of the trip to the Forest of Essitir he realized in that moment just how committed his King was to making amends to the followers of the Old Religion and those with magic. It was more than he had ever dreamed could be possible. He coughed a little to banish the emotional crack in his voice before adding, "So...wh-when are you thinking of making this trip?"

Arthur was quiet for a while before answering, "Soon - as soon as possible."

"Won't the Knights start to get suspicious?, asked Merlin, "Won't they wonder why we're disappearing without them again? And for a few days, this time?"

"I thought about that", replied Arthur looking over at him, "I shall tell them that there have been rumours of sightings of the Queen unaccompanied in the forest of Essitir. I shall insist that I go with just my manservant and without a retinue in order not to alarm her and to try to convince her to return."

"Do you think they'll believe that?", asked Merlin incredulously.

"They will if it's you that reports that there have been sightings.", replied Arthur, "They trust you as much as I do."

Merlin's heart swelled a little at that. Despite that he asked, "...and you think they'll let us go unaccompanied?"

"I shall insist, Merlin", replied Arthur with finality, "I can be very insistent."

"I noticed." replied Merlin dryly.

Arthur looked over at him and grinned. "It's decided then", he said with finality. "Good."

As they finished speaking they reached the edge of the forest and farmland stretched before them. The towers of Camelot sparkled on the horizon. 

"Race you home." said Arthur, still grinning and spurring his horse into a gallop.

Merlin rolled his eyes and took off after his King. The feeling of the wind in his hair, the galloping horse beneath him, the sight of his King riding at full speed ahead of him and the real chance of a future where magic was no longer outlawed made him smile broadly and to shout out his exhilaration to the blue sky.


	22. Objections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone is happy with Merlin and Arthur's proposed trip.

Merlin's exuberant mood dissipated when he returned to his own room, having taken care of the horses and attended to Arthur. He walked in with a bounce in his step and a small smile playing on his lips. Gaius stood by the work table, his arms folded across his chest and one of his eyebrows hidden from view in his hairline. He glared unspeaking and unsmiling at his ward.

"Gaius?", asked Merlin uncertainly after a too-long pause.

"Merlin", replied the old man in a flat tone. He changed neither posture or expression after he'd spoken.

"Is-is everything alright?", asked Merlin, a frown settling on his brow?

"I don't know, Merlin, is it?" replied the physician accusingly. "How was your...hunting trip, was it?"

"Y..yes it was", replied Merlin slowly, looking everywhere but at his mentor, "although we didn't manage to catch the stag...we got close though...but I snapped a twig and it bolted. Arthur was ever so angry..." As he spoke, he edged toward his own room clutching the satchel. "I...er...need to get unpacked and cleaned up."

Gaius moved faster than Merlin thought him able and stood blocking his path. He looked pointedly down at the bag. "That's a big bag for such a short trip." he stated, eyebrow still lost to view up in his hairline somewhere. "What did you take with you?"

Merlin unconsciously clasped the bag to his chest. "Oh - er - some extra shirts and trousers in case I got bloodied by the deer", he said with some conviction. "Arthur usually makes me skin it and haul it up onto the horse and the blood gets everywhere and smells horrible, and..."

"My boy, I simply do not understand how you have managed to keep your true identity from Arthur for so many years", Gaius said in a tired, exasperated tone, "You are without doubt the worst liar I have ever met."

Merlin hung his head and looked at the floor feeling like he was five years old again. After a few moments he asked quietly, "How did you know?"

"Apart from the guilty look on your face as you came through that door?", said Gaius, "The dress you wore as a disguise is missing from the pile of clothes in the battlefield you call a room....though heaven knows how I even noticed since the entire contents of your wardrobe are all over the floor.."

"Sorry", mumbled Merlin, fidgeting from foot to foot, "I'll get it tidied up on my next day off."

"What you do in your own room is neither here nor there." replied Gaius in a sharp tone, "but going against my advice and once again pretending to be The Sorceress does bother me. Greatly."

Merlin reddened but said nothing.

"So, are you going to tell me what REALLY happened, or continue lying to me?" asked the old man, finally moving away from Merlin and poking at the fire before putting a kettle on.  
Merlin sighed and slumped down on the chair beside the work table. He was ashamed to once again be caught lying to the man he regarded as a father, but he was equally relieved that he now had someone to speak to about the latest development. After Gaius had handed him a cup of tea he recounted twenty-four hours - leaving out part about the kiss and Arthur's subsequent admission that he was attracted to The Dolma.

Gaius listened in silence and remained silent as Merlin concluded his tale.

"Well?" pressed the boy, after long moments.

"What do you want me to say, Merlin?" he said eventually, "I have already made my views abundantly clear on this matter. But it seems whatever I say, you are hell bent on doing what you want anyway."

Merlin looked back at the old man pleadingly. "But don't you see Gaius?" he implored, "When The Disir demanded that Arthur embrace the Old Religion once again, it was me that told him that there can be no place for magic in Camelot. It broke my heart to say these words to him but I thought that if I did then Mordred would die and the threat he posed to Arthur's life would disappear." He paused and wiped away the tears that fell as he recounted that day. "I - as Merlin - cannot hope to make Arthur reconsider the ban on magic, but in disguise as the Dolma, I really think there may be a chance." 

Finally the old man's countenance softened and he leaned in and caught hold of Merlin's hand. The boy's chest heaved with emotion and tears dropped slowly down his cheeks. Gaius sat for a few moments patting Merlin's hand to comfort him before sitting back and sighing deeply.

"Very well, My Boy" he said in a resigned tone. "I understand that...as ever...you have thought this through, and I begin to understand your reasons for going on with it."

"Thank you, Gaius", replied Merlin in a quiet voice, "Your support means the world to me."

"Yes, well", said Gaius standing up slowly, "and you are like a son to me. If anything happens to you I don't know what I would do. Therefore I urge you to be very very careful not to be discovered in this ruse."

Merlin nodded enthusiastically, "Of course I will", he said with meaning.

"...and you must promise me that the next meeting you have with Arthur as The Dolma will be the very last one."

Merlin nodded once and said "Yes" in a much less certain voice.

"Promise me, Merlin", insisted the old man, "this ruse must not continue. To do so is to risk discovery which could very well lead to your banishment or even execution and will most certainly lead to Arthur's heart and spirit being broken forever."

Merlin was startled by such hard words from Gaius. For himself he was not so bothered, but the vision of Arthur as a broken man, much as his father had been after the betrayal by Morgana made him feel sick to his stomach. That must never happen. Merlin looked Gaius straight in the eye as he replied, "I swear on my mother's life I shall do as you say" he said, "as soon as Arthur has agreed to lift the ban on magic."

Gaius looked down at him for long moments before replying. "Very well....just...please... be careful."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite Arthur's impatience, Merlin made him to wait for two whole weeks before he deemed it was the right time to go visit the Druids. By doing so, Merlin hoped that the Court and the Knights may begin to forget the previous 'hunting trip' and not become overly suspicious when he and Arthur insisted on going off on a quest together with no retinue to accompany them again.

Merlin bought up the subject of the alleged sightings of Gwen in the Forest of Essitir at a routine early morning meeting at the Round Table. He had not said anything to Arthur on that particular morning so when Arthur asked if there was any further business at the end of the meeting as he always did and Merlin spoke up, he was just as startled as rest of the Knights. There was a shocked silence around the table for a few moments after he had said his piece.

"Are these rumours credible?", asked The King, pulling himself together, "Did you hear them from a reliable source, Merlin?"

"Indeed they are, Sire", replied Merlin with conviction. "A trapper and a trader in herbs came to the kitchens this week separately. Both had sighted the Queen camping at the edge of the forest and buying wares from the farmers in the hamlets thereabout."

"How can you be sure that these are not simply rumours?", pressed Arthur.

"I know these tradesmen well, Sire", replied Merlin lifting his head and looking directly at Arthur. "They are good honest men with no thoughts of financial gain from their information. They simply want The Queen returned to her rightful place in Camelot."

Arthur looked at him intently then said, "If you believe their word trustworthy Merlin, then that is good enough for me." 

The Knights seated around the table nodded in agreement and Merlin's heart swelled a little.

"Then I suggest we send out a search party immediately", said Leon, "Essitir is not in our territory and I fear she may be in danger from bandits or even - gods forbid - Cendred's men."

"Wait", said Arthur lifting a hand and pausing for several moments deep in thought, "We cannot be seen to be going into Cendred's Kingdom. He is looking for excuses to make war and the prescense of Camelot's Knights within his borders could very easily spark a conflict that we simply do not have the resources to waste on."

"What are you suggesting Sire?" said Gwaine, "That we leave her to fend for herself?"

"Gods, no", said Arthur, "It is imperative that we get her back, but I do not think that a full blown search into enemy territory is necessarily the way to do it."

"Go on." said Leon slowly.

Arthur paused for a few moments before replying. "I'm proposing to go alone...well, accompanied by Merlin...and to find her and convince her to come back."

"No, Sire!", cried several voices around the table, "Out of the question! It's much too dangerous! You are the King!"

Arthur raised his hand and silenced them all.

"I have...heard your arguments, but insist that it is I that must undertake this task." he said with finality. "I am not boasting when I say that I am the best tracker amongst you...with the exception of Merlin here."

The Knights nodded reluctantly in agreement and Merlin tried not to smile at the unexpected compliment from his King.

"Even so...." interjected Percy.

Arthur raised his hand again, "...and - at the end of the day - she is my wife, my Queen. It is my duty, and mine alone, to bring her back safely."

"But for the sake of security you should be accompanied by at least one or two of us, Sire", said Mordred who was recently recovered from his injuries.

The King nodded in his direction before replying, "I understand and appreciate your concern, Mordred. However, I re-iterate the need for stealth and silence in this endeavour. I cannot and will not provoke Cendred into battle. I also fear that the more red capes Gwen sees moving around in the forest, the more likely she is to feel that she is being hunted down."

The Knights looked at each other doubtfully but said nothing.

"Now, I know that this is not a popular decision", conceded Arthur looking around the table, "and it is not one I take lightly. For that reason I am willing to be accompanied to Camelot's border at the edge of the forest by six Knights. Myself and Merlin shall go into the forest alone. If at least one of us has not returned to the meeting place by the morning of the third day, or if before that time you hear me sound the hunting horn, then you may come in after us."

"You could be long dead before we even get to you", groused Gwaine, "and that forest is teeming with Druids as well as bandits and Cendred's men."

"The Druids are a peaceful people and are more likely to come to our aid than harm us", said Arthur in a voice that would countenance no argument, "Furthermore, I trust in my own abilities as a soldier to avoid detection and to fight off any trouble we might encounter. Now, can we agree on this course of action?" 

As he spoke he looked at each man around the Table in turn. The Knights cast glances at each other and looked back at the King. Leon was the first to speak.

"Very well, Sire." he said. "I vote yes, on the condition that I am amongst the Knights that escorts you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Sir Leon", said The King, gracing the Knight with a small smile. "And the rest of you?" he said as he looked from Leon to the other's seated around the table. 

They looked between Leon and Arthur and slowly, somewhat reluctantly, they all eventually nodded their agreement and said "Aye, My Lord".

"Good, good", said Arthur when the last man has spoken. He leaned back in his chair and relaxed a little. "In that case, if there is no other business then I think we should adjourn this meeting and begin to make preparations to leave. Time is of the essence here so I propose that those of you accompanying us should meet in the Courtyard when the bell strikes midday."

The Knights all nodded in agreement. Arthur stood up and the Knights stood also, bowing their heads as he left.

Merlin, who had been standing quietly behind the King since his announcement nodded to the Knights before scurrying off after his Master. 

Arthur's pace was fast and they were halfway across the Courtyard on the way to Arthur's chambers when Merlin eventually caught up with him and fell into step beside him.

"If ever you tire of being King, Sire", he said quietly out of the side of his mouth, "might I suggest you consider employment with one of the travelling groups of Players that come through Camelot...."

Arthur looked at him quizzically.

"That performance back there", explained Merlin inclining his head back toward the Council Chambers, "was without doubt the most convincing bit of acting I have seen in a long time."

Arthur's face broke into a wide grin. He shoved Merlin with his shoulder hard enough to make the boy stumble a little, then ruffled the back of his hair roughly as he replied, "Come on, idiot, let's get packing."


	23. The Journey to Essitir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Knights are not convinced about Arthur's latest quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait for this update....I've been busy and then poorly :( Hope it's worth the wait though!

Merlin's heart sank when Mordred descended the castle steps and walked over to join the group of Knights that would make up the escort to the forest of Essitir. His disappointment was apparently evident on his face. Arthur of course chose that exact moment to look at him. Whatever he saw there made him frown. His frown deepened when he followed Merlin's gaze toward Mordred who was chatting amicably with the squire as he mounted his horse.

"What's your problem Merlin?", he asked in a low voice so as not to be overheard, "Why such a sour expression?"

Merlin was a little startled. He had been so busy scowling in Mordred's direction that he hadn't been aware of Arthur watching him. "N-nothing", he blustered, trying to sound unbothered whist checking over the saddlebags on his horse for the tenth time, "Just a little nervous about the journey, is all."

"Poppycock", said Arthur. "You were laughing and smiling with Gwaine and Leon not five minutes ago. Since Mordred joined us you are pouting so hard that your mouth resembles a cat's bottom. What is going on with you two?"

"Nothing's going on", said Merlin, reddening as he spoke. "I just worry that he isn't at full fitness yet and wonder if someone else should come instead just in case we do run into any problems."

"Mordred has been back in training for a week and a half already and as far as I am concerened he is fighting fit", replied Arthur.

"Even so..." started Merlin.

"...Leon decided who will accompany us and he chose Mordred", said Arthur turning around to face his manservant head-on and beginning to get irritated. "Are you questioning the decisions of my chief Knight now?"

Merlin raised his hands appeasingly. "No - no" he said, "If Leon wants him here, who am I to argue?"

"Exactly", replied the King, "Now get on your horse and shut up."

Merlin scowled back at him but did as he was told. Within a few minutes the party moved off and began the journey to the Forest of Essitir. 

On quests and hunting forays, it was Merlin's habit to ride beside Arthur. Today however, he chose to ride alongside Gwaine who bought up the rear of the group. Several of the Knights looked at him quizzically as he fell to the back of the convoy,but said nothing. Leon took Merlin's traditional spot and rode beside the King, talking quietly.

About an hour into the journey which they undertook at a canter, Gwaine asked, "Why are you not riding up front with 'Princess?' Has he upset you again?" 

Notwithstanding his bad mood Merlin could not help smiling at his old friend who, despite his Knighthood, and despite the fact that Arthur was now King, still had a healthy irreverance for his royal status. 

"No", he said, "It's nothing. I'm likely to be stuck with him for three whole days when we leave you all at the edge of Cendred's Kingdom so I thought I'd leave him in peace until we get there."

Gwaine looked over at him skeptically, "Well that's a new one", he said ruefully, "It's never bothered you before - I sometimes wonder if you two are joined at the hip!"

Merlin said nothing but blushed a little and made a mental note not to try to fool Gwaine in future. The man was far too sharp and would not stop prying until he had wheedled out the truth; especially when he thought that Merlin had been wronged somehow. 

Merlin was saved from any further interrogation when Arthur called everyone to a halt by a stream to rest and to water the horses. Merlin busied himself collecting then filling up water skins for the Knights. When they remounted after the short stop, he fell into step beside Leon. 

Mordred trotted forward and rode beside Arthur and spoke to the King intently as they cantered along. Merlin watched carefully and felt frustrated. Because of the sound of the hooves and the wind whistling as they rode he could not hear what was being said.

"Sire", called Mordred as he came level with Arthur, "Can I have a word with you?"

"Always", replied Arthur, smiling at him. As the youngest and newest of his Knights, Mordred sometimes seemed a little in awe of him and nervous in his prescence. Although Arthur found this endearing, he did his best to put the boy at his ease so that he would feel able to talk freely. He cherished the council of his Knights and endeavoured to do all he could to not become the stand offish monarch that his father had been.

"Thank you, Sire", said Mordred and gave him a tight nervous smile in return. "I know what we decided at the Council meeting earlier today, but I have been thinking and I believe that it would be better if I, rather than Merlin, accompany you into the Forest."

"How so?", asked Arthur looking at him questioningly, "As we discussed, entering Cendred's Kingdom with a Knight could easily be construed as an act of war."

"I understand that Sire", countered Mordred, "and for that reason I took the liberty of bringing some civilian clothes along."

"If you accompany me without chainmail or weapons then how would you be any more useful than Merlin?", asked Arthur intrigued. 

"You forget that I am a Druid, Sire", said Mordred looking at him intently. "There is a massive Druid encampment at the heart of the forest. It is my belief that you are more likely to run into them than Cendred's men and perhaps they would see you as less of a threat if you were accompanied by one if their own".

Arthur rode on for a while deep in thought. He wondered if - somehow - Mordred knew of his plan to spend time with The Druids at the behest of The Dolma. He quickly discounted this notion. If the young Knight had known of the plan, Arthur was quite sure that he would have spoken of it before now. He mulled over Mordred's suggestion; he may well work as the perfect go-between. The Druids were extremely cautious about outsiders and given the Pendragon's history with their people it was no wonder. Perhaps if the Druids saw that Arthur had accepted one of their own knowingly into his inner circle then they would be more open to him. For more than a few moments he considered seriously Mordred's proposal, and then he remembered what the Dolma had said. She had stated that he and Merlin should be the ones to enter the forest. He made up his mind to stick with the original plan.

"I thank you for your forethought, Mordred", he said, "It is greatly appreciated. However, your entire bearing speaks of your status as a Knight."

Mordred's chest puffed out just a little in pride at this compliment but he opened his mouth to speak.

Arthur raised a hand to silence him. "Although you would no doubt be extremely useful should we run into the Druids, I am concerned that if we meet Cendred's men instead they will know instantly that you are a Knight of Camelot, and this would not be good."

Mordred looked intently at him for long moments before nodding his head once. They rode along for a while longer before Merlin could restrain himself no more and spurred his horse forward between that of Mordred and Arthur. Mordred slowed his mount a little and fell into step beside Leon.

"Oh! So you've decided to stop sulking now!" said Arthur looking over at his new riding companion.

"Was not sulking.", replied Merlin sulkily, looking straight ahead, "I was merely spending some time with the Knights, since I'm likely to be stuck with your royal arse for the next few days."

Arthur snorted, "Whatever you say, Merlin." he said in a voice that conveyed anything but belief. After a few moments he added, "So why am I suddenly...er...privilaged to be blessed with your company again?"

Merlin threw an irritated look toward his King. "I wondered, Sire", he said virtually sneering out the last word, "If it might be time to stop and eat and to rest the horses?"  
Arthur looked a little suspiciously at him, then looked up toward the sky to gauge the time. "Yes, I suppose now would be as good a time as any", he conceded. He held up his arm and called back to the men who slowed their horses and dismounted when they came to a suitable spot.

As ever, Merlin busied himself preparing food and making sure the horses had good grazing and water. Once the stew was ready he dished some up for himself and for Arthur and sought out the King who was seated beneath a tree talking with Gwaine.

"Food's ready", announced the manservant. The Knights all scurried over to the fire to good naturedly fight over the cauldron of stew, Merlin gave Arthur his portion and plopped down beside him.

"What did Mordred want?", asked Merlin with no preamble.

Arthur looked up from his bowl of food and quizzically regarded his companion. "When?"

"When we were riding here.", replied Merlin, not taking his eyes off the bantering Knights by the fire, "He was riding with you and talking intently."

"You don't miss a thing, do you?", said Arthur shaking his head and continuing to eat. "Good stew, by the way."

Merlin looked at his master expectantly. "Well?" he asked after a full minute.

"Well nothing", said Arthur with a hint of irritation in his voice. "What is so fascinating about that particular conversation when I spent most of the ride here talking with Leon? What is it with you and Mordred?"

Merlin looked a little shifty under the sudden rally of questions and ate a few mouthfuls of stew in silence. For his pains, Arthur kicked at his shin and asked "Well?"

Merlin let out a put-upon sigh and put his empty bowl down. "Forget it", he said, "it's just that I heard my name mentioned a couple of times and wondered why. Obviously you're not going to tell me." He gathered up Arthur's empty bowl along with his own and sprang to his feet. "D'you want seconds if greedy Gwaine has left any?"

"Oh go on then," replied the King, "should probably enjoy the meat whilst we can - no doubt we'll be eating twigs and roots once we get settled in with the druids..."

Merlin smirked and loped over to the cauldron. Arthur sat back and smiled as his manservant playfully swatted Gwaine away from the fire with the empty bowls and then squawked indignantly when the Knight wrestled him to the ground and covered half his face in charcoal from the hearth before letting him up to take the last portion of stew back to Arthur. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few hours of the ride went without any problems. The light was beginning to fade as they reached the border of Cendred's Kingdom and so they slowed their pace. By and by they came to a Ford on a river which was the crossing point. They came to a halt and Merlin and Arthur dismounted. Leon and Mordred rode forward to take their horses.

"Sire", said Leon, "It will soon be completely dark. Would it perhaps be wise for you both to spend the night camped with us on this side of the border and to begin your quest in daylight?"

Arthur looked at Merlin and then up at his chief Knight. "I understand your concern and I thank you for it", he replied evenly, "but it is perhaps best if we slip off into the night."

"Are you sure, your majesty?" asked Mordred nervously, "This is unfamiliar territory. Perhaps Leon is right."

"No, I think it best we go now." said Arthur decisively, "If there is even the faintest chance that we might find the Queen this evening then it would mean that she might spend one less night exposed to danger. Furthermore, if a border patrol see us this close to the River then they may suspect something is amiss. Myself and Merlin with cross now and head into the deep forest. I suggest you Knights do likewise on Camelot's side of the border. It is best if you make no fire tonight."

Leon and Mordred looked at each other and then back at the King. "Very well Sire", conceded Leon. "Good luck, and please do not hesitate to sound the hunting horn if you find yourselves in danger. We shall not be far away."

Arthur nodded his consent and slipped wordlessly across the river. Merlin tarried a few moments looking up at the Knights who returned his gaze with worried expressions.

"Take care of him, Merlin." said Mordred quietly.

Merlin looked at him intently and nodded once before hurrying off after his Master.


	24. Into The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur head off in search of the Druid camp.

Merlin soon caught up with Arthur and they walked side by side into the deep forest without speaking. They were long attuned to each other's body language and mostly communicated by catching the other by an elbow and then indicating with a nod the direction they should be going. Both were hyper alert to the danger of being discovered by Cendred's border patrol and both used all their senses to read the land around them this was unfamiliar terrain and they were anxious not to inadvertently stumble into danger or get hopelessly lost in the thick undergrowth.

As the darkness became total, Merlin switched to his magical senses. He walked a little ahead of Arthur now and enhanced his eyesight so see into the gloom. He focused his mind and began to faintly pick up the telepathic voices of the Druids camped far off in the forest. So intent was he on his task that he didn't pay attention to the fact that he had begun to walk quickly toward the voices and was no longer communicating back to Arthur where they should be heading. He was pulled up short when Arthur grabbed him tight in the joint of his elbow and yanked him to a stop.

"Bloody ow!", hissed Merlin indignantly, "Are you trying to pull my arm from the shoulder socket?"

"Well I tried to call you to slow down but you paid no attention, idiot." whispered Arthur in reply. "The speed you are going in the pitch black we're likely to fall off a cliff!"

"S'not pitch black", responded Merlin in an angry whisper, "I can see the path perfectly."

"What, are you an owl Merlin? I can't even see my hand in front of my face!"

Merlin looked around him and realized the King was in fact right. Without his magical enhancements all around them was as black as Morgana's soul. It was anyway a moonless night, but so thick was the forest that even if there had been a moon it was doubtful that it's light would have penetrated the canopy.

"I -er - eat a lot of carrots, Sire", he said by way of explanation, "And anyway, my night vision is obviously better than the likes of you that grew up in castles surrounded by torchlight and candles and lost the ability to see at night. Now - shall we carry on?"

As he spoke he made as if to carry on walking. Another sharp wrench to his elbow stopped him dead again.

"Now what?" hissed Merlin, angrily wrenching his arm back.

"You forget who is in charge here", whispered Arthur, "and who has been taught to track since he was five years old. I say we head in that direction where there is a clearing. You appear to be leading us into the thickest thicket I have ever seen."

"But..", began Merlin.

"No 'buts', Merlin. We go this way. Do as your told for once." said Arthur, grabbing his manservant by the elbow again and dragging him in the direction of the clearing.

Merlin tutted, sighed loudly and rolled his eyes but conceded and let the King drag them off course. He could hardly tell Arthur that the voices of the Druids in his mind and the soft hum of magic were drawing him along after all.

Once Arthur had realized that Merlin was - for once - doing as he was told and walking in the direction that he had indicated, he let go of the boy's elbow and promptly smacked him upside the head.

Merlin stopped dead and swung round on his heels. Arthur barreled into him and let out a quiet "oof" noise.

"What the bloody hell was that for!", said Merlin loudly and indignantly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Shhhhhhhh", hissed Arthur, pushing himself back off of Merlin's chest, "keep your voice down, idiot - or do you want Cendred's men to catch us?"

"Well they'll probably hit me a lot less than you do", said Merlin, still not lowering his voice, "and at least they'll hit me for a reason and not for no reason like you seem to delight in doing..."

A hand clamped over his mouth stifled any more complaints the manservant may have had. "If you value your life", said Arthur very quietly and very close to Merlin's ear, "Then you will shut up now."

Merlin instantly stilled and looked at his King with wide, somewhat alarmed eyes.

"I hit you for your impertinance", continued Arthur. "When will you learn to do as you are told by your King without question? We are in an extremely dangerous situation here and it is imperative that you follow orders without argument. Do I make myself clear?"

Merlin was torn between being furious at this treatment and amused that Arthur thought he knew the ways of the forest better than Merlin himself did. He was also somewhat disconcerted that Arthur was pressing his whole weight into him and pinning him against a tree in a somewhat intimate fashion. All these thoughts busied his head and he forgot to respond to Arthur's words. Arthur shook him abruptly and hissed in his ear, "Do I make myself clear, Merlin?"

Merlin nodded his head as best he could with a hand firmly clasped over his mouth.

"Thank the gods for that", said Arthur, finally letting go and stepping back. "Now come on."

The King walked off in the direction of the clearing and after straightening out his clothes Merlin followed after. He hurried one pace behind his master and so when Arthur suddenly and inexplicably disappeared from view, he had no time to stop and wonder what had happened before he felt himself falling into the blackness.

Several sickening moments of blind panic passed. Merlin was so petrified of this fall into the abyss that he could not even cry out. He just about heard a rustle and a thump below him when he himself hit the ground. 

Miraculously, his fall was broken by some thick undergrowth. He was stabbed and scratched by thorns all down his side and back but was cushioned by the thicket and so was only slightly winded when he hit the earth. He incurred another fine collection of scratches on his hands and face as he fought his way out of the thicket.

"Arthur?", he whispered into the darkness once he had checked himself over.

"Owwwwww", came the muffled reply a few yards away.

"Where are you?", said Merlin quietly, "I can't see a thing down here."

"I'm over here.", replied the King in a loud, pained whisper.

Merlin moved toward the voice with arms outstretched and promptly fell over onto the prostrate monarch.

Arthur groaned into the earth and reached a hand behind himself to push Merlin off of him.

"Oops, Sorry Sire", apologized Merlin, rolling off and kneeling beside his master. "Are you alright?"

"Can't move my ankle", gritted out Arthur, "Think it might be stuck."

Merlin felt his way down the King's legs and his left hand came up against a rock face before it found the royal foot. He felt his way and discovered that Arthur's foot was caught in a crevice in the rock and was at a very unnatural angle to the rest of his leg.

"I think I can lift you up to free your foot", he said, "but it's going to hurt."

"You think you can lift me up?" said Arthur in a voice clouded by pain? "Merlin, I'm twice your size."

"I'm stronger than I look.", replied his manservant, reaching an arm below the king's chest and another just above his knees. "Now hold on around my waist and trust me."

"Wait", gasped Arthur as Merlin began to lift. "Hurts like hell. Need some kind of gag to stop me screaming."

Merlin lowered him down again and promptly took off his neckerchief. He folded it up and placed it in Arthur's mouth. "This should do", he said, "Ready?"

Arthur nodded against his shoulder and took a deep breath in. With a little boost from his magic Merlin lifted the King up until his foot slipped free of the crevice. As the ankle moved Arthur bit hard on the handkerchief and let out a muffled cry of pain then panted as Merlin gently sat him down on the earth and began to check his injury as best he could in the dark. Arthur hissed and grabbed his hands to stop him when the pain became too great.

"Well I can't see a bloody thing", said Merlin, "but judging from the angle your foot is at, I think something is broken." He pulled his bag from his shoulder and began rifling around in it. He was amazed that none of the small glass bottles had broken in the fall. "Here", he said, pulling out the thing he was looking for, "Have some laudenam - it'll take the edge off the pain."

"It will also take the edge off my senses, Merlin", whispered Arthur, "I'll do without otherwise I shall be no good if anyone discovers us here."

"Arthur, you'll be no good anyway", said Merlin a little impatiently, "You can't put any weight on that leg. What are you planning to do - throw rocks at them?"

"Fair point", conceded Arthur. He took the bottle and downed it's contents. 

"Oh you do listen to sense sometimes", said Merlin with a hint of mirth in his voice. "Now if we'd have carried on in the direction I suggested......"

"Merlin", said Arthur threateningly.

"I know", sighed Merlin, "Shut up"

"Correct", replied Arthur. 

Merlin got up and began to scrabble about in the clearing.

"What the hell are you doing now?" hissed Arthur.

"Gathering ferns" whispered Merlin from a small distance away. "We can't do much but stay here until it's light, these ferns will hide us and also help to keep us warm."

"What nonsense are you talking now?" said the King incredulously, "Since when do ferns........oh!" As he spoke Merlin had returned with an impressive armful of fern fronds. He laid them over Arthur as the King was speaking and surreptitiously cast a spell to warm the air beneath them.

"See, we learn all sorts of useful skills out in the villages that you noblemen know nothing about", said Merlin smugly. He gathered another handful of undergrowth and settled down next to Arthur, arranging the leaves over the two of them. With the heat generated by his spell it really was rather cozy. "Now, the best thing to do is to try and sleep until morning."

Arthur wanted to argue, but the laudenam was taking affect, so all he could manage was "Hmm" before he succumbed to sleep and his head fell onto Merlin's shoulder.


	25. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur meet the Druids for the first time.

Merlin slowly blinked awake as dawn was breaking the following morning. For a few seconds he was confused to be sitting against a rock wall with hair tickling his nostrils, an arm draped around his waist and the heat from another's body radiating all along his left side. He lifted his head and scratched his nose and squinted at the golden head resting on his shoulder and the memory of the night before came back to him. Arthur was still deeply asleep and snoring quietly, the warm air from his exhalations puffing against Merlin's neck and making him shiver a little. 

Despite their current predicament stuck at the bottom of a narrow gully with no way up that he could see (which, mused Merlin, was entirely Arthur's fault), the manservant could not help but smile down fondly at his King. Although his Master drove him to distraction sometimes and treated him appallingly most of the time, Merlin could not imagine a life without him. He quietly watched Arthur sleep on and fought an overwhelming urge to stroke back the golden hair from the royal forehead and to wrap his arms around his waist and cosy up. Arthur was obviously still drugged by the laudenam and to take advantage of the situation would be very wrong.

Merlin was suddenly shaken from these thoughts when he heard a twig snap somewhere overhead. He swiftly pulled the fern fronds up to completely cover himself and Arthur and anxiously peeped through a gap in the leaves to see who or what was approaching. He held his breath and suddenly Arthur's light snoring sounded very loud in his ear. After long tense seconds Merlin heard another twig snap and a gentle fall of stones into the gully as whoever was above came close enough to the edge to dislodge small rocks and earth.  
Merlin braced himself to use his magic to repel the unknown person if he should turn out to be one of Cendred's henchmen. He hoped to all the gods that Arthur would not wake up and catch him at it. He tensed himself for action as a mop of black hair came into view from the top of the gully...and then relaxed when the face of a small boy appeared.

The boy peered into the gully, his curiosity aroused after noticing scuffed grass and broken branches near it's top. His large intelligent blue eyes swept the gully bottom and quickly focused on the fern fronds piled unnaturally against the cliff wall. He frowned and looked alarmed and began to move back, fearful of what might be hidden there.  
Before he withdrew completely, Merlin moved the fern camouflage from off his face and looked up. The boy was obviously a druid child. With his unruly mop of black hair and big eyes, Merlin was struck by just how much he resembled Mordred at the same age and wondered if they may perhaps be related. Anxious not to awaken Arthur, he reached out to speak to the boy with his mind.

*Don't be frightened, we mean you no harm*, he 'said', looking up earnestly at the child. *My friend is injured and we cannot move*.

The boy's eyes grew wide and he looked down at Merlin in surprise and then to the blond head resting on his shoulder. He made no other answer.

*Can you hear me?*, asked Merlin, wondering if he'd made a mistake and if the child wasn't a druid after all but some passing peasant child.

The boy nodded and leaned a little further over the cliff top, *Emrys?* he 'asked' in a soft quavering thought.

It was Merlin's turn to be surprised. He would never get used to being recognised as Emrys by people (and creatures) that he had never before met. He nodded once and 'said'. *I am he. My friend and I came to speak to your clan leaders but we fell into this gully last night and he has broken his ankle. Could you bring help?*

The boy's eyes grew even wider. *The mighty Emrys wishes to speak with our clan?*, he 'asked' wonderingly. He stood upright and looked less alarmed and more determined. *We are camped a mile from here. I shall come back with the Elders within the half hour, I swear it.*

Merlin gave him a broad smile and mouthed a silent "Thank You" up to him. The boy smiled back and dashed off.

Once the boy had gone, Merlin endeavoured to wake Arthur up. He gently (and somewhat reluctantly) shifted the King's head from his shoulder and unwrapped the arm from around his waist and sat Arthur against the cliff wall and pushed thier makeshift fern bedding aside. He grabbed his Master's shoulders and shook firmly and said in a loud voice, "Arthur! Come on now - time to wake up!".

"Guh?" replied Arthur intelligently, his head lolling around as Merlin shook him. He attempted to open his eyes but his lids felt heavy and he could not focus anyway. "G'roff me, Merlin", he slurred, "s' not even light yet."

Merlin tutted and shook him again. "Come on dollophead", he said, "Pull yourself together; the Druids will be here soon and we don't want them thinking you're a drunken idiot."

"D'rids?", slurred Arthur, his eyes still closed but a frown creasing his brow, "What d'you mean D'rids? Jus' let me sleep and shut the curtains again on your way out."

Merlin leaned back on his haunches and regarded his King and wondered if he'd given him a little too much of the sedative the previous evening. He decided that drastic action was needed and hoped that Arthur would forgive him and not hit him again. He took his water skin from his bag and promptly emptied it's contents over the King's head then swiftly moved back out of kicking or punching range.

"Gaaaah!", announced Arthur in a voice several octaves higher than his usual. "What the hell?" He opened his eyes and with his uninjured foot kicked out at the spot where Merlin had been moments before.

"Sorry Sire", said Merlin from several feet away and holding up his hands, "I tried everything else and you just wouldn't wake up and you have to be awake and......."

"Count yourself lucky I can't move because of this ankle", growled Arthur dangerously, wiping the water from his hair and eyes, "Because if I could get hold of you right now, so help me I'll...."

"Arthur", said Merlin with authority in his voice, "Whilst you were still asleep a Druid child discovered us. He will return in a few minutes with the Clan Elders. I thought that you would prefer to be awake and alert rather than drooling into my shoulder when they got here."

The King blinked at him indignantly, "I do not drool", he announced regally, rapidly wiping at his mouth just in case. He sat up as best he could and said. "In that case, I will not put you in the stocks for trying to drown me as I slept."

Merlin huffed a laugh. "Well that's a relief", he said smiling and daring to sit down next to the King, "Here", he said as he threw his kerchief to Arthur, "wipe your face and hair on this so you look less like a drowned rat when they get here."

Arthur caught the kerchief and mopped himself down.

"How's the ankle?" asked Merlin conversationally as the King tidied himself up.

Arthur glanced down at it and paled a little upon seeing the unnatural angle that his foot sat at. "Hurt's but not as much as it should given what it looks like", he said. "How much of that laudenham did you give me last night, anyway - I still feel a little numb and woozy."

"Well I didn't tell you to drink the entire bottle, you just downed the lot!" said Merlin indignantly, "Though perhaps it's best you did - you would've been unbearable if you had been awake all night."

His cheekyness earned him a lightening quick slap across the back of the head.

"Bloody ow!", he grumbled, rubbing the spot on the back of his head which was sore from having been hit far too often by his master.

"I might still be woozy but my reflexes are better than yours", said Arthur smugly, "Now less of your cheek - I would rather the Druid Elders did not see you acting so insubordinately to your King."

Merlin looked at Arthur thoughtfully as he carried on rubbing at the sore spot on his head. After a while he asked, "You do remember why the Dolma wants you to meet the Druids, don't you?" 

Arthur looked back at him frowning. "Yes", he replied, "She wants me to show my willingless to learn their ways and to ask forgiveness for the wrongs I have done their people in the past."

Merlin nodded, glad to hear that Arthur had remembered so well. "Don't you think", he suggested carefully, "that they would be more willing to believe you if you treated your manservant as your equal rather than as your punching bag?"

Arthur thought for a few moments before conceding, "You may have a point Merlin."

Merlin smiled at his small victory.

"Even so", continued Arthur, raising his hand to emphasise the point, "Best let me do the talking when they get here. I quite sure they'd want to listen to someone wise and authoritative rather than some blathering idiot."

"I'm quite sure they would, Sire", said Merlin with a broad grin and laughter twinkling in his eyes.

Before Arthur could ask Merlin why he seemed so amused at being addressed as a 'blathering idiot' there was a sound of many footsteps approaching the edge of the gully above them. Both men held thier breaths and looked upward, Arthur's hand went automatically to his sword hilt worried that the footsteps might belong to a Patrol rather than to the Druids they were expecting. Both men sighed in relief when the first men came into view and it was obvious from thier clothing that they were indeed Druid Elders.   
Arthur was just thinking about what he should say by way of greeting when he was rendered speechless . The twelve Elders lined up along the edge of the gully and as one dropped to one knee and bowed thier heads. 

"Welcome to our Forest, oh Mighty One", said the eldest amongst them, not raising his head, "We have long awaited your coming and are honoured to have you amongst us and wish only to serve you."

Arthur was utterly confused as he looked between the kneeling Druids and Merlin who was staring back at him with impossibly wide and rather panicked eyes.


	26. A Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur convince the Druids to allow them to visit their encampment.

Merlin tore his gaze away from Arthur's confused face and looked up at the gathered Druids.

*Please*, he said to them with his mind, *Please, my companion has no idea who I am or that I have magic. I implore you to keep my secret.*

Almost as one the Druids lifted their heads and scrutinized him, puzzlement on all their faces. None of them spoke, either telepathically or otherwise.

"Greetings!", called Merlin aloud, "My name is Merlin and I am manservant to the King ..... ow!"

As he spoke, Arthur had grabbed his arm and yanked him roughly backward. Merlin looked down at him with annoyance. "What were we just talking about Merlin?" said the King quietly whilst glaring at his companion, "Didn't we agree that I should do the talking."

Merlin rolled his eyes and nodded, pulling back his arm and rubbing at the spot where Arthur had grabbed him. Above them the Druid Elders looked on in consternation at the rough treatment of the Mighty Emrys.

"Hello there!", said Arthur in a loud clear voice, "I...er...thank you with all my heart for your words of welcome. Your prophetic skills are legendary, even in my Kingdom, but I am nevertheless amazed that you foresaw this visit."

The Druids blinked down wordlessly, frowning a little and looking between Merlin and Arthur expectantly. Arthur was a little wrong-footed by their silence and thier insistence on looking at Merlin rather than at him but carried on with his speech, "...and as for being "The Mighty One', well - that is perhaps being a little....er....generous with your praise...but I thank you nevertheless....."

"My Master is still a little woozy from having taken laudenham", interjected Merlin, rubbing his hands together nervously, "Please forgive his mumblings. Allow me to introduce us properly - this is Arthur, King of Camelot and I am his manservant Merlin. We come to seek counsel with you. The King has injured his leg badly in a fall and we cannot climb out of this gully."

The Druids stood up and took a step backward. The most senior amongst them looked down at Merlin with a frown. *You bring the son of the murderer Uther Pendragon to our sanctuary?*, he asked incredulously with his mind.

*Please*, pleaded Merlin, *He is not the same as his father. He dearly wishes to learn the ways of the Old Religion, to understand magic.*

*The Pendragons are not to be trusted*, said another harsher voice in Merlin's mind, *I was in the encampment in Camelot when this man was a young Prince and witnessed the cold blooded slaughter of women and children.*

*No!*, insisted Merlin, *He is no longer that man. I trust him with my life. He is destined to bring magic back to this land. Please...give him a chance...*

Arthur was irritated at Merlin for cutting off his speech to the Druids but thought it imprudent to hit his manservant again with such an attentive audience. He began to wonder if English was in fact the first language of these men because they seemed to be taking a very long time to respond to Merlin's words.

"My manservant, although insolent, speaks the truth", he said suddenly, "I would be extremely grateful if you would allow us to spend some time amongst you, to learn your ways. I must acknowledge that my father - and I am ashamed to say myself - have done wicked things to your people in the past. I am here to apologize unreservedly and to beg your forgiveness. I have recently become aware that magic is not an evil thing of itself. With your leave, I would like to learn more of your beliefs and perhaps in time forge closer ties and an atmosphere of trust between our peoples."

The most senior of the Elders took a step toward the edge of the gully and looked directly at Arthur. "These are impressive words young King, but how do we know that it's not a trap? Perhaps you want to spend time amongst us in order to learn the location of our camp and to return with your Knights to destroy the remnants of a people that your father almost succeeded in wiping out."

"I swear to you on my honour that is not the case", said Arthur placing a hand over his heart. "I put myself, and my manservant, entirely at your mercy. If needs be I am prepared to be kept blindfolded to prevent me learning of the location of your camp."

The Elder nodded once and stepped back to confer with his companions. Arthur strained to hear what they were saying; unsuccessfully as the druids spoke telepathically. Merlin listened in intently as they 'spoke' amongst themselves. Several of the men were deeply suspicious of the sudden appearance of the King amongst them and were willing to leave the injured man to die at the foot of the gully. Several more voices objected to such a callous opinion and wished to at least treat the injured man before sending he and Merlin on thier way back to Camelot. A few voices, including the leader amongst them were more willing to give Arthur the benefit of the doubt. The debate went on for long minutes, with each man voicing his opinion. When all had 'spoken' and it seemed that the vote may go against them, Merlin interjected.

*I implore you to give Arthur a chance*, he said with his mind. *I have served him for more than ten years and seen him grow into a great King and a truly noble man. He is in earnest about his wish to know more of the Old Religion.*

*You are the Greatest amongst us. The stories claim that you are Magic Itself.*, interrupted the voice of the leader. *You say you have served him for ten years. If this is so, why do you not teach him the Old ways?*

*I have powerful magic, it is true*, replied Merlin, *but it is...elemental...I have no knowledge of the Old Religion other than what I have learned from my mentor Gaius and my dealings with the witch Morgana Pendragon. Spending time amongst you would be as much an education for me as for Arthur.*

At these words the leader made up his mind. "Very well", he said aloud, walking to the edge of the gully and addressing Arthur. "You may spend some time amongst us, but until we reach the encampment you must wear a blindfold and allow one of my fellows to cast a spell on you so that you cannot remember the route. Are you willing to allow this?"

Arthur was slightly startled to hear the man speak after what had been (to him at least) long minutes of silence. He nodded enthusiastically in reply and gave a broad smile to the Elders. "I am willing to do whatever it takes to gain your trust", he replied. 

Merlin let out a long sigh of relief and smiled down at Arthur before looking back up to the gathered druids and asking, "The King is injured and cannot move, could we ask your assistance in getting him out of this gully and perhaps helping to tend his wound?"

The Druids disappeared from above them and after a minute or so reappeared further along the gully having found the pathway down. They walked over to Merlin and Arthur. The leader knelt down and inspected Arthur's broken ankle. He gently raised the injured leg and placed his other hand on the injured area. Arthur clenched his jaw and breathed in deeply and took tight hold of Merlin's arm anticipating excruciating pain . The Druid whispered some words that were incomprehensible to the King and his eyes glowed a bright golden colour. Suddenly a pleasant warm feeling radiated from the man's hands and through Arthur's injured ankle. The warmth spread all up his leg then slowly subsided as the Druid gently moved the foot back into it's natural position. When the warmth had gone completely the Druid gently lay Arthur's foot back down on the ground and stood up saying, "You were fortunate, it was a clean break, it is all mended now."

Arthur blinked up at him in disbelief and looked down at his foot. Very tentatively he wiggled his toes and when he felt no pain moved his whole foot. He blinked in surprise and slowly pulled himself up onto two legs using Merlin as support. When he took two steps unaided and did not collapse in agony a broad grin spread across his face.

"Ha!", he said whilst doing a little dance on the spot, "Ha! It's completely healed! That's amazing!"

Merlin grinned at him and shook his head at this most un-kingly behavior.

When he was completely sure of his recovery, Arthur let go of Merlin and strolled over to the leader of the elders holding out his hand. "I am forever in your debt my good man" he said, grasping the man in a firm handshake. "May I have the honour of knowing your name?"

The Elder smiled for the first time and returned Arthur's enthusiastic handshake. "I am Cathal" he replied, "and I welcome you to our forest." In a more serious voice he added, "Now, however, we must blindfold you and cast a confounding spell."

"Of course, of course!", said Arthur smiling. Cathal nodded to one of the other men who came forward and tied a cloth about the King's eyes. "You'll need to have two people guideing my idiot of a manservant once he's been blindfolded", he said as they tightened the cloth, "He falls over his feet even when he can see them!"

"Wasn't me who fell into a gully and busted his foot", said Merlin sulkily from beside him, earning a shove from Arthur.

The Druids watched this interaction and looked questioningly at Merlin.

*You should blindfold me too or he may get suspicious*, he said with his mind and after a moments hesitation and a shrug of the shoulders one of the Druids moved forward and tied a length of cloth loosely around his eyes. Once they were both blindfolded and a spell had been muttered above Arthur's head, they moved off toward the camp.  
Merlin had not been put under the confounding spell and was thus aware that they were being taken on a very meandering route which doubled back on itself a few times. They must have walked a good three miles already. Merlin remembered that the boy who originally found them said the encampment was only a mile away from where Arthur had fallen. He felt pleased that the Druids were being careful to protect their location. 

At first he and Arthur walked side by side, but as the paths through the forest became narrower, Merlin and his guide fell back a few paces. Merlin concentrated his hearing on the King's familiar footfalls and his voice as he spoke to the men around him, but he also began to pick up the telepathic voices of more Druids as they came closer to the Camp.

He was a little startled when a voice very close to his ear asked, "Emrys, why is it that you remain a servant to this man?"

Merlin turned his head toward the voice. He recognized it as the one that had voiced distrust against Arthur. He thought for a few moments before shrugging and replying simply, "It is my destiny."

"But you are the Great Emrys, the Eternal." continued the voice, "Your coming has been foretold for countless generations amongst the Druid peoples. You have great power. Why do you not live and rule amongst your own people?"

Merlin thought for a while before answering in a quiet voice. "I do not wish to rule anyone. I wish to see magic return to the land and to see the people prosper. The Great Dragon has told me that this will come to pass only under the Kingship of Arthur with me at his side, so I stay with him and I advise him."

The man beside him huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "You should beware the words of Dragons" he said, "With your power you could bring back magic without the aid of this King. He treats you as nothing more than a simpleton. He has no respect for who or what you are."

"He cannot know what I am.", interjected Merlin.

"How can you believe that a golden age of magic will come to pass under this King when you are unwilling to even reveal your true nature to him?", asked the man in almost mocking tone, then in a gentler voice, "You should give up this ill advised plan of yours. Instead come and live amongst us. Our centuries of wisdom together with your power are surely the things that will return magic to the earth."

"You are mistaken.", said Merlin with an edge of annoyance in his voice.

They arrived suddenly in the Encampment and were immediately surrounded by dozens of Druids including women and curious children. Merlin's guide took off his blindfold and Merlin blinked in surprise at the mass of awestruck faces before him. Somehow - he had no idea how - they all knew who he was.

His guide moved into his field of vision and looked intently at him with startling green eyes. "We are yours to lead, if only you reconsider", he said quietly.

"I cannot leave him", replied Merlin looking over at Arthur who was a few yards away, then looked back at his guide with his jaw set. "Don't ask me to."

The man regarded him for a few moments and then sadly shook his head before walking away.


	27. Amongst the Druids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King and his Manservant spend three informative days amongst the Druids

Their time at the Druid encampment had passed far too quickly for Arthur's liking. He bemoaned the fact that they could not stay any longer as the Knights were waiting for them on the other side of the border and would come to seek them out if they didn't reappear on the morning of their third day away.

To his surprise the visit had been an extremely enjoyable one rather than the chore that he had anticipated when he had first agreed to do the bidding of the Dolma. As he sat quietly by a bonfire on their last evening and watched the life of the camp going on around him, he made a mental note to thank the her for sending him on this mission.  
Perhaps the most liberating aspect of his time amongst the Druids was the fact that here he was not a King, but simply Arthur. He couldn't remember a time in his life when he had not been the centre of attention, had not been treated as someone special, had not been deferred to by everyone around him. 

Actually he reflected, that wasn't entirely true. Since their very first meeting, Merlin had unswervingly treated Arthur as just another ordinary human being and never ever deferred to him simply because he was of royal birth. Although it had driven Arthur to distraction in his younger days, he sometimes felt that Merlin's singular attitude toward him was the only thing that had kept him sane and grounded all these years.

Here amongst the Druids, everyone treated him just as Merlin did and Arthur felt he could relax and - for a while at least - throw off the heavy cloak of responsibility that came with being a King.

Arthur smiled at this thought and cast his gaze around the darkened camp seeking out his manservant. Apart from sharing sleeping quarters, they had spent very little time together at the encampment.

Merlin had proved a huge hit with the Druid children. They surrounded him everywhere he went and hung off his arms and legs as he walked around. Arthur would watch him from a distance surrounded by thirty or more smiling faces. The King had no idea what Merlin was saying or doing to entertain them, but they would either be looking at him with unbelievably wide wondering eyes or howling with laughter and shouting excitedly. On the first day he had drifted over to a clearing in the forest where Merlin and his fan club were congregated to find out what his idiot manservant was doing that was so funny. Small children were squealing with laughter and clapping their hands together. Arthur pulled a branch aside and walked out into the clearing and for a few seconds was convinced that he could see a ring of red dotted toadstools dancing in midair. At his sudden appearance, the children stopped laughing and gasped. Merlin turned around to see what had disturbed them and as he did so the toadstools fell silently onto the forest floor. For a few moments Merlin and the children regarded him with wide, almost scared eyes before Merlin had cracked a broad grin and explained, "Hullo! I was singing them a song from Ealdor that my mother taught me and young Declan here was making the toadstools dance." He turned back around and watched in dismay as the children scurried away into the forest. He had looked apologetically at Arthur and shrugged, "Sorry...they're a bit shy."

"They seem to like you well enough", Arthur had replied a little sulkily. 

Merlin had scratched the back of his head and looked off to where all the children had melted away into the forest. "Yeah, well", he had said, "Everybody loves a clown, I guess." He nudged Arthur with a shoulder and added, "Try smiling at them - that might win them round."

Arthur had indeed tried smiling thereafter whenever he saw the children, but they simply hid their faces in their mother's skirts or ran to stand behind Merlin.

On the rare occasions when he wasn't being swarmed by the children of the encampment (usually after dark when they had all settled down to sleep), Merlin seemed to spend his   
time drifting from one family fire to another. Arthur would watch as he was warmly greeted by the head of each household and take his place by the fire. Sometimes he would chat amicably and perhaps help the women with their chores. More often however, he would simply sit amongst them and all would gaze into the campfire - sometimes for several hours - not saying anything at all. This puzzled Arthur, but he eventually decided that this must be the custom amongst simple folk.

The King had also noticed Merlin often in the company of a handsome green-eyed man who was around his own age. He would catch glimpses of them sitting out on the edge of the camp. More often than not, his manservant would stand and walk away from the fellow after a few minutes. The behavior puzzled Arthur and he had thought about quizzing Merlin on it, but he didn't want to give the boy any notions that he was jealous of him spending time with anyone else. 

Arthur turned his thoughts away from his manservant and reflected more on his time here amongst the Druids. As well as the joy of simply being treated as an ordinary person, he had been awed by what he had learned of the Old Religion. Most of his days had been spent in the company of Cathal the Clan chief and about ten of the other Elders and his head spun with all that they had taught him. They had explained as simply as they could the mysteries of Earth Magic; the language of the trees, the influence of the celestial bodies, the magical powers of rocks and elements, the importance of respecting and working with nature rather than trying to overcome it. He had spent a particularly enjoyable afternoon with a shy and delicately featured young woman called Methyl who had attempted to explain the fundamentals of healing magic to him. She had demonstrated her own powers by moving her hands above and around his arms, legs and torso as he sat before her. Without him saying a thing, she located an area on his right shoulder that had given him pains since he had incurred an injury to it during a jousting match many years earier. She laid her hand upon the shoulder and incanted a few words. Arthur looked up and gasped in wonder as her eyes glowed gold and felt the same warm flow of energy that he had experienced when Cathal had healed his leg. 

"That's....amazing", he had said quietly as Methyl had finished her healing and smiled down at him. He heard a small huff of laughter from behind and turned around to see Merlin standing with his arms crossed smiling broadly between him and the woman.

As they had settled down to sleep that night in the small tent allotted to them, Arthur had enthused about all he had learned that day and spoke with an awestruck voice about the healing magic . Merlin lay listening, not looking at Arthur but out through the open tent flap at a bonfire blazing nearby. At one point during the telling, Arthur looked over at his manservant to check that he had not fallen asleep. He fell silent mid-sentence as he caught sight of Merlin. A small smile played on the boy's lips as he listened and the light of the fire reflected in his eyes so they seemed to glow gold. He looked ...beautiful - almost ethereal with his black hair, ivory skin and chiselled cheekbones and eyes glowing gold. After a few moments, Merlin wondered why the King had stopped talking. He glanced over and caught Arthur staring back at him with a look he could not quite decipher on his face. 

Merlin frowned, "Is something wrong, Arthur?" he asked.

A few moments later the King shook himself out of his daze and replied, "N-no", he stammered, turning his own gaze out toward the blazing fire, "no - all is good...I'm just tired, I guess. No doubt I'm in for another long day tomorrow so perhaps we should sleep."

"Mmmmm", said Merlin dreamily, his gaze shifting back to the fire, "G'night then." He was just beginning to drift off when Arthur's voice cut into the quiet again.

"Merlin", he asked, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Hmm?", asked Merlin sleepily, not even opening his eyes.

"This magic, it's...just...amazing. I am learning so much, seeing so many wondrous things that I could not have dreamed were possible", he said.

"Good", said Merlin quietly, not opening his eyes but smiling smugly.

"The thing is, Merlin", continued Arthur, reaching across the small space to poke his manservant below the ribs to insure that he was indeed still awake and paying attention.   
Merlin huffed and batted his hand away. "The thing is, you don't seem nearly as impressed or...surprised by it all as I do. Why is that?"

Merlin opened one eye and looked at him. "Of course I am", he replied.

"You don't seem to be", countered Arthur. "I've seen you gawp and gasp like a goldfish at jugglers and acrobats back in Camelot, and you almost swooned the first time you saw fireworks - so how come you seem so non-plussed by real magic?"

Merlin sat up and hugged his knees to his chest, looking down at Arthur. He was quiet for a long while before replying, "In my time serving you, I have actually seen a lot of magic being performed (sadly mostly dark magic aimed at harming you), so no, here is not the first time I've witnessed sorcery."

"Even so...." interrupted Arthur.

"Here amongst these people I see only good magic at work", continued Merlin, "and it seems such a natural part of who and what they are."

"But didn't it scare you a little", asked Arthur, not entirely convinced by Merlin's argument, "when you first saw the children performing tricks?"\

Merlin was quiet again for a while and resumed his position laying down and looking out at the fire. "Don't forget", he said yawning, "I never grew up in Camelot so don't have the ingrained fear of magic that you do. It's easy to see that there's no malice in these people - especially the children." He yawned again and stretched like a cat before adding, "Now let's get some sleep...these people wake up earlier than the lark!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Merlin (disguised as the Dolma) had asked Arthur to spend time amongst the Druids he had done so in the hope that Arthur might truly begin to understand that magic was not of itself evil. He had not stopped to think about what he himself would do for the three days at the encampment. 

Now as he sat at the edge of the camp on the last night looking up at the stars twinkling overhead he reflected on how much he had learned during the short sojourn amongst the Druids. 

The first day had been a little bit tricky. Whilst Arthur was busy with the Camp Elders, Merlin had made a point to walk around and meet as many people as he could. It seemed that everyone knew that he was the Mighty Emrys it and he had to make sure that nobody revealed this fact to Arthur. The adults (for the most part) understood his reasons to keep his true identity concealed, but the children were more of a challenge. He told the younger amongst them that he wanted to surprise the King on his birthday by revealing his true nature and performing wondrous tricks, and until then it was to be a Big Secret. In very little time the children accepted his reasons and played along. They had been a little bashful of him at first, but as soon as he began to speak to them with his mind and to sing old nursery rhymes and to perform small tricks (when there was no danger of Arthur seeing) they lost their shyness and adopted him as a playmate. He was happy to humour them and keep them out from under their parent's feet. He'd almost gotten caught out on the first day when he was teaching them the "Ring o' Roses" rhyme and making toadstools dance. Arthur had appeared out of nowhere and scared the life out of himself as well as the children. Thankfully the King had bought the story that one of the children were responsible for the levitating fungi. After that, Merlin was a lot more careful.

He'd made a point to visit all the different family groups in the camp and to learn their stories and where they had come from. The encampment, it seemed was in fact a refugee camp made up of Druid's that had been driven from their ancestral lands by war or persecution. From their accounts he put together a mental map of Albion which he was sure would prove useful in the future. 

He sometimes listened in on Arthur's lessons from the Elders. He learned a great deal by eavesdropping. Although he had been performing magic since he was a baby, it was something that he naturally did without really knowing how. The explanations that the Elders gave to Arthur answered some of Merlin's questions. He delighted to see his King genuinely enjoying the company of the Druids and not only accepting their teachings about the Old Ways, but enthusing about the magic they performed. It was more than Merlin could ever have dreamed of and his heart swelled with happiness and hope for the future.

The only thing that cast a shadow over his stay amongst the Druids was the constant pestering by Anyon. This was the man that had guided him into the camp on the first day and had tried to convince him to desert Arthur and join forces with the Druids. At every opportunity he would seek Merlin out and try to renew this argument. Truth be told, this was another reason why Merlin had spent so much time amongst the children - Anyon was less likely to bother him if he was already occupied with somebody else. On the rare occasions that Merlin sought solitude, the man would somehow appear at his side and begin whispering in his ear. He was reluctant to be downright rude to the man but had almost lost his patience several times. He tentatively asked the other clan members about the troublesome young man and soon ascertained that his views were by no means popular. Indeed there had been tension between Anyon and the Elders in the past.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the day that they had to leave the encampment, Merlin and Arthur woke up long before dawn, and even earlier than most of the Druids. They had been called from their solitary musings the previous evening to a humble but delicious feast with all the Druids and had said their goodbyes before wobbling off to bed early after perhaps a little to much mead. They were both a little groggy as they packed up their bags and spoke to each other very little, anxious not to wake everyone up in what was effectively still the middle of the night.

At the edge of the camp they were met by the Phelan - the boy that had found them in the gully. He had agreed to lead them back to the place he had first found them so that they could make their way onward to rendezvous with the Knights. The Elders had been so taken with Arthur's enthusiasm and acceptance of them that they had decided there was no need to blindfold him for the return journey. 

Just as the first birds were beginning to sing tentatively Merlin, Arthur and Phelan reached the edge of the gully where Arthur had fallen. Phelan explained in a whisper the route they should take to get back to the border. When the time came to part ways, Merlin knelt and smiled at the boy for long moments before enclosing him in a tight hug. Arthur looked on smiling a little and was taken aback when the boy let go of Merlin and turned to him and held his arms out in expectation. A little self consciously Arthur knelt down and hugged the boy to him. As they parted, the boy grinned widely at them both before hurrying away into the forest.

The King got to his feet and looked over to see Merlin standing and regarding him with a strange smile on his face and slightly moist eyes.

"What are you grinning at?", he said, still a little self conscious.

"Nothing", said Merlin, brushing away the dampness from his eyes, "It's just ...oh - never mind." He sighed, shook himself and looked off toward the direction of the border. "I suppose we should get back to the Knights", he said a little wistfully.

"Mmm, I suppose I should get back to being King", replied Arthur equally as wistfully, "and on the way we should probably work out what we're going to tell them we've been up to for the last three days."


	28. Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party returns to Camelot, but another trip is planned.

By time they arrived back at the border Merlin and Arthur had decided to tell the waiting Knights half of the truth. Their tale would be that whilst searching for Gwen on the first morning they had come across the Druids who had subsequently helped them in their (unfruitful) search and had made them welcome at their encampment. Thus, reasoned Arthur, they would have a justification for dealings with the Druids in the future.

The Knights were relieved and happy to see them. They had made a makeshift camp about a mile into Camelot's territory and had taken it in turns to stand watch close to where they had parted ways with Merlin and Arthur three days earlier. Gwaine had been the one to meet them as they slipped back over the border and he took them straight away to meet up with the others. After relieved and enthusiastic greetings, the Knights - particularly Leon - quizzed the King and his manservant on their three day absence. Merlin let Arthur do most of the talking, curious to hear how much he would actually be comfortable to relate of the time they had spent amongst the magic users. It warmed his heart to hear Arthur speaking so openly and enthusiastically about all that he had seen and learnt. The reaction of the Knights was mixed. Gwaine and Leon were at first a little skeptical and cautious, but became more enthusiastic as Arthur spoke on. From the outset Mordred beamed with pride and happiness to hear his King give such praise to his own kindred.  
Arthur bent the truth just a little as he gave his account. Merlin was amused that he left out the whole episode of falling into a gully and breaking his ankle (and would make a point to tease him about it later on). He was taken aback somewhat when Arthur concluded his tale by saying, "On our last evening there were visitors from another Druid clan that actually live on the Northern Borders of Camelot"

"Oh?", said Leon questioningly.

"Yes", continued Arthur, "I was surprised to learn of their existence too! They were a timid bunch. They told me that they live in the deepest parts of the woods and have their homes in the treetops and for that reason we have never detected them."

"Well I'll be damned", said Gwaine shaking his head in wonder.

"Anyway", continued Arthur, "Once we had made our aquaintance, they told me that they had sighted Gueneviere alone and heading into the Northern Forest."

"Then we should tarry here no longer", said Leon standing up decisively. "If we ride hard then we could be there by nightfall."

"No, Leon", said Arthur calmly, "I think that it would be much wiser to return to Camelot first."

"But...", began Leon.

"I am less concerned for Guenivere's welfare if she is back within Camelot's borders", interrupted Arthur. "There is every chance that a patrol might find her and bring her back to the Castle before we even get to the Northern Border, and our journey would be wasted."

"Even so, my Lord", pressed Leon.

"..and", interjected Arthur again, "As welcome as the Druids made us, they had no hot water to spare and I am absolutely dying for a bath and a change of clothes. I would rather not go hunting for my wife smelling like a goat." He stood up and added, "Come on - let us head back to Camelot without delay."

Everyone saddled their horses and mounted up. They headed off at a fast trot back toward Camelot. They stopped to rest up at the same spot that they had done so en route to Essitir. Merlin took Arthur aside as the Knights filled their water bottles.

"What was that about the sighting of Gwen?" he asked in a low voice, I don't remember any such visitors coming into camp?"

"That's because there weren't", said Arthur quietly whilst checking to see that nobody was listening in on them.

"So why...?", Merlin began to ask.

"So we will have a valid reason to head up North to visit the Dolma again, idiot." said Arthur, looking smug.

"A - ahh!", said Merlin catching on, he was surprised and impressed by his master's forward thinking, "You know, despite appearances, you're not always a complete dollop head..."

He gave an outraged squawk the next moment as Arthur got him in a headlock and dunked his head into the freezing water of the stream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With some hard riding, they arrived back in Camelot by mid-afternoon and, true to his word, Arthur took a long hot bath. Once refreshed, he called together his council at the Round Table for an evening sitting.

"As some of you already know", he began once everyone was seated, "The Druids of our Northern Forest sighted the Queen close to the Border yesterday afternoon. I propose to travel in search of her on the morrow."

"Very good Sire", said Leon. "How many Knights do you require to accompany you?"

"I shall make the journey with just Merlin", said Arthur after a few moments. As once the Knights and Gaius raised thier voices in objection. Arthur held up his hand for silence.  
"I have thought this through", he said. "The Queen is - allegedly - safely back within our borders. I do not fear for her wellbeing at the hands of bandits."

"But your Majesty, if she is accompanied by Morgana then you will be in great danger", objected Gaius.

"True", agreed the King, "However the Druids did not see Morgana with her so I believe she is travelling alone. As with our search in the Forest of Essitir, I feel that the chance of success is greater if just myself and Merlin go...if there is a large group of Camelot Knights she is more likely to go to ground."

There were grumbles from all those present around the table apart from Merlin who stood quietly behind Arthur.

"I know you are all concerned for the safety of myself and of the Queen, and I thank you for it", said Arthur to quieten down the grumblings. "However, there are duties here in Camelot for you all to attend to and I am loathe to take you away from it for something which is, fundamentally a personal matter. Myself and Merlin shall leave at dawn and will be back in the Citadel before dark. If we have not returned by the appearance of the first stars, then you are free to come and find us."

"Very well", mumbled Leon after exchanging looks and nods with the other Knights. Gaius said nothing, but looked steadfastly at Merlin with a stern expression and an eyebrow raised so high that it had disappeared into his hair line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As luck would have it, Gaius had been called to tend to Sir Bors who had taken a bad fall during jousting practice and had broken his hip. The physician was attending to him down at the jousting ground. Merlin had offered to come and help, but his mentor waved him off, telling him that his time may be better spent bathing and resting before his early trip to the Northern Border on the morrow. 

Merlin had taken a very swift bath and was currently surrounded by bottles and powders on Gaius's workbench. He consulted his spell book and followed instructions to mix up a new batch of transformation potion. He was slightly concerned at how long it was taking to mix and brew and he worried that at any minute Gaius might return and ask him why he needed more of the potion. Thankfully he had managed to complete the task and had just finished tidying away all the ingredients and cooking tools when Gaius made an appearance. He sniffed the air suspiciously.

"What is that smell?", he said distastefully, "You haven't finally cleaned out all the old socks from under your bed have you?"

"Something like that", said Merlin. He quickly changed the subject, "How is Bors?"

"Oh - he'll live" said Gaius, putting down his bag of medicines on the workbench and quickly glancing at the Spellbook which was still open there. "He won't be jousting - or indeed walking - for a month or so."

"Oh dear", said Merlin.

"Actually, whilst I think of it, could you please run some laudenham down to his squire to give to him when he goes to bed." said Gaius, walking over and selecting a vail of medicine from the shelf as he spoke.

"Certainly", said Merlin, walking forward and taking the bottle from his mentor before heading out of the door. "I need to attend to Arthur soon anyway, so I shall drop it off on my way."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he got to Arthur's chambers with his evening meal, he was surprised to see the King already in his sleeping shirt and breeches and sprawled out across his bed.

"Are you feeling well, Sire?", he said looking askance at the King after he'd put the tray and pitcher of wine onto the table.

"You know, I had a splendid time with the Druids, and I am very happy that we spent three days with them", replied Arthur, not taking his gaze from the canopy over his bed, "But there is absolutely nothing as grand as being back in my very own bed."

Merlin rolled his eyes and looked out of the window, "The sun hasn't even gone down yet!" he exclaimed, "Isn't it a bit early to be sleeping?"

"Not sleeping", said Arthur, stretching himself like a great cat and revealing a slither of abdomen as he did so, "Just....enjoying." 

Merlin swiftly looked away and coughed. "Yes, well" he said walking over to the table, "There's some lovely pork pie and half a pitcher of mulled wine here waiting for you if you can bear to get up again."

As fast and as gracefully as a lion, Arthur leapt up and stood by his side.

"I take it you have made contact?", he said as he sat down and began to pull the crust off of the pork pie and eat the meat inside.

"Eh?" said Merlin, pouring a flagon of wine and handing it to him.

"The Dolma, tomorrow, remember?" said Arthur taking the wine from him.

"Oh! Ah....yes, yes I have", blustered Merlin. "Though it wasn't easy, what with having so many chores to do once we returned this afternoon." 

"Good man", said the King, not looking up. Merlin stood and watched him eat for a while until Arthur began to feel a little uncomfortable.

"We've got a long day tomorrow Merlin", he said, "I've already bathed today, and you don't need to attend me whilst I eat. You can head off now and get an early night."

"Thanks", said Merlin beaming gratefully. He stood and continued to watch Arthur eat. Arthur stopped chewing and looked up at him a little puzzled.

"The crust and the meat-jelly", explained Merlin nodding down at Arthur's plate.

"What of them?", asked the King frowning.

"They're everso fattening", said Merlin with wide eyes, "Perhaps I should take them away so that you're not tempted to nibble on them...I know how much you value your athletic figure."

"Oh for pity's sake", said Arthur rolling his eyes and shoving the plate towards Merlin, "If you want to eat them, why not just say so!"

"Great!" said Merlin picking up the crust and shoving it into his mouth before the King had a change of heart. Arthur stared at him in disbelief as he chewed and made slightly obscene moans of appreciation. "Phanks", he spluttered around a mouthful of food.

Arthur shook his head and wondered why he put up with such an insolent individual as his manservant. "Goodnight, idiot." he said when Merlin eventually headed off. "See you at dawn, in the stables."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin did not fact go straight back to his rooms but instead went up to sit on the North Tower to watch a magnificent full moon rise over the forest. He reflected on the time he and Arthur had spent amongst the Druids and how surprised he had been by the King's enthusiasm and acceptance of their ways. It would never have happened if the Dolma had not requested it of the King. He pondered on what might happen the following day when he was once again disguised as The Dolma. He wondered how far he should let this ruse play out before he ended it. On the one hand when he was in disguise as the Dolma he could say all of the things that he had been aching to say to Arthur for the last ten years. He was able to be completely open about magic, and to show affection...and the Dolma seemed to be the only person with whom Arthur was willing to open up and share his emotions. But...it was evident that Arthur was developing a deep fondness for the Sorceress. Merlin knew that he was playing with fire and that the whole thing would have to finish before he was discovered or - heaven forbid - Arthur's heart was broken again.

He sighed deeply as he stood up and walked slowly back to his room. He wasn't so sure that he could make a complete break tomorrow, but he would begin to make Arthur understand that nothing could happen between the King and the Sorceress. 

Gaius was already asleep and snoring gently when Merlin arrived so he lit a candle and tiptoed gently to his own room. He was a little puzzled to see his spell book open and on his bed rather than on the workbench where he had left it. He put the candle down by his bed and went to close the book. A handwritten note from Gaius on the opened page stopped him. The note said, "It is important that you read and understand this page." Merlin lifted it and curiously read the chapter heading on the open page. It said, "Warning - Side effects caused by prolonged use of transformation potions."


	29. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur head off to visit The Dolma again.

"You're uncommonly quiet today, Merlin", said Arthur as they were sitting and eating porridge by a stream half way to The Cauldron of Arianroed the following day.  
"Thinking", replied Merlin around a mouthful of food.

"Careful not to strain yourself so early in the morning", replied Arthur playfully.

Merlin huffed a small laugh and carried on eating in silence.

"So, what are you thinking about?", asked Arthur, "Although it pains me to say it, I get a little bit worried when you are quiet and not wittering on mindlessly like you normally do."  
Merlin looked at him with a mock annoyed frown but carried on eating.

"Come on", said the King, kicking him playfully on the ankles so that he lost his balance and slipped from the log that he was using as a seat. "Speak!"  
Merlin tutted, re-took his seat on the log and finished chewing his mouthful. He looked thoughtfully at the King for a few moments before speaking. "Two times now, you have used the excuse that we are searching for Gwen when in fact we are visiting the Dolma."

"Correct", answered the King a little hesitantly, "what is your point?"

Merlin paused for a few moments before asking, "Do you think, perhaps, that we should actually be searching for the Queen to bring her back to Camelot rather than spending all this time off visiting a sorceress or doing her bidding?"

Arthur gave him a hard, unsmiling glare.

"Just saying", said Merlin lightly and he began to pack up the breakfast things, "You did ask what I was thinking about after all."

Arthur sighed deeply. "You are right to question me", he conceded. "I am purposely not pursuing Gueniviere because, although it breaks my heart to say so, there really is no hope of winning her back."

"Oh, you can't really believe that", said Merlin leaning across to lay a consoling hand on the King's arm. "Surely she still loves you? Surely you should follow her, reconcile your differences..."

"Merlin, you weren't there at the side of the Cauldron when she woke up", interrupted Arthur, "You never heard all the things she said."

"But she is enchanted!", protested Merlin.

"Believe me, she is no longer under any enchantment", said Arthur emphatically but sadly. "She simply no longer loves me."

Merlin studied him intently, "And you accept that? You don't want to even try to win her back?"

Arthur studied the bonfire for long moments before replying quietly, "If we did find her and bring her back to Camelot I would have no option but to put her on trial for treason and sentence her to death. Whatever she has done, however much she had betrayed me, I do not think that I am capable of such an act."

Both men stared silently into the fire for a long time. 

Eventually Merlin broke the silence. "How can you bear it, though?", he asked almost in a whisper.

"I am the King and a Knight of Camelot", replied Arthur wearily, "I can bear many things."

"I don't mean as King" said Merlin impatiently, "I mean how does Arthur - the man who lost the love of his life - how do you bear it?"

"Life goes on", said the King sadly, "and as I said before, I had felt her becoming more distant since Lancelot died so - much as it hurt me at the time - I was not totally surprised by all the things she said to me at the Cauldron." He suddenly pushed himself off the log and stood up. "Talking of which", he said in a completely different tone, "Let's get going. I don't want to be late for our meeting with the Dolma."

As they cinched the horse's saddles before remounting, Merlin hesitantly asked, "I know you'll probably hit me and tell me to mind my own business again...but what would you like to...erm...happen with the Dolma?"

"What do you mean 'happen'?" asked Arthur, vaulting himself up into the saddle and frowning down at Merlin.

"I mean", said Merlin taking his own mount, "I was wondering if...erm...you are developing a...er...attachment to her, and if so...where would you expect it to lead?"

The King regarded his manservant who looked back at him a little nervously but nevertheless searchingly. After a while, he shook his head and replied, "I'm quite sure other monarchs don't have to put up with this level of scrutiny from their servants."

"I ask as your friend, Arthur", interrupted Merlin in a serious voice.

"In that case", said Arthur after a few moments, "I shall be honest with you. I enjoy her company - very much. I am intrigued by her. I truly feel that she may be the one to help me understand more about the Old Ways."

"But do you have...you know...feelings for her?", pushed Merlin.

"As I said, I greatly enjoy her company and I would be lying if I didn't think that she was incredibly easy on the eye", replied Arthur a little uncomfortably. He clicked his horse to begin walking. "Now come along Merlin, I'd like to see her today."

Resigned to the fact that he would get nothing more out of Arthur, Merlin clicked his own horse and fell into step beside the King.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They rode in companionable silence for the rest of the journey and arrived at the Cauldron by midday. As before, they dismounted and Merlin started walking up towards the caves carrying his bag.

"Wait", called Arthur after his manservant had gone only a few steps. Merlin spun round on his heels. "Perhaps I shall come up with you today to greet The Dolma at her home."

"Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea at all, Sire." replied Merlin immediately.

"Why ever not?", asked Arthur.

"She's a sorceress and guards her private space very carefully", improvised Merlin feeling rather panicked. "I think it would not be ...proper...for a visitor to surprise her in her own home. She might be doing - er- sorceressy things - that she might not be comfortable letting you see."

"Well she doesn't seem to object to you just popping up to her cave." replied Arthur petulantly.

"Oh, I'm just a harmless servant", replied Merlin airily. "She'd never feel threatened by the likes of me. I'm just a lowly messenger - you are the Great King. Anyway, you know the deal, she keeps me asleep in the cave as surety whilst she is with you."

Arthur grunted and conceded reluctantly. "What gifts did you bring her today then Merlin?", he asked pointing at the bag.

"Eh? Oh!", replied Merlin, "Just some creams and lotions to keep her skin soft. I picked them up in the lower town."

"Very thoughtful", said Arthur grumpily. He reached for a small leather bag that was hung from one of his saddlebags. "I - er - also bought a gift. Can you give this to her with my fondest regards."

Merlin raised his eyebrows in surprise at the gesture as he took the bag from Arthur. He began to undo the clasp to peep inside. Arthur batted his hands away.

"It's a gift for The Dolma", he said, "Keep your grubby hands off."

Merlin pouted but did as he was told. "Fine", he said turning to walk along the shoreline toward the caves, "I shall see you later then, shall I?"

Merlin climbed up and into one of the caves. He peeped out to make sure that Arthur hadn't followed him up. He was safe, the King was pacing back and forth at the water's edge and smoothing his clothes and hair down nervously. Merlin couldn't help but smile in fondness for a few moments. He moved a little further into the cave before opening the leather satchel that Arthur had given him. When he did so, he gasped in amazement. Inside was a beautiful velvet dress, exactly the same shade of violet as his eyes when he transformed into The Dolma. The dress was sleeveless with a modest neckline and a long full skirt that pooled onto the ground. He stroked it and wondered when and where Arthur had acquired it. He swiftly undressed and drank the transformation potion and put this new dress on. It fit perfectly, hugging his torso and hips before becoming looser from the hips down - there was no way it had ever belonged to Gwen, and he could not remember seeing Morgana in such a garment. Amongst the folds of fabric he found a fine silken shawl of a slightly darker shade of violet, and wrapped up in the shawl he found a simple silver necklace on which hung a beautiful Amethyst gemstone. With shaking hands he put on the necklace and draped the scarf across his shoulders.

Once the transformation to The Dolma was complete, Merlin took long moments to compose herself and to contemplate how she should conduct herself at today's meeting with Arthur. By presenting her with a gift that had been chosen with such obvious thoughtfulness and care, it was evident that the King was utterly besotted by the Sorceress.

Once she was able to once again breathe evenly and her hands had stopped shaking, she stepped out of the cave and walked purposefully down toward Arthur.


	30. The King's Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur meets with The Dolma for the third time and opens his heart to her.

Arthur was overwhelmed by the vision that appeared before him. The Dolma walked regally out of a cave and flowed gracefully along the shoreline towards him wearing the dress that he had gifted her. He had chosen the fabric himself and commisioned the dress from the royal seamstress. The velvet from which it was made had reminded him of the Dolma's eyes and he realized now that it was, indeed a perfect match. The effect was mezmerising and the King found himself unable to do anything other than stare open mouthed at the Sorceress as she approached him.

She stopped a few paces in front of him and curtsied slightly, bowing her head. When he still did not move or speak, she raised her eyes and looked questioningly into his.

"My Lord?", she said with a hint of concern in her voice.

The silky sound of her speech shook Arthur from his stupor of admiration. He blinked and stepped forward and took her hand, kissing it formally. "My Lady", he replied, making a small bow in return. "Forgive me. I was not expecting you to be... wearing my gift. I hope you find it pleasing?"

"It is...beautiful", said The Dolma hesitantly looking down at herself and stroking the fabric reverently, "I am honoured and somewhat overwhelmed to receive such a dress. It is worthy of a Princess."  
"It is a token of my gratitude", said Arthur, not relinquishing her hand, "and by wearing it you do indeed look like a Princess."

The Dolma did not reply but gently pulled her hand from his and took a step back.

Arthur felt suddenly self-conscious. Had he gone too far by giving her such a compliment? He decided to quickly change the subject.

"I did as you bid me, I spent a full three days amongst the Druids of Essitir", he gushed. "To be totally honest with you, I went to them because you asked me to in order to win your trust. I was expecting awkwardness or downright hostility from them, but instead was instantly welcomed into the heart of the clan."

"Indeed?", asked the Dolma smiling.

"I experienced so much, learned so much from them", he enthused, "I gained a new perspective on things, learned that I should not fear magic...and I have you to thank for prompting me to make the visit. For this you deserve such a dress - and so much more."

The Dolma gave him a dazzling smile that made her eyes crinkle in a most endearing fashion and his breath caught in his throat again and rendered him speechless with admiration. 

"I would dearly love to hear more about your time amongst the Druids", she said. "Shall we be seated?"

Arthur nodded and immediately took off his red cloak and spread it out on the grass close by the water's edge. The Dolma sat down facing the water of the Cauldron and he took a seat beside her. He studied her profile as she looked out over the water. When she eventually returned his gaze he did not look away. She held the gaze for long moments before demurely looking downward and then up at him again through her long black eyelashes.

"So tell me, Great King." she said quietly smiling, "What did my friends in Essitir teach you of our ways and of the Old Religion?"

Arthur smiled at her and proceeded to recount all that he had seen and learned from the Elders of Essitir. As with Merlin, he enthused in particular about the wonders of healing magic, and even retold the embarrassing story of falling into the gully and breaking his ankle so that he could explain how the Druid Elder had simply spoken a spell over it to heal it. 

Merlin's heart swelled inside The Dolma to hear his King speak so openly and happily about his time amongst magic users. He was taken aback somewhat to hear the King open up and admit that spending time amongst people that were indifferent to his royal status had been so liberating.

"You find the role of Kingship a heavy burden?", asked the Dolma.

"Sometimes", admitted Arthur after a few moments of contemplation. "It is what I was born for, and it is what I was trained for from an early age and I am willing to give my all for Camelot. No...I don't think that the burden of being King is too much, but I do feel that people are not always...completely honest or open with me and that is hard."

"It sounds very lonely", agreed The Dolma, taking his hand in both of hers.

He looked at her joined hands and unconsciously stroked his thumb along the pulse point on one of her wrists. 

"It is", he said sadly, "The only person that really treats me as a fellow human being rather than some sort of demigod is my idiot manservant" (he nodded his head up toward the caves where he assumed Merlin was asleep as he said this) "and if he hadn't been around these last ten years I would almost certainly be either mad or an utterly unbearable tyrant."  
The Dolma clasped his hand tighter and unshed tears made her beautiful eyes sparkle but she said nothing.

After a few moments Arthur looked at her intently and took her hands in both of his. "One of the many reasons why I cherish your company is that, like him, you speak plainly and treat me as an equal", he said earnestly.

"Oh Arthur", she said in a voice full of pathos whilst stroking his hands, "I had no idea...I assumed that your Knights were your closest friends and confidantes."  
Arthur took a few moments before answering, "I do consider the Knights as equals rather than subjects and constantly seek their advice on matters of State. But it's not quite the same. They remain deferential and reserved around me in a way that they are not with each other, and they would not dream of criticizing me or challenging me directly. No...the only people that were ever totally open and honest with me were Merlin...... and my wife."

At the remembrance of Gwen and her harsh words here at the Cauldron he became sad, withdrew his hands from those of the Dolma and looked out over the water.  
"I am truly sorry about the loss of your Queen", said the Dolma. "I remember well her harsh words and how they hurt you so. If there was anything I could do to make it better...."  
Arthur looked back at her as she spoke these words. After long moments he leaned in and stroked her face gently. "Perhaps there is", he said quietly, "perhaps there is."

The Dolma blinked and took his hand from her face and laid it on his chest. "Arthur", she said in a low husky voice, "You are a good man, a noble man. I am extremely flattered by your proposal."

"Then there is a chance...?", asked the King, leaning in to cup her face with his other hand.

"We come from completely different worlds", she said gently. "You have a Kingdom to run and obligations to fulfill. I am a Sorceress. I thrive on the magic of the earth and need to be free to roam."

Arthur blinked at her, letting her words sink in. 

"And", continued The Dolma, raising a hand and taking his, "You have only just lost your wife, the love of your life. You put a brave face on it but you are in an emotional turmoil. It would be a mistake for you to even consider a...union...with anyone at the moment."

Arthur said nothing but his shoulders slumped, he gave a disappointed sigh and looked out over the water. "I suppose you are right." he said a little mournfully. "I know you are right, but it does not stop me feeling so incredibly lonely."

They both sat in silence for long moments. Arthur looked despondent at The Dolma's gentle rebuffle. By and by, she took his hand in both of hers and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"This does not mean that we cannot be friends, however", she said.

Arthur looked a little happier.

After another period of contemplative silence when they both stared out over the water, The Dolma spoke up again. "This dress truly is a thing of beauty and the scarf and necklace are exquisite. Tell me, did they once belong to your Queen?"

Arthur regarded her with a look of outrage. "Certainly not!", he said indignantly. "I had the dress made especially for you. The scarf and necklace once belonged to my Mother."  
"Oh!", said The Dolma, wide eyed. "Oh! And you gifted them to me? Arthur, you shouldn't have... I am truly unworthy of such a gesture."

"Niamh", said Arthur, stroking her hair back from her forehead, cupping her face in both his hands and looking deep into her eyes. "You had no reason to help me when I first came to you, and yet you tried your very best to bring Gueniviere back to me. If it were not for you, I would have almost certainly done something regrettable when she said those things and left. If it were not for you, I would never have made contact with the Druids and begun to discover the wonders of magic and the secrets of the Old Religion. If it were not for you, I am not sure that I would have the will to get out of bed some mornings. So forgive me for contradicting you but I think you are completely worthy of such a gesture."

Despite what she had said just a few minutes earlier, The Dolma was filled with such love for this man that she leaned in and gently kissed him. He gasped a little in surprise before responding. They kissed passionately for long moments. Surprisingly, it was Arthur that pulled back, The Dolma leaning in to chase his lips.

"No, wait", said The King rather breathlessly, his eyes half lidded and looking between her lips and sparkling eyes, "Please...every time we meet we seem to end up kissing, and then I fall asleep and when I awake you are gone. I would dearly love to spend more time speaking with you today."

The Dolma leaned back and looked deep into his eyes, her lips slightly parted and swollen from the kiss. After a few moments she nodded her assent and sat demurely next to him once again laying her head on his shoulder. She sighed, took his hand between both of hers and stroked it.

They were quiet for a while, simply enjoying the proximity of the other. Arthur broke the silence. He said, "I learned a great deal from the Druids but I would be most honoured if I could rely on your council and advice in matters of magic."

"You are free to visit me whenever you feel the need", she replied softly.

"I thank you for that", replied Arthur, stroking her hand in return. "But I am wondering if there would be any possibility of you travelling to Camelot to meet with my Court? I feel sure that the acceptance of the Old Religion back into the Realm would be much smoother if you would agree to be it's ambassador."

"You are very kind to say so", she replied.

"So? ", he asked, turning to her and looking imploringly into her eyes, "Would you do this thing? It would mean so much to me."

She sighed and looked back at him for long moments before answering. "My Lord", she said gently, "I understand your enthusiasm and it gladdens my heart. But...Camelot has a long and bloody history of persecution against my kind."

Arthur made noises of objection. The Dolma raised a hand to silence him before continuing, "After all you told me today, I am convinced of your own willingness to embrace the ways of magic, but I remain anxious about my reception by your less understanding subjects...it is not only King Uther that burned witches at the stake."

Arthur hung his head and blushed at the reminder of his father's relentless persecution of magic users. 

"But", continued The Dolma, "This does not mean I completely rule out such a meeting."

Arthur looked at her and smiled uncertainly.

"I think it would be wiser if you were to return to Camelot to begin convincing your subjects that magic is not intrinsically evil.", she said, "I fear that if you suddenly appear with me in tow that your subjects may fear that you have been ensorcelled."

The King huffed a laugh at this before replying, "You are right...again. For now I shall be satisfied with the knowledge that you may one day visit my home...it is a very beautiful part of the country, you know."

"I'm quite sure it is." she replied. "And I thank you for your patience and understanding, You are indeed proving yourself to be a noble man and worthy of your crown."  
Merlin began to feel the itch beneath his skin that indicated the transformation potion was beginning to wear off.

"My Lord", said the Dolma beginning to stand up, "It is time that I must leave you."

"So soon?", said Arthur, standing up and taking both of her hands in his.

"I have...obligations", she said looking out over the water for a few moments before looking back at him and adding with sincerity, "but I am here whenever you need to visit me, and I am your friend."

Arthur smiled sadly and stroked her hair, "I thank you for that", he said, "I only wish we could spend more time together."

"Arthur", she replied, "Please try not to feel so alone. Maybe you could confide more in your manservant, Merlin? He strikes me as having a good heart and a generous nature, and from what you said earlier it seems that he might give you sound advice."

"Hmm", hummed Arthur, unconvinced, "Maybe. It won't be quite the same as confiding in you, but perhaps you're right."

"I really must leave you now", she said pulling out of his grip and taking a few steps backward. 

He walked toward her. "I am happy for you to send me to sleep now", he said lowering his head and looking up at her through his eyelashes, bashfully her asked, "I'm quite sure you don't really need to kiss me to do so but I rather hope you will."

The Dolma smiled, took his hand and led him back to the cloak spread out by the side of the lake. They sat down again and she gently took his head in her hands and kissed him. 

The kiss was more deep and passionate than before. 

It was a good thing that Arthur's eyes were closed as they kissed because before he had managed to finish casting the sleeping spell, Merlin was beginning to return to his own form.


	31. Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin feels that he is in way too deep

Despite having completely transformed back into himself Merlin sat for a long while blinking down at Arthur asleep in his arms. 

He began to panic. 

What the hell had just happened? 

He had come here today with every intention to end the developing relationship between his master and The Dolma. Instead he had done the exact opposite. The Dolma had told Arthur that he was welcome to visit her anytime he wanted and that there was even a chance that she might come to Camelot's court! And the worst bit - despite saying that there could be no romantic involvement between them, she had contradicted herself within minutes by pulling the King into a passionate embrace...again! And unlike on previous visits, this time the embrace had not been simply in order to send Arthur off to sleep but had been a very clear indication that she was attracted to him.

Merlin breathed rapidly trying to fend off the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. Whenever he had masqueraded as The Dolma in the past, in his mind he had most certainly still been Merlin and he had been utterly in control of his actions. This time he was not so sure.

Alarmingly he realized that he may be beginning to think and feel as a woman would. 

He cast his mind back to the list of side effects caused by using the Transformation Potion that Gaius had left on his bed. Amongst other things it had stated that prolonged use to transform into one particular form might result in the subject developing some of the traits of the person they were disguised as. Merlin had skimmed over this passage, thinking it unlikely or irrelevant. Now he was not so sure. He wished he had paid more attention and read it more thoroughly. Were these side effects permanent? Would they get gradually worse each time he transformed? So far they had affected his mind which was bad enough, but what if he were also to acquire physical female traits? How could THAT be dealt with? Dare he take on this disguise again? He resolved to find and re-read the passage as soon as they got back to the Castle. 

He sighed and laid Arthur's sleeping head down on the ground then got up onto shaky legs and made his way back to the cave. He shimmied out of the beautiful velvet dress and wrapped it in the scarf. He wondered what he should do with them...if he took them back to Camelot his bag would be noticeably bulkier and would raise suspicion. He decided to leave them in the cave. He carefully put them into the leather satchel that Arthur had presented the gift in. As an afterthought he decided to leave the origional dress here too. He put that into the satchel and then placed the bundle in a crevice of the rock, sealing it inside with some more rocks from the cave floor. Swiftly he put his own clothes back on and composed himself before heading back down to the water's edge.

He had just gotten back when Arthur began to stir. He stood quietly as the King stretched out his limbs and slowly blinked his eyes open. He squinted up at Merlin and once his eyes focused and saw his manservant before him he sat up and looked around.

"I take it she's gone then", he said a little despondently casting his eyes around the lakeside.

"Mmm", agreed Merlin, "I guess so. I didn't see her after she sent me off to sleep...she must be in a rush to get somewhere today."

Arthur grunted and pushed himself to his feet and pinned his cloak back around his neck. Merlin moved around him, straightening the cloak and brushing off grass and earth. "did the meeting go well today?", he asked conversationally, somehow managing to mask his inner turmoil.

"Very much so", said Arthur smiling, "very much so."

"That good, eh?", queried Merlin, "what happened?"

Arthur turned to look at him for a few moments before saying, "Let's just say some progress was made. Now, come along Merlin, let's get back to Camelot before nightfall." With that he strode off in the direction of the grazing horses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Their plans to make it back to Camelot that evening were scuppered by a freak storm. The weather had been cloudy and a little windy on the way out to visit The Dolma. Neither of them had noticed it getting worse during the course of the day but suddenly about half way home there was such a cloudburst that they were forced to take shelter in the hollow trunk of a great old oak tree. The rain had gotten much heavier as they sat there. A couple of extremely loud claps of thunder had startled the horses who broke from their tethers and went running off into the forest. Without the horses they had no hope of making it back home before the night came - it would be impossible to see the trail through the trees. The rain fell relentlessly so reluctantly they resolved to sit it out until morning.

They had been glumly looking out at the raindrops for an hour or more. The hollow of the tree was deep and spacious enough to keep them from getting wet, but not very wide so they sat shoulder to shoulder.

"You're shaking like a leaf", observed Arthur, nudging the other man, "are you scared of the thunder, Merr-lin?"

"No - It's raining and I'm cold", replied Merlin grumpily.

"S'not THAT cold", countered the King, "Are you sure you're not scared?"

"Certain, Sire", replied Merlin tersely, "It's just that I've got much less fat on me than you have, so I am probably shivering to keep warm."

"I am not fat!", said Arthur indignantly, "I'm fighting fit."

"If you say so", came the reply.

"I do say so!" replied the outraged King, giving his manservant a hefty elbow in the ribs, "and to say otherwise is treason!"

"Bloody ouch!", huffed Merlin rubbing his side and tutting, "I'm off to get some kindling to start a fire." Having said that he wriggled out of the gap in the trunk and dissapeared from view.

"You'll never start a fire in this rain, idiot", called Arthur into the gloom. 

Merlin returned a few minutes later with a pile of surprisingly dry looking kindling and some sticks. With his back to the King he fussed about with a flint and surreptitiously cast a spell to set the small fire ablaze just at the entrance to the tree hollow. Once it was burning nicely he settled back into his spot beside Arthur.

"There...isn't that better?", he asked smugly.

Arthur looked at him frowning, "How the hell did you manage that?", he asked, "Everything out there is soaked through!"

"Just talented, I guess", was the reply Merlin gave him, grinning as he did so.

They both sat and watched the fire dance for a while. It spluttered and cracked when the occasional gust of wind blew some rain onto it, but it continued to burn brightly. Despite that, Merlin continued to shiver rather violently and his teeth chattered.

Arthur tutted then shifted a little and undid his cloak. He made Merlin lean forward and passed it behind the boy's back, wrapping it around them both. He put his arm around Merlin's waist and pulled him in so that they were sitting with their sides touching. Merlin squawked when Arthur first pulled him close, but when he began to benefit from the shared body warmth he snuggled in closer and pulled the cloak up to his chin. 

"Mmmm, that's better", he said, his voice muffled by the cloak which he pulled over his mouth and nose, "might survive till the morning now!"

Despite the fire and the cloak and the heat of Arthur all down one side of him, Merlin continued to shiver sporadically. The panic that had gripped him after he had transformed back into himself had not eased. In fact the more he sat and thought, the worse it got. 

Was it safe for him to ever become 'The Dolma' again? If he discovered that if doing so would be dangerous, what then? How would he break the news to the King that he could never see her again without causing him unbearable emotional turmoil?

He had been shaken to the core when Arthur had admitted to The Dolma how very lonely he was. 

And it was more than evident from Arthur's behaviour that he would very much like to have a romantic relationship with The Dolma. Merlin knew intellectually that this was a bad, bad idea. However, disguised as The Dolma he had instigated the kisses that they had shared. Was it his persona of the Sorceress that hungered for these kisses, or was it him,   
Merlin? Or was it both? Remembering these intimate moments with Arthur and the passion they awakened both within himself and the King caused Merlin began to tremble again...and it really was not helping his equalibrium to be thinking about such things whilst pressed so close to his master and under the same cloak.   
The more he thought, the more he panicked. The more he panicked, the more he trembled.

After a while, Arthur became irritated. "What the hell is wrong with you, Merlin?", he snapped, "It's as warm as toast in here now - in fact I'm sweating - and yet you're still shuddering like a jelly."

"S-sorry", said Merlin, looking resolutely into the fire. "I'm trying not to."

"Try harder", grumbled Arthur, "Every time I begin to fall asleep you shake me awake again."

"I could go sit outside in the rain if you like", said Merlin flatly, "Then you would be able to sleep."

Arthur turned to look at him and studied his face for long moments. "Merlin, seriously, what is wrong? You are not definitely not shaking from cold anymore."

"It's nothing." insisted Merlin trying his best to stifle the tremblings and trying to avoid Arthur's searching gaze. "Perhaps my body is reacting to being sent to sleep by the Sorceress? I don't really know."

Arthur studied him for a while longer. He tutted and turned toward the fire again. "Yes, well...She put me to sleep too remember, but I'm not shaking uncontrollably", he said a little sleepily whilst getting comfortable underneath the cloak, "Honestly Merlin, you are such a girl sometimes."

Merlin bit his lip and blinked back tears and concentrated on suppressing the traitorous trembling of his body. Arthur's prattish remark was said in jest, but was painfully close to the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow, at some point during the night Merlin must have fallen asleep. He blinked awake to birdsong and the gentle snoring of Arthur right next to his ear. He squinted out of their shelter to see that it was already quite light outside. He lay still for a few moments enjoying the warmth and proximity of his master until he suddenly remembered all that had happened the previous day and the fix that he was in. The feeling of panic returned and he felt the need to get back to Camelot as quickly as possible to see what could be done to put things right. He shook Arthur vigorously a few times but the King simply snuffled then carried on snoring, burrowing his face into the hollow of Merlin's shoulder which sent shivers through the boy. 

Eventually he resorted to shouting.

"WAKE UP DOLLOPHEAD!", he bellowed into Arthur's ear, "IT'S ALMOST LUNCHTIME!"

Arthur finally came to and replied with an intelligent-sounding "Guuuh", before sitting up, blinking his eyes blearily and looking around him. Once the weight of Arthur had lifted from his shoulder, Merlin wriggled out of the gap in the tree hollow and squatted outside.

"We really should get going Sire", he said in a much quieter voice now that he'd managed to wake Arthur up, "It'll take a few hours to walk from here and the Knights will be worried about us."

"Hmm", agreed Arthur crawling out to join him. Merlin was already standing up and stretching out his cramped muscles but stopped to help pull Arthur to his feet.

Once he was at eye level with Merlin, Arthur stood stock still and stared down unblinking and frowning at Merlin's throat. He was standing uncomfortably close and Merlin could feel his breath tickle his jaw. He attempted to take a step back to get some personal space, but the King prevented him from doing so by grabbing him by his neckerchief. His gaze fixed on Merlin's throat.

"A-arthur?", he said in a querilous voice, "w-what are you doing?"

Arthur's confused gaze flicked between Merlin's throat and his eyes. He slowly raised his other hand and gently took hold of something at Merlin's throat. 

"Why the hell are you wearing this?", he asked with a steely edge to his voice. 

Merlin looked down the length of his nose and his heart almost leapt from his throat when he saw the glint of the sun bounce off the Amethyst necklace that he had forgotten to remove.


	32. Two Close Shaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has some explaining to do.

Merlin blinked rapidly between the Amethyst necklace at his throat and Arthur's scowling face which was mere inches away from his own. His mouth opened and closed but he was incapable of speech. He was terrified.

"Say something, Merlin", snarled Arthur in a dangerous voice whilst tightening his grip on Merlin's neckerchief. It began to throttle his manservant.

"I-I-I have no idea how it got there!", stammered Merlin as he fought to breathe, his eyes wide and wild, "What is it? I-I've never seen it before, I swear!"

"It's a necklace that I gave to the Dolma", said Arthur through gritted teeth still not relinquishing his grip on Merlin's neckerchief. "How the hell did it end up around your scrawny neck?"

Despite his abject terror, Merlin somehow managed to feel indignant at being called scrawny. 

"Arthur, let go!" he coughed, eyes watering from lack of breath, "I have no bloody idea how it got there - perhaps it's the Sorceress's idea of a joke? I don't know. Now get off me you big oaf before I choke!" As he spoke he tried fruitlessly to pull from Arthur's grip.

Arthur's loosened his hold a little as he looked deep into Merlin's eyes. Confusion and uncertainty crossed his face as Merlin stared back at him with a terrified expression. Eventually he grunted and took a step away letting Merlin go so roughly that the boy stumbled backwards and almost fell.

"Well - however it got there", said the King, "It doesn't belong around your throat - take it off right now."

With shaking hands Merlin fumbled for the catch. His neckerchief kept getting caught in the clasp making his task harder so he hastily undid the knot and pulled it off completely. As it fell to the floor, Arthur gasped and grabbed hold of Merlin's jaw with a strong hand, turning his face this way and that. He studied the boy's profile and the necklace that he still wore with a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Wh-what now?" said Merlin through lips that were pursed into a pout by Arthur's pincer-like grip on his face, "Will you - just - get off of me?...I'm trying to take the bloody thing off!"

Arthur seemed to come to his senses suddenly, "S-sorry", he said finally letting Merlin go, "It's just that for a few seconds there you looked...."

"Looked what?", asked Merlin rubbing at his sore neck and jaw and trying to regain his equalibrium.

"N-nothing...It must have been the light", replied Arthur frowning a little and taking a few paces back.

Merlin finally managed to undo the clasp of the necklace and with shaky hands offered it to the King. "Here", he said, "Take it. I haven't the faintest idea what it's doing round my neck, but I'll be happy never to see it again."

"It once belonged to my mother", replied Arthur by way of explanation. He spoke in a much calmer voice as he took the jewel and stroked it between the fingers that had moments ago been throttling Merlin. "I gifted it to The Dolma. Perhaps she thought it a little too extravagant. She did say something about being unworthy of such a gift.."

"Well, when I woke up she was gone.", said Merlin, "Perhaps she put it onto me on purpose. You know, so that it'd definately make it's way back to you? M-maybe this was her way of returning it to you without hurting your feelings too much?"

"Humph", grunted Arthur, tucking the necklace into the pocket of his breeches. Without another word he stomped off in the direction of Camelot.

Merlin took a few moments to put his neckerchief back on and to compose himself before he jogged off after his Master. That had been too close a call. He had seen Arthur in a temper before - often, in fact - but this time the King had looked more than a little unhinged as he had tried to throttle him and for a few scary moments Merlin had feared for his life. 

He resolved to put an end to this charade as soon as possible. Given Arthur's reaction to seeing him in the necklace, he dreaded to think what the King might do if he found out the truth about the Dolma.

He was fairly sure that Arthur had believed his explanation for the necklace being around his neck. Nevertheless he wanted to make sure. When he eventually caught up with the King (who was walking at a fair pace to work off his temper) he fell into step beside him. 

"I've been wondering", he said, glancing nervously at Arthur as they walked along, "Perhaps the Dolma put some kind of charm on the necklace? You remember last night when I couldn't stop shaking? Maybe it was because of the necklace? Maybe I'm - er - allergic to magic or something."

Arthur looked at him askance and the scowl slowly left his face and was replaced by a wry smile. "No Merlin, I think my explanation for that was correct", he said, "You could be allergic to magic, true...but I think it much more likely that you are simply a Big Girl's Petticoat."

It was Merlin's turn to scowl, but he relented when Arthur nudged him playfully with a shoulder. "Come on, idiot", he said, "Let's get ourselves back to the Citadel before they send the whole garrison out looking for us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took them a further hour to get back to the Castle. The heavy rain from the night before had made the tracks and paths in the forest something of a quagmire. They were both caked in mud and utterly bedraggled when they eventually staggered over the drawbridge. Arthur's prediction had not been far from the truth; as they walked across the courtyard they spied twenty or so of the Knights mounted on horseback with Leon at the front. Arthur walked over to the group.

"Sire!", said Leon in a voice filled with relief, "Oh - thank the gods! We were just about to head out to search for you. When the horses returned riderless last night, we feared the worst."

"Thank you for your concern, Leon", said Arthur calmly. "We simply got caught out by the storm and the horses bolted. We were too far away to make it back by nightfall. I am sorry we caused you to worry."

"Was your search fruitful?", said Leon, looking off beyond Merlin and Arthur.

Arthur blinked at him, uncomprehending. It was Merlin that replied.

"Well, we found some tracks that were almost certainly Gueniviere's", he said, "and it felt like we might be getting close when the weather came in and washed all the footprints away. We tried to pick up the trail again this morning, but it was hopeless."

Leon nodded and was quiet for a few moments. Merlin and Arthur had just turned away when he said, "With your leave, Sire."

Arthur swung back round.

"We are all saddled and ready as a search party.", continued the Knight, "Perhaps we should go in search of the Queen?"

"As I said yesterday", replied Arthur, "She is almost certain to go to ground if she sees a group of Knights approaching."

"Even so, your Majesty", insisted Leon, "The weather last night was appalling and if she is out there somewhere, she may be in danger. With your permission I would like to search the whole of the Northern Quadrant without further delay."

Arthur thought for long moments before nodding his consent. "Very well", he said, "But if you do find her, please treat her with the utmost respect. Remember she is still the Queen."

"Of course, Sire", said Leon solemnly. He turned toward his men and gave them their orders. Merlin and Arthur headed into the citadel with the sound of galloping hooves in their ears.

"I need a bath", said Arthur as they entered the Castle, "Get yourself changed and cleaned up and get one sent up to my chambers."

"Yes Sire", said Merlin, striding off toward the servant's quarters.

When he headed back to his room Gaius was at his workbench. He gave Merlin a severe look as he entered and began to question him about what he had been up to on the previous day and why they had not returned by nightfall as expected. Merlin didn't feel quite ready for the telling-off he would inevitably get from his mentor, so hurried past and into his own room. "I need to get clean and go attend to the King.", he explained, not dishonestly as he rushed by. He swiftly shed his muddy clothes and put on clean ones after a very brief wash. Gaius had not even made it to the door to Merlin's bedroom before the boy was ready to head back out to attend to Arthur.

As he rushed back through the physician's workroom, Gaius shouted, "Me and you are going to have a serious talk later on, my boy."

Merlin got back to the servant's quarters just in time to find a couple of maids struggling with the tub and water pails. He smiled and took the bathtub and sent them back to bring two more buckets of steaming water.

Arthur was just halfway through shedding his wet mud stained clothes as Merlin entered with the bathtub. He set it down in front of the fireplace and put some more logs on to warm up the room. He went back and helped the girls bring in the water and tipped it into the bath. Once the girls had gone, he muttered a spell to make sure that the bath was the perfect temperature.

"Bath's ready, Sire", he said, turning round to find Arthur already stripped down to just his underthings. He stood and walked back into the chamber to give Arthur some privacy as he took off the last of his clothing and got into the bath. The King let out an ecstatic groan as he relaxed into the hot water. Merlin blushed and fussed around the room.

"You could have stayed in one place as you took your clothes off, Arthur", he grumbled as he collected the wet clothes that were strewn all over the floor. "There's mud everywhere! I'll have to clean this floor again...on top of all my other chores."

"Shut up, Merlin." came the unrepentant reply, "I am trying to relax. In my bath."

Merlin tutted loudly.

"In fact", said Arthur, "Just leave all that for now, and get over here to scrub my back."

Merlin heaved a put-upon sigh but did as he was bid. Arthur leaned forward and relaxed as his manservant diligently worked across the royal shoulders and down the royal back with a scrubbing brush.

"Oh that feels so much better", groaned Arthur after a while, "I feel ready to face the day ahead now. Bring me my towel, please."

"Blimey, must've been good", mumbled Merlin as he reached over and bought the large fluffy towel that hung beside the fire to get warm, "You actually said please!" 

He wrapped his master in the towel as he stood up from the tub, then turned away to bring clean garments for Arthur to put on. He was helping Arthur into his shirt and doing up the laces at his throat when the King caught him by the collar.

Merlin tried to pull away but Arthur held him firmly in place by his neckerchief as he moved the boy's shirt collar aside. 

"What are you doing, Sire?" he asked nervously, "Is there another necklace on me or something?".

"Did you actually wash?", asked Arthur, his nose scrunched up in discust. "There are black smudges all around your neck!"

"Yes well", said Merlin a little embarrassed, readjusting his neckerchief to hide the dirt. He wondered if he should stop wearing neckerchiefs, given Arthur's sudden predaliction for catching him by them. "I only had time for a quick wash before I had to come and attend to your royal arse." 

"A quick wash in what?", asked the King, "the midden?"

Merlin blushed and shifted uneasily on his feet. "Yes, well", he said, "I can wash up later."

"If that grime dries on your skin for much longer you'll need a chisel to get it off.", replied the King. "My bathwater is still nicely hot. Get yourself cleaned in there."  
"I don't want to sit in your second hand water!", spluttered Merlin indignantly.

"It's an order, Merlin", said Arthur, turning away to find his sword belt. "You are the manservant of the King of Camelot. I will not have you attending to me for the rest of the day looking like a chimney sweep and smelling like the sewage pit. Now get on with it."

Merlin tutted and began to shed his clothing at the side of the tub. Whilst Arthur was still fiddling with the buckle on his sword belt he hopped into the water, muttering a quiet spell to warm up the water a little more.

"Ooo, it's actually rather nice in here.", he exclaimed, settling down into the cloudy bathwater. "Certainly much warmer than cleaning under the pump in the courtyard, that's for sure."

"Yes well", said Arthur, busying himself at his desk, "Don't wallow for too long, knowing you, you will fall asleep or drown. Get scrubbing that black muck off."

Merlin did as he was told and whistled as he got himself clean. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you could come and scrub my back, is there?" he asked, grinning over his shoulder at Arthur who was pulling on his boots.

Arthur said nothing, but an expertly aimed boot whizzed dangerously close to Merlin's ear and landed with a thud at the fireside.

"That could have knocked me out!", complained his manservant. Any further protests were silenced as Arthur ducked his head beneath the water. Merlin surfaced spluttering and coughing. 

"C'mon Merlin", said Arthur, throwing a towel at him then stooping to retrieve the boot he had aimed at Merlin's head moments earlier. "You're clean enough now and we have things to do."

Merlin grumbled but stood up, wrapping the towel around his middle. He stepped out of the bath and took another cloth to dry off his hair. Once his hair was dry he opened his eyes and was more than a little shocked to find the King standing stock still in front of him and looking up and down his body with eyebrows raised. He suddenly felt very self - conscious and held the head-cloth to cover his chest.

"Sire?", he said uncertainly.

"Merlin", said Arthur soberly, "Now, I know that I have more than once accused you of being a girl, but could you give me one good reason why there is absolutely no hair on your arms, legs or chest?"


	33. Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The side-effects of the Transformation Potion become apparent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait for this chapter...life just got crazy busy! Enjoy!

Merlin dropped the towel that had covered his chest onto the floor beside the bathtub and began to inspect his own body a little feverishly. Arthur was right - his arms, legs and chest were all as smooth as a child's. He tentatively lifted an arm and inspected his armpit. This was also hairless. He made a strangled panicked kind of a noise in the back of his throat and looked helplessly at Arthur who stood and regarded him with his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

"Well?", aked the King.

"I-I-I-I-I dunno!", said Merlin in a voice several octaves higher than normal. "I was fine yesterday."

"Well you're not today." said Arthur in an amused tone.

"Wait", said Merlin, holding one hand aloft and leaning over to inspect the bathwater, "M-maybe it, er, came off in the bath?" He splashed soapsuds around but could find no evidence of mass hair loss.

As he stood back up again, Arthur was standing very close and caught his jaw with one hand whilst stroking his face and neck with the other. All the while he studied Merlin's face closely.

"S-sire?", asked Merlin tremulously, the pitch of his voice going even higher, "wh-what are you doing?"

"When did you last shave?", replied Arthur by way of explanation, his eyes roving over Merlin's cheeks and chin.

Merlin frowned at him, blushing from his chest to the tips of his ears. He tried to pull back from his grip. Arthur eventually relinquished his hold. "Yesterday morning, before we set out to visit the Dolma" he replied, rubbing where Arthur had held him. "Why?"

"Because Merlin", explained Arthur patiently, "Your face is as smooth as a baby's bottom."

"Oh" replied Merlin, stroking his chin "Oh. Yes. So it is"

There were a few moments of silence where Arthur continued to stare at Merlin with curiosity and Merlin stared back at him with eyes as wide as pie plates.

"What about down below?", asked the King eventually, unable to resist quirking a smile.

"Down below what?", asked his manservant. 

Only when Arthur quirked an eyebrow toward the towel that was still wrapped around Merlin's waist did the boy understand his meaning. "Oh" he said again, and with a panicked look at the King he turned his back and undid the knot at his waist. He bent over and inspected his genitals.

"Oh thank the gods!" he exclaimed, back still to Arthur as he sat heavily on the side of the bathtub in his relief. "It's - er - all normal down there at least."

"Glad to hear it", said Arthur with laughter in his voice. Merlin couldn't understand how the King thought this was even remotely funny. "Now, get yourself dried off and dressed before anything else drops off."

"Prat", mumbled Merlin in a shaky voice. He was too petrified of what might be happening to him to be truly irritated with Arthur. Once dressed, he turned to the King and said, "I - er - should probably go and speak to Gaius about this...hair...thing."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "You are supposed to be attending to me, Merlin." he grumbled, "Can't it wait till later?"

"Well I could wait", said Merlin, unconsciously scratching at the back of his head and then checking his hand to make sure that his head hair wasn't having any ideas about falling out, "but I'm slightly concerned it might be something contagious."

"Oh", said Arthur, the smile gone suddenly from his lips as he took several steps back from his manservant, "Oh - in that case - yes - go....now!"

Merlin bowed and dashed from the room. He quickly stopped to ask two maids to get rid of the bath in Arthur's chambers before bolting at full speed through the corridors back to the Physician's chamber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gaius was still mixing remedies at his worktable when Merlin burst through the door flinging it open so hard that it crashed against the wall. The physician looked up from his work with a start.

"Merlin, whatever is the matter?", he asked, walking over to where the boy was bet double with his hands on his knees fighting to get his breath back. "Is something wrong with the King?"

"No....me....it's me", panted Merlin. "Hair. Gone!"

"Pardon?", asked Gaius, looking at him quizzically.

"Look!", said Merlin impatiently, stripping off his tunic and rolling up a trouser leg. "Hair. All gone!"

Gaius took a step toward him and began to prod and poke at him in a clinical fashion. He lifted his arm and inspected the armpit and - as Arthur had done - ran his finger across Merlin's face. "Interesting", he mused. He pulled a little at the hair behind Merlin's ear. "Almost all your body hair gone, but the hair on your head is actually longer by a few inches." 

As he made this observation, a realization dawned on him and he took a step back from Merlin. He crossed his arms across his chest and an eyebrow shot up. "I believe there's something you want to tell me."

"Is there?", said Merlin, averting his eyes shiftily from Gaius's piercing stare as he put his clothes back on.

"You tell me, Merlin.", said Gaius, still not changing his stance or his tone of voice. "What possible reason could there be for your skin suddenly being as smooth and as hairless as a woman's?"

"Oh", said Merlin shakily.

"Oh?", retorted Gaius.

"Oh dear.", said Merlin, walking past his mentor and slumping down in a chair and cupping his head in his hands. "You knew, then?"

"Knew what Merlin?", said Gaius, turning to face him but still not uncrossing his arms.

"That I, er, disguised myself as the Dolma again.", mumbled Merlin at the table. He was too ashamed to look Gaius in the eyes.

"Oh for the love of Camelot!" shouted Gaius, flinging his arms into the air in exasperation, "What did I say to you? I TOLD you not to masquerade as the Sorceress again. I told you that it was a mistake and would cause nothing but heartache. And yet you did it."

Merlin said nothing but sat with his head bowed in shame. 

"When did this occur?", said Gaius.

Merlin shifted uncomfortably and looked everywhere but at his disappointed mentor.

"Well? Speak up boy!", said Gaius.

"When we went hunting on the Northern border", mumbled Merlin, picking at his sleeve. "it - it was a ruse so that Arthur could visit the Dolma again."

"Is that all?" said Gaius, tapping his foot.

Merlin shrugged, "And yesterday...when we were supposedly looking for Gwen."

"Un-believeable", shouted Gaius to the heavens. "Not only are you lying but you're getting the King to lie too! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Gaius I.....", started Merlin.

"You wern't thinking at all were you?", shouted Gaius, advancing on him in such a threatening manner that Merlin leaned back against the wall. "And now look at the mess you are in. The King is besotted with a woman that doesn't actually exist to such an extent that he is prepared to lie to his own Knights and advisors! This is the type of thing that brings   
Kingdoms down! This stops here and now."

"But"

"No 'buts' Merlin, I am going to speak to the King myself right now and put an end to this", replied Gaius, heading toward the door.

Quick as a flash Merlin jumped up and blocked the doorway. "Gaius, please don't", he pleaded. "I - I - The Dolma did magic for him. If he finds out that she is me, then he'll know about my magic and that will be the end of me."

"Oh - this just gets better and better!", exclaimed the physician, pacing backward and forward. He turned and glared at Merlin, his face bright red with rage. "Do you ever listen to me, boy? Do you ever stop to think what the consequences of your actions might be? Ten years! Ten years in Camelot and you haven't learned a thing! Not only have you put the emotional wellbeing of your King seriously in danger, but you are endangering your own life!"

"I take care that Arthur will never guess that it is me", replied Merlin with a conviction that he was not really sure of.

"That's not what I meant", snapped Gaius impatiently, "Although heaven knows it's only a matter of time until you make a foolish mistake and he catches you out."

"Then h-how do you mean?", said Merlin, leaning heavily against the door.

Gaius was quiet for a few moments and breathed heavily trying to regain his equilibrium after his outburst of anger. "I take it that you never read the warnings about prolonged usage of the Transformation Potion that I left on your bed?", he asked sarcastically.

"I - er - scanned it, yes", said Merlin. "But it was late at night so I didn't really study it in detail."

"Shame", said Gaius. "Because if you had taken the time to read it, you would have realized just how dangerous it can be."

"Dangerous?", asked Merlin with a shaky voice. "How so?"

Gaius glared at him before going up into Merlin's bedroom and retrieving the magic book. He found the page and stood in front of Merlin to read aloud. "This potion is to be used very sparingly and only in cases of dire need. To imbibe this mixture more than twice in a single month could lead to irreparable damage to the body of the subject taking it. The body may respond in several ways. It may begin to take on and retain permanently characteristics of the form into which the subject has recently transformed. This is the less dangerous side effect of the two. The second scenario is that the cells of the body become confused as partial transformation of the subject occurs. In this case, the bones, skin and internal organs of the subject lose their integrity. The body is rapidly reduced to a gelatinous mass and death soon follows."

All the colour drained from Merlin's face and his legs gave out so that he slid to the floor his back against the door. "Oh my", he whispered. "What have I done?"

Gaius looked down at him and slowly closed the book. "You have done an exceedingly foolish thing", he said in a quieter voice. "Quite possibly the most foolish thing I have ever known you to do and heaven knows you've pulled some idiotic stunts in your time. Unless you are intent on dying or becoming a woman, then I suggest that you end this stupid affair right now."

Merlin looked up at him and nodded weakly.

"Is that a promise Merlin?" said the physician sternly.

Merlin nodded again.

"Is that a 'yes'?", pushed Gaius.

"Yes. Yes it is.", said Merlin, standing up and looking into Gaius's eyes.

Gaius stared back for long moments. "It better be.", he said unsmiling, "because I swear to you - if I even suspect that you are planning to take the potion and masquerade as The Dolma again I will go to Arthur myself and tell him the whole sorry truth. Do you understand me?"

"Yes", said Merlin in a defeated tone.

"Good" said Gaius after studying the boy's face for long moments. "Now go attend to your Master."

Merlin dejectedly opened the door and stepped into the corridor.

"And Merlin", said the physician before he left. Merlin stopped and looked back at him. "You are to tell the King by the end of the day that he can never see the Sorceress again."

Merlin opened his mouth to reply but closed it again and turned away. He walked toward the Council chambers with shoulders slumped and a heavy heart.


	34. Special Council

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin resolves to do as Gaius bid him. Arthur calls an unexpected Council Meeting.

By time he got to the Council Chambers Merlin had managed to gather his thoughts a little. 

Despite his promise to Gaius, he had decided that today really was not the day to break the news to the King that he would never be able to see The Dolma again. He reasoned that he would need at least the grace of one day to pretend that he had recieved a message from her. Also, he admitted to himself reluctantly, he was too sleep deprived at the moment to be able to cope with the inevitable fallout that the news would cause to the King. He would explain his decision when he got back to Gaius this evening. He hoped that the physician would have calmed down by then. He had never seen the old man so angry and he was shaken to his core by Gaius's words. He also felt a great sense of shame for lying to the old man and once again being such a disappointment to the person he regarded as a surrogate father.

At the Council Chamber door he took a deep breath and stood up straight schooling his features into a relaxed smile. It would not do for Arthur to see how dejected he really felt. He knocked once and walked in. 

He was rather bamboozled to find the room empty except for the Round Table which stood silent and shining in the sunlight streaming through the windows. He frowned and walked out again looking up and down the empty corridor. He wandered about feeling a little lost for a while before stopping a passing guard who informed him that the King had called a Special Council which was being attended by all the nobles and was taking place in the Throne Room. Merlin's stomach clenched upon hearing this news. Why would Arthur be calling a Special Meeting? This generally only happened at times of war or emergency when it was imperative that the whole of the Nobility were united behind the King. He hurried along to the Throne Room and slipped quietly in after nodding to the guards at the door. 

"Ah Merlin, there you are at last", said Arthur. "Come and take a seat. I am currently telling the Council about our time amongst the Druids of Essitir. These fine fellows have many questions and since you accompanied me and got to know so many of the Druid folk I was hoping that you could help me answer some of them." 

All eyes in the chamber were on Merlin as the King spoke and he blinked owlishly back at them. He was a little surprised to see Gaius standing amongst them. The old man must have been summoned as soon as Merlin had left his chambers. Merlin smiled wanly at the physician. Gaius did not smile back but his eyebrow disappeared up into his hairline.  
Merlin looked quickly away from him and fixed eyes with Arthur who nodded to the seat on his right hand side. He shuffled past the Council Members and took sat down, feeling uncomfortable under their continued scrutiny. 

"We were just asking the King if these people are truly trustworthy", said Sir Lamorak without further ado. "His Majesty claims that the Druid folk were gracious and polite to him. This is encouraging, but also to be expected considering his noble standing. What we would like to know (and at this point he looked to other Council Elders for moral support) is what they really think of Camelot." 

The Elders nodded in agreement with Lamorak's words.

Merlin opened his mouth to form a reply, but before he spoke The King interjected.

"I have to correct your assumption Sir Lamorak", he said addressing the old man directly, "The Druids are a nomadic people and have no notion of class and social standing in the way that we understand. I was treated with graciousness and politeness, it is true. Not however, because I am a powerful King, but because I am a fellow human being."

Despite the heaviness in his heart caused by Gaius's ultimatum, Merlin's chest swelled with pride at Arthur's words and he gave a wide smile. "The King speaks the truth", he said earnestly. "It was my pleasure to accompany the King on this unscheduled visit and - as he says - I was lucky enough to spend time amongst the families and the Elders of the tribe. I think both myself and the King were humbled by their open nature and willingness to share not only their homes and food with us, but also their knowledge."

"Their knowledge of what?", asked Lamorak.

"Of healing, of the ways of nature", elaborated Arthur, and after a brief pause, "...and of magic."

There was an audible intake of breath from the fifty or so Nobles in the room and mumbled exchanges.

"They admitted to using magic in front of the King of Camelot?", asked another man - a fellow whose name Merlin could never recall but who had been one of Uther's closest advisors. "That is an outrage!"

"You forget, Lord Porfoi, that we were beyond the borders of Camelot in a place where magic is not outlawed." said Arthur sternly, turning to the man. 

"But magic is evil. It is corrupting.", insisted the old man. Many heads nodded in agreement with his words and there were several calls of, "Here here!".

Arthur raised his hand to silence the man and those that supported his opinion. "In the past I would have been in total agreement with you", he conceded, "and indeed, in my youth I laid waste to several Druid Encampments under the orders of my father. But recent events have changed my outlook. I have come to realize that magic is not in itself evil or wrong...and I feel that there might be a place for it within my Kingdom, which is why I have called you to Council today."

There was an audible gasp from almost every member of the Council except for Gaius who was staring resolutely at Merlin. 

"But, with all due respect Your Majesty, how could you even say that?", countered Porfoi. "Did not your own father (may the gods bless his memory) spend his entire life purging this evil from amongst us? Camelot has suffered time and time again at the hands of these wicked Sorcerers. Her citizens have been slain by magic. Even the Lady Morgana has become evil since she acquired the power of Sorcery."

At the mention of Morgana, Arthur's jaw tightened and he grasped the arm of the throne. Merlin laid a soothing arm on his shoulder and after a few moments Arthur nodded at him to indicate that he was in control of his temper. He took a deep breath in before replying.

"I cannot deny that we have suffered at the hands of sorcerers", he conceded standing up and pacing back and forth in front of the throne, "and I cannot promise that we shall not be threatened by magic in the future. But I have come to realize that magic is merely a tool that can be used for good or for evil."

There were mumblings of dissent all around the Throne Room as he spoke, once again he raised his hand to quieten them. "After much thought and consultation on the matter, I have concluded that in the past we have suffered so much at the hands of sorcery because we have been the cause so much suffering to those in possession of magical ability. I feel it is time to break this vicious cycle of revenge and punishment."

The mumblings of dissent became louder and many members of the Council began to voice their protests simultaniously. When the voices began to be unbearably loud, it was Sir Leon who stepped forward and said in a commanding voice, "His Majesty the King is still speaking! Please, My Lords, give him the respect due to his station and allow him to finish. After that I am quite sure that he would welcome your opinions on the condition that they are presented in an orderly and respectful manner."

The Council members quietened down again. Arthur nodded his thanks to Sir Leon and continued pacing back and forth in front of his throne for a few moments gathering his thoughts. He stopped and looked around the room at the gathered Nobility. "I do understand your objections, gentlemen", he said quietly, "and I am not surprised by them. Indeed for most of my life I shared your views."

"The suppression of sorcery is one of the principles on which your Father built this Kingdom", interjected Lord Porfoi, still in a state of agitation.

"I beg you, Sir, let the King say his piece!", said Leon in an irritated tone, stepping forward and glaring at Lord Porfoi.

"Leon, be still", said Arthur, laying a hand on his Knight's forearm. Leon nodded and took a step back. 

"You are right, Sir Porfoi", he continued looking straight at the old Nobleman. "But I am not my father and times have moved on. I would not expect you all to accept this change in policy with open arms and I have no plans to change any laws without going through the due process of consultation with you all."

"That is a relief to hear, your Majesty", said Lamorak.

"With your leave", continued The King, "I would like to bring in representatives of the magic community for you to address directly with questions and concerns. If after these meetings the majority of you are still unwilling to accept sorcery within Camelot, then I promise I shall respect your wishes. But I implore you to listen with an open mind to what they have to say."

He paused and looked around at the audience. For the most part, the younger Noblemen were nodding their head in agreement, as were all of his faithful Knights. The thirty-or-so Elders looked more dubious. It was these men who had witnessed the Great Purge and had served his father unquestioningly that he would have the hardest time convincing.

"Do I have your word that you will at least listen to what these people have to say?", he said, endeavouring to look at each man in turn. Eventually most of those assembled nodded back at him. 

"Good, good", he said clapping his hands together. "I thank you all for your time and look forward to hearing your council. For the moment I shall leave you to digest what I have said."

The Noblemen and Knights bowed and began to file out of the Throne room in small groups. Mordred surprised almost everyone when he walked up to the King and knelt before him and took his hand. He kissed the Ring of Office and then held on to Arthur's hand as he gazed up for long moments with unabashed adoration before standing and bowing and striding from the room. 

"Well, that could have gone better.", said the King a little sadly as the last of the Nobles filed out.

Merlin was still a little aghast at the fact that Arthur had called this special meeting and didn't say anything immediately. After a few moments he stood. "Yes, well", he said, "You are turning thirty years of prejudice on it's head. It is to be expected"

"Mmm", agreed Arthur a little distractedly. "I will need all the help I can get."

"You can say that again.", agreed Merlin.

"Which is why", said Arthur, catching Merlin's sleeve as he turned to leave, "I need you to get a message to The Dolma and request her presence."

"Arthur, I...I'm not sure that can happen", stuttered Merlin, his eyes going wide.

Arthur spun Merlin around holding him firmly by the forearms and looking at him intently. 

"Merlin", he said earnestly, "You witnessed the extent of the prejudice amongst the Nobles."

"Y-yes", said Merlin, "But perhaps we should bring the Druids in to meet them?"

"I intend to do so", said Arthur, relinquishing his grip a little. "But I fear that this will not be enough to sway the opinion of the hardliners. I am convinced that the best way to change their minds would be to introduce them to The Dolma."

"Oh?" asked Merlin. "Why?"

"She is a ...very convincing speaker", said Arthur, "and she is a strong woman. She will not be cowed by the hostility from some of these Nobles. She is also charming and I truly believe that she could win them over."

"Wh-what if she is unable to come?", said Merlin, "She might not be able to make it for some reason."

"If that's the case", sighed Arthur, "Then I fear that my efforts may be doomed. Please try your best to convince her."

"I...I..shall try", said Merlin doubtfully, "But I cannot promise anything. She is a recluse, after all."

Arthur unexpectedly caught Merlin's face and cupped it with both hands. He looked intently into Merlin's eyes for long moments before saying quietly. "Do your best, Merlin. Do your very best." With that he let go and strode from the Throne Room calling orders to some of the Knights as he went. 

Merlin stumbled back a few paces and caught hold of the high back of the throne to steady himself. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wood, taking several steadying breaths. 

What on earth should he do now?


	35. Kilgarrah's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In desperation, Merlin summons the Great Dragon for help.

Despite his irritation, Merlin reflected on how he had never seen Kilgarrah looking quite so ungainly as he did at this moment. 

The Great Dragon was laying on his side with his tail thrashing about and his forelegs waving uncontrollably in the air. As he croaked with laughter an occasional burst of flame and smoke shot forth from his mouth and a noise that was somewhere between the bellows at the blacksmith's forge and an asthmatic raven emitted from his throat. 

Merlin stood at the very edge of the glade with his arms crossed glaring up at Kilgarrah and wondering to himself how the hell he had thought that consulting this oversized lizard about his current predicament might be a good idea. He had just about managed to relate most of his tale before Kilgarrah had lost his composure entirely and started to laugh like a maniac.

"It's really not that funny", he shouted up at the Dragon during a brief lull in the creature's mirth. 

"Oh, young warlock", replied Kilgarrah finally regaining some composure and standing back up on all four legs, "It is. It really really is."

"Well, I'm glad you think so", sulked Merlin as he stalked toward the now calm Dragon, "because I cannot see anything to laugh about. At all."

His words caused another outburst of merriment and Merlin had to jump back a few paces to avoid a rogue ball of flame that shot forth from the Dragon's mouth.

"Kilgarrah please!", shouted an exasperated Merlin in his best Dragonlord tones, "This is serious! Arthur stands on the cusp of bringing magic back to Camelot and fulfilling the destiny that you are always telling to me about. To make it happen he is convinced that he needs The Dolma by his side. If I transform again, I risk my life. If I do not, I risk the future of magic in Camelot."

The Dragon coughed and stood a little straighter, composing himself again. "I apologize Young Warlock", he said solemnly as he folded his forelegs beneath himself, "Forgive my reaction. In all my long life and all my dealings with humankind I have never met a soul quite as prone to getting into impossible predicaments as you are . You must allow me my mirth at the ridiculous foibles of men."

"Old Friend", said Merlin, taking a deep breath and trying to remain calm despite his frustration, "I did not summon you here to entertain you. We have known each other for many years now, and you know that I only call upon you in times of dire need or emergency."

"This is true", agreed Kilgarrah with a nod of his great head.

"So...now that you have had your fun...I implore you to help me decide what to do next", said Merlin, advancing and craning his neck to look up into the golden eyes of the Dragon.  
Kilgarrah tilted his head and looked down at the warlock for long moments without saying anything. Eventually he asked, "Forgetting all limitations, what would you wish to happen next in this strange story?"

Merlin blinked and thought for a while. "If I could safely transform again, then I think that I should come to Camelot disguised as The Dolma and to try to convince the Nobles that magic is not evil."

"And then?", asked Kilgarrah.

"And then?", asked Merlin, a little puzzled by the question, "and then magic would return to Camelot and Albion would be united as destiny predicts...I guess."

"Suppose, in this ideal world of yours, that The Dolma did manage to convince the hard headed Nobility of Camelot to accept magic back into the Kingdom", continued the Dragon, flexing his wings and settling on his haunches, "What would happen then? Would this Sorceress disappear?"

"Well yes", said Merlin a little uncertainly, "Her role would have been fulfilled. There would be no reason for her to stay on."

"And you expect that your King would accept that?", asked Kilgarrah looking hard at the man that stood before him.

"He would have to", replied Merlin simply.

"And you don't think that her departure would affect Arthur profoundly?" 

Merlin bowed his head and didn't reply immediately.

"Merlin, it is abundantly clear from what you have told me about this whole sorry affair that the King harbours deep feelings for this creation of yours." stated Kilgarrah patiently, "If 'she' were to agree to spend any time within Camelot's walls then I have no doubt that the King would become even more besotted and would endeavour to woo her.   
And then if she suddenly went away again, how do you think he might react?"

"Well , he'd have to deal with it", mumbled Merlin, almost to himself as he kicked at a patch of dirt at his feet.

Kilgarrah shook his head and tutted down at the man standing before him. "The life of you mortals seems to be a never ending cycle of repetition" he mused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Merlin looking up at him curiously.

"I remember those exact words spoken not so very long ago by another with magic", replied Kilgarrah sadly, "and the King in question did not, as you say, 'deal with it' but instead wreaked havoc on his Kingdom for twenty years and hunted my own bretherin to the edge of extinction."

"Of what do you speak?" asked Merlin, although he suspected he already knew the answer, "Which magic user and what King?"

"The King was Uther", confirmed the Dragon, "and the Sorceress was Nimueh. When she was asked what the price for the birth of Prince Arthur would be she admitted that it was the life of Ygraine. She too claimed that Uther would be able to 'deal with it'."

"B-but this is completely different, surely?", argued an uncertain Merlin. He was shaken that the Dragon, as Gaius had done, drew parallels between the story of The Dolma and Arthur and that of Nimueh and Uther. "N-nobody has to die for one thing...it's not the same at all."

"Young Warlock", said the Dragon in harsher tones than he had used up until now, "For one who holds such incredible power you can be incredibly blind and foolish."

Merlin opened his mouth and made noises of protest, Kilgarrah held up a foreleg to silence him. "You ask for my advice so please, let me speak", he demanded. "You acknowledge that the King has been through great emotional turmoil in recent times, yes?"

"Well...yes", conceded Merlin.

"And you acknowledge that all those people he held dear and trusted the most have betrayed him and left him, yes?"

"Apart from myself and the Knights, that is true", agreed Merlin sadly.

"You spend almost every waking hour with the man", continued the Dragon. "You know better than anyone how raw his emotions are at the moment. Do you not see that if this latest object of his affections was to suddenly and inexplicably disappear it may very well tip him over the edge?"

Merlin shifted from foot to foot. "I suppose you might be right." he admitted reluctantly.

"There is no 'suppose' about it", snapped the Dragon, "I am right. I have seen it all before and suffered from the fallout."

Merlin's shoulders slumped and he crouched down and picked at the grass stems. Kilgarrah looked down at him with one golden eye. After a few minutes Merlin stood and looked at up at the Dragon. 

"Very well", he said decisively, "I accept that you are right. The Dolma will not come to Camelot."

"A wise decision." said Kilgarrah, "It is a good thing that you have finally learned to listen to advice after all these years."

"Even so", said Merlin, "It feels like a very harsh and sudden break. Is there anything...any way at all...that would allow me to transform into the Sorceress one last time just to say a proper goodbye to the King?"

Kilgarrah sighed a deep sigh and sat as low as he could on his haunches and lowered his head to the ground. Even with his jaw laying along the grass, his head was twice as tall as Merlin. He regarded the warlock intently. Merlin held his gaze but squirmed under such close scrutiny.

"I begin to suspect, Young warlock", purred the Dragon, "that the heart of the King is not the only one that risks being broken by this whole sorry mess."

Merlin said nothing but the blush that rose high on his cheeks and his inability to hold Kilgarrah's gaze told the Dragon all he needed to know.

"I thought as much", said KIlgarrah quietly. He sat up a little and regarded Merlin for a long while. His great tail swished from side to side.

Merlin looked back up at him imploringly.

"Merlin, Merlin, Merlin", he said eventually, shaking his head sadly. "I am afraid that this time, there really is no deeper Earth Magic that can help you with your predicament. What your magical book says is true, if you transform again, you risk death or forever being trapped as the Sorceress. Is it really worth the risk?"

Merlin looked up at Kilgarrah and shook his head as he brushed away tears that rolled down his cheeks despite himself.

"Then you will do the sensible thing and tell Arthur that he can never ever see The Dolma again?"

Merlin's shoulders shook from suppressed sobs as he nodded his agreement. It took him a few minutes to compose himself again. All the while the Dragon regarded him with concern.

"Thank you, Old Friend", said Merlin quietly, "I shall do as you say. I thank you for listening to my woes once again" He forced as smile as he continued, "Sometimes I feel I may go mad if I didn't have you to talk to." 

Kilgarrah stood and flexed his wings ready for flight. "Goodbye for now Young Warlock", he said fondly. Just before he sprung into the air he added, "Perhaps it is time for you to tell Arthur of your true feelings for him."

With that he was gone. Merlin stood for a long while watching as the Dragon flew into the horizon and wondered if perhaps he was right.


	36. A Shattered Heart Shattered Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin breaks the bad news to Arthur.

After his meeting with Kilgarrah Merlin headed straight back to the Citadel. He was full of determination but had an exceedingly heavy heart. He walked quickly, aware that if he tarried he may once again think of an excuse not to tell Arthur the bad news about The Dolma. He nodded grimly at the guards on the drawbridge and loped across the courtyard before stopping to take a deep breath and running up the stairway towards Arthur's chamber. 

As usual he didn't knock but burst straight into the room. He was taken aback to find that Arthur had company. Mordred and the King sat on the armchairs on either side of the fireplace and were laughing and drinking wine when Merlin made his entrance. They looked up in surprise but both wore broad grins.

"Oh, sorry", said Merlin flatly, "I thought you were alone. I shall come back when you two have finished." He made to back out of the room.

"Nonsense, nonsense", said Arthur getting to his feet. Merlin supposed that The King must be in a particularly good mood since he'd overlooked the fact that, as usual, Merlin hadn't knocked before entering. "It's actually good that you joined us. Take a seat, do."

Merlin hovered by the door feeling uncertain, "Oh?" he asked.

"Yes", clarified Arthur, "Young Mordred here has agreed to be my emissary to The Druids in Essitir and will leave at first light. We were just discussing logistics and since you were with me when we met them, your input would be much appreciated."

Merlin looked at Mordred who beamed back at him. Merlin gave an uncertain smile in return but it never reached his eyes. He hovered by the doorway shifting from foot to foot.  
"Well, come and sit down then Merlin", said Arthur with mock impatience, "You're making the room look untidy."

Merlin didn't move and didn't join in with the laughter that Arthur's joke induced. "Sire, I need to speak to you alone", he said solemnly. "Sorry Mordred", he said turning to the Knight, "I mean no offence to you, but I need to speak to the King urgently about a private matter."

Mordred and Arthur stopped laughing but remained smiling. Merlin looked imploringly at Arthur who rolled his eyes and said, "Very well. Mordred, please excuse us. Once Merlin has told me his apparently urgent news we shall continue this discussion in the council chamber."

Mordred stood still smiling broadly and said, "No need for apologies, Merlin. We shall speak later." He nodded farewell to Arthur and then headed for the door. Merlin made to stand aside to let him pass and was startled when the Knight caught him up in a warm embrace. It took Merlin a few moments to respond but he awkwardly returned the hug.   
After a few moments Mordred pulled back and looked deep into Merlin's eyes. Telepathically he said, *Emrys, I have no idea what you have said or done to change The King's mind regarding magic, but I thank you for it with all my heart.*

Merlin nodded and took a step back. Mordred patted him on the shoulder and left the room.

Arthur took his seat back by the fireplace and indicated with a nod of his head that Merlin should take the place opposite him. Merlin walked forward and perched himself on the very edge of the seat, hands clasped in front of him.

"Sooooo", drawled Arthur, pouring another goblet of wine and offering the flagon to Merlin who declined with a shake of his head. "What could possibly be so important that you have me turf out one of my own Knights from my chamber?" His tone was light and his eyes were merry.

Merlin hated himself for the words that he was about to speak and the effect they were likely to have on the King but he knew there was no choice.  
"It's about the Sorceress", he blurted, "The Dolma."

Arthur sat straight in his chair no longer smiling. He looked intently at Merlin. "Is she hurt? Has something happened?" he asked with a hint of panic in his voice.

"No, no - nothing like that", said Merlin. 

"Thank the gods", exhaled Arthur, visibly relaxing. "Then what? How have you been to see her already? That was quick! Did you convince her to come to Camelot?"

"She will not come to Camelot", said Merlin flatly.

"Oh", said Arthur in surprised response. After a few moments he asked, "How hard did you try ? Did you do your very best, as I requested?"

"I pleaded with her with all I had. I told her how important it was for you...and the future of magic in the Kingdom. But she was immovable.", lied Merlin.

Arthur regarded him for a few moments, a frown creasing his brow as Merlin's words sank in. 

"In that case", he said, "arrange for me to meet with her again, I bet I can change her mind. The Dolma and myself, we have a...special understanding." He took a thoughtful sip of wine before adding, "It was perhaps foolish of me to entrust such an important request to a mere manservant. I should have made this entreaty myself, formally."

Merlin bristled a little at being thought of as a 'mere manservant' but let it pass. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before saying his next words. 

"I cannot arrange for you to meet with her again, Arthur", he said quietly, "Ever."

Arthur regarded him in stunned silence for a few moments. "Wh-what did you say? Why ever not?", he asked, "What is this nonsense?"

"Sh-she said that she is very sorry but she is no longer able to hold audience with you." said Merlin, still unable to look up at the King.

"But - but we have an understanding! She said we could meet whenever I wanted!", exclaimed Arthur a little petulantly, getting up and pacing around the room. "Whatever could have happened that would make her go back on her word? This is unacceptable!"

"She says that other commitments prevent her from spending any more time with you", said Merlin, risking a glance up at the pacing King.

"Other Commitments?", parroted Arthur, his temper beginning to rise, "Other commitments to what? To whom? Is she in league with a neighboring Kingdom? Does she wish us harm?"

"No, Arthur - nothing like that!", exclaimed Merlin, getting to his feet and walking toward Arthur, "I don't believe her capable of doing anything to harm you or Camelot."

"Then what the hell has happened?", asked Arthur in almost a shout, "I spoke with her only yesterday and she said...nay, promised...that she would be there for me whenever I needed to see her."

Merlin looked helplessly at Arthur and shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Arthur", he said quietly.

"This is ridiculous", said The King, pushing past Merlin and pulling on his greatcoat, "Get the horses saddled and supplies packed, we are going to Arianroed. Right now. I need to hear for myself what has caused her to go back on a promise."

Merlin took a step in front of him and laid a hand on his chest to stop him. Arthur looked down at the hand then back up at Merlin, an even deeper frown creasing his forehead.

"It's pointless to go to The Cauldron", said Merlin sadly, "She told me that she will be leaving her cave and moving on. In fact she was all packed and ready to go when I found her...it was a stroke of luck she was still there at all."

Arthur took a step back looking like he had be struck with a physical blow. He sank into a seat at his table and looked blankly ahead.

"I'm sorry, Sire", repeated Merlin in an almost-whisper. "I know that she meant a great deal to you."

Arthur gave him a look and huffed out a bitter laugh. "Well, I obviously meant nothing at all to her if she can so casually disappear like this", he said bitterly.

"I'm sure that's not the case, Arthur", said Merlin taking a step forward and laying a consoling hand on his shoulder. "In fact she was distraught when she told me she was leaving. She was even crying."

Arthur blinked up at his manservant absorbing this new piece of information. "If she is distraught, then why in the name of all that is good is she leaving?", he asked in consternation. "I simply do not understand it! Did she give you any type of explanation? At all? Is there a threat to her life?". He paused after this last question and thought for a moment, then stood up again, "If there is a threat to her life, I feel duty bound to defend her", he said, pushing past Merlin, "Get the horses ready."

Merlin caught hold of his arm and swung him around. "Arthur, she's a powerful Sorceress...I very much doubt that she needs our help in defending herself against threats", he said, "I don't think that's the reason she is moving on."

"Then what is?", demanded Arthur, flopping back down into his chair and cupping his head in his hands, "None of this makes any sense at all!"

Merlin sat heavily down on the chair opposite him and sighed. It was breaking his heart to see Arthur like this, and for a few mad moments he contemplated transforming into The Dolma just once more for the sake of his King. He shook himself from such tempting thoughts and laid a consoling hand on Arthur's forearm.

"Arthur, believe me, I was as puzzled as you are by this news", he said gently, "I didn't leave her until I had implored her to explain her actions."

"And?" said Arthur, looking up at him through his fringe. Merlin's breath caught in his throat to see Arthur looking so thoroughly miserable.

Merlin sighed, "It's a little hard to explain", he said slowly, "It's to do with her being a magical being."

Arthur just blinked at him, awaiting the explanation.

"She said", continued Merlin, "That she is part Nyx, which is a kind of a water spirit. That is why she was drawn to the Cauldron of Arianeroed - it's magical waters give her strength. It's also why she knew what to do to break the enchantment on Gwen. It is in her nature to be...fluid, free moving...unbound by the earth."

Arthur looked at him intently. "Go on", he said, not really comprehending.

"She said", sighed Merlin, looking past Arthur and toward the window, "That during your last visit, it became evident that you were becoming extremely attached to her...perhaps even falling in love with her."

Arthur neither confirmed or denied this.

"She explained to me that this is something that cannot be", continued Merlin. "To have any kind of...relationship...with a mortal is impossible for her. It would change her very nature and perhaps even kill her."

"But...but...she kissed me", said Arthur, more to himself than to Merlin. "It was always she that expressed...feelings for me. How could she do so knowing that is against her very nature?"

Merlin weighed up his words before speaking again. "She explained", he said, "That she was drawn to some... quality in you, some kind of energy. Despite herself, and her very nature, she was unable to resist your...er...charms."

"As I was drawn to hers", admitted Arthur quietly, "So what could have gone so wrong? Why could it not work if we both feel the same?"

"When you last visited her, you gifted her not only material things but also items with great sentimental value to you. It was as though you were giving a part of yourself to her - an extremely precious part of yourself that you perhaps have never shown to another soul. It was too much for her. Until then she thought that what you were sharing was a mere flirtation and she enjoyed it for what she thought it was. On your last visit, you all but declared your love for her, and....." He trailed off, unsure if he should go on.

"and what?" asked Arthur, his eyes not leaving Merlin's face for a moment.

Merlin took a deep breath and finished, "and she realized that she was falling in love with you in return, and this simply cannot be allowed to happen because of who - or rather what - she is. Because if she showed you her true form, and her true power then the shock of it would kill you and her nature would be changed forever, and she feels that it is too high a price. For both of you" said Merlin with finality. "There is no changing her mind. Believe me, I tried."

Arthur sat back in the chair and looked down at the tabletop, he scratched a forefinger unconsiously on the wood for a long time. He didn't speak for so long that Merlin became unnerved.

"Arthur?", he asked eventually.

The King didn't look at him but said very softly, "Well. That's that then, I suppose." He continued to sit and stare at the tabletop. Merlin was more worried by the utter lack of a reaction than he would be if the King had thrown a tantrum.

"Should we", Merlin asked uncertainly, "I mean if you're up to it, should we go and speak with Mordred?"

"Mordred?" asked Arthur a little absently, "Ah. Yes. The visit to the Druids." He stood up but his shoulders sagged and he suddenly looked exhausted. He walked to the door and took hold of the handle but then had second thoughts. 

"You know what, Merlin?" he said, "The lack of sleep these last few days has suddenly caught up with me. Mordred and myself spoke at length already about the Druids of Essitir. I'm not sure I have any more to tell him. Why don't you go and meet with him alone, and I can rest awhile."

Merlin studied him closely. "I could", he said carefully, "but wouldn't you rather me stay here with you?"

"Don't be foolish, Merlin. Whatever for?", said Arthur without any real bite in his voice, "Mordred leaves at first light so you need to speak with him now. I, on the other hand and intending to sleep, and I don't need your help doing that."

"As long as you are sure", pushed Merlin, "I know the news about the Dolma is a blow.."

"Merlin, I'm not a girl", said Arthur a little impatiently, pushing his manservant toward the door, "Heaven knows I've had enough disappointments in my life. I'm quite sure I shall survive one more. Now, go speak with Mordred."

Merlin stood his ground and looked intently at Arthur, "Just remember, I'm here if you need me...for anything."

Arthur continued to shove him in the small of the back until he stood on the threshold of the door. "Yes, yes", he said. "Thank you Merlin."

"Just as long as you're sure", insisted Merlin.

"I am", said The King, turning away and walking to his 'worrying spot' by the window. "And Merlin, you've also had a busy few days. Once you finish with Mordred you are free from duties. I shall get myself supper and readied for sleeping tonight."

Merlin wasn't about that, at all, and continued to hover at the doorway.

"Goodbye, Merlin. That will be all", said Arthur a little tersely.

Merlin nodded and slowly closed the door. He hovered outside for a few moments feeling unsure what to do. Arthur had taken the news better - much better - than he had anticipated. But Merlin knew the King too well, he knew that at some point Arthur's brave facade would slip and his heart would break and he knew that he had to be there when it happened.


	37. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin begins to realize how foolish he has been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait for this chapter...Holiday time is busy time! Hope it's worth the wait. We're getting into the home run now, and things are gonna get sadder. Be warned...

Mordred appeared a little taken aback when Merlin entered the Council Chambers alone, but readily excepted his explanation that the King was resting and would not be joining them.

"Actually", he said conspirationally when Merlin had finished speaking, "Perhaps it is a good thing. We may talk more freely about our own powers and perhaps you can tell me what went on whilst you were at the encampment from your own perspective."

"Perhaps you're right", agreed Merlin, "but not here in the Castle. There are still those that oppose the return of magic so it would be better if we were not overheard. Let's take a walk."

Mordred agreed and they headed out of the Citadel and into the Darkling Woods. For a while at least, Merlin managed to put his concern for Arthur to the back of his mind as he related to Mordred all he had learned from the Druids of Essitir - mostly through his late evening telepathic conversations with them - and how he thought Mordred should go about convincing a delegation to come to Camelot. Mordred was very enthusiastic about the upcoming visit and as a Druid himself, had insights that Merlin did not about how their clans were structured. Despite his innate mistrust of the boy, Merlin was glad that Arthur had given Mordred the mission and he had no doubt that the young Knight's charm would remove any hesitation the Druids might have about coming into Camelot. Even with his headful of worry, Merlin actually felt quite hopeful and heartened as they circled back and walked into the Citadel just as darkness was falling.

Once he had bid Mordred farewell, Merlin felt somewhat at a loose end. He could not remember the last time that he had not served The King his evening meal and gotten him ready for bed. He stood at the foot of the staircase leading up to Arthur's rooms for long moments clenching and unclenching his hands in indecision before turning on his heel and making his way back to his own room in Gaius's chambers.

His feet dragged a little as he got closer. He had not spoken to his mentor since his telling off and was unsure if Gaius would still be angry with him. At least he had done as the old man bid, and told Arthur that he could never see The Sorceress again, perhaps that might appease him. In his present state of mind, Merlin wasn't sure he had the emotional strength to cope with an angry, disappointed Gaius. He steeled himself and pushed the door open.

Gaius was sitting at the dining table tucking into a bowl of stew. He looked surprised to see Merlin at this time of day and paused with the spoon half way to his mouth for a moment before continuing to eat. Merlin smiled nervously and came into the room.

"Are you not supposed to be attending to the King?", asked Gaius once he had swallowed his mouthful. His tone was cold and told Merlin that the old man was still angry with him. 

"He gave me the evening off", said Merlin flatly, slumping into the seat opposite Gaius, "To rest."

Gaius's eyebrow shot up in surprise. "He gave you an evening off? Is he quite well?"

Merlin huffed out a bitter laugh but gave no other answer. Gaius studied him for a few moments before asking, "So would you like some of this stew? I take it you have not yet eaten any supper."

Merlin rested his chin on his hands and replied with a sigh, "No, thank you Gaius, I'm not really hungry."

Gaius looked at him for long moments again. "Has something happened?" he asked.

"I did as you bid....I told him that he cannot see The Dolma again." replied Merlin in one long sigh.

"Well I'm glad you finally saw sense and did the right thing! It certainly took you long enough!", exclaimed Gaius. "And? How did he take the news?"

"He took it better that I expected", said Merlin, sitting up and scratching unconsciously at the wooden tabletop with a fingernail.

"So why do you look like so thoroughly miserable?", asked Gaius, "Surely that should be a relief!"

"He...took it a bit too well", explained Merlin, "He was upset at first and wouldn't accept what I was telling him - you know how he can get."

Gaius nodded.

"But when I insisted and told him why he couldn't see her again...then he just... went quiet and said he'll be fine." concluded Merlin in melancholic tones.

"What exactly DID you tell him, boy?", asked Gaius in a slightly more sympathetic voice than he's used so far.

Merlin recounted what he had told Arthur about The Dolma actually being a water spirit, how her true form would prove too much for The King and how she could not be tied to earthly things. Once he had finished speaking, Gaius looked at him and shook his head in disbelief.

"Wh-what?", asked Merlin a little disconcerted.

"If ever you were to lose your magic powers - or indeed your job as a manservant", said the physician wryly, "You should consider making a living as a travelling bard. You can certainly tell a good story!"

"I wish I could see the humour in this situation", said Merlin a little annoyed at Gaius's levity. "I had no choice but to weave this fanciful tale...he simply would not accept it when I told him he could not see her anymore. He was ready to ride out to the Cauldron there and then!"

"Well what did you expect Merlin?", snapped Gaius, all humour gone from his voice, "I told you long ago that you were playing a dangerous game! I warned you not carry on with this deception. I explained why it was such a mistake to do so and yet you disregarded my words and deceived me again and again. Now you are reaping what you have sowed."

"Thanks for being so understanding", said Merlin bitterly leaning back.

"You want my sympathy?", said Gaius incredulously, "I'm afraid that I have none to give. You bought this on yourself my boy and it is you that must deal with the fallout."

Merlin jumped to his feet so suddenly that the chair he had been sitting on flew across the room and crashed into the work table, knocking over several glass bowls. 

"Yes, well", he said coldly, tears of rage prickling at the edge of his eyes, "Just remember who it was that suggested that I disguise myself as a Sorceress in the first place." Having spoken he strode toward the door.

" I suggested you to wear that disguise to get Arthur his wife back Merlin, not to seduce him yourself.", replied Gaius, his voice rising to a shout.

Merlin glared speechless with disbelief at what the old man had just said. He slammed the door hard as he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin retraced his steps and once again stood at the bottom of the long staircase leading up to Arthur's chambers. He was so angry with the old man that he was shaking and muttering to himself. He paced up and down until a passing guard stopped and asked him what was wrong. He assured the man that all was well and turned on his heel, heading back down into the Darkling Woods. 

He stormed through undergrowth and saplings, scattering birds and small woodland creatures as he went. He made sure that he was a very long way from the Citadel and well off of any of the patrol routes before he finally stopped in a clearing. Breathing heavily he channeled all his frustration and anger and held his hands out in front of him with palms upward. With a thought he summoned into being a huge flame that danced on his opened palms and then shot up as high as the treetops. He flung up his arms and for a few moments the fire raged an impossibly bright blue before disappearing. He repeated the action again and again, each time sending the flame higher and higher into the sky. 

Eventually he had vented all of his anger this way and collapsed exhausted in a heap on the ground. He clasped his knees and buried his head in his arms and cried his heart out for all that was done and all that could not be.

Slowly his tears subsided and he lay on his back looking up at the sky that had now gone full dark. With an occasional sob he slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blood curdling screech woke him with a start several hours later and for a second his heart stopped. The noise was just like the scream of a terrified woman. He sat up and had a few moments of complete dislocation and panic. The screech came again and he realized that it was just the bark of a nearby fox. Slowly, he remembered how he had ended up in the middle of a forest. Once he had recovered his wits he blinked up at the stars to ascertain how long he had been asleep. It was about an two hours past midnight, he decided, and he should head back to the Castle before the wolves and bears began prowling. It was a moonless night and the forest was thick and dark. He picked up a few bumps and scratches on the way back but was otherwise unharmed as he walked across the drawbridge and nodded a greeting to two rather bemused night watchmen.

He stood in the Courtyard and sighed deeply. Perhaps, he thought, things might seem a little less disastrous after a good night's sleep. It was late enough now that Gaius would be fast asleep so he could creep back into his own room without having to face the old man. As he turned about and started to walk in the right direction, a light high up caught his eye. He looked up to see that Arthur's chambers were still fully illuminated.

He frowned and turned on his heel. Whatever the clotpole had said about being capable of putting himself to bed, he was obviously mistaken. No doubt he had fallen asleep without putting out his candles or banking the fire. Merlin resolved to tiptoe in to snuff the candles at least. That he could do without waking the King up and it would save him a lecture from the Steward about the foolishness of wasting expensive candlewax.

As he got to the top of the stairs and turned the corner he walked straight into Jane, one of the kitchen maids. He just about managed to catch her before she fell over backwards but she did drop the large wine pitcher that she was carrying.

"Sorry, sorry", he said as he stood her back on her feet and picked up the pitcher which amazingly was still intact, "My fault. I didn't expect anyone else to be up here at this time of night."

Jane took the pitcher from him and smiled, "Good job it was empty", she joked. 

"Actually", said Merlin, "What ARE you doing up here at this time of the night?"

"The King requested more wine" replied the girl, "and nobody knew where you were so they sent me."

Merlin looked into the empty pitcher. "He's drunk a whole pitcher of wine?", he asked incredulously.

Jane looked down at the empty pitcher. "This was the third one", she said nonchalantly, "I've just taken him another."

"Wh-what!", exclaimed Merlin, "Four pitchers of wine? On his own? That's insane! Why didn't you refuse to bring him anymore?"

Jane gave him a look that said very clearly that she thought he was unfortunate in the head. 

"He's the King, Merlin", she replied coldly, "I do whatever he requests of me. Without question. Now...I wish you a good night." With that she hurried off down the stairs.   
Merlin blinked down at her and wondered if he should hurry after to apologize for upsetting her . But his concern for what he would find in Arthur's chambers got the better of him and with a shrug he hurried along the corridor.

As ever, he entered the room without knocking. He reeled back a few steps as the overpowering stench of stale wine hit his nostrils. He recovered himself and went over to open one of the windows to let some fresh air in. He turned back around to see Arthur sprawled half sitting and half lying in one of the chairs next to the fireplace which was burning dangerously high. The King was still in daytime clothes, although they sat askew on his frame and his eyes were almost closed . The goblet of wine that he held in his right hand was close to slipping from his fingers. His legs were at odd angles and one foot was so close to the fireplace that the wool of a sock had begun smoking from the heat and looked like it would burst into flame at any moment. The fireplace itself was packed full of wood and burning so fiercely that Merlin feared that the chimney would combust. It looked as though Arthur had put the entire week's supply of wood onto the fire at once, and half of it spilled out and onto the hearth.

Merlin muttered a quiet spell under his breath to calm the flames before hurrying over to his Master. He took the wine from Arthur's hand and placed it on the table nearby. He shook The King hard. Arthur's head lolled from side to side and his eyes remained closed.

"Arthur", said Merlin shaking him again, "Arthur, wake up."

The King squinted open an eye and regarded Merlin for a few moments. He closed it slowly and his head fell backward and rested on the chair. Merlin shook him again but there was no response at all. 

"SIRE WAKE UP!", he bellowed into Arthur's ear. Still there was no response.

Merlin sat back on his heels scratching at the back of his head for a few moments feeling exasperated. He stood and leaned forward, embracing Arthur beneath his armpits and attempting to lift him back into an upright sitting position at least. It was useless. The King was a dead weight and when Merlin let him go he simply slid boneless down the chair until he was virtually lying in the hearth. Merlin let out a great sigh and sat in front of him for a few moments wondering what to do. A few more vigourous shakes did absolutely nothing other than cause the King's head to loll from side to side. In desperation Merlin slapped the King so hard across the cheek that he left a red hand-shaped mark.

Arthur opened his eyes, raised a hand to his cheek and frowned unfocusedly at Merlin. Merlin braced himself for a return blow. Arthur mumbled incoherently and his head lolled back. This time his eyes didn't close but rolled back into his head in a rather alarming fashion.

Merlin stood up in a bit of a panic casting his eyes around the room for something that might bring the King out of his alcoholic stupour. He spotted the wash jug which was full of clean water. He walked over to pick it up, and on the way back to Arthur muttered a quick spell which cooled the water to the point where small shards of ice floated about in it. Without further ado he dumped it on Arthur's head.

It did the trick. Arthur's eyes shot open and he breathed in deeply and then stumbled to his feet coughing and gasping for breath. When he spotted Merlin standing in front of him holding the empty jug he growled in anger and took a swing at him. Merlin danced backward to avoid the flailing fist and somehow managed to put the jug down safely before jumping back in to catch Arthur as he lost his balance and fell over sideways. Had he not caught him, Arthur would have hit his temple on the edge of a table. 

Despite having lost his footing, Arthur tried to land another blow on his manservant and managed to hit him clumsily in the mouth before Merlin grappled his arms to his side and embraced him from behind.

"Arthur, it's me", gritted out Merlin as he tasted blood from his split lip. He fought to keep the stronger man under control. "You're ridiculously drunk. We have to get you sorted out."

"M'fine", insisted Arthur, struggling and pushing backward until Merlin was shunted into a large cabinet. The impact knocked the breath out of him and he let out a loud "Oof" but did not relax his grip on the struggling King. 

"You are not fine", said Merlin, tightening his grip further, "You were almost laying in the fireplace when I found you!"

With a surprising burst of strength, Arthur pushed out of Merlin's grip, jumped to his feet and stumbled forward.

"M' the King of Cam'lot", he said waving an arm in the air, "Don't never get ricic....ridiklously drunk." Having made his point, his legs gave way and he collapsed in a heap onto the floor.

Merlin rolled his eyes and went over to him. He knelt down and looked at Arthur who was sprawled ungracefully across a very expensive rug. At least, observed his manservant, his eyes were open.

Merlin sighed and pulled the King into a sitting position. "Let's get you into bed", he said, "C'mon...do you think you can stand up??"

Arthur became suddenly pliant and let Merlin haul him onto the bed. Once there he rolled onto his side and began to fall asleep.

"Oh - no you don't", said Merlin, hauling him into a sitting position again and cramming pillows behind and around him to stop him laying down. "There's no way you can go to sleep with this much wine in you. C'mon. Sit up!"

Arthur scowled at Merlin blearily but did not try to lay down again.

"Good", said Merlin, "Very good...now don't move, I shall be right back." With that he hurried over to the dining table where he found a bowl of salt. He tipped most of it into a goblet of water and stirred it vigourously. "Here. Drink this in one go." he said returning to the bedside and holding the goblet to Arthur's mouth, "It will help."

It was a testament to their many years together (or to his level of inebriation) that Arthur trusted him enough to do as bidden. Two seconds after gulping down the entire contents of the goblet he began to gag and looked with bleary betrayed eyes up at his manservant.

"YOU POISONED ME!", exclaimed Arthur. He sat upright and bellowed "GUARDS! TREASON!" before lurching forward and vomiting a dark red stream into the bedpan that Merlin had miraculously managed to bring out in time.

"I'm bleeding to death!" squawked Arthur, inspecting the contents of the bedpan, "GUARDS! MURDER MOST FOUL!" 

With that he let forth another stream of vomit. Merlin steadfastly held onto the bedpan but could feel his own bile rising and was thankful that he had not eaten any supper. He swiftly pulled his neckerchief up over his nose in an attempt to block out the acrid stench and then rubbed a hand soothingly up and down Arthur's spine. Once the King had finished heaving Merlin hurriedly took the chamber pot and placed it in the hallway outside. Arthur laid back against his pillows looking wan and pale. Merlin dipped a cloth in the drinking water jug and then sat on the edge of the bed. He folded the cloth into a square and laid it on Arthur's feverish forehead. The cool cloth on his head made Arthur open his eyes.

"Feeling better?", asked Merlin quietly.

"No", said Arthur balefully, "I feel like I just threw up all my internal organs and my soul as well. What the hell did you give me?"

"Just salt", he explained smiling despite himself at Arthur's florid description, "You drunk a dangerous amount of wine and I had to get it out of you before it did some serious damage to your insides."

Arthur looked at him skeptically and said nothing.

"Why the hell did you drink so much anyway?" asked Merlin.

Arthur didn't reply but looked away.

"Arthur, seriously. You might have died if I hadn't come back when I did. It's not like you to get so far into your cups. What happened?", pushed Merlin.

"I am the King and I can do as I wish and as my manservant you have no right to question my motives", replied Arthur. He tried to sound imperious but it came out sounding sullen and childish even to his own ears.

"Oh - so as the Monarch you are perfectly within your rights to drink wine until your liver explodes, is that right?", said Merlin sarcastically as he soaked the cloth again and reapplied it, "Very noble, I'm sure."

Arthur closed his eyes and relished the feel of the cooling water for a few moments. With out opening them he replied, "Oh do shut up Merlin, you are sounding more and more like Gaius with each passing day."

Still incredibly angry with Gaius, Merlin was stung by this remark and got up from the bed. He paced around the room putting it back in order and worrying over the fireplace. 

Feeling the weight go from the bed, Arthur squinted open his eyes and watched as Merlin fussed around the room, a frown creasing his forehead. He sat up when Merlin picked up the fresh pitcher of wine and started to head for the door.

"Where do you think you are going with that?", he asked coldly.

Merlin blinked at him. "I'm taking it back to the kitchen. I think you've had more than enough for tonight, don't you?"

"Put it back on the table, Merlin", he said dangerously, starting to sit up and move toward the edge of the bed.

"Not a chance", said Merlin laughingly.

Arthur got to his feet and began stalking toward him, swerving and swaying a little.

Quick as a flash, Merlin danced over to the door and swung it open. Glaring defiantly at the King, he tipped the whole pitcher of wine into the chamber pot. Arthur squawked in disbelief and picked up a goblet from the table and aimed it at Merlin's head with all his strength. Luckily his aim was off and it whistled past Merlin's ear and crashed into the stone wall opposite before clattering noisily onto the floor.

"Think you're clever do you?", said Arthur advancing on him. "Well you're not. I'm the King and if I want to drink wine I shall bloody well drink wine. Now get out of my way."  
Having said that he shoved Merlin hard and sent him sprawling on the flagstones. The King stumbled in socked feet along the cold corridor bellowing "GUARDS! GET THE STEWARD TO SEND UP MORE WINE! GUARDS!"

Merlin stood up and brushed himself down and with a huff of irritation strode after Arthur. He caught up with him just as he had made it to the top of the staircase. He caught the King by an elbow and swung him around. 

"Oh, no no no no no", he said, marching Arthur back toward his chambers, "If you try going down that staircase in socks you'll break your thick skull. Come on, back to your room." With that he wrestled Arthur back inside his chamber, locked the door and pocketed the key.

"Open the door", growled Arthur.

Merlin shook his head. "Not until you are sober enough to see sense", he said.

Arthur advanced on him again, growling, "I'm your King and I command you to open the damned door, Merlin."

Merlin nimbly sidestepped him, strode over to the window that he had opened earlier and promptly tossed the key out into the courtyard. Arthur gaped at him in disbelief before stumbling over to the window and looking down into the courtyard where the key was just visible on the cobbles far below. He growled again and advanced dangerously toward Merlin. Merlin backed away.

"Arthur, please - see sense!", he pleaded, "You are the King. You cannot go walking around the Castle in this condition. And if you drink any more wine tonight it could kill you. Truly!"

By time he'd finished speaking Arthur had backed him into a corner and held him by the throat in a punishing grip. Merlin took hold of his forearm with both his hands and tried to pull it free but the King was much stronger than him.

"Throttle the air out of me if you must", he wheezed, eyes watering through lack of breath "but I'm only trying to keep you alive."

Arthur gripped him by the throat for a while longer and glared at him. Merlin returned his stare as best he could until grey spots started appearing at the edge of his vision through lack of air and his eyes rolled back into his head. All of a sudden Arthur let go and Merlin slumped to the floor, gasping in burning breaths and coughing.

Arthur walked over to his armchair by the fire and slumped into it, all fight suddenly gone out of him.

"Don't waste your energy trying to save me", he said flatly, "There's nothing I've got to live for anyway."

"Wh-what?", croaked Merlin, holding onto his bruised throat, "What are you even talking about?"

"I've had enough of all this", moaned Arthur waving his arm at nothing in particular. "It's just...who would even care if I drunk myself into oblivion anyway?"

"That's the wine talking, Arthur" coughed Merlin, still rubbing at his throat and trying to breathe through the burning sensation.

"This whole Kingdom", elaborated Arthur, waving his arms around, "This...being King. I'm sick of it." 

"Arthur, you're talking nonsense.", insisted Merlin. "Now, drink some water and I'll prepare something to make you feel better before we get you ready to sleep."  
Arthur was quiet for a few moments and then suddenly sat up and pointed at Merlin. (At least he intended to point at Merlin but his pointing finger swayed disobediently about in the air - vaguely pointing in the right direction) "What are you even doing here?", he asked accusingly. " I told you to take the night off."

"I DID take the night off", replied Merlin, "It's actually already the morning."

Arthur looked out at the darkness through the window and back at Merlin in confusion. "The sky's still dark and I haven't been to bed...idiot." he said.

Merlin rolled his eyes and filled up a bowl with drinking water and walked over to the King he stopped a few paces short. "Now, are you going to drink this sensibly, or are you going to try and kill me again?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and held out a hand for the bowl of water, "Don't be such a girl, Merlin...I didn't grab you that hard." he said.

Merlin gave him the bowl saying, "Yes well...just drink this." Once he was satisfied that Arthur was doing as bid he went over to a cabinet and started mixing herbs together that would help Arthur relax and would hopefully stop him suffering the mother of all hangovers the following day.

Arthur eyed the vial suspiciously when Merlin handed it to him a few minutes later. The greeny-yellow liquid did not look or smell in the least appetizing.

"Is this going to make me vomit again, Merlin?", he asked whilst squinting through the little glass bottle.

"On the contrary, it should stop you throwing up again, Sire", replied Merlin. "Come on, down the hatch."

"If I'm sick again, I swear to you that you will be spending the rest of the year in the stocks...is that understood?", said Arthur in his most serious voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah", replied Merlin waving a hand dismissively, "Just drink it already!"

Giving his manservant one more (rather cross eyed) regal glare, Arthur downed the fluid. It tasted sharp and lemony and burned a little on the way down but thankfully did not make him feel nauseous. After pursing his lips against the bitterness for a long moment, he said "Guh."

"Better?", asked Merlin studying his face closely.

"Slightly better than cat's urine", grumbled the King.

Merlin huffed out a laugh. "That's more like it", he said, "Come on - I think it's safe to get you ready for bed now."

He turned on his heel and shuffled about the room, laying out Arthur's night wear on the bed, banking the fire and starting to snuff most of the candles. The sudden absence of light apart from the two candles by his bedside made Arthur feel more calm and relaxed than he had done since Merlin had given him the news about The Dolma several hours earlier.

He was pliant as Merlin helped him up and began to help him out of his clothes and into his night things. As Merlin fussed over him, his thoughts wandered back to The Dolma and how he could never see her again. He remembered how Gwen had betrayed him at the Cauldron of Arianroed. He remembered his only uncle leading Morgana into Camelot. He remembered Morgana's first betrayal of the Kingdom. Quite suddenly and despite himself, large hot tears rolled silently down his cheeks.

Merlin was intent on his work and only noticed the King was crying when a hot teardrop fell onto his hand as he laced Arthur's nightshirt. He stopped what he was doing and looked up into Arthur's face in consternation.

"A-arthur?", he asked uncertainly. 

Arthur tried to hold back his tears and not be thus exposed in front of his manservant, but his traitorous emotions betrayed him. His whole frame shook and he sat heavily on the side of the bed sobbing silently. He covered his face with his hands and wept uncontrollably.

A few moments later he felt the weight as Merlin sat on the bed beside him. The boy put an arm around him and pulled him into a comforting half hug. Merlin said nothing but simply cradled his head and pulled it onto his shoulder and stroked Arthur's hair as tears continued to flow.

By and by the King cried himself tearless and began to calm. Merlin let him go, but stayed sitting beside him on the bed studying his face. Arthur eventually composed himself and attempted to wipe his face dry with his sleeve. Merlin leaned over toward the cabinet beside the bed and sat back up and offered Arthur the dampened cloth that he had used earlier.

"Better?", he asked simply.

Arthur nodded as he mopped his face clean of tears. "I guess", he replied quietly. "Just tired, that's all."

Merlin was unsure if the King meant that crying had made him tired, or if he was exhausted because of the crying. "Let's get you into bed", he said gently, "You'll feel better in the morning, I'm sure of it."

Merlin sorted out the pillows and pulled the bedding back, then covered Arthur as he slid between the sheets. 

"I'm not sure I'll feel any better", mumbled Arthur mostly to himself as he settled down in bed, "I'll still be the King that is betrayed or deserted by everybody that he loves."

Merlin's heart clenched in his chest at these heartfelt words. "Oh, Arthur", he said gently, "I'm sorry that you feel like this. But try to remember, the Kingdom is filled with people that love you, and need you."

Arthur let out a long sigh and looked up at Merlin with red rimmed sad eyes. "What about those that I love and I need, Merlin?", he said sadly, "Why can I never have them?"

Merlin's eyes filled with tears and he shrugged in reply, shaking his head once.

Arthur rolled over and faced away from him and settled into his pillow. "The more time goes by", he said into the darkness, "The more I understand my father. His cold aloofness used to puzzle me, and upset me ,but I think now he may have been right all along. Showing love...making oneself vulnerable to others is a weakness and leads to nothing but hurt and disappointment." He let out another long sigh, "From now on, I shall endeavour to be much more like my Father. Goodnight Merlin."

Merlin stood a while looking down at Arthur after he'd finished his speaking. Tears were rolling unbidden down his own cheeks now and he had to wait a while to regain control of himself before he could return Arthur's "Goodnight". 

With a heavy heart he blew out the last of the candles and waited until Arthur's breathing evened out before muttering a spell to unlock the door. 

He slipped quietly from the room and walked slowly back to his own chambers feeling as though his actions had ruined absolutely everything and broken Arthur's spirit as well as his heart.


	38. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur seems worryingly calm the day after.

Merlin awoke abruptly as the sun shone in through the small window in his bedroom. Light fell across his face and he closed his eyes tight to block out the light, then rolled onto his stomach and away from the sun's glare. He lay still for a few moments feeling irritated by the light and the noisy birdsong outside before suddenly realizing that it was actually a long time past sunrise and he should have been up and about hours ago.

He cursed and threw back the bedclothes, still with eyes firmly clamped shut and muttered "cum y'ere" which caused his clothes to spring up from the chaos that was his bedroom floor and land in his lap. He shucked on his trousers and pulled his shirt over his head and then got to his feet and staggered a few paces until he reached his wash stand. Drastic action was needed he decided, so he muttered a cooling spell over his wash jug, then without pausing to think about it too much, he tipped the contents over his head. 

He yelped and then swore from the shock of the cold water and finally blinked his eyes open, at last fully awake. He could feel that his eyelids were puffy and as he pulled on his boots he wondered if that was due to severe lack of sleep for the last few days, or from crying so much the previous night. Whatever it was, he mused as he stood up and headed for the door, he was certain that he looked a fright.

He drew in a steadying breath before opening the door into Gaius's work room. He was still angry with the physician and had no idea what he would say to the old man this morning having stormed out on him the previous evening. As luck would have it, Gaius had already headed off on his rounds to visit the sick in the Lower Town. He must still be angry decided Merlin, since it was almost unheard of for the old man to leave without making sure that he wasn't going to oversleep. He took a crust from the table and munched on it unenthusiastically as he headed out and trudged toward Arthur's chambers. Despite being hopelessly late for work, he didn't rush. He figured that he would find the King still in his bed, groaning and vowing to have all alcoholic beverages burnt or outlawed as Enemies of The Kingdom. 

With this in mind he didn't knock (of course) but instead of barging in like he usually did, he opened the door to Arthur's bedroom slowly and quietly. He was fully expecting to be greeted with a darkened room and the sharp smell of alcoholic sweat. He actually gasped in surprise to find the room awash with light. All the curtains were drawn back and the windows thrown open. The bed linen was awry and clothes and debris littered the floor from when Merlin had put Arthur to bed last night. A breakfast tray sat on the table untouched. Arthur was nowhere to be seen.

Merlin left the room again scratching his head in puzzlement and looking both ways before heading off left. He stopped at the end of the corridor and quizzed a passing servant who informed him that the King had been awake 'since dawn' and was currently down on the training ground.

Merlin thanked the man and made his way down to the training fields. He wondered if Arthur had slept at all since it had certainly been close to dawn when he had finally left the King and headed to his own room. 

Arthur was quite alone. He was wielding a mace and going through the steps and moves that Merlin had watched him perform hundreds of times before. For the moment the King was oblivious to his presence. His manservant winced as the mace hit the wooden block and sackcloth dummy again and again sending splinters flying in all directions. Merlin glanced at the other six dummies and winced again when he realized that Arthur had reduced them to nothing more than shreds of fabric and kindling. The only other time that he remembered his master causing so much damage to inanimate objects was when, years ago, Morgana had fallen down a staircase and had been gravely wounded. 

Merlin steeled his nerves before making his presence known. Without speaking he walked around until the King was able to see him.

"Ah Merlin", said Arthur, pausing and taking off his helmet. His hair was plastered to his scalp and he was bright red from exertion. "Good to see you finally deigned to show up for work today."

"Sorry Sire", said Merlin a little sheepishly, "But it was a very late night. Anyway, after the amount that you drank I assumed that you would want to sleep in."

Arthur gave his manservant a withering stare. "Two things, Merlin", he said, "One - we Pendragons are made of strong stuff. It takes more than a skinfull of wine to lay me low. And two - never assume anything. We both know that you are an idiot and will always make the wrong assumption."

Merlin ignored the jibe. "Well", he said cheerily, "It is good to see you up and about. How are you feeling about....everything?"

Arthur put his helmet back on after taking a long drink of water from a nearby barrel. "I just told you", he said impatiently, "I'm not a lightweight like you when it comes to drink."

"I can see that", conceded Merlin, 'thought I bet my ministrations last night helped."

"Hmm", said Arthur non-committally, swinging the mace above his head, "I'm still not convinced you weren't trying to poison me."

"And what about...you know...the other stuff?", asked Merlin a little uncertainly.

"What 'other stuff'?" asked the King, not looking at him.

"You know", pushed Merlin, "The Dolma...and...stuff."

Arthur made no answer but replaced his helmet and let loose a volley of blows on the practice dummy with his mace. Merlin took several steps back to avoid being hit by the splinters of wood that flew in all directions. The barrage of blows went on for several minutes until the sackcloth dummy fell to pieces and the wooden pole split in half. Arthur stopped and huffed his annoyance staring down at the mess. He once again removed his helmet and noticed Merlin still standing nearby.

"Why are you still here?" he asked, "Haven't you got any work to do?"

"Nothing that can't wait", shrugged Merlin, "I just wanted to make sure you are alright."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not a girl, Merlin" he said with distain.

Merlin looked steadily at Arthur with his arms crossed.

"You know that you can talk to me", he said quietly, "...about anything."

Arthur looked blankly back at him. "Just for a change, I have absolutely no idea what you are wittering on about.", he replied. "But if you want to be useful, then pick up that wooden shield and let me carry on with my mace practice - these dummies were very poorly put together...I shall have words with the squires about such shoddy workmanship."

Merlin looked over at the flimsy wooden shield and then back at Arthur who was swinging his mace around above his head again.

"Not bloody likely", he said, taking a few steps backward. "I've just remembered - Gaius needs me to - er - scrub out the leech tank or something." Having spoken he turned on his heel and hurried back toward the castle ignoring Arthur's annoyed calls for him to come back.

He made his way back to the King's chambers and began to put them in order. It took him until almost lunchtime to clear up the mess from the night before; there was soot everywhere from the enormous fire that the drunken King had made. He occasionally paused in his work and looked out of the window to check on Arthur who was still on the training field but had switched to running since there was nothing left for him to hit. When he saw that the King had finally tired and was heading back up toward the Citadel he called for a bath to be bought up. It was already set up and steaming in front of a clean fireplace when the King finally came into the room.

Usually when Arthur came up dirty and hot from the training field and saw a bath already drawn he would give a groan of appreciation and sometimes even thank Merlin. Today however, he came into the room with a set jaw and a grim expression. He didn't speak at all as Merlin undressed him and got him into the bath. He remained tense as his manservant washed his hair and back. Even an impromptu massage to ease the muscles in the King's back didn't relax him. Merlin tried several times to make small talk in order to lighten the oppressive atmosphere in the room, but Arthur merely grunted in response. In the end Merlin gave up and just performed his tasks in silence.

Once Arthur was clean, Merlin held up a towel for him and then turned back into the room to sort out the King's clothes for the rest of the day.

"What are your plans for the afternoon?", he asked as he opened the wardrobe door and looked inside. "Are you in Council today?"

"I have cancelled my meetings", replied the King as he towel dried his hair. "I shall be joining the Northern Patrol. Bring me my chainmail."

"You're going out on patrol?", asked Merlin in surprise, "that's...unusual. Shall I saddle up our horses once I've got you dressed?"

"I've already spoken with the stable boys", replied Arthur as he walked behind the changing screen and began to put on breeches and a shirt, "and you are not coming with me."

"Oh", said Merlin feeling disconcerted, "I can do my chores for Gaius this evening, I'm sure he won't mind if I do them once we get back." 

"You're not coming with us", said Arthur firmly from behind the screen, "There's no reason for you to do so. You are not a Knight."

Merlin felt utterly wrong-footed and stood dumbly looking at the changing screen. He was still blinking at it when Arthur stepped from behind it.

"Where is it, then?", said the King, looking around the room in an exaggerated fashion.

"What?", asked Merlin, looking around too.

"My chain mail?", said Arthur sarcastically, "That I asked you to bring me? Are you deaf as well as stupid?"

"Oh - oh yes", said Merlin coming out of his confused trance. "It's in the armoury" He stood looking at Arthur who glared back at him unblinking. "I'll...er...just go and get it, shall I?" he said as he backed toward the door and headed out. Arthur simply rolled his eyes and turned back to his table without saying anything.

Merlin felt most discombobulated on his way to and from the Armoury. Arthur was behaving as though the previous night's outpouring of emotion had never happened. Perhaps he was embarrassed, thought Merlin, or perhaps he had been more drunk than Merlin had anticipated and genuinely didn't remember crying. Whatever the reason, it was deeply unsettling. 

Even more unsettling however, was Arthur's declaration that Merlin would not be accompanying him on patrol. Since they had won back Camelot from Morgana all those years ago, Merlin had unofficially become a kind of companion to the King and went everywhere with him, whether it be to settle disputes in the Lower Town or investigate reports of bandits or failed crops in the outlying villages or simply out on a hunt. It had never mattered before that he wasn't a trained Knight. Why would Arthur suddenly decide that it was no longer suitable for Merlin to accompany him? 

When he got back from the Armoury Merlin found Arthur looking distractedly out of the window. He put the chainmail over the King's head and buckled it in place.

"Why are you leaving me behind?", he asked a little petulantly as he stood behind Arthur fiddling with the shoulder strap.

"Eh?", replied Arthur, not really listening and still looking off in the direction of the forest.

Merlin walked around until he stood between the King and the window causing Arthur to frown at him.

"Why are you going on Patrol without me?", he asked again.

"I told you, Merlin", said Arthur looking away and picking up his cloak, "You are not a Knight. There's no real reason for you to come."

"But I always do", argued Merlin, "why not today?"

Arthur stopped and turned back to look at him for a few seconds. "Merlin, it's not all about you, you know", he said a little impatiently, "I'm taking three of my newest Knights out to show them the Patrol route and to explain the dangers. I'll do it much more efficiently if I don't have you at my side talking incessantly about nonsense and then complaining because you are hungry or because your little bottom aches from all the riding."

Merlin pouted and stepped back and away from the King.

"Oh, and now you're sulking again," said Arthur as he fixed the clasp of his cloak at his throat. 

"Am not sulking", said Merlin as he stepped back in and adjusted the clasp and straightened the cloak across the King's shoulders.

"Yes, well. Whatever", said Arthur rolling his eyes and pulling on his riding gloves. "I'm sure Gaius will be glad of your company for a day or so. Anyway, I feel like I've spent the last week almost entirely in your company. Perhaps it's time for a bit of a break, don't you agree?"

Merlin had no real argument against that. After a few seconds he shrugged and replied sarcastically, "How will I survive without being insulted and hit for one whole day?"

Despite his dour mood, Arthur huffed out a laugh. 

Merlin headed off toward the door, but before leaving the room turned around and said, "Seriously though, if you change you mind, you know where to find me."

"Goodbye Merlin", said Arthur impatiently as he pulled on his gloves.

Merlin walked off back toward his chambers with a bad feeling. Arthur's explanation for leaving him behind was valid but it still left Merlin feeling bereft at the prospect of not seeing the King for a whole day. It was only because he was worried about Arthur's current state of mind and wanted to keep an eye on him, he told himself, but then he admitted the truth to himself. Since this whole episode with The Dolma had begun (if not before),he felt somehow incomplete if he wasn't in Arthur's company day and night. This was a worrying development. Extremely worrying. Halfway to his own rooms he decided to head back to the Armoury. He had a lot to think through and he found that the process of sharpening swords and polishing armour somehow therapeutic.

Several hours and much deep-thinking later, a rumbling stomach alerted him that it must be lunchtime. With no Arthur to tend to, he collected victuals from the kitchens and headed back to Gaius's chambers. He bought back enough food for two, assuming that Gaius would come back tired and hungry from his rounds. He assumed correctly. Gaius was just putting down his medicine bag and taking off his sandals when Merlin walked in with two steaming bowls of lamb stew and a bowl of fruit.

"Ah perfect", said the old man, "I shall just wash off the dust of the road and we shall eat."

Merlin smiled despite his anxious state. The peace-offering of food had worked and Gaius was speaking to him again. It was a huge relief, with everything else going on he felt that he needed his mentor's support. He set the table and sat down, presenting Gaius with a nice cold goblet of water as he shuffled over and sat opposite him.

Gaius took a long drink from the goblet then smiled at Merlin. Without further ado he tucked into the lamb stew and they ate in companionable silence. 

"You look a bit better for having slept", said Gaius once he had finished his stew and was eating some grapes that Merlin had liberated from Arthur's breakfast tray. "Are you feeling a little less dramatic today?"

Merlin was cutting the skin from an apple and looked sheepishly up at the old man through his eyelashes. "A little", he said, "I'm...sorry about last night. And I'm sorry I lied to you."

"Yes, well", replied Gaius sighing, "I just hope you learnt your lesson this time. Honestly, Merlin, I really thought you had grown out of such hair-brained plans."

"Hmmm", said Merlin non-committally as he chewed his apple.

"And how is the King today?", enquired Gaius.

Merlin thought briefly about telling Gaius everything that had gone on the night before with Arthur, but he decided against it. He was sure that the King wouldn't want anyone else to know about his mini breakdown. Also he couldn't face Gaius saying 'I told you so' again. Given Arthur's seeming return to normality today he couldn't see any point in dragging out the whole sorry tale again.

"Oh, he seems to be fine", answered Merlin blithely, "a good night's sleep seems to have done him good too...perhaps we were both a little overtired. He spent the whole morning out on the training ground wrecking all the dummies."

"Indeed", replied Gaius, looking steadily and unblinkingly at Merlin.

Merlin felt uncomfortable under such scrutiny. "...and he's taken the newest Knights out on Patrol this afternoon." he added.

"Indeed", said Gaius again, still staring at Merlin. "Are you not joining them?"

In an attempt to avoid the stare, Merlin got to his feet and began to fuss over the plates and to tidy up the table. "Apparently, I distract the new recruits." he smirked, "so Arthur decided to leave me here."

"Interesting", said Gaius, still studying him. Merlin was beginning to feel unnerved.

"It's only for a day or so", he said with forced levity, "I should enjoy the peace whilst it lasts I suppose!"

"Well, I could certainly make good use of your unexpected free time", said Gaius, finally looking away. "There are a good many herbs that you could bring me from the forest, there are tinctures to be distilled, bandages to be washed and wrapped, bottles to be washed... and that leech tank really could do with a proper clean out."

Merlin pulled a face. "Any chance I could do that last one using magic?" he asked, "it is on it's way to being legalized, after all."

Gaius rolled his eyes. "Very well", he sighed, "As long as you make sure that the door is bolted when you do so."

Merlin gave him a wide grin and gathered up the plates to take back to the kitchen. He hooked the herb-gathering basket over his arm. 

"I'll get straight to work with those herbs, shall I?", he said and left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That afternoon and the next day passed surprisingly quickly doing all the chores that Gaius requested of him and being so busy helped him not to miss Arthur quite so much. It had been a long time indeed since he had spent so much time with the Physician and he remembered just how much he actually enjoyed the old man's company. He was in such an agreeable mood that he even ended up cleaning out the leech tank without the use of magic. 

As the sun began to set on the day after Arthur had left, Merlin visited the kitchens to collect a plate of cold meats and bread and a pitcher of wine. He left them on the table and started a fire in the hearth, anxious that the room would be comfortably warm for the King's return. He headed back to Gaius's chambers and busied himself with grinding seeds and leaves into fine powders for the Physician's use. He kept the door ajar so that he might see any messenger approaching to tell him that Arthur was returned. Despite the enjoyable time he'd had in Gaius's company, he was anxious to see the King again.

The sun set and the first and second watches were called and the Patrol had still not returned. 

As the midnight bell struck, Merlin headed up to the top of the North Tower and focused his magic to detect the approach of Arthur and his companions. He could feel nothing. He frowned and descended the staircase again and sought out Leon who was on watch.

"Hullo Merlin", said a surprised Leon who was warming his hands at a brazier in the courtyard, "I thought you were off on Patrol with the King."

"He decided to leave me behind this time", said Merlin, joining him next to the small fire, "He reckons I distract the new recruits."

Leon looked at him for a few moments, "Indeed?", he asked.

"Anyway", continued Merlin, "It's past midnight. If they patrolled the Northern Border, shouldn't they be back by now?"

"Don't worry yourself", smiled Leon, "It's the first proper outing of the new recruits. If I know Arthur, he's probably putting them through their paces. No doubt they will all be back tomorrow, tired and grumbling."

Merlin was a somewhat relieved by Leon's words, but not entirely at peace. He returned to Arthur's room to bank the fire and to collect the untouched food. He munched on it thoughtfully as he headed back to his own room, thinking over a list of jobs to keep him occupied on the following morning. Amongst them, he decided, was rebuilding the wrecked practice dummies on the training field. If Arthur returned in the same mood that he had left Camelot, it would be better for him to vent his aggression on the straw men rather than on his poor Knights and Squires.

The repairs took him most of the following day, and he paused often in his work to look off toward the forest track from which the King would come. By mid afternoon there was still no sign of the Patrol and the manservant was becoming increasingly anxious. He spent a couple of hours in Arthur's chambers, cleaning the windows but mostly staring out of them toward the forest. When the light had completely gone, he climbed up the North Tower and focused his magic again, but could still feel no trace of Arthur, even if he pushed his powers as far as he was able . Worried, he came back down and went to visit Leon again.

Leon listened to him and said, "Merlin, you've been out on Patrols yourself. You know that they are not always straightforward. Perhaps they are investigating something. Maybe they found a trail left by the Queen and are following it. Perhaps the weather has delayed them as it did the other day when you were out with him."

"Or perhaps they met some bandits and are in serious trouble", added Merlin wringing his hands. "I should never have let him go without me."

Leon looked at him with raised eyebrows for a few seconds. "Yes well", he said slowly, a tone of amusement in his voice, "I'm - er - sure you would have been a great help if they have indeed been apprehended by bandits." 

Merlin huffed in annoyance. "Maybe we should think about sending out a search party?" he asked.

Leon laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "If they are not back by tomorrow evening then we will certainly do so", he said. "But I am sure there's a logical explanation. Try not to worry Merlin, he really is the best fighter in the whole of Camelot."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin slept fitfully that night and was a ball of anxiety for the whole of the next day. He cleaned bottles and ground herbs and made labels until Gaius chased him out of the room when he finally became exasperated by the boy's endless to-ing and fro-ing from the windows. In the afternoon he took each of the horses from the stable in turn and brushed them down until their coats shone in the sun. All the time as he worked he glanced off toward the forest. As sunset approached, he gave up all pretense and joined the guards up on the ramparts, looking northward as he paced up and down whilst nervously biting at the ball of his thumb.

The last rays of the sun were still casting long shadows as he hurried down to find Leon.

Merlin opened his mouth to speak but the Knight held up a hand to silence him. "I know what you are going to say, Merlin", he said, "I actually sent a couple of Knights off this morning to ride the patrol route...your worrying is contagious."

"And?" asked Merlin, wringing his hands impatiently.

"No sign of them", concluded Leon.

Merlin paced up and down scratching the back of his head in consternation. "Why did you wait all this time to tell me?", he fretted, "We could have set out hours ago to find them."

"The riders only returned at sunset" explained the Knight. "There would be no sense at all in sending out a search party in the dark...especially since there is no moon tonight."

"But we could take the dogs", insisted Merlin, "surely the sooner we get going the better."

"Merlin, we go at first light.", said Leon with finality.

Merlin opened his mouth to argue again and once more the Knight held up his hand. "Trust me", he said in a gentler tone, "I am concerned as you are, but there really is no sense in rushing out into the darkness. We could walk within yards of them in the forest and never know. No, we shall leave at dawn and you shall accompany us."

Merlin deliberated for a while before finally nodding his head in assent. 

"Good", said Leon. "Now...go get a good night's sleep. It might well be a long day tomorrow."

Merlin turned and trudged back to his rooms. He ate a quiet supper with Gaius but didn't taste a thing. Despite his best efforts the old man could not console Merlin nor distract him from his fretting. 

He took himself off to bed before the sky was properly dark, determined to be well rested for the following day. He barely slept a wink, imagining all sorts of disasters that may have befallen Arthur and trying very hard not to think of what he would do if his King was indeed gone forever.


	39. The Search and The Finding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frantic Merlin searches for the missing King.

Merlin was awake long before dawn and had six horses saddled up by time the yawning stableboy arrived. He fussed over provisions and water and hurried the Knights along when they began to congregate insisting that there was not a moment to lose. At the last moment as they all got settled onto their horses, he rushed off to the kennels and fetched Arthur's two favourite deerhounds Firenze and Shabtai. They were huge, fast creatures with keen noses who loved thier master with all their being. They would be able to keep up with the galloping horses with no effort. Merlin of course intended to use his magic to seek out Arthur which he was certain would lead him along paths that the Knights might think illogical. He intended to (if needed) quietly cast spells on the hounds, to send them off in any desired direction to prevent having to explain himself to the Knights. 

The search party rode steadily along the forest trail as the sky began to lighten. Leon was anxious not to rush through the dense woodland lest they miss any clues. Merlin was a little frustrated. He could feel no trace of Arthur this close to the Citadel and wanted to make good speed to the northern border to begin the search properly. Nevertheless, he could not without good reason argue with Leon. Thankfully, the dogs raced on ahead barking, aware that their master was nowhere near. This speeded the pace of the Knights a little.

A few hours later the hounds picked up Arthur's scent and happily loped along in front of the horses, snuffling at the ground and occasionally raising their heads to give an excited bark. Merlin rode close to the back of the party scanning left and right into the forest with his magic. He still felt no hint of his master hereabouts.

It was approaching midday when the deerhounds let out an excited baying and went racing off at top speed toward the lake that spanned part of the Northern Border. Merlin's heart leapt as he and his accompanying Knights spurred their mounts into a gallop after the hounds. By time they arrived at the water's edge, the dogs were sniffing and digging at a patch of ground. The men dismounted and checked out the area. Merlin immediately recognized it as exactly the spot where he had met with Arthur whilst disguised as the Dolma. He scanned the lake and went climbing up into the nearby caves on his own. He found tracks of Arthur's boots going in and out of most of the dark entrances, but no indication that the King was still nearby. 

He climbed back down and was met by Leon. "It looks like they camped here but the fire has long gone cold", he said. "There are hoof prints going off eastward along the shoreline. We shall rest the horses briefly and be on our way."

Merlin nodded his assent and joined the rest of the men. He handed out apples to the Knights and to the horses and tossed slivers of dried meat to the dogs. He busied himself filling up the water skins of the Knights as they rested - he himself could not relax. He was much too anxious to know what had become of his master. 

After a short break they resumed their search. They followed after the dogs who galloped ahead and sniffed the ground. They had a strong scent of Arthur now and were focused on nothing else. Now that he felt they were on the right track, Merlin rode up front with Leon. The pace was fast, the horses cantering rather than walking or trotting along. 

Everyone felt that they would soon catch up with the King.

Several hours later, the horses were no longer able to maintain their pace and slowed to a walk despite being spurred repeatedly by the riders. They had followed the dogs through thick forest and across an occasional clearing and as the day wore on nobody was exactly sure which direction they were heading in. They took another rest by a stream and then pushed on at a steadier pace through the afternoon. The dogs too, had slowed down a little. They still had the scent but had grown footsore and so loped steadily ahead.   
It was getting close to sunset and Merlin was glad for having had the foresight to pack extra provisions. He was wondering where they should camp for the night, for it was evident that they would not get back to Camelot before dark. His shoulders were sore and he could no longer feel his bottom (which, he decided, was probably a blessing). He was shaken from his reveries when the forest all of a sudden gave way to an open plain. The dogs stood at the tree line awaiting the riders behind them, and barked in the direction of the westering sun. Merlin rode out and stopped his horse beside Leon's.

The Knight looked over at him in puzzlement. "I have spent my whole life in Camelot", he said, "but this is a trail I do not recognize. Where could the King have gone?"  
Merlin's heart sank as he squinted into the sunlight and began to recognize the landscape including the head of a gorge in the distance. "I know this place", he said grimly. "The King has gone to the Cauldron of Arianroed."

Leon stared at him with a look of incomprehension. "The Cauldron?", he asked, "Why would he be going there?"

Merlin shrugged but stared ahead in the direction of the gorge, "I have no idea", he lied, "perhaps he is searching for the Queen - it is where he last saw her, after all."

"Perhaps you're right", said the Knight, dismounting. "Anyhow, we shall camp here tonight and resume our journey at first light. There is little sense in travelling over unfamiliar terrain in darkness and anyway, the horses and the dogs are exhausted."

Despite his dismay at not having found Arthur, Merlin agreed with Leon and dismounted. The Knights fed and watered their own horses whilst Merlin built and lit a fire and cooked up a very welcome stew from the dried meat and vegetables he had packed. The Knights and the dogs fell ravenously on the food when it was ready. After eating everyone sat quietly watching the sunset over the plain. Apart from the man appointed to First Watch, every other person was fast asleep before darkness fell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin was shaken gently awake in the darkness by Amnon who was the Knight that took the Watch before his own. Merlin was on the last watch of the night, and as the grey light began to brighten the eastern sky he quietly prepared breakfast. As he worked he thought over the previous day's findings. It was obvious to him what the King was doing. He was visiting those places that he had met The Dolma, no doubt in the hope of finding her, or at least some trace of her. Merlin wondered if Arthur would still be at the Cauldron once they got there. 

The Knights groaned as they began to wake. Everyone was saddle sore from the previous day's hard ride. They were all relieved when Merlin informed them that the trip along the gorge was not well suited to horses. As they finished breakfast it was decided that Merlin, Leon and two other Knights would make the trip along to the Cauldron on foot, leaving the others to rest up with the horses at the forest's edge. 

Despite aching muscles and bone deep tiredness Merlin and his companions made the journey on foot as soon as they had finished eating breakfast. The dogs had recovered from the previous day and trotted ahead, occasionally circling back to make sure the humans were still following them. As Arthur had done on his first visit here, Leon asked about the flags that lined the gorge and Merlin explained that it was a place sacred to the Druids. Apart from that they didn't speak much, each man too tired to make small talk and all intent on reaching the destination and hopefully finding the King. 

As they walked silently along, Merlin began to brood. He had fully expected to find Arthur within hours, and certainly within less than a day's ride from the Castle. Instead, it seemed, he was on a wild goose chase after The Dolma despite being told that she could not and would not be found. Although Merlin was aware of (and felt responsible for) Arthur's feeling of abandonment and despair he could not help himself from being annoyed at such irresponsible behaviour from the King. Especially given the ongoing threat of attack from Morgana.

As they got close to the Cauldron of Arianroed the dogs bounded ahead barking and once again, Merlin realized that they were digging around the spot where Arthur had once met the Dolma. Merlin left the men on the water's edge and headed up to the cave where he had hidden The Dolma's clothes. He found Arthur's boot prints all around the area but was relieved to see that the stash of clothing had not been discovered.

Back down at the water's edge the Knights and the dogs had picked up Arthur's trail again. It headed back up into the gorge but veered off northward toward a steep path going up, Merlin frowned when he saw boot prints. 

"Wait", he said, "I can only see one set of footprints. What happened to the Knights accompanying him?"

"There were no footprints to track in the rocky gorge, we simply followed the dogs here", replied the Knight, "It would seem that the King came down here alone."

Merlin was a little panicked by this deduction, "So, he was separated from the Knights?", he said anxiously pacing around, "that does not bode well."

"Let us follow this trail", said Leon, placing a calming hand on Merlin's shoulder. "There is no sign anywhere on our journey so far that anyone came to harm."  
Merlin nodded once and they all followed the hounds who climbed steadily up the side of the gorge with noses busily seeking their master's scent. It took a good half hour to get to the top and everyone was breathless as they finally climbed up onto the plain. They all bent over with hands on knees recovering as the impatient dogs danced around them intent on continuing to follow the scent.

Once everyone could breathe steadily again they followed the dogs for about a mile out onto the plain. Here they found the traces of what had been an overnight camp. Once again the fire was stone cold. The dogs snuffled and dug up some scraps of buried food. Merlin followed tracks of horse's hooves that had arrived from the south east. He squinted and could just make out the line of trees at the forest edge.

"I think the Knights came from the forest straight to this point", he called over to Leon. 

Leon came and stood next to him looking down at the hoof prints. "I think you are right, Merlin", he agreed. "We shall follow them back to the others and pick up the scent from here."

"What the hell was Arthur thinking of, heading down the gorge without at least one man escorting him?", said Merlin hotly.

"I'm sure the King had his reasons", replied Leon, sounding a little unconvinced by his own words.

"Whatever the reason, it was bloody irresponsible", grumbled Merlin. "Which way do the tracks go on from here?"

"It seems that they are heading North East toward Cendred's Kingdom", replied Leon squinting into the distance, "but we can't really know until we start to follow them."

The frown on Merlin's face deepened and he paced around in consternation. "It makes little sense if we all go back", he said walking up to Leon. "You and one of the Knights can go back and bring the others, me and Amnon will follow the dogs now."

Leon studied his face. "Is it wise to split up?" he asked. 

"Well, I will have the dogs and Amnon with me, so I should be fine", Merlin said looking off across the plain in the direction that the dogs had taken. "We might be right on the 

King's tail and it would be better if at least some of us catch up with him and check that all is well."

Leon looked a little unconvinced.

"...and you will catch up with us in no time since you will all be on horseback", continued Merlin. 

A few seconds of deliberation later, Leon nodded his head once in agreement. The party split. Merlin and Amnon set off at a brisk pace after the dogs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several miles on with the hint of a tree line on the horizon, Leon and the rest of the search party caught up with Merlin and the dogs. Despite his saddle soreness from the previous day, Merlin was relieved to get back up onto his horse. He would tolerate the pain in his legs and bottom if it meant that they got to Arthur quicker.  
The plain was pretty much obstacle free and the search party crossed it at a good speed cantering along after the dogs who were once again barking excitedly indicating that they felt that their quarry was close. Within less than an hour they had reached a river which led them to the edge of a forest. Merlin and Leon rode side by side.  
"I know where we are", said Leon suddenly, "We are almost on the border with Cendred's Kingdom. There's the forest of Essitir."

"I know", said Merlin grimly, "and I have a horrible suspicion that we'll find the Knights exactly at the spot where Arthur and I left you before we headed in to visit the Druids last time we were here."

"I suspect you might be right", agreed the Knight, "It is all beginning to look very familiar. But why would Arthur come here again?"

Merlin looked over at him, "I have an even more horrible suspicion that he has gone into Cendred's Kingdom again to meet with the Druids." he said, "and if he has, so help me....."

"Alone?", asked Leon doubtfully, "Surely not Why would he do that? He already sent Mordred as emissary!"

Before Merlin could argue, the dogs ahead began barking furiously and a hearty shout went up from amongst the trees. Merlin and Leon looked at each other and galloped toward the sound. In very little time they came upon the Knights that had accompanied Arthur several days earlier. The men all looked tired and bedraggled with several day's growth of beard, but were exceedingly happy to see fellow Knights.

Leon dismounted and rushed over to shake hands with the men. 

"It is very good to see you all safe", he said warmly, "But where is the King?"

Toby, the youngest of the new recruits, eyed his fellows and looked a little abashed before replying to the Chief Knight. "Sir Leon, he - er - insisted on heading across the border alone." 

"Alone?" said Leon, this time with alarm instead of doubt. "and you let him go?"

One of the other new Knights, Gavin stood up and came over. "We tried to convince him otherwise", he said, "But he insisted, and at the end of the day he is the King and we are under his command."

Merlin made a frustrated noise in his throat and paced about in consternation. "In all my born days, I've never met such a pig headed idiot.", he exclaimed through gritted teeth.

"And he told us that Mordred was already over there so he would not be without protection", added Toby, watching Merlin a little nervously and wondering how he could speak of the King in such a manner.

Leon looked between the men. "Very well", he said. "You have done as you were commanded by your King so I cannot really fault you. Thanks to Merlin we have plenty of provisions so you can at least eat a good meal before heading back to Camelot with two of our number."

"What are the rest of you going to do?", asked Gavin.

"We shall continue with our search for the King", said Leon decisively, "We shall follow him into the forest."  
"  
No, wait", said Merlin, "Absolutely not. You are Knights of Camelot. That would be an act of war. I shall go in alone."

"Not a chance", said Leon laying a hand on Merlin's chest to prevent him from walking off toward the border.

Merlin looked down at the hand and then stepped aside and tried to walk past Leon. Leon was insistent, stepping in front of Merlin and blocking his path again. "No, Merlin." he said, "not alone. Not this time."

Merlin looked up at him and sighed. "We haven't got time to stand here arguing", he said with resignation, "If you insist on coming then it is to be just you, and you must take off your armour and cloak. The dogs will have to be kept here too - they make too much noise and might alert a border patrol."

Leon thought for a moment and nodded, rapidly shedding his cloak. He stripped off his chain mail and tunic and shirt, then put the mail back on over bare skin, covering it back up with his clothing. He wanted to keep his sword belt on but Merlin insisted that it would hinder their journey through the thick forest and would certainly give him away as a Knight if they met with Cendred's border patrol. Eventually Leon conceded and made do with daggers in each of his boots. Once he was ready and the dogs had been restrained, he and Merlin headed across the border. 

Merlin walked slightly ahead of the other man since he knew which direction they should take to get to the Druid encampments as swiftly as possible. They didn't talk but communicated with hand signals. They came across one border patrol on their way. Luckily the it was made up of rowdy rookies who could be heard leagues away, so Merlin and Leon had plenty of time to hide in the hollowed trunk of a great oak until the men had passed. 

Once the coast was clear again it took them close to an hour to get to the Druid encampment because Merlin insisted that they move only through the most dark and dense part of the forest. He was taking no chances. As they went along, he hoped to all the gods that his clotpole of a master had not been picked up by Cendred's men. That would be nothing short of disastrous.

Merlin crouched behind a boulder when they came to the edge of the camp and began to listen to the telepathic conversations of the druids in his head. For the moment he did not speak with his mind, rather listening out for any sign that Arthur was indeed at the camp or whether there were any dangers hereabouts. 

He had just relaxed and was beginning to stand up to tell Leon that the coast was clear. Out of nowhere there was a great screeching noise and he was bowled over sideways and lost his balance. He instinctively rolled away from whatever had hit him and sat up with his hand outstretched to repel whatever had attacked him with a spell. He stopped dead when he realized that his 'attackers' were in fact a gaggle of ten or so druid children that were now crowding around him and shouting "Uncle Em! Uncle Em! He came back!!!"

Despite being badly shaken, Merlin grinned broadly and let himself be dragged to his feet by the rowdy children. He chased and threw the youngest of them up in the air and made them screech even louder. All the time, Leon looked on bemused.

"Uncle Em?", Leon asked once the children had calmed again and had gone running off into the encampment to announce their arrival. One small girl stayed with him and held his hand solemnly and dragged him along.

"Oh, er...yes", said Merlin shrugging, "they took to calling me that last time I was here. Uncle Merlin, you see?" 

Leon shook his head smiling and followed.

*Remember, Emerald*, said Merlin telepathically to the girl leading him along, *my friends from Camelot call me Merlin. Remind everyone not to call me Emrys in front of them.*

The little girl looked up at him with big solemn brown eyes and nodded once before running off to join the others.

The commotion of the children had alerted the rest of the camp and by time Leon and Merlin arrived at the tents most of the druids were there to meet them. Merlin was greeted with many warm hugs and Leon was nodded at politely. Merlin smiled and spoke to those he had befriended on their previous visit but cast his eyes around anxiously for Arthur.

The King and Mordred were amongst the last people to emerge from the tents to see what the commotion was outside. 

Arthur's eyes grew round in surprise and he strode over to them. "Leon? Merlin?", he said incredulously, "What a surprise! What in the name of the gods are you doing here?"

As he caught sight of Arthur coming toward them, Merlin's brain filtered out everything else, his eyes and senses filled with the golden form of his King. A massive wave of relief washed over him to see the man unharmed. He walked toward Arthur as if to hug him. At the last moment, his days of worry, frustration and irritation at the King's unscheduled absence overwhelmed him and instead of greeting him with a hug, he shoved him harshly in the middle of the chest.

Arthur was caught off guard and staggered backward into a tent, a look of shock on his face.

"What the hell were you playing at, you bloody idiot?", bawled Merlin in a voice filled with tears, walking forward and shoving him again. "You could have been killed! I've always known you're a clot pole but do you not even have the sense you were born with? I've been beside myself with worry!" 

A firm grip on his shoulder from behind shook Merlin from his tirade.

"Merlin, pull yourself together and take your hands off the King", said Leon sternly, turning him around and leading him away from Arthur. 

Merlin once again became aware of his surroundings and blinked through tear blurred eyes at all the shocked faces looking back at him.


	40. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his outburst, Merlin eventually apologizes to the King.

Merlin blinked back at the confused faces staring at him. He mumbled an apology to Leon and the Druids but said nothing more to Arthur. Instead, he stormed off toward a pile of logs at the edge of the camp wiping away angry tears as he went. 

The gathered Druids and Knights watched him go and stood around in uncomfortable silence for long moments. When things began to get really awkward Arthur decided to go for levity.

"Ahem, yes well", he said, "I - er - take it that Merlin was on first watch this morning and that his supply of apples has run out."

Leon and Mordred laughed fondly, but the Druids continued to stare after the form of Merlin which was now sitting slumped on a log and angrily swishing at the vegetation with a long stick.

Arthur rolled his eyes and tutted and he made as if to walk over to his sulking manservant.

Leon caught his arm. "Sire", he said gently, "Perhaps it might be best to leave him to cool off for a while. He has been extremely anxious these last few days."

"That's as maybe", said Arthur, his eyes on Merlin, "But he really cannot go around shoving the King and calling him a clot-pole - especially in front of strangers."

"Nevertheless", said Leon, moving to stand in front of the King, "He has been beside himself with worry for these last five days. When you didn't return from a simple border patrol after one day he began to fear the worst, and as the time went on with no word from you he became frantic. Perhaps you should allow him his fit of pique."

Arthur looked up the Knight that blocked his path. Although Leon was making excuses for Merlin's tirade, Arthur could hear the accusatory tone in his voice which told him that in fact, he agreed with the boy. He sighed and decided to let it drop. 

He took a step back. "Perhaps you are right", he conceded, then added, "Why are you here, anyway?"

Leon nodded over toward Merlin. "Partly to shut him up", he said sheepishly, "But mostly because when you had not appeared after three days we all began to get genuinely concerned about your safety."

"We?", asked Arthur.

"Oh - yes - Myself, Merlin, six Knights and two of your deerhounds made up the search party.", elucidated Leon, "The rest of my men are with your own patrol and with the dogs over on the other side of the border."

"I think that you really must have been concerned since you bought half the garrison", said Arthur wryly. "But as you see" (he held his hands out encompassing the whole camp) "all is well here, so once you are all thoroughly rested you may take the men straight back to Camelot. I'd rather that you were there to defend against possible threats than remain here where clearly there are none."

Leon nodded and stood looking at Arthur with a slight frown. After a while he spoke up. "If you don't mind me asking Sire, how did you end up here in Essitir when you were only meant to patrol the Northern Border of Camelot?"

"It is a question that you are well within your rights to ask", said Arthur, "Whilst on the patrol, I got to thinking about Mordred's mission to build diplomatic ties with the Druids. I decided that it was an issue of such great importance that I myself should take part in any negotiations, thus we changed course and rode here."

Leon knew that the King was not telling the whole story. He suspected (as Merlin had hinted) that the King was searching for his errant wife. Had Arthur come straight from his patrol he would not have gone via the Cauldron of Arianroed, nor through the thick forest and deep gorge. He decided not to push the matter further. He was a good and loyal Knight and decided that if Arthur was keeping something from him then it was with good reason. 

He nodded his head and then asked, "So, you will not be accompanying us back to Camelot?"

"No - no, not yet", replied the King. "I shall stay another day here with the Druids and return accompanied by Mordred and Merlin...if indeed Merlin has recovered from his fit of hysteria and agrees to travel with me." The last sentence he said with a wry smile. 

Leon laughed gently and scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sure that he will be fine once he has had a sleep and a decent meal." he said fondly, looking over to where Merlin was sitting. He was no longer frowning and sulky, which was a relief, but was in deep conversation with several of the Elders. The children of the camp hung from his arms and legs and he occasionally muzzed their hair fondly by way of acknowledgement.

"Talking of which", said Arthur, "You are no doubt hungry for something other than Merlin's dubious cooking. Let us eat." Having said that he led Leon off to the camp kitchen where deliciously scented breads and soups were on offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merlin was not left alone to nurse his anger at Arthur for very long. As he sat fuming, muttering and swishing a stick at some long grass nearby a small form sat down next to him and a feather light hand rested on his knee.

*Don't be sad, Emrys*, said the little girl Emerald telepathically, blinking up at him with her impossibly big eyes, *It hurts me in my heart to see you cry.*

*Oh, I'm not really sad*, said Merlin, covering her hand with his own and forcing a smile. *I just got a little worried because Arthur didn't tell me where he was going and I thought I had lost him.*

Emerald blinked up at him, not really understanding. *But now you found him and he is safe, so now you can be happy, no?*

Merlin nodded and smiled a little more broadly. The other children who had been watching and listening to the exchange from the other side of the woodpile began to emerge and surround Merlin, smiling shyly.

"Anyway", said the little girl aloud, emboldened by the arrival of her playmates, "We are very glad that Arthur came to visit and that you came to search for him, because you're the best fun ever and we love it when you are here."

Merlin's heart swelled and he hugged her and began to play with the children. He sung them silly rhymes and swug them around and up in the air. Thus engaged, the anxiety and irritation caused by Arthur was rapidly dissipating. 

Cathal, the most senior of the Druid Elders, came over a few minutes later. 

*Emrys, it is a delight so see you amongst us again, and so soon!*, he said with his mind. Without further ado he pulled Merlin to his feet and wrapped him in a tight embrace.   
Merlin returned the embrace with equal warmth. "The pleasure is all mine", he said sincerely. 

He stepped back from the embrace with Cathal to see the other Elders approaching. Each man greeted Merlin warmly. 

"I must apologize for my outburst back there", said Merlin sheepishly once everyone had been greeted. "I am your guest and you are a peaceful people. It was very wrong of me to behave in such an aggressive manner in front of you and especially in front of your children."

"Think nothing of it", said Cathal, slapping him heartily on the back. "We are aware that you have a...how should I say...'interesting' relationship with your King. Worry yourself no more about it. Rather we should be thanking you."

Merlin frowned a little in confusion. "How so?" he asked.

"When you were last here, Arthur surprised us with his personal acceptance of the Old ways but we did not dare hope for more", explained the Elder, "We were astounded when Mordred arrived with his proposal. And then when the King himself turned up unannounced two days later we were dumbstruck."

"And would you ever consider coming to Camelot?", asked Merlin a little nervously, "Given it's historical attitudes to your people?"

"It was a surprising proposition indeed", replied the old man, "and there were many amongst us that were not at all sure it was a good idea to go into a Kingdom that had, in the past, persecuted our people so cruelly. But, young Mordred is a good example of how Druids can not only be accepted within Camelot's walls but can be promoted to the highest   
status and become a Knight. He put up a very convincing argument."

"Hmm", said Merlin a little non committaly.

"And then when Arthur arrived un-announced and un-accompanied", continued Cathal, "even those people that were skeptical about the proposal were won over."

"So...you will come?", asked Merlin hopefully.

"Most certainly", replied Cathal smiling broadly. "Now then. You have had a long journey. Go and wash in the river and join us for some food."

"I shall indeed!", said Merlin with a light heart. Surrounded by a gaggle of children he headed off down to the water to wash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some time later Merlin wandered up to the camp kitchen greeting people as he went. Arthur was seated at one of the makeshift tables accompanied by Mordred and Leon and surrounded by the Elders. They were all deep in conversation. He decided against joining them, opting instead to sit with the mothers and young children. His mood had lightened considerably since his outburst at Arthur, but he was still a little angry at the King for having caused such worry and did not want the argument to flare up again whilst surrounded by their hosts. Instead, he chatted with the young mothers and cooed over their babies whilst eating his fill of the delicious fare on offer. 

By and by he was joined by Leon, he shuffled along the bench to give the man a place to sit. Leon presented him with an apple.

"Thanks", said Merlin, tossing it in his palm a couple of times before taking a big bite. Once he had finished his first mouthful he said, "I'm sorry that I attacked Arthur and that you had to intervene."

Leon shrugged, "That's alright Merlin", he said, then added in an undertone, "Truth be told, if I wasn't his chief Knight I might have been tempted to do something similar myself after the runaround he gave us."

Merlin blinked incredulously at him, a cheeky smile on his lips.

"But don't you dare repeat that to anyone or I might have to kill you", added the Knight in mock seriousness.

Merlin held his hands up in surrender, "Wouldn't dream of it.", he said reassuringly.

They ate and drank in companionable silence whilst looking around at the camp. "I am heading off this evening with the men on the other side of the border", announced Leon after   
a while. "Arthur says he wants to stay for another day or so but doesn't want so many Knights away from the Citadel."

"Hurrumph, he should have thought of that before he went of a roundabout tour of Albion", grumbled Merlin.

"Well, indeed", agreed Leon. "Anyway. I just want to make sure that you will be agreeable to accompanying the King when he decides to return. If you really don't want to, then you may leave with me now and I shall instruct one of the Knights to wait in the camp over the border." 

"No, it's fine", said Merlin. "I shall wait and return with the royal clot-pole. Who knows, I might even be able to prevent him wandering off!"

"Talking thus of your King could be considered treason, you know", said Leon with a smile.

"Then it's a good job we are outside of Camelot's borders so you won't have to punish me", replied Merlin with a broad grin and twinkling eyes.

"Indeed it is", said Leon laughing and getting to his feet. "So you are sure that you will be happy to wait for the King and accompany him? You will not attempt to throttle him en- route?"

"I'll try my best", Merlin said through laughter. "No, honestly we'll be fine. You go ahead. Have a safe journey and I shall see you in Camelot soon." 

Leon stood and patted him on the shoulder saying, "Good, good. See you back at home" before wandering off back toward where Arthur and the elder were sitting. Merlin watched him go with a fond smile on his lips. As the Knight got close to the group, Merlin looked at Arthur who was watching him intently. They locked eyes for a moment before the smile dropped from Merlin's face and he quickly looked away. He was still not fully ready to forgive the King.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late afternoon by time Leon felt rested enough to head back to Camelot. Mordred and Arthur accompanied him to the edge of the camp along with several of the Elders. The small child who had originally discovered Merlin and Arthur on their first visit to the camp acted as a guide to the Knight and led him on the safest path back toward the border. 

Merlin had found gainful employment with Methyl the healer. He sat on a low stall and separated seeds from their seedpods and collected them into a large stone mortar to be ground down into powder. Methyl herself had gone off to tend to a mother who was having trouble producing milk for her newborn baby. Merlin was completely engrossed in his task and hummed tunelessly as he worked. 

He caught an enormous fright when he turned around in his seat to collect an new bunch of herbs and saw Arthur sitting less than a yard away watching him.

"Gods, you almost gave me a heart attack!", he exclaimed clutching at his chest, "How long have you been sitting there?"

"A few minutes", replied Arthur, "Sorry...I didn't mean to startle you."

Merlin didn't reply but turned back to his task.

"What are you doing there, anyway?", asked the King after another minute.

"Sorting out seeds", replied Merlin. He looked over his shoulder and with a cheeky smile added, "I don't suppose you want to make yourself useful and help me, do you?"

He was fully expecting at least a huff of annoyance and perhaps a mild slap across the head for his nerve so was very surprised when Arthur stood up and bought his own stall over and sat down next to Merlin. "Oh go on then", he said, "Show me how you do it. It can't be that difficult if you can manage it."

Merlin stared incredulously at him and then handed him a bunch of the dried herb. "Watch me and learn" he said then carried on with his task. Arthur did as bid and soon began to crumble seeds into the mortar along with Merlin. They worked quietly side by side for long minutes.

Without looking up from his task, Merlin eventually mumbled, "About earlier...I suppose I'm sorry that I shoved you and shouted at you in front of everybody. I lost my head for a moment."

"That's quite alright Merlin", said the King with an imperious air, "Apology accepted." He bumped shoulders with his manservant making the other man lose his balance and almost fall off his stall. Merlin tutted as he sat up again. "Seriously though", continued Arthur more soberly, "Leon explained how anxious you had been so perhaps it is I that should be apologizing."

"Apology accepted then", said Merlin with a naughty smile and twinkly eyes.

"Good", said Arthur.

"Good", replied Merlin.

They worked on in silence for a while longer.

"So, how did you end up back here with the druids?", asked Merlin eventually. "It's not quite on the usual route of the Northern Border Patrol, is it."

"No, Merlin, it is not", replied Arthur, tipping another handful of sorted seeds into the mortar. "I decided that this treaty with the druids was too important and that I should take part in any negotiations."

"Oh, so you didn't trust Mordred to do it?", said Merlin, raising his eyebrows.

"That's not what I said", replied Arthur quickly, "I trust him implicitly. I meant that the treaty is so important that it is only right that the King himself should be involved with every stage of the talks."

"Hmm", said Merlin, taking another bunch of herbs to be sorted, "and did you decide this before or after you had gone searching for The Dolma?"

Arthur stopped what he was doing and turned to face Merlin fully, his cheeks began to redden. "Excuse me?", he said incredulously, "what nonsense are you coming out with now?"

Merlin spun round to face him. "Arthur, don't deny it", he said with an air of resignation, "We had the dogs with us and they tracked your scent all the way here. You stopped and searched the Northern Lake and then went on to the Cauldron of Arianeroed."

Arthur glared at him but said nothing.

"Seriously, what were you hoping to find?", pressed Merlin. "I told you that she was leaving, and why she was leaving."

Arthur turned away from Merlin and looked off into the forest. The King had a lost, stricken expression on his face and Merlin didn't have the heart to berate him further. He sighed and said in a gentler tone, "It's just that...you're the King. It isn't like you to go off like that, without telling anyone. You really had us worried, you know."

"I know it was...irresponsible of me", said Arthur quietly. "But, as well as being the King, I am also a man and I just hoped...If I could just see her one more time..."

"I know, I know. And I am so very sorry.", said Merlin, laying a reassuring hand on his master's shoulder. "But she really is gone for good." 

"So you say, Merlin", replied Arthur with a long sigh, "So you say." He got to his feet and scratched the back of his neck, looking back toward the centre of the camp. "Myself and Mordred have almost finished our negotiations with the Elders. If all goes to plan they shall be coming to visit us in Camelot within a fortnight."

"That's great", said Merlin, smiling up at him and feeling relieved that they had gotten off the subject of the Dolma. 

"Yes", said Arthur, "This evening shall be time for a bit of relaxation and celebration, I think."

"Brilliant!", beamed Merlin.

"And I think I shall take the opportunity to ask the Elders what they know of The Dolma and if there is any way that I could get a message to her." added Arthur as he walked off toward the tents.

Merlin said nothing, but the smile quickly fell from his lips as he watched his master walk away.


	41. Awkward Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has to face some difficult truths in a discussion with Cathal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry about such a huge wait between chapters. Hope it's been worth the wait and I shall endeavor to update more frequently.

Merlin continued with his task of sorting seeds once Arthur had gone, but he did so with slightly shaking hands and an air of distraction that had not been there before. Despite wanting to rush straight off to warn the Druids of Arthur's impending question, he had promised Methyl that he would finish this task. He knew how precious this particular herb was and forced himself not to rush. When he had finally finished and tidied away, an hour had passed. He stood up and stretched his aching back and arms and looked surreptitiously around the camp to see what Arthur was up to. 

To his relief he saw that the King was not with The Elders but instead had found Methyl who was apparently on her way home after finishing with her patient. They sat together on a log facing out into the forest. She was smiling as Arthur waved his right arm around as if he was using a sword. Merlin wondered lazily what they might be talking about, but was happy to see Arthur thus occupied. As nonchalantly as possible he strolled across the camp until he found the Elder, Cathal who sat at the entrance to his family's tent. He was casting runes. 

Merlin didn't have much understanding of how these magical stones worked or what they did, but he could see the look of deep concentration on the Elder's face and realized that it was serious and important work. He sat down on a log some distance away and watched. For a long while Cathal paid him no heed at all, instead picking up the runes and casting them again and again. Occasionally Merlin glimpsed over to where Arthur still sat with the healer.

By and by, the Elder gathered up his stones and sighed deeply as he put them away in a small hessian bag. "You read the runes, Emrys?" asked the old man, finally looking up at Merlin.

"No, not at all", admitted Merlin, "Gaius my mentor has tried often to teach me basic runic lore, but I find it so hard to make the time to study, what with all my duties as his manservant." As he spoke he inclined his head over in Arthur's direction.

Cathal looked at him for long moments. "It is a great shame", he said, "In earlier times the runes were taught to all young children in the Kingdoms. There is much to know of how they work and it takes a lifetime of study to truly understand them. It saddens me that a man with your talents has no knowledge of them."  
"Well, hopefully, they might once again be taught...if the King is serious about his wish to reinstate the Old Ways", replied Merlin with a tentative smile.  
Cathal continued to study him for so long that Merlin became strangely bashful and looked down at his feet and then back over at Arthur.

"You truly believe that he will do all that he promises?", asked the Elder, "And the Kingdom of Camelot will be ready to adopt the Old Laws once again?"  
Merlin thought for a moment, still looking over at Arthur then turned back to face the Druid. "I'm not naive enough to believe that there won't be some problems", he said, "But I do believe that Arthur is in earnest about his wish to learn more and to stop the persecution that you Druids and all magic users have suffered for so long."

"Hmmn", said Cathal non-committaly. Merlin looked at him questioningly. The old man was rolling the bag of Runes between his fingers.

"Wh-what were you doing with the Runes just now?" asked Merlin, anxious to keep the conversation going, "It looked important."

"I was consulting them on the very subject of which we speak", replied the old man, unsmiling.

"Oh?", asked Merlin, "And what did they...er...advise?"

The old Druid frowned for a moment before replying. "The message was a little hard to decipher" he began, "They tell of hope and restoration, of harmony and kinship...of new beginning."

"Well that's good isn't it?", said Merlin with a broad grin, "Isn't that just what we all want?"

"It is indeed", conceded Cathal, "But that is not all that the Runes say."

"Oh?", said Merlin, the smile dropping from his face.

"They also warn of a deceit, of heartbreak, of murderous anger and the destruction of a sacred bond that should be eternal which could have implications for all of us." said the Druid with a deep frown.

Merlin paled. He sat quietly for a while processing the old man's words. "Perhaps", he said eventually, "perhaps it refers to Morgana? Or Queen Gueneviere? They both broke the King's heart and broke sacred bonds, I guess?"

Cathal looked deep into Merlin's eyes, "Emrys, the Runes speak only of what is to be, not of what has been. This second reading was so much in opposition to the first one that I feared I had misread the message. I cast the Runes three times and the reading remained the same."

Merlin frowned. He pondered on what the words could be talking of and what he could do to prevent Arthur suffering yet more heartache. He eventually came to the conclusion that the warning referred to the vision in which he had seen Mordred slaying Arthur on a field of battle. He shuddered at the memory.

Cathal noticed his shiver, "You know to what the warning refers?" he asked, "I could get nothing more specific from the Runes. Perhaps if I were a greater scholar..."  
Merlin thought it a very bad idea to tell the Druid that he feared Mordred would be the person to end the King's life. Instead he smiled a little uneasily before replying, "No, no idea...I just cannot abide the thought of Arthur suffering any more than he has already." He once again looked over at the King as he spoke. Arthur and Methyl were laughing loudly at some shared joke. 

Merlin and the old man sat in silence for a while. Merlin watched Arthur and Methyl. Cathal watched Merlin.

Eventually Merlin spoke again. "I need your help with something", he said, nervously scratching at the back of his neck and squinting at the Druid. "Arthur is likely to ask you about the whereabouts of a certain...um...Sorceress."

Cathal raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Sh-she is called The Dolma and Arthur is...um...rather besotted with her."

"I have never heard of this Sorceress", said Cathal, "Who is she?"

"Well that's the thing", said Merlin, nervously kicking at the dirt with the toe of his boot and glancing over at Arthur again, "She doesn't - er - actually exist, really."

"I'm confused", deadpanned Cathal. "Please explain."

Merlin huffed out a breath and looked skyward, looked once again to see that Arthur was occupied and then told the whole sorry tale. 

"....so you see, even though I told him that she has shed her human form he seems intent on somehow seeing her again, and he will ask you tonight if you know of a way to make this happen", he concluded.

The old Druid had listened intently as he spoke. First with amusement, but then with growing concern as the story went on. When Merlin had finished the telling he looked hopefully at the Elder who looked back at him in confusion and consternation.

Merlin was unnerved by the response and lack of an answer. "Soo", he said rubbing his hands on his knees anxiously, "Could I ask you to - um - support my story that she does exist but is unreachable?"

"Emrys there are many aspects of this tale of yours that concern me", replied the old man unsmiling. "Firstly, I do not understand why you encouraged the amourous advances of the King whilst in disguise, nor why you went on to actually instigate them in later meetings."

Merlin blushed to the very tip of his ears. "I err...", he stammered, "It seemed the right thing to do at the beginning, to give him comfort when he was so heartbroken. And then..." He trailed off and looked at the ground.

"And then?", prompted Cathal.

"And then", said Merlin slowly, "I don't really know. It just happened again. It seemed the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do?", said the old man, "Forgive me for saying so but it sounds to me like you were playing a very dangerous game."

"That's just what Gaius said", conceded Merlin, "..and I know that you are right, but somehow the more I took the potion and transformed into her, the more my mind seemed to work differently and I was compelled to - er - respond as a woman might to the King's charms."

Cathal, once again, looked at him long and hard before speaking. "So as yourself, you are impervious to the King's charms", he said, "It would seem so anyway, given the nature of your usual interactions."

Merlin said nothing for a while, but drew circles in the dirt with the toe of his boot.

"Another thing that concerns me", continued the Druid, "Is that the only reason for Arthur's enthusiasm to re-instate the Old Ways is to win favour with this Sorceress. If so then things can only end badly."

"Oh no!", said Merlin, "No, that isn't the case at all! Arthur was already tolerant of things magical. He defied Uther years ago to rescue and liberate Mordred, he made atonement for a raid on a Druid camp that he undertook in his youth, he rescued an old sorceress from the flames when her fellow villagers meant to burn her...all this happened long before The Dolma came on the scene."

"Hmmn", replied the old man gruffly, sounding unconvinced.

"Trust me", implored Merlin, "I've known him for many years. True, his - er - dealings with The Dolma have indeed influenced him, but not to the extent you imagine - he has for many years been open to the fact that magic can be a force for good."

"And yet you do not reveal your true nature to him, Emrys", said Cathal.

"I will, I promise", he said earnestly, "when the time is right then I shall let him know what I am, but not yet. Until the whole Kingdom accepts magic it would be too risky but I swear to you, as soon as the time is right he shall know my true nature."

Cathal said nothing but studied his face so thoroughly that Merlin thought the man was reading his very soul. 

Eventually he asked again, "So would you be willing to support my story?"

Cathal sighed. "In my long experience", he said, "nothing good ever becomes of telling falsehoods, they simply beget more and more until the lie is so big that it can engulf the man, or in this case, a Kingdom." 

Merlin's shoulders slumped.

"But, just this once Emrys, I shall do as you wish. You do not always seem to be the wisest but you are without doubt the most powerful amongst us and the Prophecies speak of a great destiny for you and for The Once and Future King."

Merlin sat up and gave the old man a small hopeful smile.

"So just this once - and mark you, only this once - we shall support your story." concluded the old man, standing up and stretching out his back after such a long time sitting.

Merlin beamed at him, "Thank you Cathal", he said, "Thank you. I shall not forget this." He too stood up and gave the old Druid a heartfelt hug. Cathal was a little started at first, but huffed out a laugh and hugged him back.

"But learn from your folly, Emrys", cautioned The Elder leaning back but keeping a tight grip on Merlin's elbows, "A lie such as this could undo everything and ruin may lives. Promise me that you will never do anything so foolish again."

"You have my word, Cathal", replied Merlin, "and my eternal gratitude."

The two men nodded understanding to each other before separating. The Elder headed toward the campfire and called his fellows to relate Merlin's wish to them. Merlin strolled nonchalantly over to Arthur and Methyl.

"Ah, I wondered when you'd come over to join us", called Arthur cheerfully as he approached, "You were talking to the Old Man for ages, Merlin", he said more quietly when Merlin was in front of him, "whatever were you talking about?"

"Oh nothing important", he mumbled, "He was trying to explain Runic Law to me."

"That sounds exceedingly dull", said the King nudging him playfully, "You should have come over here instead, this woman has had me in fits of laughter all afternoon. Come on - it looks like it might be time to eat."

Methyl, who was listening in to the telepathic discussion going on around the fire, gave him a knowing look before joining Arthur who was already making his way over there.

Merlin took a long shaky breath and hoped that the Druids would not let him down.


	42. Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finally accepts that he will never see The Dolma again He does not take the news very well.

The previous evening had been a tense time for Merlin. 

Although Cathal had given his word that he would support Merlin's story regarding The Dolma, he wasn't at all sure how things would play out when it actually came to the crunch.   
Arthur had kept Merlin in agonies for hours by not even mentioning the Sorceress until long after supper. If Merlin didn't know better, he would be tempted to think that the King wasn't much bothered by her disappearance. After a large and lavish feast, almost the whole of the camp's occupants were sitting around a large fire. Hot cider was passed around in big earthenware tankards. Merlin had barely eaten the lovely food because he was so anxious about how this conversation might go, and he was reluctant to drink more than a polite sip of the fragrant cider in case things went horribly wrong as he feared they might. 

As it turned out, the Druids proved to be surprisingly convincing liars. Several claimed to have actually met The Dolma and several more told anecdotes about tricksy water spirits that they had come across in the past. All of them concluded their tales by saying that eventually the Sorceress/Nyx/water spirit had gone away never to return. Arthur listened intently to all they said and any last remaining hopes of seeing his Sorceress again evaporated. He sat in a melancholy silence for a long time then suddenly and in a mildly drunken state he asked the people sitting around him, "A Sorceress or a Sprite she might be, but don't you agree that she was the most beautiful of women?" Some of the Druids looked over to Merlin with raised eyebrows and a few moments of awkward silence passed. 

Cathal saved the day by jokingly replying, "I think I can speak for each and every man here when I say that although this Sorceress of yours is a beauty, she is as nothing compared to the loveliness of our own darling wives." The Druid men (and women) laughed heartily at this before the Elder raised his hand to quieten them. "Seriously though", he continued, looking intently at Arthur, "it is likely that she appeared to us in a different form to that which you saw. You must never forget, Arthur, that she is a creature of Spirit and Water and the vision you saw was only ever illusion."

Arthur looked crestfallen at this and said, mostly into his tankard, "Sadly, she was never 'My' Sorceress. She was so, so beautiful and felt so very real (as he said this he unconsciously touched his fingers to his lips)...how could it all have been an illusion?"

Cathal patted him consolingly on the shoulder and quietly said to him. "You were deeply honoured to have had her favour. Let that be your comfort."

"So there's no hope I might see her again?", asked Arthur a little dolefully, "not even one more time?"

"None at all, I think", said the old man gently. He placed his hand on the centre of Arthur's chest and added, "But she will live on in here, and in all your endeavours to bring the magic that gives her life back into the kingdom."

Arthur perked up at the old man's words. "Perhaps", he said, slurring just the tiniest bit, "Perhaps when magic has returned to Camelot she might honour us again with her presence?"

"Perhaps", said Cathal after a long pause. Once Arthur had turned away and sat staring sadly into the flames, the old man looked over reproachfully at Merlin. Merlin gave him a tentative smile and mouthed the word "Sorry".

That had been the end of the discussion about The Dolma. Methyl had sidled up to the King, nudged him with an elbow to rouse him from his maudlin state and then begun a sing-song. With her insistence (and perhaps because of his rather inebriated state), Arthur had eventually joined in with the chorus of the rather bawdy song and it seemed that, for now at least, the Sorceress was forgotten. 

Once he had seen his Master thus distracted, Merlin had himself been able to relax a little and indulged in a tankard or two of cider. He joined in with the singing and instigated a song or two himself. He still kept a careful eye on the King and when they all eventually retired to their sleeping quarters in the early hours of the morning Merlin lay awake for a long while just to be sure all was well with Arthur. The King lay for two hours or so looking up at the canopy of stars and sighing deeply. When he did eventually turn on his side and fall asleep, Merlin closed his eyes and rested. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had intended to leave just after breakfast the following morning but the celebrations meant that everyone was a little bit slow to wake up. Together with that, Merlin's packing had constantly been interrupted. Every time he had knelt down to busy himself with a bag, a herd of small children would fling themselves onto his back and demand piggy-back rides or to be swung around on the end of his arms. It was only stern words from the mothers to the children (and equally stern words from Arthur to Merlin for encouraging their rumbunctious behaviour) that allowed the manservant to eventually finish the task.

It was a sign of how successful their visit had been that almost every member of the Druid camp came to see them off. As they left, warm hugs and promises were exchanged. Speaking with his mind, Merlin made a point of thanking each of the Druid Elders personally for not exposing his lie to Arthur. As Cathal had done before, each one of them cautioned him against playing such a dangerous game again. 

Mordred had surprised both Arthur and Merlin by holding animated conversations with the younger Druids in their own tongue. Until that point they had been unaware that the young man remembered the language of his childhood. 

Arthur too said fond farewells to the Druids, shaking their hands enthusiastically and compelling them to visit Camelot within the month for formal negotiations. He was a little shy in his farewell to Methyl the Healer with whom he'd shared a special bond. When he offered her his hand to shake, she tutted and pulled him into a long affectionate hug which he returned in kind wearing a lop sided smile and with water rimming his eyes. Merlin looked on happily. 

Once the farewells were over, their Druid guide delivered them safely to the border. The three men crossed uneventfully back into Camelot's land and made their way back to the camp where one of the Knights waited with horses for Arthur and Mordred. There was animated debate about how best to get back to the Citadel. Merlin and Mordred argued that Arthur should ride ahead with the Knight since he had pressing royal business to attend to and the sooner he got back home the better. Arthur was having none of it, stateing that it could be dangerous for Merlin and Mordred to travel alone and on foot as they might become prey for bandits. 

"I am sure that you would be fine, Morded, after all you managed to get here unmolested", he argued, "But Merlin here is a bit of a girl and is about as handy with a sword as a five-year-old. No - I think it best if we travel together."

Merlin huffed and glowered at him. Mordred looked between them and didn't dare to laugh at the King's comment. Eventually it was decided that they would all take it in turns to walk.

Once they were on their way, Arthur's ebullient mood seemed to evaporate. He either walked or rode in silence with his gaze fixed to a distant horizon. Mordred and Merlin were both in high spirits. Merlin because he seemed finally to have undone the mess of masquerading as the Sorceress and Mordred because his King was on the verge of inviting his own people into the heart of Camelot and bringing magic back to the land.

They each tried to engage the King in conversation to pass the time on the slow journey home. Normally out on campaign or hunting trips Arthur was relaxed and gregarious, shedding some of the formality of manner that he had whilst at Court. Now however, he was terse and monosyllabic. Merlin had been the first to be knocked back but had not thought it too unusual. He often bore the brunt of his Master's bad moods and so dropped back and let the King alone. When Mordred was given the same treatment however, the manservant became a little concerned. Mordred dropped back to walk beside him and they exchanged shocked looks. Nobody spoke at all for the next few hours until they reached a stream and stopped to rest the horses and to eat a small lunch.

Arthur busied himself loosening the horses' saddles and taking them to pasture. Merlin dished out breads and cheeses that the Druids had given them for the journey. As they ate, Arthur once again rebuffed any attempts at conversation and was ready to leave as soon as he had finished his last mouthful of food despite the fact that the others were still eating. Merlin prevented an uproar by gathering together water skins and insisting that he would fill them all before they continued on their way. Arthur rolled his eyes but didn't argue. Instead he got to his feet and led the horses downstream to drink their fill.

As the other Knight finished repacking the bags, Mordred joined Merlin at the water's edge.

"Any idea what has upset the King?", he asked quietly, "He was fine when we left the camp."

"Your guess is as good as mine", said Merlin wearily, "Perhaps it's because it is a Tuesday? Or maybe he drank a little too much cider last night and is a little bit fragile."  
Mordred snorted a quick laugh. "Mmm", he said, "You could be right. It's just that he seems unusually....er..."

"Prattish?", suggested Merlin.

Mordred snorted again, "You may think so but I couldn't possibly comment.", he answered through a grin.

"Would you two stop chatting like a couple of old fish-wives and get a move on.", shouted Arthur from downstream, "I do have a Kingdom to get back to you know!"

Merlin opened his mouth to argue back but Mordred grabbed him by his arm and shook his head. *Leave it, Merlin*, he warned telepathically, *It will only make his mood worse and the journey back even more unpleasant. Who knows? Perhaps he's really anxious about whether the Druids will recieve a warm welcome at Court.*

"Or perhaps he really is just an enormous prat", grumbled Merlin pulling his arm from Mordred's grip. "I really don't know why I put up with it sometimes."

"Yes you do, Merlin", said Mordred grabbing his forearm again and looking knowingly into his eyes. "You know exactly why you put up with it."

Merlin blushed a little and frowned back at Mordred. He opened his mouth to ask exactly what the other man meant by that, but his enquiry was interrupted by Arthur's booming voice.

"COME ON!", he bellowed, walking toward them, "I want to get back by nightfall!"

"Sorry Sire", said Mordred. Merlin scowled and thrust the full water skin into Arthur's hand before stomping wordlessly away and gathering his things. For the rest of the long journey home he walked a few paces behind the horses or rode along, scowling straight ahead. It was a sign of how wrapped up in his own thoughts Arthur was that he did not even notice that his manservant was sulking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much to the dismay of his manservant, Arthur's mood did not improve even after he'd had a good night's sleep back in his own bed. Indeed as the week went on he seemed to get worse. As usual when Arthur was in a mood, Merlin could do nothing right. He got so fed up with being criticized and given pointless chores to do every time he saw Arthur that he made a point of avoiding the King as much as possible. He cleaned and organized Arthur's Chambers when he knew that Arthur was otherwise occupied. When he had no choice but to attend to his Master, he did so in silence, behaving in fact as a servant was meant to do. Even this seemed to infuriate the King who accused him of becoming, "One of those faceless flunkeys that my father seemed to like so much." It took all of Merlin's self control not to respond by placing him under a curse of some sort. Instead he quietly replied in as flat a voice as he could, "If you have no further need for me this evening Sire, then I have duties to attend to for Gaius." He had stalked out of the room and ignored the tirade of abuse aimed at him. He had then gone off into the forest to vent off some magic to calm his anger.

It wasn't just Merlin that was suffering. Almost everyone in the citadel had been subjected to Arthur's short temper at some point, from the members of the Court down to the serving staff. Even his Knights were avoiding him, somewhat reluctant to face him on the training ground for fear of serious injury. 

Naturally, everyone with a complaint had sought Merlin out. He had spent most of the week trying to explain to nobles who had been slighted by the King that Arthur was not quite himself having just lost his Queen. Mostly they seemed to be satisfied with this excuse. Some of the Knights and their Squires came to ask for his help, but he sent them away telling them that they were all "Big enough and ugly enough to speak to the King yourselves."

He drew the line however, when Molly the chambermaid came into the Kitchen in floods of tears one evening whilst Merlin was making up a tray for Arthur's supper. She was a small nervous 15 year old who was new to the job. She was inconsolable. Merlin joined the other servants in trying to calm her and to find out what had upset her so.

"Th-the King", she sobbed, "I w-went to change his bedsheets like Merlin asked me to, and the coverlet slipped onto the floor - just the corner of it, mind. I picked it up straight away, but the King, he - he...flew into a temper saying that I did it on purpose. I said 'sorry your majesty' and carried on with my work but he shouted at me to leave." She burst into fresh tears at the memory, "He c-called me a slattern and a doxy."

There were shocked gasps from everyone present in the room.

"Right", said Merlin squaring his shoulders. "Enough is enough." He picked up the supper tray and strode out of the room.

Several minutes later he burst into Arthur's chambers. He was in such a temper that when he shoved the door open with his toe it crashed into the wall. He stomped over to where Arthur was seated and dumped the tray in front of him so violently that the fruit jumped from it's bowl and rolled across the table before plopping into the royal lap.

Arthur had been sitting at his desk and writing on parchment and Merlin had deposited the tray right on top of them, smudging the ink. The King threw his quill across the table in a temper.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, you buffoon?" he shouted at Merlin.

The manservant didn't move or apologize but glared down at him. "What the hell is wrong with you Arthur?", he shouted back, "You've been acting like the biggest prat in the whole of Albion since we got back from Essitir. Now, behaving like that to me that is nothing new or surprising, but you seem intent on alienating every person in Camelot!"

"How dare you!" said Arthur getting to his feet and squaring up opposite Merlin, "how dare you come in here and address your King like this!"

Merlin did not flinch. "If you carry on behaving like you have been for the last week or so, I don't see you being King for very much longer."

"Watch your tongue, Merlin", growled Arthur threateningly, he walked around the table and advanced on Merlin. "If you continue to speak treason I shall have you flogged. Perhaps it might knock some sense into that idiotic bumpkin-head of yours."

Merlin stood his ground. "I'm not speaking treason you dollop-head, I'm telling you a few home truths. I've spent the entire week apologizing on your behalf to most of the occupants of this castle for your unacceptable behaviour. The nobles are insulted, the Knights don't want to be around you, the servants are scared of you......Gods! It's like living back under Uther's reign again!"

Without warning Arthur's fist came out of nowhere and caught Merlin on the side of his mouth. He staggered backward from the suddenness and the strength of the blow. He tasted iron in his mouth from a split lip and glared at his Master.

"You will do well to watch your mouth", growled Arthur leaning forward and glaring back at Merlin mere inches from his face. "Now get out of my sight."

Merlin dabbed the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes never left Arthurs. "And you, Sire, would do well to watch your own mouth", he gritted out, "otherwise you might find yourself without a Kingdom to rule."

"Are you threatening me?", asked the King dangerously, leaning in so close that his chest touched Merlin's.

"No", said the manservant taking a step backward, "I'm stating a fact, and if you wern't so damned stupid..."

Any further words were stopped when Arthur grabbed him by the throat with one hand.

"Get. Out. Now.", he ground out through gritted teeth. He released his hold on Merlin's throat and the servant staggered back.

"Goodbye Arthur", he said rubbing at his throat. Without another word he turned on his heel and stalked from the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Once Merlin had left him alone, Arthur succumbed to a fit of rage, He threw the food tray at the wall and smashed one of his chairs until it was reduced to firewood. He threw it on the fire and sat down to drink an entire pitcher of wine whilst staring broodily into the flames. Eventually he fell asleep where he sat.

He did not see Merlin for six whole days after that. 

The following morning George appeared in his chambers and saw to his needs, claiming that Merlin had become sick with a flu. Arthur didn't believe a word of it but was so angry with his manservant that he didn't care. For the first two days of Merlin's absence he was still livid at his manservant for speaking to him like that. As the days went on however, he began to notice that the Knights - his Knights - were indeed avoiding him and that there was a look of fear in the eyes of every servant or guard he encountered in the corridors of the Castle. He called a council at the Round Table to finalize plans for the Druid's upcoming visit. Merlin was absent, still claiming illness. Arthur realized in the course of the meeting that his Knights and nobles were reluctant to make any suggestions or indeed to speak at all. It was at that point that he conceded that perhaps his manservant had been right. He endeavored to apologize to all those he may have offended and to begin behaving as their King again.

In the last moments of the Council Meeting, he decided to himself that he would begin by apologizing to Merlin. He now felt ashamed for having punched and slapped his friend who had only been trying to make him see the error of his ways. 

He had not seen Merlin at all - not even at a distance - for the last week or so. He stopped one of the kitchen maids to ask about his whereabouts. She nervously replied that he was indeed in the castle and had been helping Gaius to restock his herbs. Arthur nodded and graciously thanked the maid before heading off in the direction of Gaius's chambers.

He knocked once and walked into the Physician's workshop. There was no sign of the old man. He called "Merlin" once before bounding up the few steps to his manservant's room. he put his hand on the handle to open it, then paused and knocked. He was here to make an apology after all. "Merlin, are you here?" he said, "I want to speak with you."  
There was no answer so Arthur tentatively pushed the door open. The room was indeed empty. He stood on the threshold unsure of what to do next. After a few moments of thought he decided to leave a note of apology on Merlin's bed asking him to return to work. He walked back to collect writing materials from Gaius's worktable then settled himself down on the edge of Merlin's little bed to begin the note.

He was a little unsure about how to begin it. After all, it wasn't really in his nature to admit to Merlin of all people that he might be right about anything. He sucked thoughtfully at the end of the quill and looked around the untidy room for inspiration. 

Suddenly something caught his eye that made him forget his note entirely. A flash of scarlet drew his eye from beneath a messy pile of clothes. He set down the quill carefully and knelt down to look closer at the object. He picked it up and recognized it as one of the jeweled hairclips that The Dolma had worn on his first visit to her. Frowning, he rolled it over in his fingers, then set it aside and turned over the pile of clothing. He found five more of the hairclips and a blue silken scarf that exactly matched the shade of the dress that she had worn on that first meeting.

Arthur stood up, crushing the scarf and the clips in his hand and burying his face in them. An almost uncontrollable surge of longing washed over him. Almost immediately an equally uncontrollable rage gripped him. If these articles were in Merlin's room it was obvious that The Dolma had been here too. His own manservant had been having an affair with the Sorceress right under his nose!

Arthur left the room still clutching the scarf and hairclips. He set out to find Merlin again, but this time with murder in his heart.


	43. An Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur learns the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. There is a fair bit of violence in this chapter. Also, have some tissues ready....

Arthur stormed through the hallways and corridors of his castle still clutching the scarf and hairpins tightly in his fist. 

He asked some of the guards whether they had seen Merlin and quickly ascertained that he was working in the small herb garden collecting supplies for Gaius. Once he arrived,the King rushed over to his manservant. He was breathing hard and taking no care where he was walking. He cut across flower beds payuing no heed to the things he crushed underfoot.

Merlin was bending over plucking the tender seed heads from poppies and humming tunelessly to himself. He heard someone approaching and turned his head. When he realized that it was Arthur he stood up with an uncertain smile on his lips.

"Arthur!"he exclaimed, "I don't believe I've ever seen you in here before. Try not to crush the pl......". 

He was cut off mid sentence when Arthur punched him hard in the solar plexus. 

He crumpled into a heap on the ground and coughed, struggling to breathe. Through blurred and watery eyes he blinked uncomprehending up at the King. When he could take   
in air again he wheezed out, "Wh-what was that for?" 

He made no attempt to stand, everything hurt too much.

"Get up", said Arthur in a flat, dangerous voice. 

"Can't", gasped Merlin, "can't breathe."

"Get up now, or so help me...", threatened Arthur. 

At his words, Merlin rolled over and slowly pulled himself up to his hands and knees. He somehow managed to get back onto his feet by hauling himself upright using a tree trunk. Eventually he stood hunched in on himself with his hands on his knees in front of the King and looked up at him in confusion.

"Wha??? Why???", he managed to ask, between wheezing breaths.

Arthur loomed over him and held a blue piece of cloth close to his face. "Explain", he said, waving the fabric right under Merlin's nose. 

Merlin squinted through his tear-blurred eyes to see what it was. The fabric was so close to him that he went a little cross eyed looking. His eyes widened momentarily when he realized what it was, but he panicked and blurted out, "I've never seen it before in my life!"

Stars and an searing pain exploded in the middle of his head when Arthur punched him squarely on the nose. The blow was so hard that Merlin fell down onto the ground again, this time hitting the back of his head on the edge of a paving stone. He saw stars and rolled in on himself, clutching his face.

"Liar", barked Arthur, punctuating his word with a well aimed kick to the ribs.

Merlin cried out in pain and consternation and rolled onto his stomach, crawling away from the King on his elbows as quickly as his battered body would allow. He rolled onto his back and continued to retreat by scrabbling backwards as he heard Arthur's footsteps slowly advancing.

"Arthur! Blease! Have you gone mad?", he shrieked, wiping his bloodied nose with the back of his sleeve. "Blease..stop this!"

Arthur knelt down and grabbed him by his neck scarf hauling him to his feet roughly. "I might think about stopping this when you start thinking about telling the truth", he snarled with his face inches from Merlin's own. He let go suddenly and Merlin staggered back. He would have fallen onto the ground again but was kept upright by the wall that surrounded the small garden. He looked wildly around for some means of escape. There was none - the entrance to the garden was behind Arthur and a good few yards away. He looked with panicky eyes back at the King who was glaring at him murderously. He still clutched the blue fabric.

Merlin's pain addled brain still thought that denial was the best option. "Wh...what are you holding Sire?", he asked, "I don't understand..."

As quick as a snake strikes, Arthur had sprung forward and had Merlin by the throat. He lifted him off the ground and pressed him into the wall. 

"Merlin I swear to the gods", he said in a low deep voice, "I swear that if you don't stop lying to me then I shall choke the life out of you here and now." To emphasize his point he squeezed a little tighter until Merlin's lips took on a purplish hue. The manservant desperately clawed at the hand holding him in a choke hold and lashed out with his legs but Arthur was simply too strong and too enraged and all his efforts were in vain. Eventually Merlin gave up the fight and went limp. Arthur relinquished his hold just enough to let the other man pull in a lungful of air and stand on shaky legs.

"Will you stop lying to me now?", he asked with a cold voice.

Merlin hung his head, closed his eyes and nodded. Arthur let go of his throat and his manservant crumpled to the ground, rubbing his throat and drawing in long sobbing breaths.

The King stood with his arms folded looking down at him. 

"Well?", he said impatiently once he thought the man had had suitable time to recover enough to speak. "I want you to explain to me - without any more falsehoods - why this scarf and these hair clips belonging to The Dolma were in a pile of clothes next to your bed."

"Oh", said Merlin, suddenly going very still and staring at the ground in front of him. "Oh."

"What's that Merlin?", said the King advancing again and moving dangerously into his personal space, "That doesn't sound anything like an explanation to me. Start talking, and quickly."

"I.....", babbled the manservant, "She..... We.....". He tried to scrabble sideways along the wall to get some distance from Arthur. The warrior King was much too fast and shot out an arm blocking his escape.

"You, what?", he said, eyes red with anger as he knelt down and loomed over Merlin, "She what? SPEAK DAMN YOU!"

Merlin flinched and turned his head away as Arthur bellowed straight into his face. 

"It's not what you think, Arthur", he managed to say in a voice barely above a whisper.

"What's that?", said Arthur, not moving away, "It's not what I think? Well it certainly looks like what I think. My manservant - the man who was privy to my secrets, the man I considered my friend, the man who has served me for ten years, the man who knew... It looks like this same man has played me for the biggest fool ever and has been making love to the Sorceress despite knowing how I feel about her."

"It's not like that, Sire", whispered Merlin, still unable to make eye contact with the King.

"Isn't it?", said Arthur, the pitch and volume of his voice rising, "Isn't it? Because from where I'm standing it looks exactly like that." He stepped back from Merlin and paced back and forth in front of him. "Gods! I cannot believe what an idiot I've been! It's all making sense now...why you insisted on disappearing alone with gifts up to the cave every time we visited the Dolma and why she always took so long to come down....She wasn't sending you into a sleep at all, was she? Instead you were no doubt making love and laughing at me!" He walked over to Merlin and shoved him hard in the chest. "...and then - and then she would send me off into an enchanted sleep and no doubt you would both sit there having a good old laugh at my expense!"

"No, Arthur, I.......", Merlin tried saying.

"Hell, I trusted you!", shouted Arthur again. He threw his arms in the air and began pacing before saying, "What did I do to you, eh? What did I ever do in this life that was so bad that every single person I love or trust has betrayed me?"

Arthur...please..no...you - you've got it all wrong", said Merlin, finally looking up at his master, his heart breaking at the devastation in the other man's eyes.

"And she....", continued the King, "Oh, she was the best liar of all! She really had me going...telling me that it was impossible for her to ...be intimate with me because she is 'not of this world'. Well, it doesn't seem to have stopped her laying with you, does it?" As he spoke he stopped in front of Merlin and prodded him in the chest. "And all that nonsense about being scared about entering Camelot? It doesn't seem to have stopped her making her way to your bed, does it? DOES IT!"

Merlin said nothing but trembled and blinked up at Arthur with tears running uncontrolled down his cheeks.

"Tell me, Mer-lin", said Arthur, moving in dangerously close and taking his servant's throat in a tight grip again, "As you made love to her, were you both laughing at me? Did you get off on the fact that you had bested your King?" He squeezed as he became more agitated.

"Arthur please stop this...you're killing me", wheezed out his manservant hoarsely. 

Arthur eased off his grip a little at these words and sat back on his haunches looking down at the terrified man in front of him.

"You could be right there Merlin", he said unsmiling. Merlin blinked up at him, desperately hoping that his rage had eased and that he could somehow talk his way out of this mess. "And it would be such a shame to kill you so thoughtlessly."

Merlin heaved a sigh of relief and looked up at Arthur.

"No", continued the King, "If I find out that my suspicions are true, then you can expect a slow and agonizing death". As he spoke he pulled out the small dagger that he wore in his boot. He grabbed Merlin by the hair and pulled it viciously until the manservant's head smashed into the wall. He rested the point of the dagger at the top of one of Merlin's thighs and pressed just hard enough to pierce the fabric of his breeches and draw blood. Merlin cried out in pain. "I will personally cut off your balls and feed them to the dogs" hissed the King into his face, "and then I shall cut off your dick and sit and watch as you bleed to death."

Merlin's brain was in overdrive and all rationality had left his mind in favour of blind panic and the desire to survive. He closed his eyes and was halfway through forming a spell that would fling the King away from him and to allow him to escape with his life when a voice rang out across the herb garden.

"Sire! Stop!", shouted Morded from the gate to the garden. He ran over and laid his hand on the King's shoulder pulling his daggered hand away from Merlin's groin. "Arthur? What's happening here?"

"Leave us, Mordred", said the King dangerously. "This does not concern you."

"With all due respect, Sire", said Mordred, his voice shaking slightly but not relinquishing his hold. "It seems as though you are on the verge of killing your manservant - and my friend, I think it does concern me."

"He has lied to his King and committed treason and he shall receive the King's justice", said Arthur still pulling at Merlin's hair and looking at him murderously. 

"Merlin?", asked Mordred in a tone of disbelief, "Surely not? He is the most faithful of your subjects, Sire! Forgive me but I cannot believe for a moment that he could even THINK of committing treason against you! What is it that you believe he has done?"

"Leave us, Mordred", snarled Arthur through gritted teeth, not for a moment taking his eyes off of Merlin. He pulled hard on his manservant's hair causing Merlin to emit a piteous wail of pain.

"Sire! I implore you!", pleaded Mordred, still holding onto the King's shoulder and trying to pull him away from Merlin. "I'm sure there has been some misunderstanding. Please release him and give him a fair chance to answer your accusation."

Arthur looked up at Mordred's earnest expression and seemed to calm just a little. Slowly he relinquished his hold on Merlin's hair and sheathed his dagger. Suddenly he stood up and walked a few paces away, breathing heavily to calm his temper. He came to a stop beside Mordred and looked down on Merlin who sat shaking and clutching at the cut on his thigh.

"So Merlin", he said in a dangerously calm voice, "Would you care to explain to my loyal Knight here what it is you have done to incur my wrath?"

Merlin looked up at the two men with wild, panicked eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out apart from strangled sobs.

"What's that?", said Arthur tilting his head, "Hmm? I didn't quite catch that last part about how the hell clothes belonging to the Dolma WERE STREWN AROUND YOUR BEDROOM!" As he spoke his voice got louder and he began to advance on the cowering manservant again.

"Oh no", said Mordred quietly, looking down at the ground.

Arthur was becoming irritated again and once again advancing on Merlin with a menacing look in his eyes. "COME ON THEN!", he shouted, kicking viciously at his servant's legs as he did so, "IF YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME, THEN GIVE YOUR EXPLANATION TO MORDRED HERE!"

"Merlin, please", said Mordred, kneeling down and shielding him bodily from Arthur, "Please...you have to tell him the truth."

"I.....", said Merlin, "He....... I cannot. He mustn't know. Not like this."

"Mustn't know what, Merlin?", said Arthur looming over the both of them.

*Emrys, it's over*, said the Mordred with his mind. *He has a right to know. The time for lying is over. If you don't tell the truth now then I fear that he will kill you...I've never seen him in a temper like this before.*

*It can't happen like this*, replied Merlin, *This cannot be how he discovers I have magic.*

*He is your friend*, argued the young Knight, *He has a right to know who his most loyal subject and best friend really is.*

*But I.......* countered Merlin. 

Their telepathic debate was interrupted when they heard Arthur unsheath Exculibur. Seconds later it was resting in the hollow of Merlin's throat, pressing ever so slightly into his flesh.

"Start. Talking. Right. Now.", hissed Arthur, his eyes blazing. "If the truth doesn't come out of your mouth in the next ten seconds, I swear I'll run you through."

*Emrys please*, implored Mordred with his mind, *Tell him! Please! You cannot die like this! You have a shared destiny!* 

Merlin closed his eyes and nodded, holding both his hands up in supplication. He looked briefly over to Morded and then looked straight up into his King's eyes.

"Arthur", he croaked, "I swear to you that I was not... romantically involved with the Sorceress."

"Then why are her clothes in your chambers?", asked Arthur, pressing the sword a little harder, "What other possible explanation could there be?"

"Arthur, I...", Merlin swallowed, feeling the pressure of the sword as he did so, "Because..., oh gods...I am...was...the Dolma."

The King stared at him blankly for long seconds. Merlin looked up at him trying to guage his reaction. Quick as a flash, the sword had cut a deep welt across the manservant's cheek.

"DON'T MOCK ME!", yelled the King, leveling the sword back at Merlin's throat.

"I swear it's true.", pleaded Merlin, cradling his injured face to stem the bleeding. 

"You are moments from death and yet you continue to lie!" hissed out Arthur. He was in such a rage that specks of spit flew from his mouth as he spoke. He pressed his sword just enough to pierce Merlin's skin at his throat and to illicit a cry of terror from the boy.

"Arthur! Please!", implored Mordred again, "please! He speaks the truth!"

The King was distracted enough to cast a puzzled glance in Mordred's direction.

"Merlin, do something!", pleaded the Knight. "I fear that he will kill you."

As if in response to Mordred's words, Arthur redirected his attention to his manservant who sat wild-eyed looking up at him. Arthur knelt before him. He replaced the sword at Merlin's throat with his hand and pointed Exculibur at the boy's heart and pressed everso slightly.

"The truth. All of it. Or you die here and now."

Merlin felt the cold steel pressing on his ribcage through his thin shirt and knew from the look in Arthur's eyes that he was in earnest. He knew that he had only one option remaining. He closed his eyes and despite the panic running wild through his whole being he summoned his magic. He knew that without the potion he could not completely transform, but he had enough power to soften the features of his face, to make his hair grow and to briefly change his voice. 

When the change was complete, he opened his eyes and looked up into those of his King.

"It is the truth, Arthur", said Merlin in the soft velvety voice of the Sorceress, "I am...was...the Dolma. I am so sorry."

At his words Arthur cried out in shock and jumped away from him. "What the...?", he stuttered, stumbling backward.

"It is an illusion", explained Merlin, still with the voice of the Dolma, "It is magic."

"B-but that's impossible.", said the King. "You are Merlin. You have no magic." He hurried back over and stood looking down on the confusing vision before him that was half beautiful Sorceress and half idiot manservant. "Did Morgana do this to you? By the gods I shall kill her myself!"

"No, Arthur", replied Merlin quietly, his own voice and appearance returning. "Not Morgana. I did it."

"B-b-but that's not possible!", exclaimed the King, "You are just my manservant! What are you talking about?"

Merlin took in a deep breath and looked at the ground. "I have magic", he said barely above a whisper, "I am a sorcerer."

"Don't be so stupid", said Arthur quickly, "Morgana has ensorcered you to think so..."

"No, Arthur", said Merlin looking up at him with tear rimmed eyes, "Look." He clasped his hands in front of him and his eyes glowed gold. When he opened up his hands, blue butterflies fluttered out and flew toward Arthur.

Arthur took a step back and viciously batted away the butterflies. "N-no!" he gasped. "H-how? For how long?"

"Always.", said Merlin quietly, "I was born with it. I am magic." He looked up imploringly at his King and prayed for understanding and forgiveness.

Arthur stood staring down at him and said nothing. 

"Arthur?" said Merlin after a whole minute had passed without an utterance from his master.

"Sire?", said Mordred when another minute had passed and the King did nothing but stare down at Mordred, swaying slightly and beginning to tremble occasionally.

Merlin climbed to his feet and took a tentative step forward, reaching out an arm. "Arthur, I..."

The King took a step backwards as though any physical contact with Merlin would burn him. 

Merlin stopped dead in his tracks.

"Go now.", said Arthur very quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Sire?", tried Merlin, walking forward again.

"GO NOW!", bellowed Arthur. "Leave! Begone from my Kingdom! You are banished!"

Merlin froze, staring at him in disbelief.

"I SAID GO!", shouted the King, "Get out of my sight and be out of my Kingdom within the hour or swear I will kill you."

"But your majesty", said Mordred stepping forward between them, "But you are on the verge of bringing magic back into the Kingdom. Please reconsider...do not banish your most faithful servant just because he has magic."

The King turned and faced his Knight. "Oh, I'm not banishing him because he has magic.", he said with steel in his voice, "I want him gone because he has lied to me since the day I met him. I want him gone because I can never trust him again."

"Arthur, please!",Merlin wailed in consternation and took a step toward him for the third time. Arthur's temper snapped and he drew Exculibur again. He raised it to strike.

Mordred jumped in and parried the blow.

Arthur lowered the sword and glowered at Mordred before redirecting his gaze to Merlin who now had tears coursing down his cheeks.

"Go.", said the King simply. "I never want to see you again."

Merlin's face crumpled and his shoulders sagged. He was crying openly but nodded his assent and walked slowly toward the gateway from the herb garden. Before he walked through it he stopped and turned around.

"It was only for you. My magic was always only for you.", he said quietly, "Goodbye, my King. I am so sorry" 

With that he hung his head and walked away.


	44. A Parting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin leaves Camelot forever. He has a surprise meeting in the forest.

Merlin slumped down against a tree and tiredly muttered a spell. Immediately a small fire blazed up amongst the small pile of logs in front of him. He pulled his coat around his chest in a vain attempt to get warm. Since his flight from Camelot five days earlier it seemed that the heavens themselves had been crying. It had not stopped raining for more than two hours at a time and he was soaked through and exhausted.

When he had left Arthur in the herb garden, he had stumbled back to Gaius's chambers where the old man had shouted out in alarm upon seeing Merlin's injuries. When the physician found out how he had incurred these injuries he actually cried real tears for the first time that Merlin could remember. Despite Merlin's need to leave the Citadel as quickly as possible to avoid Arthur's wrath, Gaius had insisted on patching him up as best he could and sending him off with a bag full of medicines to help with the pain and the physical healing.

Merlin didn't think that he would ever heal emotionally, though. Now, sitting against the tree on the edge of the Kingdom, he tried to fight back the tears. He felt like he had already cried his soul empty twice over during the last few days.

When he stood at the end of Camelot's drawbridge five days ago, he had been at a complete loss as to which direction to take. His first instinct had been to head back to the Druids of Essitir but - despite everything - he believed (hoped, really) that Arthur still might want to bring magic back to the land and Merlin did not want to jeapordize the talks with his presence among them.

He had thought about summoning Kilgarrah for advice and perhaps comfort but soon decided against it. He worried that if the dragon saw the state he was in then he might grow angry and take revenge by killing the King and attacking Camelot again. Whatever hurts Arthur had inflicted upon him, Merlin could not bear it if that happened. 

He rapidly came to the conclusion that he needed his mum. 

Every part of his being was in pain. His body hurt so much from the beating that Arthur had inflicted on him and his soul hurt equally from the knowledge that he could never ever see his King again. Only his mother's unconditional love would come anywhere near close to helping him face life after such a great loss. He had set out on foot. He hadn't even contemplated taking a horse. The horses belonged to Arthur and the King had made it abundantly clear that his manservant no longer had any part in his Kingdom. 

Because of the ceaseless rain, all tracks through the forest had rapidly become impassable. He had been forced to make his way through the thick undergrowth beside the paths to avoid getting stuck in the slippy and clingy mud. 

His journey toward Ealdor had not only been hampered by the appalling weather but also by the extent of his injuries. His head ached alarmingly and his vision was blurred. The rest of his body was stiff from the blows Arthur had inflicted upon it. Despite Gaius's best efforts, the cut on his inner thigh had become infected. It chafed and burned as he walked. His throat was still sore from the strangling and breathing did not come easily because of all the bruises on his ribs. He feared one may even be cracked. It seemed that there was not a single part of him that had not incurred the King's wrath. Whenever he stopped to rest, he inspected his bruises and watched them turn from black to purple and green. 

The combination of weather and injury meant that after five exhausting days he was only now at the edge of Camelot's Kingdom. When the morning came he would cross the border and head for Ealdor. 

At the moment, he dare not even think about what he should do with the rest of his life. He feared that to start pondering that now might well send him mad. Arthur had been his destiny, his whole reason for being, the reason that he had magic.

So, he sat in front of the small fire shivering uncontrollably. He was no longer sure if it was from the cold, exhaustion or from the knowledge that he no longer had any reason for living that he could think of. With numb fingers he pulled a hunk of bread and an apple from his pocket. He knew he should eat something to give himself energy for the rest of the journey but he had no appetite. The bread felt like dust in his mouth so he gave up on that. He tried eating the apple. It tasted better than the old bread, but a low level nausea that had been with him since he had left the Castle made it very difficult for him to even swallow. After forcing himself to consume half the fruit, he gave up and despondently tossed what remained into the fire where it hissed and spat. He sighed and pulled out his water skin and took a long drink from it.

He leaned back and rested his head on the tree bark closing his eyes for a moment. He was tired beyond endurance and decided that he would sleep here tonight. He knew he should think about building some kind of bivouac to keep the infernal rain off of his head but for the moment he was content just to sit and pull some warmth from the fire.   
Not surprisingly, he began to drop off to sleep.

He awoke with a start when he heard the snapping of twigs and rustle of leaves nearby. He jumped up and looked into the gloom of the forest. He thought he saw a flash of silver on the edge of his vision but could not be certain; it might just have been a gust of wind blowing the rain sideways.

"H-hello?", he called tentatively, "Is somebody there?"

No reply came and the sound of the rain upon the leaves made listening hard. Soon however, he heard more snapping twigs and a rustling from closer by. He became hyper alert despite his fatigue and readied his magic in case he needed to use it. He turned toward the sound and strained his eyes to make out any shapes in the thick dark green woodland. He had his arm half raised and poised to cast a spell.

Suddenly a hand landed heavily on his shoulder.

He was so startled that he actually screamed. He spun about with wild eyes and when he saw who had touched him he staggered backwards so quickly that he crashed into the trunk of a tree.

It was Arthur.

"A-Arthur? What the....? P-please don't kill me", he pleaded, backing up into the forest and hiding behind a large oak. "I - I swear that I shall cross the border first thing tomorrow. It's just I'm so tired...I'd be back in Ealdor already if the weather hadn't been so awful. J-just don't kill me. Please."

"Shut up, Merlin.", replied the King tiredly. "Come out from behind that tree."

Merlin stayed put and shook his head emphatically.

Arthur sighed. "Stop being such a girl", he said, "I'm not going to kill you."

Merlin stayed put but his heart broke all over again at hearing Arthur speak the same old insults that he'd used back when they were friends - back when the King trusted him.  
"Wh-why are you here?", asked Merlin shakily. "Have you decided that banishing me was not punishment enough? Did you decide to come and finish me off after all?"

"Oh don't be ridiculous", said Arthur in an exasperated tone, "If I still wanted to kill you, believe me...you'd be dead already. Just...come out from behind that tree would you?"

"What for?", asked Merlin, slightly bolder now he knew he was not to be killed, "Do you want to knock me senseless again?"

Arthur looked at him with something like regret. "No", he said quietly, "No - I don't want to hit you again." He turned around and noticed the small fire for the first time. He walked over to it and sat down with his back against the tree trunk in the spot that Merlin himself had occupied moments before. "Anyhow", he continued, taking off his gloves and warming his hands over the meagre flame, "You are apparently a great Sorcerer. Why are you even scared of me? You could kill me with little more than a thought!"

Seeing that Arthur really meant him no immediate harm, Merlin slowly walked out from behind the tree and across the clearing. He sat down on a fallen tree trunk, still some ten feet away from Arthur and looked at him steadily.

"I could never harm you", he said quietly, "Never you."

Arthur returned his look for long moments. "Well...not physically, anyways.", he said before looking down into the fire and poking at it with a stick.

Merlin flinched but said nothing.

"So, where are you heading?", asked Arthur conversationally, looking into the flames rather than at his ex-manservant.

"Out of your Kingdom", said Merlin tersely, "I swear to you that I will be gone first thing in the morning."

"Yes, so you said. But...what will you do?", Arthur asked impatiently.

"Why do you even want to know?" inquired Merlin a little belligerently, "You said you never want to see me again, so..."

"Just curious", said the King, "Humour me."

Merln shifted uneasily and looked nervously between the fire and the King. "Back to Ealdor, I guess.", he replied reluctantly, "Or at least until I'm healed properly."

Arthur flinched a little and looked guilty. "Then what?" he asked after a few moments.

Merlin shrugged.

"Come on Merlin, you must have some notion", pushed Arthur.

"No, I don't, not really", said Merlin flatly looking down at the ground. "My purpose in life...my destiny... was only ever to serve you. You've made it abundantly clear that I can't do that any more. So, no - I don't know what next." 

Arthur looked at him with an unreadable expression. Merlin became uncomfortable under such scrutiny and shifted anxiously on his log.

"Wh-why did you come out here, anyway?", he asked - as much to break the uncomfortable silence as to know the answer. "How did you find me? Why were you even looking for me?"

Arthur rolled his eyes before replying. "You weren't the most difficult person to track down, Merlin...you didn't exactly make yourself difficult to find."

"Yeah, well", mumbled Merlin, "I was in such a mess that I could barely walk for the first couple of days, much less worry about whether I was leaving a trail or not."

Arthur said nothing but looked away, a little abashed.

"But why, Arthur.", pressed Merlin. "You said you never wanted to see me again...so why follow me here?"

Arthur looked at him but his face gave nothing away. Merlin searched his eyes for some clue until the King looked away again.

Eventually Arthur spoke. "When you left, I was murderously angry" he said.

"I noticed", mumbled Merlin, unconsciously rubbing his neck where he had been throttled by the man who sat before him.

"Yes well. I was set on coming after you with a group of Knights and cutting you down before you got more than a league from the castle", admitted the King.

"So why didn't you?", asked Merlin flatly with his hand now stroking the wound across his cheek.

Arthur huffed an ironic laugh, "You underestimate your popularity among the Knights of Camelot", he explained. "I was raving, but not one of them was willing to be part of the search party... even under threat of being de-Knighted and banished for disobeying a direct demand of their King."

Merlin said nothing but tears sprung to his eyes. He wasn't sure if it was because of this noble gesture on his behalf by the Knights, or simply because upon hearing about them he suddenly missed home and all the friends there who had been left behind forever. He brushed impatiently at his traitorous eyes. He didn't want Arthur to see how he was affected by his words.

"Mordred was the bravest amongst them, you know", continued Arthur. If he had seen Merlin's tears he made no mention of it. "The moment you had left that garden I regretted letting you go and would've cut you down before you even made it to the drawbridge. Mordred though, simply would not let me get through the garden gate."

"Oh?", said Merlin despite himself. Of all the people he knew that might put their life on the line for him, he didn't think that the Druid boy would be at the top of the list.

"Mmm", said Arthur. He huffed out a laugh before continuing, "It seems I did a good job training that one in sword play...he was more than a match for me. I shall make sure he fights beside me in the next Melee." 

"You still haven't answered my question", said Merlin impatiently. "Why did you come after me?"

Arthur huffed in annoyance and frowned at him. "I'm getting to that bit, idiot", he said, "Just...shut up for once and listen will you?"

Merlin frowned back, shrugged and nodded for him to continue.

"So, since not even my bloody Knights would do as I requested, I headed up to my quarters and...err...lets just say I vented my frustrations there. I reduced most of the furniture in the antechamber to firewood supposedly, and smashed some priceless china... as well as most of my windows."

"Clever", said Merlin flatly.

"Yes, well." snapped the King looking straight at him unapologetically, "I'd just discovered that my oldest friend and closest confidante had been lying to me for the past ten years and had made a fool of me by masquerading as a beautiful Sorceress...perhaps I had a right to be just the tiniest bit irritated?"

Merlin ducked his head and mumbled "I'm sorry...please - carry on."

"Anyhow", continued Arthur, "A passing chambermaid came in to check what was causing so much noise. When she saw the temper I was in, she was so concerned that I might have an apoplectic fit and burst a blood vessel and die that she hurried down and called Gaius to tend to me. Gaius came up with Percy and Gwaine in tow. The old coot got them to pin me down on my own bed whilst he poured some of that concoction that we gave to Gwen to make her sleep down my throat."

Merlin put his hands over his mouth and stared at Arthur as he told his tale.

"...when I woke up, they had tied me to my bed. Gaius would not loosen the bonds until I had 'regained my sense' and stopped trying to kill people or break things."

"Wow", said Merlin, "Brave man. Did it work? Did you calm down?"

"Eventually", said Arthur, "But only after Gaius had explained certain...things to me, and after Mordred had explained as best he could who...or rather what...you are and why you masqueraded as the Sorceress in the first place."

"Oh", said Merlin quietly.

"Oh indeed", agreed the King, "It was all quite eye-opening. Anyway, once I had calmed down properly, I felt compelled to seek you out and to find out if what they told me was true."

Merlin looked down at the ground and tears began to run down his face and fall onto the floor before him. He shook his head but didn't speak.

"Say something, Merlin", demanded the King. "Tell me who you are really? I think I have a right to know, don't you?"

"I'm so sorry" choked out Merlin, finally making eye contact, "You have no idea. I've wanted to tell you for so, so long. I didn't want you to find out the way you did. I swear, I was going to tell you as soon as you had passed the law and repealed the ban on magic."

"Tell me what, Merlin?", asked Arthur, his voice level, "What are you, exactly? I want...need...to hear it from your own lips."

Merlin sighed deeply, "I'm your manservant Merlin...or at least I was till you sent me away."

"But that's not all, is it?", pressed the King.

"No", muttered Merlin, once again unable to look his former master in the eye, "No, it's not. I am a warlock. I have magic. I was born with it."

Arthur nodded, looking at him steadily. "Thank you for finally telling me", he said quietly, "But apparently, even that's not the whole truth."

Merlin cast his eyes heavenwards and sighed deeply before looking steadily at his King again, "No, it isn't", he whispered, "According to the Druids, I am Emrys the Eternal...they claim that I ...err... am the source of magic itself."

Arthur stared at him for long moments. "You? My own idiot manservant? And how long have you known all this?" he asked.

"The magic has been with me since I was born", replied Merlin, "I remember casting spells before I could walk or even talk." There was no point in lying anymore and despite the circumstances it felt good to finally be able to speak the long-guarded truth to his King. "The rest of it, the being Emrys bit, I only learned when we rescued Mordred when he was a child." he continued.

"I don't understand", interjected Arthur, "That was what...nine, ten years ago? So...you've known what you are almost as long as I have known you. I thought we were friends. I trusted you. I confided in you. Why did you never think to tell me any of this?"

"Believe me, I thought of little else - I wanted to so many times.", pleaded Merlin sadly. "I dreamed that you would one day know me for who I truly am.."

"So why didn't you say anything?" demanded Arthur, irritation creeping into his voice. "Ten years, Merlin. Ten Years! And not a word!"

"I couldn't even think about telling you whilst your father still lived", pleaded Merlin, "It would have put you in an impossible position. You would have been duty bound to tell him about me and he would have had me burned at the stake. I just couldn't let that happen because you and me, we have a shared destiny and..."

"I would never have let that happen!", interrupted Arthur, "How could you even think that I would have done such a thing? You saw me defy my father time and time again if I thought his judgement was misguided. Don't you remember that I helped you rescue Mordred? And what's this about a destiny? What are you talking about now? Is this some kind of Druid-ey thing?"

"The Druids know of it", said Merlin quietly looking into the fire rather than at the King, "But it was not they that told me about the destiny bit."

"Then who did? Or did you think that one up in your own addled brain?"

"Do you think I could have imagined such a notion?", said Merlin incredulously. "Believe me, when I first heard the prophecy, I asked the...him if he was mistaken since the only Arthur that I knew was nothing but a spoilt arrogant prat of a Prince that I wanted nothing to do with!" 

"So who told you this...er...prophecy?", asked Arthur, choosing for now to ignore the insult. "Was it Gaius? Apparently he has known about your magic at least since you arrived in Camelot."

"No,not Gaius" said Merlin quickly. He jigged his knee nervously before looking his former Master straight in the eye and admitting, "The Dragon...it was the Great Dragon."

"The what?", said Arthur, squinting at Merlin in disbelief. "Oh, come on! Are you mocking me now?"

"No,Arthur", said Merlin wearily. "The Dragon was still imprisoned under the castle when I came to Camelot and almost as soon as I began working as your manservant it began calling to me."

"Nonsense", scoffed the King, "If a dragon had been calling your name I am sure that half the Castle would have heard it. No - it must just have been a trick of your tired little mind."

"I wish", said Merlin wistfully, "No...it was very insistent. It called to me by speaking inside my mind. I tried to ignore it but it would not shut up. It wouldn't let me sleep! I got so fed up that I sought it out and found it in it's cave below the dungeons. It was there that it explained to me about this Destiny nonsense."

Arthur stared at him dumbstruck. The location of the Dragon's prison had been a secret known to Arthur and just a few of Uther's closest confidantes...even the guards outside it's lair did not know what they had been guarding. The fact that Merlin knew where it had been told Arthur that the man spoke the truth. 

"Wh-why would a dragon choose to speak to you, though?" stammered Arthur once he had digested this latest information. 

"I asked myself that for a long long time", replied Merlin, scratching the back of his head and looking into the flames as he remembered. "The infernal creature used to drive me mad, speaking in riddles and making impossible demands..waking me up in the middle of the night."

"So you spoke to it more than once?", asked Arthur incredulously.

"Oh yes..it wouldn't give me any peace..even when I was angry with it, it would not leave me be." said Merlin, "Anyway, to cut a very long story short (he did not at this point want to admit to Arthur that he had been responsible for releasing Kilgarrah) it turns out that I am a Dragonlord, so I guess that's why it chose to speak to me."

"You?!", scoffed Arthur, "Now I know for a fact that is nonsense...Balinor was the last dragonlord and we watched him die..."

"He was my father", interrupted Merlin quietly, "When he died, I inherited his gift. Until then I never knew."

Arthur leaned back against the tree and studied the man before him. His eyes blurred with unshed tears which he fought against. "All these years", he said just above a whisper, 

"All these years...a man thinks he knows you and he doesn't know a thing."

The men regarded eachother for a long time without saying anything. Eventually it was Merlin that spoke.

"Sooooo", he said sighing, "Now you know the truth about me. No doubt you hate me for keeping it from you for all these years. I wouldn't blame you. Gods...I don't even blame you for half killing me back at the Castle, not really. I'm just...so sorry that you had to find out the way you did. Truly - I had so often imagined how I would tell you and so often had come close to doing it....but the longer I never said anything the harder it got."

Arthur regarded him as he spoke and looked at him for a long while after he had finished. Eventually he said, "Yes well...I am sorry too. We've been through so much together, me and you, and you have always been by my side, no matter how grim things got. Honestly...I think I trusted and relied on you more than on any of my Knights or advisors...or even Gwen before she left me."

Merlin gave him a wobbly lop-sided smile.

"...and yet you could not return that trust could you?" continued Arthur in a disappointed, sad tone, "You lied to me every day...every single day, Merlin...for ten years. After Gaius and Mordred told me who you really are, and for the entire time it took me to find you here I have been asking myself, 'What did I do? What is so wrong with me that those that I care for, respect or love are invariably the same people that deceive me and lie to me?' Is it me? Is it a fault in my character? Was it predestined at my birth?"

"Arthur no", said Merlin quietly. Arthur held up his hand in response to silence him.

"I trusted you", continued Arthur, his voice quiet and wistful, "When all the world around me was falling to pieces you were always there...always my rock. And now? Now? I don't even have that any more."

Merlin looked at him through tear-blurred eyes. "I've ruined everything, haven't I?" he whispered.

Arthur looked into the flames and was silent for a long time. He breathed deeply, reigning in his emotions. Without looking up at Merlin he said flatly, "I don't know if I can ever trust anyone ever again."

Merlin let out a cry. "No Arthur", he sobbed, "Please don't say that. Please don't let your heart harden because of me! I am so sorry that I have caused you to feel like this. If I had the power then I would turn back time and do things differently. The last thing I ever intended to do was to hurt you or decieve you."

"But you did both", countered Arthur still speaking in a worryingly quiet voice, "and you know what? I - I'm not sure if I can pull myself back from this one. On my way to come and find you I've also had a lot of time to ask myself what it's all for?"

"Wh-what's what all for?", asked Merlin, not at all sure where this train of thought was leading.

"Well", explained the King, "Everyone that I care for - without exception it would seem (he looked accusingly in Merlin's direction) - has lied to me and decieved me. Why? I asked myself. Am I a bad man? Am I unjust?"

Merlin shook his head emphatically but said nothing.

"That's what I thought", continued Arthur, "I concluded that it must be because I am the son of Uther, or maybe because I rule over a rich prosperous Kingdom which causes others to be covetous...or maybe I really was born under an unlucky star! I think I must have been, you know...gods, the very first thing I did upon entering this world was to kill my own mother!"

"Arthur", said Merlin soothingly, "You cannot blame yourself for that..."

"Well whatever", replied Arthur, brushing away Merlin's words with a sweep of his hands, "I want no more of it."

"Wh-what are you saying?", asked Merlin slowly, getting more and more nervous at the King's words.

"I'm saying Merlin" said Arthur standing up and brushing himself down "That I'm done. That I can't see any point in going back to Camelot. There's no longer anything for me there but sad memories and crippling loneliness."

"No", said Merlin in a whisper, "No - you cannot do this, Arthur. You must not."

"Watch me" said the King, turning and beginning to walk back into the gloom of the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost but not quite the end of this fic.....hang in there!


	45. Appeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin cannot accept Arthur's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry that this update has taken so long. Life just got in the way! This is the penultimate chapter and I promise not to leave it another four months to post the conclusion. Thank you so much to all the lovely readers who have messaged me about this story.

For long moments, Merlin sat blinking in shock at the back of the rapidly departing Arthur before springing to his feet and running after him. When he caught up with the King he grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him to a halt.

Arthur looked down at the point where Merlin held onto his arm. He glared up at Merlin through furrowed eyebrows. In a quiet and dangerous voice he said, "If you value your life, unhand me. Now."

Merlin immediately let go and took a step back holding his hands aloft in appeasement. The look Arthur had just given him was too much like the one he got before the King had beat him half to death back in Camelot. He swallowed, set his jaw and raised his chin, looking Arthur straight in the eye. 

"Arthur. Sire. Please...see sense.", he said "You cannot simply walk away from your duty and your Kingdom!"

"Oh, I'm seeing sense for the first time in my long and sad life", said Arthur dismissively side-stepping Merlin and continuing to stride away. Merlin ran after him and stood in front of him, dancing to block the King's path every time Arthur tried to get past him.

Eventually Arthur stopped trying and came to a halt, rolling his eyes and tutting. "Merlin," he said wearily, "I really don't want to hurt you again but I will if you don't stop skipping about in front of me like a demented jack rabbit."

Merlin stood his ground. "I cannot let you make this mistake, Arthur. To rule Camelot is what you were meant for. You were born to be King." he said with conviction. 

Arthur crossed his arms, said nothing and glared.

"Where would you go, anyway?", persisted Merlin.

Arthur looked off into the distance, eyes unfocused. "Anywhere. Away from here.", he said, "I've heard the tales from travellers. Across the Southern Sea and twenty days travel will bring me to a land where the sky is not permanently hidden by cloud and where the winters are kind. Where the maidens are fair and, most importantly, where not a soul knows who I am."

"Yeah, but...wh-what would you do there?", asked Merlin, a little shaken that Arthur seemed to have actually given this some thought and might be serious about leaving. 

"Oh, I don't know, Merlin", replied Arthur airily, "I could travel incognito as a Hedge Knight, I am young and fit. Hell, if I had to I could even make a life working the land. Who knows? I might even get lucky and meet a woman. One who does not betray me to my enemies...and maybe one who isn't my manservant in disguise."

Merlin flinched at this last comment and took another step back.

"What were you even thinking?", asked Arthur in an accusing tone advancing on him. "Of all the lies you've told me in the last ten years that was without doubt the worst. Why would you even have done that? Wasn't it bad enough that my wife had just deserted me to join my enemies? What on earth possessed you to masquerade as a bloody Sorceress of all things?"

Merlin looked everywhere but at Arthur and fiddled with the hem of his jacket. "I really truly am sorry about that", he said quietly. "I only ever intended to help you get Gwen back."

"By disguising yourself as one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen?", said Arthur incredulously, "Explain."

Merlin puffed out a breath and carried on playing with the hem of his jacket, "I-I couldn't let you know I had magic", he said, "And I thought that magic was the only hope we had of breaking Morgana's hold on Gwen..."

"Oh, and that worked out really well", interrupted Arthur sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Yes...well...I had to at least try.", replied Merlin quietly, still not looking up.

"And when it was obvious that there was no spell to break", continued Arthur, walking forward and prodding Merlin in the chest as he spoke, "You convinced me to let her go free and then...and then...you kissed me!"

Merlin flinched a little and looked shiftily around before looking back at Arthur, "I - I wanted to prevent you from doing something rash in your anger", he said, "that's why I asked you not to pursue Gwen."

"And the kiss?", insisted Arthur, "what was all that about?"

"Um...if my memory serves me well Sire, I think that on that occasion it was actually YOU that kissed ME", replied Merlin with an apologetic shrug.

Arthur opened his mouth to shout but stopped short as he remembered that Merlin was, in fact, correct. "Yes...well...", he blustered, "I was a little...emotional at the time."

"Mmmm", agreed Merlin non committally.

There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence before Arthur interrogated him further, "Anyhow... you claim that you disguised yourself as the Sorceress to help get Gwen back, so explain to me please, why you agreed to meet with me again in that guise?"

"Arthur, you were very insistent about meeting her again", said Merlin, "and at the time she seemed to be the only thing to be giving you succour, so I...you know..."

"You must have realized that I was beginning to develop feelings for her!",said Arthur, "didn't it even for a moment enter your tiny mind to see how wrong that was?"

"I...yes...I thought...", stammered Merlin looking everywhere but at the King, "I thought I could control the situation and perhaps counsel you through your heartache. And then I realized that - through her - I could speak to you about magic and to tell you all the things I've wanted to tell you for years and years but couldn't do as myself. I didn't think..." 

He paused and looked down at his hands.

"You didn't think at all." said Arthur flatly. "It never occurred to you that I was falling in love with her?"

Merlin squeaked and scratched the back of his head, "I never intended for that to happen", he said quietly, "I tried so hard to prevent it."

"You tried hard?" said Arthur in disbelief, "Firstly, you transformed yourself into quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Why did you do that? Why didn't you just disguise yourself as an old crone? I'm sure that would have worked just as well."

"S-sorry", said Merlin quietly, "I honestly never realized what I looked like until I'd sent you to sleep after our first meeting. I just...er...imagined the type of woman who might wear the dress I had and she was the result."

"Well top marks for such a vivid imagination", said Arthur sarcastically. "Why did it even have to be a sorceress anyway? Why not a warlock? Or a Druid?"

Merlin flinched and shrugged. "That was Gaius's fault really", he said, "He thought that you wouldn't have trusted me if I appeared as the Great Dragoon again."

"Wait, what?", interrupted Arthur taking another step toward Merlin and causing him to stumble backward into a tree, "What are you saying? That the old wizard that was responsible for the death of my father is...is you?"

Merlin flinched back, inwardly cursing himself for letting slip this other disguise. 

"Arthur", he said, "Please...Believe me, Dragoon...that is...I...didn't kill your father. I did everything I could to prevent his death. Remember, Gaius found the locket that reversed the healing magic and caused his death."

Arthur stood and glowered at him for long moments, clenching and unclenching his fist as if he was contemplating giving Merlin another sound beating. It took all of Merlin's resolve to stand his ground and look steadily into his former master's eyes. Eventually, Arthur's inner turmoil resolved itself and he relaxed a little. He gave a small nod indicating that he believed what Merlin had just told him.

Merlin let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding and let his shoulders sag. He closed his eyes for a few seconds to calm himself and gather his thoughts.

Suddenly he felt a slap to the side of his head that sent him reeling sideways and left his ear ringing alarmingly. He stumbled, put his hand over his aching head and looked at 

Arthur. "Ow!", he said indignantly, "You said you weren't going to hit me any more!"

"YOU MADE ME GIVE YOU A PIGGY BACK AND KICKED ME TO MAKE ME GO FASTER!", shouted an equally indignant Arthur in reply, "You deserve that slap, you insolent whelp!"

Merlin blinked owlishly at his King for a few seconds wondering what he was talking about. When he remembered he snorted then guffawed with laughter. Arthur looked on somewhat bemused.

"S-sorry", wheezed Merlin, holding his sides and trying not to laugh anymore, "It's just that I'd completely forgotten about that." He tried to look contrite but within a few moments had collapsed in paroxysms of laughter once again.

Despite himself, Arthur's own lips twitched into a smile as he watched his idiot ex-manservant stumble helplessly around the glade. He sighed, and thought that despite everything, he would miss this buffoon. Once again he started heading off eastward into the forest.

It took Merlin a few moments to recover himself and to take note that the King was once again walking away from him. He squeaked a noise of dismay and pursued the King, stumbling and coming to a stop right in front of him and blocking his path.

"Merlin, move.", said the King simply. "Just...go."

"Can't" shrugged Merlin, "can't let you leave like a coward."

Within the blink of an eye Arthur's sword was unsheathed and the tip of the blade rested at the base of Merlin's throat. Merlin took a sharp intake of breath and held perfectly still looking at Arthur with huge eyes.

"God's damn you Merlin", snarled the King through gritted teeth, "In one breath you are pleading for me not to kill you and then you turn around and say something so bloody incendiary that I feel like running you through with this sword!" He took a step back and lowered his blade a little. "Now - just...go away or so help me I will not be able to prevent myself from cutting out your tongue at the very least."

Merlin took a step backwards but did not flee much to Arthur's dismay. He raised his jaw in a challenge but the King could see his manservant's fear in his blown pupils and and a quivering adam's apple. He slowly raised a shaking hand to his throat and felt the place where the sword had rested. His finally averted his eyes from those of Arthur's as he looked down at his fingers to check for blood. There was none.

Arthur took a deep sigh and sheathed his sword. "That's enough, Merlin", he said quietly and with finality. "I am leaving now. If you follow me again I swear by all the gods that I shall run you through." Having spoken, he took a step around Merlin and strode purposefully away.

This time Merlin didn't follow but stood on shaky legs and watched him go. He had tried but this really was the end of their story.

Just as Arthur reached the edge of the clearing he shouted out, "Before you disappear forever, know this...Everything that I said whilst I was disguised as the Dolma, everything I did...it wasn't just an act. I may not have looked like myself, but everything ...everything else was true."

Arthur slowed and stopped at the treeline. He did not turn around but he inclined his head in Merlin's direction to listen. Merlin noticed this and continued. "It seems I shall never see you again, so to hell with it, I shall say it as it is. I'm in love with you Arthur - always have been, always will be."

Arthur turned and looked at him, a deep frown furrowing his brow.

Merlin shrugged and continued, "My magic? It was meant for you - only you. I would have been happy to be your servant until the day I died but now it seems that won't happen and I am truly truly sorry that I have ruined everything. I have no idea what I shall do with the rest of my life. Anyway...I want to thank you for the years we had and to wish you only happiness in whatever you do. Heaven knows you deserve it."

He bent down and gathered up his small rucksack of belongings and held it tight to his chest. "Goodbye my King." he said quietly and gave a small bow. He turned on his heels and hurried away into the forest in the direction of Ealdor, tears obscuring his vision. 

He dare not look back again for fear his heart would break in two.


	46. One Year On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our story comes to an end - or maybe a beginning

Merlin stood at the table in his workroom, shoulders hunched as he slowly ground rosemary leaves into pulp in a large bowl. His shoulders ached and he sighed deeply as he finished one batch, emptied it into a jar and filled up the bowl with leaves to begin the process all over again. He was half way through rolling his shoulder joint to ease the aches when there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Merlin?", came a woman's voice from the other side.

"Come in Mum", he replied wearily, rolling his head in circles to stretch tired neck muscles. She opened the door a fraction and popped her head into the dark dusty space. "Is it lunch time already?" he asked, frowning slightly in her direction.

"No my love", she said shaking her head, "You have a visitor. Leave what you're doing and come through to the house now."

Merlin's brow furrowed as he stepped out of the dark shed and he looked questioningly at his mother. "Is someone sick?", he enquired, "Mum, I told you before, you really should have sent them straight around to the back...I don't want you to pick up anyone else's fevers.."

She cut him off by raising a hand just as they got to the back door of her little cottage. "I never said it was a patient", she said quietly, "It's a visitor...a guest."

"A guest? Here? For me?" asked Merlin, still frowning in confusion as he crossed the short distance to the back door, "Who?"

"Just...go inside and see", she said gently pushing him forward with her hand in the small of his back. "I am right behind you."

Merlin stepped into the house and scanned the dimly lit interior. In the small space his eyes almost immediately alighted upon an achingly familiar and sorely missed blond head. 

The shock was so great that he gasped and staggered backward into his mother. She deftly caught him by his elbows and stood him straight again.

"Arthur?", asked Merlin so quietly it could almost have been a breath. He stumbled into the small parlour and almost fell into one of the two chairs that flanked the open fireplace. His eyes were as big as saucers as he stared unblinkingly at the King.

"Merlin?", asked Arthur in return. He stood a little awkwardly by the front door to the cottage. When Merlin had entered the room the King had been in the process of removing his gloves but had stopped mid-action when he set eyes on his former manservant. He frowned in consternation. "You look awful!", he exclaimed before he could stop himself, "Whatever has happened to you?"

The Merlin he remembered had been tall and thin with long coltish limbs. His face had been angular with well defined cheekbones and large expressive eyes. The man now sitting before him was rake thin, clothes hanging loosely on his shoulders and knees prominent through his shabby threadbare trousers. His black hair was as untamed as ever, but was dull and lank rather than shiny like raven feathers. His head looked disproportionately large sitting upon such a slight frame. His cheekbones were more pronounced and his eyes were sunken deep into their sockets. In the dim light of the cottage Merlin looked positively skeletal.

Merlin continued to stare at him, still too shocked to say anything but beginning to blink back the beginning of tears that clouded his eyes.

"Is it alright for me to be here?", asked Arthur quietly, a little uncertain at the lack of any response. He looked between Merlin and Hunith. It was she that spoke first.

"Merlin, remember your manners", she said, gently reprimanding her son by laying a hand on his shoulder to bring him out of his shocked stupor, "and Arthur, please take a seat. I shall put on a kettle to boil and make us all a nice warm brew."

"I...sorry...yes, of course it's alright", said Merlin quietly. He wiped at his eyes and drew in a breath. "It's just...I never expected to see you again. Ever. It's a bit of a shock, is all."

"Thank you, Hunith", replied Arthur with a small smile. He sat slowly in the armchair opposite Merlin so as not to startle the man further and finished removing his gloves. "It's been a long ride. Tea would be greatly appreciated."

Hunith smiled and fussed over the kettle, putting it on the hook over the hearth. "I'm popping next door to Mrs Tomlinson to see if she has any lardy cake to go with it. I shan't be gone long." she said before leaving them alone.

"Wh..what...why are you here?", asked Merlin shakily as soon as the door had closed behind his mother, "I thought you had left this country to make your fortune in the Southern Lands."

Arthur huffed a small laugh. "Chance would have been a fine thing", he said wistfully. "When I saw you last I really was serious about going, you know."

"Oh, I remember" replied Merlin slowly regaining his composure, "So what happened? Did you change your mind when you saw how big the sea was?"

Arthur smiled fondly at the mild jibe from his old friend. "No Merlin, I didn't get scared of the sea.", he said, "Actually, I didn't even get a chance to see it properly."

"Oh?", asked Merlin curiously, "Why not?"

"Mmmm", continued Arthur looking into the flames. "Naturally when I came to seek you out at the border all those months back, my Knights thought I was up to no good and they followed me. I guess they thought I would kill you after all."

"It wasn't a surprising assumption", mumbled Merlin looking into the fire and remembering.

Arthur continued, " But, being the most accomplished huntsman among them, I managed to avoid all their attempts to catch up with me. Once I'd seen you I managed to shake them off easily and left Camelot behind me, travelling southward toward Dofr in the hope of boarding a ship."

"So...what stopped you getting there? Did one of the Southern Kings find you and take you for ransom?", inquired Merlin.

"Nope, I avoided all patrols...even got as far as the Southern Downs", replied Arthur proudly. "Knights and soldiers had no clue I was ever there. But somehow, the Druids did."

"Druids?", repeated Merlin, intrigued.

"Druids.", confirmed Arthur nodding once. "No matter where I traveled, and how easily I managed to avoid being caught by guards or knights or bandits or wolves, I couldn't seem to help running into Druids. At first this was most welcome; the journey was long, the weather was appalling. They offered me lodging in their camps - I'm sure you remember how hospitable they are?"

Merlin nodded and even managed to smile a little in remembrance of those happy days they had spent at the Druid camp in Essitir. 

"But", continued Arthur, "Somehow they all seemed to know where I was heading and what I intended to do. Without exception they advised me against it, saying it was my Destiny to rule Albion (whatever that is) and that the balance of the world would not be right unless I returned to where I belong with the other face of my coin (whatever that means) and begin to bring magic back into the Kingdom."

"What did you say to them?", asked Merlin, his heart beating a little faster at hearing the words of Kilgarrah spoken back at him through Arthur's mouth.

"I was... polite", recalled Arthur, "They were all so hospitable and were by no means forceful about me heeding this strange and rather nonsensical advice. Each time I thanked them and told them that I would consider what they had said as I continued with my journey. They never once tried to prevent me from leaving their encampments to continue on my way."

"So did you, you know, eventually just heed their words and head home again?", asked Merlin inclining his head.

"No. Not exactly", replied Arthur leaning forward to warm his hands on the fire. "After the Elders at the twelth encampment that I had visited consulted their Runes and gave me this same message of a "shared destiny" with "the other side to my coin" I began to suspect some kind of conspiracy. I jokingly asked them if all the Druids were linked by some kind of network that was passing this same message throughout the country to relay it on to me. They assured me that this wasn't the case, that what they were telling me was simply evident in all their methods of divination...and... I believed them."

"And was it that which changed your mind?", asked Merlin.

"No", said Arthur shaking his head, "No, their words troubled me deeply, I'll admit. But I really was resolved to leave Camelot behind me, so I carried on heading south. I had passed through the Oak forests and was atop the high hill of Darent early one morning and was trying to make out the sea on the horizon. And who should suddenly appear behind me?"

"I have no idea", said Merlin shrugging then leaning forward to hear the answer, "who?"

"Young Mordred of all people", replied Arthur, sitting back and scratching the back of his neck. "That boy is a constant source of surprise to me. Only the gods know how he found me - I had shaken off older more experienced Knights weeks before, and I was many leagues away from Camelot's juristiction."

"Mordred", breathed Merlin in wonder, "Well he is a Druid himself - perhaps he consulted his kinsfolk and found you that way?"

"Perhaps", agreed Arthur, nodding. "He never explained. He was alone, in civilian clothing just as I was."

"But how did he manage to convince you to go back home when I could not?" asked Merlin, a little put out despite himself, "Heaven knows I tried..."

Arthur studied him for long moments before replying. "Well, firstly, I'd had a few weeks to calm down from the shock of finding out that your were...what you pretended to be and what you are...and that you had deceived me for ten whole years."

Merlin looked away and into the fire, rapidly blinking his traitorous eyes that were beginning to cloud over with tears again.

"Secondly", continued Arthur, not wanting the other man to dwell too much on what had happened between them, "He appealed to me as a Knight and a King, reminding me that if I did indeed disappear forever then it would cause a power vacaum which would almost certainly cause warlords and neighbouring Chieftans to invade and to strip Camelot of her wealth and resources with no care for the fate of her people...or - heaven forbid - Morgana would return and take the throne. I simply could not let that happen and so headed back home again."

"Wow", said Merlin quietly. He stared into the fire and wondered if after all the prophecy he had received regarding Mordred and his role in Arthur's downfall was really true. Throughout the whole of the episode with The Dolma and in it's aftermath he had behaved with nothing but bravery and loyalty to his King.  
They both sat staring at the crackling fire in quiet contemplation for long moments.

"Sooo", said Arthur eventually, "That's my news. What have you been doing this past year?"

"Me?", shrugged Merlin, "Oh, I just came straight back to Ealdor as I told you I would...where else could I go?"

"And what have you been doing with your time?", pressed Arthur.

"I've put to good use all the things I learned from Gaius and work as a healer for the local villages.", said Merlin a little flatly, "Of course I have nothing like his skills, but I do a fairly good job at treating minor illnesses and injuries...it... passes the time."

Arthur nodded sagely. "It is a noble profession, and a good good outlet for your - er - magical talent.", he said.

Merlin continued to study the fire. "Oh, I don't use my magic", he said quietly. "I was never very skilled at healing spells, and as I told you, my magic is for you, only for you." He looked intently at Arthur as he said the last sentence.

Silence fell between them for a few minutes. It was broken when Arthur gave a self-conscious cough.

"Forgive me for saying so", he said, "but you look bloody awful. Have you been sick?"

"No", replied Merlin defensively.

"Merlin you never exactly had the stature of a Knight but at the moment you are as thin as a lance and look like the smallest breeze might blow you over...what happened to you?"

Merlin shrugged and tugged at his trousers in a vain attempt to stop his knees jutting up quite so badly. "I live in a village", he said quietly, "The food here isn't as rich and plentiful as in Camelot."

"Well your mother looks hale and hearty", countered Arthur, "I find it difficult to believe that she would starve her own son.."

"Of course she doesn't", snapped Merlin.

"So are you sickening with something?", asked Arthur. "I don't mean it as an insult but I have seen healthier looking corpses."

Merlin opened his mouth to answer when the back door opened and Hunith returned holding a bundle wrapped in white linen. "Old Mother Tomlinson has done us proud", she said as she set the package down on the table and unwrapped it. "Ginger cake! Look at it! It's fit for a King!"

Arthur smiled fondly at her. "Thank you Hunith", he said, "It smells glorious."

Merlin's mother fussed around getting the cake sliced and the tea made. Merlin sat frowning into the fireplace. Arthur studied his profile. By and by Hunith handed out tea and cake. Arthur ate his with relish and made small talk with Hunith. From the corner of his eye he watched Merlin take small sips of tea and nibble half heartedly at the corner of the cake. This alarmed him somewhat. His memory of Merlin was of a man who ate with such gusto that it had sometimes seemed that the plate would dissapear too.  
"Right", said Hunith once she had finished her tea and cake, "The corn is are not going to plant itself. With your permission Arthur, I shall leave you two to catch up and head off to the field."

"Of course, of course", said Arthur standing up, "and thank you so much for your hospitality, Hunith."

"Think nothing of it", she said, advancing and giving him an unexpected hug. "You know that you are always welcome here."

Arthur blushed but returned her hug warmly and only sat down again once she had left the cottage.

"Did - did you, er, continue with your negotiations with the Druids when you returned to Camelot?", asked Merlin quietly, never looking away from the flames, "Or was that something else that I managed to ruin with my deceits?"

Arthur once again studied the other man's profile for long moments before speaking. 

"Actually I did", he said, causing Merlin finally to turn and look at him. "I know I said this at the time but I shall remind you again. It was not the fact that you had magic that made me so angry with you...it was the fact that you hid it from me - from your friend - for so long."

"I'm sorry", mumbled Merlin.

"I know", replied Arthur surprisingly gently. "Anyway, once I had returned to Camelot and returned to Court, it seemed only natural to continue the negotiations that had been underway before I left."

"Good. That's good", said Merlin, even managing to give a wobbly smile.

"Mmmm", replied Arthur, "Of course, I was well disposed toward the Druid peoples on account of the hospitality that had been shown to me in the weeks when I was away from Camelot, and Mordred did a brilliant job working as liason between the Court and the visiting Druid delegations."

"He did?" asked Merlin, his eyes lighting up for the first time since Arthur had entered, "and how did the Court respond to the proposals?"

Arthur sat back and smiled a little smugly over at Merlin. The look was such a familiar one that Merlin felt his eyes misting over again. 

"Let's just say I have definately inherited my father's stubborness and determination.", replied Arthur. "There were many many late nights spent in the Council chambers and a mind boggling amount of negotiation to insure that everyone feels safe and happy with the new laws."

"All your father's old advisers conceded?", asked Merlin amazed.

"Ah, now they were tough nuts to crack, I must admit", said Arthur, "But then old Lord Porfoi's granddaughter became unwell after a difficult birth. It was feared that both mother and baby would be lost. Even Gaius had been unable to rouse the young lady and the baby was not feeding and was fading fast. Porfoi was distraught. He dotes on that girl. Cathal the Elder asked the old man if he could perhaps see the young lady. Porfoi was so desperate by then that he didn't hesitate before agreeing. Cathal merely stroked the face of the sick mother and child and within ten minutes the colour had returned to her cheeks and the babe was suckling at her breast."

Merlin smiled.

"Once this had happened", continued Arthur, "The last resistance fell away and the vote was unanimous."

"Great. That's great", said Merln quietly smiling. "And how is it now? Do the people accept the change in the law after so many years being told that magic is evil?" 

"They accepted it a sight easier than half the Council did", said Arthur wryly. "and the change amongst the townsfolk had been tremendous. Gaius is much less in demand because suddenly there are scores of people with powers of healing that are offering their services."

"Ah, Gaius", said Merlin almost as a whisper. "How is he?"

"He misses you terribly", replied Arthur immediately.

Silence fell between the two men again. After a few minutes, Arthur spoke.

"Don't you miss it?", he asked, "Camelot, I mean."

"With all my being", replied Merlin, turning to look Arthur straight in the eye. "But I was banished and am no longer welcome there."

Arthur leaned back in his chair and studied the fireplace again. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Eventually he spoke again.

"About that", he said looking down at his hands. "I've been thinking hard lately, and in retrospect I think I may have been a little too harsh when I found out...what I found out."

"You half killed me, Arthur", replied Merlin flatly, turning back to look into the fire. 

"I know and I am truly sorry", replied Arthur. "I know that it is no excuse, and I berate myself every day for what I did to you, but I was in a dark dark place. I was half out of my mind."

Merlin sat for long moments looking into the fire and jigging his knee nervously.

"I often feel that I was the one responsible for causing you to finally crack", he said quietly, not looking at Arthur. 

"Don't" replied Arthur simply. "Dwelling on the past achieves nothing but heartache."

"So", asked Merlin tentatively, "What made you come all the way out here to Ealdor? Don't tell me you came to apologize." 

"Partly, yes.", replied Arthur. "I did you a great wrong and I feel that I must make it right."

"Oh." said Merlin dumfounded, blinking at the King in surprise. 

"So...can you forgive me?" asked Arthur uncertainly when the silence had gone on for more than a minute and his ex-manservant was still looking intently at him.

"Y-yes, of course", said Merlin through a wonky smile, "Of course I can...if you can forgive me for my deceit and.."

Arthur held up a hand to silence him. "Then let's hear no more of the wrongs of the past", he said. "I want to talk of the future, with your permission." 

Merlin smiled and nodded his encouragement.

Arthur took in a deep breath and sat back into the armchair. He rested his elbows on the armrests and clasped his hands in front of his face. He studied them as he spoke, "The thing is...the truth is", he said, "despite all that has happened in Camelot since you left, it's rather...boring without you and - gods help me - I missed you. I was wondering if there was any chance - any chance at all - that you might consider returning with..."

"Yes!" exclaimed Merlin, startling the King and making him look up from his hands. Merlin looked back at him with a smile stretching from ear to ear and tears coursing down both his cheeks, "Yes, I will."

"Good. That's very good", said Arthur smiling back then coughing a little self consciously and continuing with the speech that he had spent the entire journey formulating in his head, "Naturally (and the Knights and Druid Elders agree with me on this point), it would be a terrible waste of your - er - abilities if you were to return to your former post as manservant. I would therefore propose that you accept the title of Special Adviser to the King on matters of..."

Arthur stopped talking abruptly when Merlin leaned forward and clasped both his hands.

"Arthur. Sire", he said intently with eyes looking deep into Arthur's own , "The answer is yes. Even if you propose to appoint me full time stable mucker-outer to the royal household the answer would still be yes. As long as I am able to be close enough to serve and protect you then the answer will always be 'yes' It's what I'm for. It is my destiny."

As Merlin said the word "destiny", a light of realization appeared in the King's eyes. Arthur pulled away slightly and took Merlin's head in both his hands. He studied the face that was looking back at his own with equal intensity. 

"May the gods help me...It's you, isn't it?", he said in wonder as he stroked away tears from the other man's face, "You are the one they were talking about. You are the 'the other side of my coin'!"

Merlin huffed a laugh and nodded his head as best he could, "Afraid so", he said, then with a cheeky grin added, "And, may the gods help us both - dollophead!"

Arthur let go of him and threw back his head in a roar of laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow - This felt like the natural place to finish this little tale which started life as an innocent little thousand word one-shot and then grew and grew.  
> I do hope you all like how it has ended up. I'm am a little tempted to write an epilogue. Let me know what you think?
> 
> A massive Thank You to the lovely people that sent comments and kudos which kept me going.   
> Huge Love xxx


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